


Common Ground

by StormIsland



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Ass!Carmilla, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Love/Hate, Oblivious!Laura, POV Laura, Swearing, angry pants Laura, crazy scientist LaF, slow burn?, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:18:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 95,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormIsland/pseuds/StormIsland
Summary: Laura Hollis doesn’t need anything; she has friends she can count on and a job she loves. Why would she need a relationship? She is perfectly fine on her own.So what happens when she meets this infuriating stranger she REALLY cannot stand?Will she change anything in Laura’s routine?





	1. The One With the Pills

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot seem to let go of this love-hate relationship thing, I’m sorry.

“Son of a--!” You’ve been deleting this draft for the fourth time, unable to find the right words. You think the keyboard might break if you keep on hitting the delete key so hard.

“Hey, hey, there little nerd.” Your coworker calls from behind you. “What’s going on? Still working on that corruption story?”

“Yeah, I…” You sigh. “Nevermind Kirsch, I don’t want to bore you with those details.” You turn your chair to face him and give him a small smile. Kirsch is a 6.2 feet tall of a puppy man, impressive at first sight but you soon understood that he was completely harmless. You’ve been working with him for quite a while now, so you are used to his interruptions. “What’s up? What brings you to this small cubicle of mine?”

“Don’t say that! You have plenty of space in here, look.” Your friend starts moving things around, making a mess of your files.

“Kirsch, please don’t — “

“See? You could totally put a fridge in here! I have one in my cubicle, I swear it’s like the best idea I’ve ever had!”

“Seriously?” You stare at him, confused. “Why would I need a fridge in my cubicle? And… Why do you even have one?” You close your eyes and put one hand on your forehead. “No, you know what? I’m too tired for this. I’m guessing you didn’t come here to talk spacing.”

“Right, right. I wanted to invite you to come with us to the bar tonight.” You open your mouth to speak but he doesn’t let you. “I know what you’re gonna say, you’re too tired and you have too much work. But pleaaase, it’s Friday night, come on! I know for a fact that you have until Monday to send your story, and you can catch up on your sleep tomorrow. Everybody’s coming! We don’t see you anymore…” And when he looks at you with those sad puppy dog eyes, you already know what your answer is going to be. Wait, is his lower lip quivering?!

“All right Kirsch! You know I can’t resist when you make this face.” You fake scowl and hold up one finger at him. “But don’t overuse it!” As if he was ever going to listen to you anyway.

“Yes!” He pumps his fist in a victory gesture, then starts to walk backwards, still addressing you. “We’ll talk details over texts, it’ll be easier. See you tonight Laura, and don’t be late!” He then gives you an overexcited grin and turns around.

 

You turn to your computer and sigh. You know you work too hard. It’s been this way since you got hired at this newspaper. But what can you do? Tell them they give you too much work and that you don’t have time to see your friends? That’s ridiculous, the best way to get you fired. Plus, you kinda like it. This job has been your constant for the past few years, and the amount of work doesn’t even bother you that much anymore. Sure, you miss your friends, your dad, and your bed. But you have to earn money somehow, right? You have a job that you like, and you think that’s enough; everybody doesn’t have that chance.

You look at your watch. 5 p.m. You still have some time left to make some progress (or not) with your story.

 

* * *

 

It’s 7 p.m. when you leave work, earlier than usual, which is a little bit sad when you think about it. _We don’t see you anymore_. Your friend’s words echo in your head. Are you really that absent? The last time you got drunk with them wasn’t that long ago, it was like what, one or two… months ago? Okay, you’ve really got to go out more. You take out your phone and start typing as you walk toward the subway.

 

**[Group messaging]**

Laura [7:08 p.m.]: Soooo… What do you wanna do tonight?

LaF [7:09 p.m.]: SO IT IS TRUE!

Laura [7:09 p.m.]: What is?

LaF [7:11 p.m.]: SHE’S COMING!

Danny [7:15 p.m.]: No way! I thought Kirsch was messing with us.

Kirsch [7:18 p.m.]: Hey! I would never joke about that!

Laura [7:22 p.m.]: Calm down guys, it’s not a big deal

LaF [7:23 p.m.]: BUT IT IS!

Laura [7:24 p.m.]: Okay, is your caps lock broken?

Perry [7:29 p.m.]: Sweetie, I’m sorry to tell you that, but they are right.

LaF [7:29 p.m.]: Wooooooh

Laura [7:30 p.m.]: Shut up LaF!

Danny [7:31 p.m.]: Hahaha

Laura [7:31 p.m.]: Guuuuys what are we doing tonight?

Danny [7:33 p.m.]: Kirsch wanted to try this new bar, on the 28th. Apparently the music’s nice and it’s pretty cheap.

Kirsch [7:35 p.m.]: Yup! One of my buddies went there the other night. Said it was crazy!

Laura [7:35 p.m.]: Okay, I’m in!

LaF [7:36 p.m.]: It’s like a dream come true…

Laura [7:37 p.m.]: I’m not talking to you tonight.

 

* * *

 

“Let’s party bitches!” LaF walks in your apartment, kicking the door open only for the show, because you know they have the key to your place. Why did it ever occur to you to give it to them? You’re still wondering to this day. Choosing to live in the same building maaaybe wasn’t the best idea. Their little show makes you jump off the couch where you were putting your shoes on.

“What the fuck?!”

“Language sweetie.” The redhead retorts, in their best Perry impression, with a giant grin on their face. “I brought some party flavors!” You see them holding up a bag half-full of pills. You squint at the bag.

“Are those… drugs?”

They seem confuse and look at it. “What? No! Of course not. These,” they say pointing at the bag, “are completely inoffensive. I might have done some experiments in the labs.” You gasp. “But don’t worry! I tested it. I mean, not me, I haven’t tried the pills yet but the subjects were positively responsive! Let me break it down for you.” They take a seat next to you on the couch and put on their most serious face. “Look, we all work hard. Life’s a bitch and we’re all exhausted. But does it really have to be this way? We’re all so tired all the time that we have to make appointments to hang out, and when we do we only last a few hours before becoming basically walking zombies. I say no! Enough of that. I’m bringing you today…” They stand up and hold up the bag right in your face. “Laf 3000! The only pill keeping you awake for 48 hours straight! And no side-effect. I’m not sure about the name though, it might need some more thinking.” They mutter at the end of what sounded like a business speech.

“I… don’t know what to say. Does Perry know you have this?”

“Stop acting like she’s my mother!” They pause. “But please don’t tell her.”

You smile at them and try to sound as encouraging as you can. “I love the concept. Really. A pill that enables you to see your friends more often? I think that’s actually cute.”

“It’s not only for--”

“But honestly? That can’t be good. I know you said no side-effects, but I’m not taking this. And neither should you. And also, I love to sleep. I’m not taking a pill that will keep me away from my bed for 48 hours!”

“But Lauuraaa!” LaF whines and looks at you intensely, hoping you will cave. “Fine, suit yourself. I made it, I’m trying it.” Without warning and in one quick motion, they unzip the bag and throw one pill in their mouth.

“There, done!” They blink several times and seem to be unsteady on their legs for one second. “Whoo! That was a kick. Let’s go frosh! What are we waiting for?!”

 

* * *

 

Approximatively thirty minutes and one very awkward Uber ride later, you both arrive at the bar. The front reads “Silas” and it seems to be very packed, judging by the number of people standing on the sidewalk. You make your way through the crowd, with a very exasperating redhead at your side.

“Look at all these people! Do you think we’ll be able to get in? Where are the others? Oh I think I see Danny! No, wait… Nevermind it was a lamppost.” You hold in a snort at that comment; drugged LaF is annoying but hilarious. “You know, when I was little I used to crawl my way through crowds like these. My mom would run after me screaming ‘Susaaaan!’, and I would go farther just to annoy her. Man… good times. Why am I telling this again?” You purse your lips and look at them in an understanding way. “Oh, right. Perry is going to kill me isn’t she?”

“Yup!” You jump a little to see past the crowd. “Oh, I think I see Kirsch!” You scream after him, and unbelievingly enough, even with all the noise, he still manages to hear you and you see him turning around to scream and wave in your direction.

“Yo little nerd and mad scientist! Come here! We were just about to get in.” You see his big grin when you finally arrive next to him and the rest of the gang, meaning Perry and Danny.

“Took you long enough.” Danny says, eyeing LaF suspiciously.

“Yeah,” you say, fixing your gaze on the redhead who is currently looking around them in a daze. “We got… sidetracked.”

Kirsch nods and turns his back to you to talk to the bouncer. “We’re ready to come in!” The bouncer gives a quick nod and lets you in.

When you enter what seems more like a club than a bar, you can’t help but being impressed by the size of the place. It appears like there’s more than one room, judging by the disposition and the set of stairs you see next to the bar, situated in the middle of the room. There are tables on your right, and a dancefloor in the back. Just like you expected, the place is crowded.

“Wow! This is… I don’t have any words to express how glad I am to be here. I think I’m about to cry.” LaF says, standing in the middle, gaping at everything they see.

Perry puts a hand on their shoulder and whispers to them worryingly. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Everything is perfect, I love this place! Let’s dance!”

“No, wait,” you say, “we need to find us a table first. And get some drinks. I could really use a drink right now.”

“Word!” Kirsch interjects excitedly. “I’m gonna get us drinks, go find us a table while I’m at it. Beer?” Everyone nods. “Then beer it is!” He then saunters toward the bar and you see him disappear in the crowd.

 

* * *

 

“So, Hollis, how have you been?” Danny asks you when you’re finally sitting at a table.

You’ve always had a thing for her. You flirted a bit when you met in college, but that hasn’t really gone any further than that. You were too shy to make the first move, and she confessed to you later on that she was too insecure to ask you out. Like, really? You would have said yes! But maybe you shouldn’t be talking since you were too much of a coward yourself to do anything about it. Now you are friends, and you think it’s better this way. But you can’t help wondering what would have happened if you had made a move. Would you still be together today? Would you still be friends?

“Good! I’m actually in the middle of writing a story on this corruption thing. You know, the one involving the illegal funding of--”

“Laura, I’m not asking about your job. I’m asking about you. How have YOU been? You know, we worry.”

“Worry? Why would you worry? I’m perfectly fine, thank you very much.” You tell her, a little bit annoyed by her ever present overprotective attitude. “I know you all feel like you don’t see me anymore, but can’t you just give me a break? I have a job that I love, and I’m sorry if it gets in your plans of partying, but there’s not much I can do about it.”

"Come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, it hasn’t always been like that, and you know it. You used to have the right balance between your friends, your work, and your love life, but since--”

“Oh no don’t say it.” You cut her off, because you really don’t want to talk about this. But she does not seem fazed by your interruption.

“… Your last relationship,” she continues, “--and I’m not even saying her name by the way-- you drowned yourself in work. And now, all we hear is ‘I’m too tired’, ‘I have too much work’, I swear you even told me once that your dog was sick and that you had to take care of him. When you don’t even own one!”

"That was… in a bad moment.” You mumble sheepishly. You have been neglecting your friends lately, you are perfectly aware of that but you just don’t like being reminded of your mistakes. She’s right, you have to tell her. “You’re wrong.” …Stupid contradictory brain. “No, I mean yes, I know. It’s just hard, you know? And maybe now is not the time and place to talk about it. So what do you say? We drink till we can’t stand?” You punch her lightly on the shoulder, smiling up at her.

“Oh it’s on Hollis!” She gives you that beautiful grin you used to be so crazy about. “Speaking of which, have you seen Kirsch?” She looks around for a moment. “Shouldn’t he be back with our drinks already?”

 

“Oh Kirsch is not our problem here.” A wild Perry appears at your side. “Laura, what is wrong with them?” She points at something and your gaze follows the direction and ends up on… Yup. A crazy LaFontaine dancing like a maniac and… Are they dabbing? Oh no. You have to put an end to this. “They fell at least twice in the past five minutes and they keep yelling ‘It’s the night of our lives! Keep dancing till your limbs fall off!’ And I don’t know about you, but I think we are a little bit past the ‘crazy lab scientist’ behavior they usually sport. So, do you have anything to say about that?” She looks at you and you squirm under her gaze.

“Hum… They might have taken some pills…” The curly redhead gasps. “But I told them not to! And they only took one. They said it was inoffensive and didn’t have any side-effect. And why do I feel like I’m being scolded by my father?”

“LAURA EILEEN--”

“Okay, that’s why.”

“Did they ask you not to tell me?”

“…Maybe? I’m sorry Perr! I swear I tried to talk them out of it, but they were just too stubborn and too fast. I’m sorry.”

“Well,” she begins, sitting down on the available spot next to you, “I guess you are not the one to blame here. They are just so reckless!”

"I know,” you say, “it’s unnerving. But hey, it only lasts forty-eight hours, right?”

“FORTY-EIGHT--” Perry pushes herself off the table with both hands flat on the surface.

“So I guess I forgot to tell you that part, uh?... I’m gonna see what Kirsch is up to, yeah?” When you hear no response, you look up to see Perry’s gaze burning a hole into your skull. “Oookay.” You run out of there as fast as you can.

 

* * *

 

“Kirsch, finally! What is taking you so long?” You sigh when you finally make your way through the maze of people to find your friend leaning on the counter.

“Apparently, I’m not tall enough. They don’t seem to notice me. Hey dude,” He waves at the bartender, “I’m right here! Been here for a while.” He then turns to you. “Maybe you should try. He only seems to notice girls.”

“Well, I guess if it’s the only way… Okay, I’ll handle this. Oh, Kirsch?” You call out before he leaves. “Don’t go anywhere near the table yet, Perry… She is in a mood. Maybe you should check on LaF who’s going crazy on the dancefloor.”

“Sure, will do! See you later little hottie!”

 

You are now alone at the bar, leaning on the counter waiting for the bartender to notice you. You are certainly not going to use your… feminine assets to get him to see you. You don’t want to lower your self-esteem for a drink. While you’re waiting, you let your gaze wander around, to this couple dancing, to this guy flirting with this blonde, to this… girl on top of the stairs who just got in the club.

 

A dark-haired girl with loose curls falling on her shoulders. She is wearing biker boots combined with black tight jeans with holes showing her knees, a black top slightly cropped, and a black leather jacket. Your breath hitches just looking at her figure, but it doesn’t even compare to the feeling you get when she finishes descending the stairs and raises her head. Your throat is starting to get really dry and you could really use that drink right about now. You think she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, and by far. Now that she is close enough, you can study the masterpiece that is her sharp jawline, and how her perfectly shaped eyebrows arch when she raises one while she looks at her surroundings. Her black eyes and red lips stand out on her porcelain skin, and you can see a faint smirk forming on them as she realizes she is being watched. And not only by you, you realize when you finally stop staring. Time seems to have stopped when she entered the room, and you feel like everybody has just watched Cinderella arriving at the ball. Even though, well, she looks nothing like Cinderella. Or maybe like the decadent version of the princess.

Your eyes find her face again, and you see she’s making her way toward you. Well, toward the bar. You quickly avert your gaze; you don’t want to look like a creep. You are really hoping she’s gonna talk to you, even though you don’t know how you would react if she did. Probably ramble to death and scare her away. You feel her getting close and you hold your breath. You even find yourself closing your eyes as you wait... And you wait. Nothing. You open your eyes again and look behind you. Yup, surely enough, she walked right past you without even a glance in your direction. Who were you kidding? Of course this sexy goddess wouldn’t be interested in you. You don’t find yourself unattractive, in fact, you were quite a catch when you were younger and a little bit more fun. But this, this is another level. Or maybe she’s not gay? You used to make good guesses, but maybe you’re a little rusty now.

 

“Excuse me? Miss?” A voice startles you and pulls you out of your thoughts. The bartender is talking to you, and if you refer to his tone, it hasn’t been his first try. “Do you want anything?”

“Yes, sorry! Five Stellas please.”

 

* * *

 

You find yourself sitting at the table again, half-listening to Danny and Kirsch banter about… sports? Yeah, you can stop pretending, you’re not listening at all. You didn’t think this night would turn out this way. You thought you would laugh and dance with your friends, but instead you find yourself thinking about that mysterious stranger you saw earlier. Seriously, what is wrong with you? You see an attractive girl and suddenly she’s all you can think about? Get yourself together Hollis! Maybe celibacy isn’t your thing; you should have listened to LaF’s advice and give in to one-night stands. That would have solved your neediness. But now, you really need to see her again. Just one look. Couldn’t hurt, right?

“I’m getting another beer. Who wants one?” You ask while standing up.

“Read my mind Hollis!”

“Let’s get wasted!” The two giants respond at the same time. Cute.

You look around a bit, searching for Perry and LaF because you haven’t seen them in a while. You think Perry might be scolding the other redhead somewhere. Ah, those two. You’ll never understand how their dynamic works; they are so different and yet inseparable. Is this what true friendship is about? Two very different people completing each other? Probably.

 

You’re at the bar again, waiting, again. But this time, you’re on a mission. Leaning on the counter, you check your surroundings as discreetly as you can, looking for a certain someone. Unfortunately, you can’t seem to find her, and you can’t stop the wave of disappointment that’s building in your chest. You huff internally and take the beers the bartender just handed you, before turning around to go back to the table.

 

***CLASH***

“Motherfucker!”

 

Everything happens in a second. One moment you’re holding your beers, the next you see them shattered on the floor. The proximity of a body tells you that you might have ran into somebody -- and that you spilled your beers all over them, of course. Aah, remembrance of your waitress days… good old times. The violent reaction of your new friend shows you they are a little bit unhappy about the situation. You look up at them, ready to spill a thousand apologies, but instead, you find yourself speechless. In the millions of people present in the club, why did you have to run into the sexiest girl in the universe herself? Of course you would humiliate yourself on your first encounter, did you really think things could happen any other way? You’ve been quiet for a while now, and she’s still looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to say something. Come on, say something, anything! That can’t be worse than your staring. Oh god, you’re staring. And gaping. And still not saying anything. This is the longest that anyone has not talked, ever! Talk, damn it!

“I, uh… Haven’t met anyone new in a long time.”

What?

“What?” Yeah, you really shouldn’t have said anything. “Okay, I’m going to assume you’re an idiot and that you meant that as an apology.” She says rudely and you can’t believe your ears. “Is it too difficult for you to hold your drinks and walk at the same time?”

“Wh- Hey! What gives you the right to talk to me like that? I’m sorry I spilled my drinks on you and I’m sorry I upset you, but you have no right to insult me!” You hear a snort and realize then there’s a blonde girl standing next to the other woman. And she just snorted at you.

“Oh I’m sorry, do you think this is funny?” You direct at the blonde.

“I like her,” Paris Hilton’s doppelganger says to the brunette while sipping at her drink, her wicked smile closing around the straw, “she’s like a little fighter, with tiny fists. She’s cute. I want to take her home and put her in my sister’s doll house.”

The brunette lets out a laugh at the comment. But you, oh you are really trying to stay calm and not hit them right in the face or say something that would add fuel to the fire.

“Since I want to keep enjoying my night, I won’t address your comment and pretend it was just white noise… Just like what you seem to have going on in your brain.” At least you tried.

The dark-haired girl bursts into laughter while struggling to keep the blonde – who has instantly lost her smile-- from getting to you. After a few seconds, the blonde seems to calm down and the brunette lets go of her. You hear the former huff a “whatever” before turning her back to you.

“Well this was an interesting apology,” the brunette says to you.

“Excuse me? Your little Barbie here makes fun of me and you expect me to apologize? Wow, you are even more of an asshole than I originally thought!” Yeah, you lost your temper at this point.

“Who’s insulting who now?” She smirks. She honest-to-god smirks, like really?! “You should just be appreciative that I’m not making you pay for the outfit you ruined.”

“Appre-- You know what? I’m gonna go see my friends now. You’re rude, and impolite, and I don’t need to be talking to you any more than I already have.” You start to leave. “Sorry about your outfit,” you mutter when you walk past her.

 

 

You’re still fuming when you get back to your friends. At least now you won’t be distracted by the dark beauty anymore. You don’t even see her beauty now; it is clouded by her rudeness. A mask entirely made of rudeness is covering her face. Okay, that doesn’t make any sense, but you’re angry and you cannot think clearly. And you can’t even drink yourself to numbness because well, it’s pretty obvious why.

“Wow, what happened to you?!” Kirsch practically yells at you.

“What do you mean?”

"Well, you look pretty angry and… Your hands are bleeding, dude.” He says, pointing at your hands to prove his point.

“What?” You look at your hands. Oh. You must have somehow cut yourself when you broke those bottles, the adrenaline rush covering the pain. “Oh. It’s nothing, don’t worry. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom to clean that up. I’ll be right back.”

 

 

You make your way to said bathroom. You open the door and—oh no. Not her again. You walk in and see the dark-haired girl trying to clean her outfit by the sink. You don’t say a word and go to the farthest sink, hoping she will be too busy to notice you. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to. So you start washing your hands, wincing a little at the burning sensation.

“You didn’t give me the time to tell you you were bleeding.” Her voice startles you. You turn your head to look at the brunette, but she is still focused on what she is doing. You start wondering if you hallucinated her voice.

“I’m sorry, what?”

She turns off the tap and turns to you. “Your hands,” she says, nodding in your direction, “you ran so fast that I didn’t get to tell you you had cuts on them.”

“Well maybe,” you turn off the water, feeling your anger coming back, “if you hadn’t been so rude to me, I wouldn’t have felt the need to run.”

She snorts, “you are unbelievable. You’re the one who crashes into me and doesn’t apologize, and I’m rude? You must be joking.”

“You insulted me!” You huff unbelievingly. “And I did apologize.” You take a step closer to her.

“When? In your head when you stood like a dummy for five minutes without saying anything?” She takes a step closer too. “And right, I’m the one who called you an asshole.” You are both getting closer to one another.

“You called me an idiot!” Closer.

“Because you _acted_ like an idiot.”

“Will you stop insulting me? I don’t even know you!” You’re practically toe to toe at this point.

“Oh no, this is far too amusing.” She says, her voice full of sarcasm.

“You are SO infuriating!”

You are so close to her now that you can feel the ghost of her breath on you. The tension between you is almost palpable. Her chest is rising and falling fast, indicating that she is breathing, hard. You are yourself so angry and frustrated by her attitude, that your heartbeat is going crazy. There’s a pause and the tension between you shifts. You feel her huff more than you hear it and you can’t keep your eyes from wandering from her dilated pupils to her slightly parted lips. You see her eyes doing the same. You stay like that for what feels like hours, and you think you’re about to do something very stupid when-- 

 

***BANG***

“WHERE IS SHE?!”

 

The door bursts open making you both jump back from where you were standing, as you see a panicked LaFontaine running to you. They crash into you to give you a bone-crushing hug.

“LAURA! You’re here! They said you were hurt, so I went looking for you, but then I couldn’t find you, and Perry suggested you’d be in the bathroom and here you are! I’m so glad you’re alive!” They muffle in your shoulder before leaning back while keeping both hands on your upper arms. “How are you? What happened? Who is that?” They ask nodding toward the other girl. “Can she hear us?” They whisper and you let out a short laugh.

“Yes, she can hear us, and we… just met.” Your face could not get any redder. “Don’t worry about me though, I’m not hurt or anything, see?” You say and show them your hands. “Just some little cuts here and there, so nothing to worry about.” They let out a sigh of relief and bow their head. “But how are _you_ LaF? You were talking about Perry, isn’t she with you?”

 

***BANG***

The door.

“LAFONTAINE!”

 

“Oh no, not again.” You hear and turn to the dark-haired girl in time to see her rolling her eyes.

“Perry,” you say, “I was just asking LaF about you. What’s going on?”

“What’s—What’s going on? Are you being serious right now, Laura?” Oh she’s mad. “THEY,” she yells pointing at LaF, “are driving me crazy. They can’t stand still for two minutes, they keep asking questions, and they keep disappearing when I turn my head for one second. It’s like I’m baby-sitting a toddler hooked on cocaine, it’s too much, I can’t!” She walks toward a sink and leans her back to it before saying in a more calming voice: “I am so tired. I didn’t even want to go out in the first place, but since you were coming I thought ‘I don’t see her often, maybe I can make the effort just this time’. Instead, I end up running around all night. And I know it’s not your fault, but I didn’t see you trying to calm them down.”

“I’m sorry… I know I should’ve helped, I was just… preoccupied tonight and ended up being selfish, I’m really sorry about that Perr.” The curly red-haired girl nods and turns to the stranger who has been silent for a while.

“Hi, you look familiar, have I seen you somewhere?”

“I think I’d remember that.” Mystery girl retorts and starts moving. “Now, as touching as this little family reunion has been, I have some place to be. Carrot tops,” she bows her head in a salutation movement before turning to you, “and you…” she snarls, “if we ever meet again, try not to insult me and watch where you’re going.”

 

You open your mouth to respond but she is already out the door. You grit your teeth.

 

“Bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey!
> 
> Sooooo... Voilà. Uh.
> 
> This is going to be a multi-chapter fic, I don't know how many chapters yet, though... I guess it will depend on the reception this first chapter gets :)
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave comments to tell me how much you liked/hated/were disgusted with this!  
> Also, please tell me if I made any mistakes or if you think I should improve this or that :)


	2. The Cookie Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning on posting this chapter on Wednesday, but wow, you guys are so awesome that I just couldn't wait!

The sun is already high in the sky when you wake up. Your curtains are slightly open, enough for you to see a ray of sunshine passing through. You yawn and begin to stretch, when your hand hits something next to you.

“What the…” You squint, waiting for your eyes to get used to the dark. Once it’s done, you manage to detect a human form beside you. You jump off the bed, grab the first thing you find and suddenly open your curtains to let the light get in and wake up whoever is in your bed. “Who are you?! I’m warning you, I have a--” you take a look at your ‘weapon,’ "--an umbrella and I won’t be afraid to use it! What are you doing in my apartment? Or in my bed??”

The person is completely under the covers so you can’t see what they look like, but you hear them mumble something.

“What?”

They mumble again.

“Okay, that’s enough.” You climb on your bed and reach out to grab the covers. “You’re gonna get out of my—LaF?!”

“Heeey frosh.” They give you a lazy grin.

You lower your umbrella. “I don’t mean to be rude but, what the hell are you doing in my bed?”

“I’m your new roommate sweetheart!” You look at them unimpressed. “Okay, no. To be honest, I don’t really know. All I know is that, I was in my bed and I couldn’t sleep, so I went to see what you were up to. I used the key you gave me to open your apartment—sorry about that by the way—and I don’t remember a thing after that. I guess I felt sleepy and found the first bed I saw, which was yours apparently. So sorry about that too. But hey, fun sleepover just like when we were kids right?”

“Hum, not really? You scared the shit out of me! I thought it was a burglar, or a rapist, or a girl that I would’ve brought home and didn’t remember.”.

They let out a snort, “yeah, like that’s happening on a regular basis.”

“Okay, quit your sarcasm. That could’ve… happened.” You say, and you wish you would have sounded more confident.

“Yeah? With whom? That broody brunette from the bathroom?” They say while wiggling they eyebrows.

“What? No! That girl is a bitch. Thinking she’s better than everyone with her… with her, red lipstick and… and tight jeans and bad attitude.” Nice one, Hollis.

“Okay, okay I get it. It’s a love-hate kinda thing. Some people are into that, I get it. So, when are you gonna see her again?”

“Seriously? Didn’t you hear what I just said? I _hate_ this girl. And I’m never gonna see her again. One, because I don’t want to, and second, because I don’t know a thing about her, not even her name.”

“No, but you know at least one place where you could see her again… And didn’t Perry say that she knew her? Maybe I wasn’t in my usual state, but I understood some things.”

“Yeah, about that. Care to tell me what the hell happened to you? Wasn’t it just supposed to be a pill that kept you awake? Not something that makes you behave like an overexcited puppy. And I don’t know if I slept for a whole day, but I don’t think it’s been 48 hours.”

“I have a hypothesis.”

“You mixed up the --”

“I mixed up the dosage. I made a small mistake in the preparation, fine. Should I have tested the final product? Maybe, maybe not. We’ll never know. But no harm no foul right?”

“Tell that to Perry,” you sigh. “She was so exhausted last night. You should have seen her; I’ve never seen her so tired. She really cares about you, you know?”

The redhead in your bed sits up. “I know. I guess I should have listened to you uh?... Well,” they stand up from your bed. “Now I have some apologies to make. Starting with you. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, and I’m sorry I had to put you in that position. Also, I’m sorry I broke into your apartment and into your bed. Can’t promise it won’t happen again, but at least now you’re warned.”

“It’s okay, just, please be more careful next time you want to try one of your experiments?” You smile at them and lightly shove their shoulder with your own.

“Promise, Hollis.” They open the door to your room and step outside. “Also, I had a flashback. I’m sorry for what I did in your kitchen.” And with that they start running.

“Wait, what?! What did you—“ You run to your kitchen and see all your cabinets open, food scattered all over the place, and most importantly, in the middle of the island, an empty pack of… “MY COOKIES!!” 

 

* * *

 

Laura [1:36 p.m.]: I hate you.

LaF [1:37 p.m.]: You love me.

Laura [1:37 p.m.]: I HATE you

Stupid LaF [1:38 p.m.]: LOVE

Laura [1:39 p.m.]: You owe me cookies

Stupid LaF [1:41 p.m.]: Tell you what. If you come with me to this cooking class Perry made me sign up for, I’ll show you the place where they make the best cookies in the world.

Laura [1:45 p.m.]: … I don’t know

Stupid LaF [1:46 p.m.]: And I’ll buy you every cookie and pastry you want there

Laura [1:46 p.m.]: DEAL

 

* * *

 

Your love for cookies will kill you. And not only because they are unhealthy—supposedly, you don’t believe a word of it—but because you would literately do anything to eat some, including getting dragged out to a stupid cooking class. Do people even cook anymore? Why can’t we just live off processed sugar?

“Stop whining and come inside, frosh. I won’t be spending my day holding the door for you.” Your red-headed friend says in an exasperated tone.

“Yeah, yeah,” you reply getting in the building, dragging your feet.

It is Thursday afternoon and you had to take some hours off to come to this class. You really hope it will be worth it. Apparently, Perry made LaF take this class because she wanted them to “experiment in a different environment, with safer products.” But you’re pretty sure any kind of experiment in LaF’s hands can end up in an explosion anyway.

“Okay, so…” they start while pushing you ahead of them, head in the paper they are holding. “According to the plan, this should be our class.”

They point at an open door, as you peek inside. Half a dozen people are already inside, having chosen the table they’re gonna work on. The class is pretty large, with a dozen tables, each of them having a faucet, two hotplates and some accessories. At the front, there’s a larger table orientated toward the class, with two ovens and a chalkboard behind it. Probably the professor’s spot. Ugh, ‘professor’. You hated school when you were in it, you certainly don’t like it any more right now.

“Come on, I don’t want to be stuck at the front, let’s pick a spot.” Your friend says, heading toward the back.

“You read my mind.”

 

You wait a good five minutes for the professor, watching your friend testing all the appliances on their table, obviously having fun with it. You look back to your table in barely disguised disgust, as you think about the next hour and a half you will be spending in this hell hole. Have you mentioned you hated cooking? Yeah.

You hear the sound of a door closing, and footsteps heading toward the front of the class.

“I hope you all know why you’re here. This is a cooking class, not a chemistry lab. For those of you who are aware of that, welcome to Cooking 101. I’m Carmilla Karnstein, and I will be your instructor today.”

Fuck. No. This can’t be. This voice. The universe must hate you. You whisper a chant of “please, please, please” while you slowly look up to be met with the sight of… Yup, the universe definitely hates you. You turn your head to LaF so fast that you get whiplash, expecting to see a wide knowing grin on their face, but all you see is a bored expression. What, do they not recognize her? They saw her that night, right? Or maybe you’re just mistaken, or you’re hallucinating the girl in front of you just because your brain is making a connection between two things you hate. That must be it. You turn your face toward the front of the class one more time, a hopeful expression on your face, and… Nope, still the same face. Damn it!

So you can’t help it; you start laughing out loud. In fact, so loud that you attract the attention of the entire class, professor included. That’s it, you’ve gone mad, you’ve lost your nerve. Honestly, the situation is pretty hilarious when you think about it.

“Something funny back there?”

Your laughter subsides a little when you hear her voice, and you open your eyes to look at her. You blink, and take a second look at her outfit. The brunette is wearing a ridiculously bright yellow apron on top of her apparently usual black clothes, and the tune to Wiz Khalifa’s ‘Black and Yellow’ comes to your mind. You burst out laughing once more, only to be met with even more curious stares.

“I’m sorry,” you say in-between hiccups. “I just, wasn’t expecting,” your red-headed friend hits you in the ribs, obviously mortified by your outburst. “Ow! Yes, hum, sorry, I’m feeling better now. Keep going,” you finish, gesturing to the instructor, whose eyebrows are raised to her hairline in recognition.

“Hum, okay. Let’s… let’s get started then.” She says, clearing her throat and turning to the board. Was she blushing? Well, you’ll never know, because when she turns back to the class and starts talking about what you will be doing, she is sporting a confident smirk on her face, any trace of possible blushing completely erased.

 

The professor—Carmilla—spends at least ten minutes explaining to her students the concept of the class, and what you will be cooking today. You think it is a waste of time and that you should start cooking instead of listening to her speech, but hey, that means less cooking for you, so you don’t complain. Plus, she seems pretty passionate about the subject, and you can’t help feeling a bit entranced by her. It is really enthralling to watch someone talk about something they love, and the way she talks about it, you can tell she loves it; the way her eyes light up, the way her cheeks redden just a little bit, the way her mouth turns upward, shyly, the way she bits her lip to hide her smile… You were so focused on the bitter impression she left you that you had forgotten how gorgeous she was. And gorgeous, she is.

She’s got you so caught up that you don’t notice everyone else has started moving.

“Laura!” LaF’s voice startles you. “What’s up with you? Didn’t you hear what the prof said? Go pick up your ingredients.”

“What?” You look around you. “Oh right, sorry, I’m on it!” Your friend shakes their head disapprovingly while you go fulfill the task.

 

On your way back, head low and hands full of ingredients, you start to slow your steps when you look up and see the instructor waiting at your table.

“Wooow,” she says in a fake panicked voice, holding her arms out. “Careful with those, you don’t want to run into someone and drop everything.”

“Ha, ha,” you deadpan, putting the ingredients on your table. “Very funny. But you know, I might just do that. Maybe it’ll give you an excuse to buy a new,” you continue, gesturing widely to her outfit. “I don’t know, HORRENDOUS apron?”

“Oh, you like it?” she replies, totally unfazed. “I thought it matched perfectly your sunflower sweater.”

“What’s wrong with my sweater?” you practically squeal, looking down at your beautiful sweater. “My grandma made it for my birthday.”

“Yeah,” she snorts. “I can tell.”

“Whatever, aren’t you supposed to teach a class?”

“Yeah, and you’re supposed to learn, so get to work, granny.” She says and leaves you fuming, to deal with whatever you have on your table. What is this purple thing? Crap, you’re doomed.

 

A full hour later, you’re exhausted. Food is scattered all over your table, you think you have mustard on your forehead, and your frying pan is slowly recovering from the earlier burning… in the trash can. You look at your plate. What was supposed to be a nice, vegetarian panini turned into, well you don’t know how to describe it other than an old shoe.

“So, I might say I am pretty impressed. This dish might seem easy to make but it is way more complicated than it sounds. And most of you succeeded, you can be proud of you!” the instructor says to the class and claps at the end of her sentence. “Now, you can finally eat what you’ve made, and let’s hope it’s as good as it looks!” she pauses briefly and glances in your direction. “Well, at least for those of you who have made something edible.”

LaF barks with laughter behind you.

“LaF!! Stop laughing it’s not funny!”

They wipe out a tear that started to fall. “Allow me to disagree. I should have recorded the whole class, it was magnificent. You can be so awkward, Hollis; it is so beautiful, the way you try. Danny will be so sorry she missed that.”

“Whatever,” you mumble, crossing your arms.

“Come on, stop pouting, I’ll share mine with you,” they say while walking to stand beside you. “You know, I like her,” they nod at the instructor. “She’s funny in a sarcastic way, she didn’t reprimand me and laughed when I tried some new things with the food, and she makes you flustered, so that’s always fun to watch,” they smirk while taking a bite of their (not so) perfect panini.

“What?” you squeal a little bit too loud so you finish in a whisper, “I don’t—I’m not flustered. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Do you even know who she is?”

“A hmmpxy hhpmfssorffmmhpfly mpfith?” They try to say, their mouth full of food.

“What?”

They swallow, “I said, a sexy professor you’re totally in love with?”

“Are you crazy?!” you yell and you feel people staring again so you lower your voice. “No, that’s the girl!”

“What, like, ‘the one’?” they make air quotes.

“What are you—" You feel the urge to facepalm. "No, the girl from the bathroom! At the bar last week. That’s her! How come you didn’t recognize her?”

Their eyes widen in understanding, “Ooooh that girl! Seriously? What a coincidence!”

“Tell me about it.”

“Her face rang a bell, just couldn’t picture where I had seen her. Now everything makes sense. Well, not everything, your really bad cooking skills are still unexplainable but I’ll let it pass this time.”

“Gee, thanks.”

 

“So, did you enjoy the class?” you turn your head and see that the instructor has made her way toward you.

“Yeah,” your friend replies. “It was awesome! I’ve learned a few things. Cooking is not that bad, maybe I’ll sign up for more of your classes!”

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” she responds with a genuine smile. “What about you? I have to tell you, you were the most impressive student here. I honestly didn’t know it was possible to burn so many things at once.” She taunts.

“I guess some people are gifted and some are not,” you grumble, gritting your teeth. “Maybe if you were better at your job I would have actually learned something.” You add, a little bit harshly.

The professor seems taken aback at your comment, frowning slightly, but recovers quickly, putting on a satisfied smile on her face.

Probably sensing the tension building up, your friend grabs your arm and addresses the instructor. “Thank you for your time Professor Karnstein, we have to go but I’m sure we’ll see you again! At least me, I’m not sure if this one,” they nod in your direction, “will agree to come back, or if you even want a pyromaniac here.”

“Oh I’m always up for some challenge,” the brunette replies, and winks at you.

You start to open your mouth but your stupid friend drags you out before you can say anything. “Okay, time to go, bye teach!” they call out and you’re both out the door in a flash.

 

“Geez, frosh, you’ve got temper,” they say, walking next to you when you’re out of the building. “You really should work on these seduction skills of yours.”

“For the last time, I’m not--” You look at their face and when you see them grinning at you, it brings a smile to your face. “You’re messing with me, right?”

If possible, their grin widens. “Yup! That bunched up little face you make when you’re angry is hilarious, frosh.”

You roll your eyes exaggeratedly and shake your head, half-smile on your face.

They lift their arm and put it around your shoulders to keep you close. “Look, you’re stressed out, I get it. You work hard, you’re exhausted, you don’t have time to have fun. But Laura, you know it’s okay to let go from time to time, right? You’re allowed to lose control.”

You shrug. “I don’t know, LaF. I feel like my version of losing control is to get angry at everyone around me. Especially when a stupid, infuriating stranger makes fun of me.” You grumble.

“Well… yeah. She’s a little bit edgy, I’ll give you that. But I don’t think you should take it personally. Also, you’re not being very nice to her either.” They wince.

“She gets on my nerves!”

“Hey, it’s okay. I just think you carry too much weight on your shoulders,” they say while squeezing your shoulder. “It needs to be lifted.” They hesitate for a second. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but you have the right to move on, you know. You have to allow yourself to be happy again, Hollis.”

You try not to get too emotional when hearing these words coming from your friend. You feel your eyes well up, but you hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. You don’t know whether they are a relief or a burden. LaF ‘the truth speaker’ has always known how to break down your walls. You hate and love them for that.

“But, what if it’s impossible?” You ask, your voice quivering despite your efforts. “What if I just can’t find a way to be happy? What if I stay this angry, bundle of nerves for the rest of my life?” You take a breath and swallow hard, trying to recover. “What if… I never find someone who will love me for who I am? If I lower my guard and my heart breaks in a thousand pieces again, I will not be able to rise up this time, LaF.” You raise your head and see them looking at you with kindness and somehow determination.

“Laura, believe it or not, you’re one of the strongest persons I know. Hell, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve been through so much in your short lifespan, and yet, you are still standing. All you need is a little determination, and a big kick in the ass,” you slightly snort at that, and you wish you had a tissue, “to push you in the right direction. And I’ll be honored to be one of the people helping you with that. You know you can talk to me. And even if I know I can be a little… annoying, you can always come to me. And don’t pretend to be fine when you’re not; I know you Hollis, and your lying ass doesn’t pass LaF’s detector. Whether you like it or not, I’m in for the long ride, baby!”

You push their shoulder gently and giggle. “Shut up, you goof! I don’t have any tears left. You dried me up.”

“Wow, I hope to never hear that last statement from a girl again.” You glare at them for that stupid joke. “Now, what do you say we go get those cookies? Want to give them a try?”

“Hell yeah!” You cheer, as you continue to walk side by side.

 

Your friendship with LaF has been one of the things holding you up during tough times. They have always been there; annoying or not, they’re the only person who can tell you to toughen up and get back on track, without you closing up. Tough love, but you need it sometimes; your stubbornness is a pain in the ass. You look at them and give them a small, watery, but grateful smile, before whispering, “Thank you,” and with the look they give you in return, you know they know how grateful you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe all the positive feedback I got for the first chapter. Again, you are all awesome!!
> 
> Also, there's some smut coming up in one of the future chapters, so I might change the rating to Explicit, just a warning :)
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos!
> 
> And of course, don't hesitate to share your thoughts on the story :)


	3. Catch Me If You Can

“They did WHAT?!”

“I’m… I’m sorry Laura I thought you knew,” Perry answers gingerly.

“That what, my best friend was a traitor?”

“Don’t take it this way, you knew they were considering it,” Perry replies carefully.

“I thought they were joking, or that they said it just to mess with me. I never knew they were serious with this,” you say, collapsing on your couch. “I mean, it’s already one thing that they keep going to this stupid class,” Perry open her mouth, “—and don’t interrupt me, IT IS a stupid class—but now, they’re inviting her? Like, to hang out with us? What is Kirsch going to think if he sees a stranger at his birthday party? She could be a psychopath for all we know.”

“I don’t think he is going to mind…”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you say, more to yourself than to your friend. “He’s not going to like it. We should do something.”

“That’s not what I--”

“Maybe a nice bazooka…” you say thoughtfully, stroking your chin.

“LAURA!” Perry yells and it startles you enough for you to jump a little. “This is ridiculous! Stop acting like a child. LaFontaine is going to invite Carmilla at Kirsch’s birthday and that’s it. There is nothing you can do about it.”

“But Perr…”

“No Laura! I won’t listen to any more of your whining. I know you don’t like this girl, but if your best friend thinks she is worth it then you should give her a chance. And if you still don’t like her, then it’s okay; no one is making you talk to her.” Your friend huffs in annoyance and sits next to you. “Look, I didn’t know she was the girl from the bathroom when I made them sign up for the class. I knew she looked familiar, but I didn’t know it was her. I took this class a long time ago, I never had a clue that that was the same person. If I had known…”

“Yeah, I know Perry,” you reply, putting your hand on top of hers. “It’s just that, uuuugh I hate her so much! And LaF knows that. I know they like her, but I also know they are doing it partially to annoy me, and to make me realize I have a crush on her. WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE.” Perry gives you a sympathetic smile and squeezes your hand. “Oh no, I know that look. Not you too!” you whine.

“Well, you’ve been talking quite a lot about her, dear. And I am not assuming anything here, but maybe you should try to reconsider your feelings.”

“Or maybe all of you should just accept the fact that I know myself, and I know how I feel. You don’t have to be involved in my love life, I know what I’m doing.”

Your curly-haired friend puts her hands up in surrender. “Fine, if you say so then I believe you. I’ll tell the others to back off a bit, I realize we can be a little unnerving.”

“Thank you, Perry.”

Being the youngest of the crew, the others always had this habit of protecting you. You didn’t really mind until now; your father has always been of the overprotective type. But sometimes you feel like all they do is dictate your life, and that’s something you can’t bring yourself to agree to. LaF is the only one who has never done it; sure, they tease, but they never tried to tell you what to do. In fact, they are the one who made you realize you had the power to make your own choices in life, and even though it’s hard sometimes, you try to always keep that in the back of your mind.

“Now,” your friend says. “Do you have time to help me with the organization? You know I hate asking for help, especially in this area, but I feel like I’m not the best qualified to organize Kirsch’s birthday party.”

You smile. “Sure, Perr.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday night, 7:30 p.m.

The party is tonight, and you’re still not ready. You have spent the last week helping organizing Kirsch’s birthday during your free time, running everywhere, making phone calls, and being absolutely certain Kirsch will love it. And now, you can’t even choose one outfit. Stuck in front of your closet, you cannot bring yourself to pick something. Your hair and make-up are done, thankfully, but the last task is the hardest. Tonight, you have to be stunning; you have to be at your best. LaF would say you are just trying to impress She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but you know you’re not doing it for her. You’re doing it for you. Aaaand maybe for the cute girl you met at the post office the other day. You took a coffee with her, and things went well, so you invited her to the party. Since LaF can bring a stranger, why can’t you? And well, she was rather cute; tall brunette with brown eyes, tanned skin and a smile that could light up a whole room. Even if you didn’t spend that much time with her, you could grasp that she seemed kind and funny, and NOT in a sarcastic way. But that doesn’t help you with your current issue: clothes.

 

7:56 p.m.

Okay, you have to choose something, anything. How long has it been since you’ve been on a date? _Too long_ , that little voice in your head tells you. But it can’t be that complicated, right?

“Okay Hollis,” you say to yourself, “Girl the hell up!”

 

8:23 p.m.

You’ve finally managed to find an outfit, a sheer black mesh skater dress with open-toe boots matching the color of the dress. Your hair is up in a side ponytail, your eyes a little darker than usual, and you’re surprised at how good this red lipstick looks on you. Now you’re ready. And you need to leave right now if you don’t want to be late. So you slip into your black trench and close the door behind you.

 

* * *

 

Kirsch’s apartment is at a short cab drive; he insisted that his birthday party took place at his apartment. He didn’t tell you why, but you suspect that he wants to get really drunk tonight; this way, he won’t have to spend the night trying to remember where he lives, like last time. And the time before that.

You gave the address to your date, Sam, and you really hope she’s not already there. Your friends can be overwhelming at times, and you don’t want them to scare her away (before you have the chance to do so, naturally.)

 

On the doorstep, you ring and knock three times before an overexcited Kirsch opens the door for you and yells, “Happy birthday!!”

He is wearing a party hat and holding the biggest drink you will probably see in your life. Before you can say a word, he grabs you and pulls you into a bear hug.

You can’t help the fit of giggles that escapes. “Hey! You stole my catchphrase, I’m the one who’s supposed to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday, you dumbass!” You say and he lets go of you but keeps you at arm’s length to look at you.

He grins. “Thank you little hot—Daamn I should say sexy hottie!”

“No Kirsch,” you smile sheepishly. “No. You really shouldn’t say any of that, we’ve already told you.”

He smacks his own head. “Yup, sorry bro. Totally forgot.” He says and purses his lips in an embarrassed expression before getting excited again. “Now come! Almost everybody’s here! I want you to be drunker than me tonight!”

“Naah,” you wave him off. “I couldn’t take that away from you. It’s your birthday, you own all the drunken rights!”

“Can’t say no to that. Now come, I’ll introduce you to my buddies!”

 

After ten—long—minutes of introductions to guys you’ll probably never speak to again, you finally find your friends in the multitude of people. Perry, LaF, Danny and a tall blonde who she appears to know, are all together, talking. You sigh in relief when you see that a certain brunette is not among them. Which makes you remember about your date, who doesn’t seem to be here either yet. Good.

“Frosh, you came!”

“Of course I did! Did you really think I was going to miss this? Are you kidding me? Kirsch’s birthdays are the best.”

“I know right!” LaF replies excitedly. “Remember the time he tried to climb over the barriers to get to that carousel because he wanted to climb on one of those horses? And then his pants got stuck on top so he had to rip them off to climb down? I’ll always remember the look on the security guard’s face when he had to run behind a pants-less AND boxers-less Kirsch.”

“He did choose the bad day to go commando!” You manage to say before all of you burst into laughter.

When all of you finally calm down, the blonde girl starts to speak. “Wow that must’ve been fun. You seem to have had a great time in college!” The rest of you share a look.

Danny leans closer to the blonde’s ear and says, “Actually… That was last year.”

And there goes the laughter again.

When it finally subsides, Danny introduces the tall blonde—Betty—as her brand new girlfriend. You think she seems nice, and you’re glad Danny found someone who seems to fit her (in every sense of the word).

 

After that, you take another look around the room and spot the person you’ve been waiting for. Sam is making her way toward you with a big smile on her face, which you reciprocate. She is wearing a navy blue dress with laced-up heels, her neck-length hair jumping a bit with every step. She is beautiful. When she stops in front of you, she pushes her bangs out of her brown eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Wow, Laura,” she starts to say. “You look, wow. You look beautiful.” She giggles shyly. “I’m sorry, I’m being awkward, aren’t I? I didn’t even say hello. So hi, hello.” She finishes awkwardly, blushing, and you can’t help but feeling proud of yourself that you managed to make a pretty girl flustered.

“Don’t worry, between you and me, I promise you’re not the most awkward,” you wink at her. Wink? Where did that come from? “And you look beautiful, too,” you say sincerely.

She lets out a sigh of relief and you think she is starting to get more comfortable.

“Sooo,” you start again, gesturing to your friends who are all stunned behind you. “Allow me to introduce--”

“Hi, I’m LaFontaine, or LaF!” your friend jumps in, interrupting you, and shakes vividly your date’s hand. “Laura here seems to be keeping secrets from us, I don’t believe she mentioned you before.” You roll your eyes at the oh-so-subtle criticism.

“Oh, it’s okay, we just met actually so…” the brunette smiles, a little bit embarrassed.

“Oh yeah, how did you meet? When?”

“LaF! Stop with the inspection, you’re gonna scare her,” you look at Sam apologetically. “Sorry about them, they’re just nosy.”

She waves you off and smiles. “Don’t worry about it.”

“So… then we have the _normal_ people,” you hear LaF grumble but you don’t pay attention to them. “Perry, Danny, and her girlfriend Betty,” you say, pointing at each one of them.

 

There’s a wave of the usual polite “Nice to meet you,” and “How are you.” But after a few minutes, you can finally take your date away from the wild bunch.

“Sorry about that again, they always do that. But they don’t bite, promise!” you try to joke.

“It’s fine, really. They all seem nice. So, do you maybe wanna grab a drink?” She offers.

“Sure, it’s in the kitchen, follow me.”

 

The apartment is packed. You really don’t know how everybody fits in here, but they sure do. You manage to get to the kitchen with Sam in tow, and grab the first bottle you find. Gin. Uugh no, still can’t drink that. You put it back down with a shiver of disgust and grab a new one. Tequila. Maybe later. You sigh and look at the rest of the table. Ah, there! The punch, always a good choice. Maybe if you could get a little clos—

You freeze. You must look stupid because everybody around you is moving, and you’re just standing there, one arm outstretched toward the punch, and your gaze fixed on the person standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Fuck. This can’t be happening again. You know she exists, you knew she was going to be there tonight, and yet, you’re still transfixed by her presence. This was not supposed to happen. You hate her, you’re not supposed to drool all over her… Oh my god are those leather pants? Come on, how is that fair?! Her gaze wanders all over the room, before landing on you. You stare at each other for a moment, none of you breaking eye contact, until she raises one eyebrow and flashes you a smirk, as she disappears in the direction of the living room. You hear your name being said from afar, but you’re not sure, and you still can’t move. _Laura, Laura_.

“Laura.” The clear sound of a voice startles you.

“What!” You reply harshly.

“Hey, what’s going on?” The gentle tone in Sam’s voice makes you look at her.

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she says, smiling at you. “What happened?”

“I… I don’t really know. I guess I just blacked out for a bit. Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I’m sorry I scared you and then yelled at you.” You apologize.

She chuckles, “It’s all right. I was just concerned; you didn’t seem to get out of your trance. I’m glad I don’t have to call the paramedics.” She smiles at you. “So, do you still want something to drink? Cause while you were out, this guy came to you with two drinks and tried to talk to you, but you wouldn’t answer so he gave me the drinks instead, and told me to tell you, wait… Oh yeah, to ‘thank the little hottie for the party, it’s totally awesome,’ and then he just left.”

You let out a laugh. “Yeah, that would be Kirsch. He’s one of my friends, and just like the others, he is completely inoffensive. It’s his birthday party by the way.”

“Yeah, I kinda grasped that. So, does this mean we can drink that without ending up unconscious?”

“Only if you drink twenty cups of it,” you laugh, taking the drink your date was holding for you. “Cheers!”

 

* * *

 

Turns out, you didn’t even need three full cups to feel tipsy, maybe even a little drunk. What’s in this thing? You are sitting on a couch, talking with your date, and everything is perfect. Absolutely perfect... Except it’s not. She’s a talker. And not the kind you can have long, interesting conversations with. Nope. She mostly talks about herself, and you don’t even have to ask. And even if you wanted to, you couldn’t, because she’s monopolizing the conversation. You stopped listening at some point, only nodding from time to time. You really didn’t see that coming. She seemed genuine, interesting, and shy in a cute way. Well, never judge a book by its cover, as they say.

However, you don’t want your date to be a disaster. You owe it to yourself to try a little harder, right? So she’s not the love of your life. Who cares? Nothing is keeping you from having… a little fun. There, you’ve made your decision. Or the alcohol did, but whatever.

While she keeps talking, you untie your hair to make you look a little more… wild? And you start to move a little closer to her. Not too much, but enough for her to notice that you are trying to make a move. She starts to smile. It’s good, right? So you keep moving, closer, and closer, until your knees are touching. Slowly but surely, you lift your hand and put it on her knee, moving it up and down from her mid-thigh to her knee, in gentle strokes. You feel her breath hitch, as you flash her a seductive grin that makes her stutter. Your faces are only a few inches apart now, and you can see that her brown eyes are now solely focused on your lips. You look at hers, and you notice her mouth is shut. Good. You lick your lips and start to lean in, as she’s doing the same. You meet in the middle. And it’s… no. The kiss feels wrong; not in synch, too much tongue, not enough, you don’t know. But something is not right. Still, you keep kissing her for a while, before you break off the kiss and lean away.

“Do you want another drink? I’m going to get one. Don’t move I’ll be right back,” you say and don’t wait for her response before fleeing the scene, leaving her stunned on the couch.

 

On your way to the kitchen, you run into LaF.

“Sooo, Don Juan… Having fun back there?” They say, wiggling their eyebrows.

“Shut up LaF. I don’t know what I’m doing right now, I don’t even like her,” you breathe out and they give you a questioning glare. “I mean, she’s pretty, but that’s it. She’s uninteresting, she keeps talking, she’s not as funny as I thought. And yet, I kissed her.”

“Kissing her doesn’t mean you have to go all the way with her. Just tell her you’re not interested and that you’re sorry you gave her the wrong impression.”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“Or you could tell her you’re not into her because she doesn’t own leather pants,” they smirk.

“LaF, I swear to--”

“Relax frosh, I’m kidding. Besides, leather girl is busy elsewhere.”

“What do you mean?” You reply, and you hate that your voice sounds so desperate.

“She’s been talking to a girl for quite a while now, drinking and laughing. All I can tell you is that I lost the sight of her hands too many times.” They say in a shiver.

You wrinkle your nose in disgust. “Ugh, I don’t need to hear that.”

“Why, jealous?” they say with a mischievous grin.

“I’m leaving now.”

 

You don’t know how, but you end up in the hallway leading to the bathroom. There’s a few people waiting in line, but not as much as you thought. You’re not even sure you want to pee, but you stay there anyway. That is, until you notice two people awfully close to one another in the darkest corner; one leaning their back to the wall, the other hovering above them with a hand on the wall to keep them upright. You can distinguish two girls. The girl with her back to the wall is fidgeting with the vest of the other, while the latter seems to be whispering things in her ear. Which obviously makes her laugh. So dirty things it is. The seductress reaches out and tucks behind her ear the strand of hair that was hiding her face from you.

“Oh you must be fucking kidding me,” you whisper to yourself.

Of course. Carmilla. Just at this moment, she looks up and meets your gaze. She seems surprised for a split second to see you there, but then her expression turns into a seductive grin, as she holds your gaze while she keeps whispering things to the other girl’s ear. You’ve had enough of her little game, so you give her a fake smile, flip her off and walk away. You’ll hold your bladder. You didn’t even want to go to the bathroom anyway.

To hell with everything. How can one person put you in such a mood? You’re angry, and the only thing you want to do right now is find the girl you left earlier and take her home. One night of meaningless sex will surely help release all that tension you have building up. You’re almost at the end of the hallway when you hear someone calling out to you.

“Wait… Wait! You fucking—will you stop?!” A hand grabs your arm and you jerk away from the hold. You turn to face your assailant and you’re not so surprised to see Carmilla standing there, looking pretty furious.

“What do you want?” You growl.

“Why do you always react like that? Why do you act like I’m the most vicious being you have ever met in your life?”

“Maybe because you are.”

“Okay that’s it. This has gone too far. You are just a spoiled little brat who thinks ‘the world is so beautiful and full of flowers and birds are singing,’” she says, poorly mimicking your voice. “When the truth is that you’re just too scared to get out of your comfort zone. You don’t even know me and yet you're judging me and hating me for who you think I am. Well guess what princess, the world isn’t black and white. And based on what I’m seeing, you’re not one of the good ones.”

You laugh bitterly, “Oh _I’m_ judging _you_? What do you think you’re doing right now? Face it, you’re just like everyone else in here; a pretender, an imposter. Acting like we belong to a group when in the end we’re just all alone and miserable. We are all the same, Carmilla.” You drawl.

She takes a few steps closer to you, until her body is being completely pressed to yours, her mouth only a few inches from yours, when she says through gritted teeth, almost growling, “you are the most fucked up person I have ever met.”

Anger and rage blinding you, it only takes you a second to grab her by the collar and pull her roughly into a kiss. It is sloppy, it is messy, but you don’t care. All you want to feel right now is the warmth of her tongue in your mouth, moving in synch with yours, her teeth biting your lower lip in the best way possible, the taste of her lips, her alcohol tainted breath. Everything. Everything you feel is _her_ , and you don’t want it to stop, you want more. As if sensing your unspoken plea, she reaches up and tangles her hands in your hair, pulling hard on it. At this point, you are pressed up against a closed door, your hands roaming around her body and pulling her closer, and closer, until there is no space left in-between your bodies. She bites hard at your lower lip and you moan in her mouth, not caring how loud or needy you sound. She lets out a deep laugh, and the way it vibrates in your throat makes you want her even more, if possible. She pulls at your hair, which makes you crane your neck, as she detaches her lips from yours only to reattach them at your neck, sucking and biting at your pulse point. You’ve never been more turned on, and with the way you feel her smile against your skin, you think she knows that.

You reach behind you, and grab the handle to open the door; you need more privacy. When the door opens, it makes you stumble backward as you grab Carmilla by the shirt and start kissing her again. You don’t want her to be far from you now. You press her against the door, which effectively closes it. She smiles in the kiss.

The room you stumble in is illuminated by blue lights, so you don’t have to switch the lights on too see what you’re doing. Given the decoration, you think it's Kirsch’s bedroom.

You grab her by the collar one more time and turn her around so that her back is facing the bed, in the middle of the room. You push her and she falls on it with a loud thud, making the bed squeak under her weight. You flash her a devilish smile as you slowly make your way over to her.

She bites her lower lip as you straddle her and she sits up to put her hands on your waist. “God, you’re so hot,” she kisses your neck, “when I saw you tonight,” below your ear, “all I could think about,” she bites your earlobe, which elicits a moan from you, “was my mouth all over you.” She goes down to your neck again and alternates between kisses and licks of her tongue, “I couldn’t stand to see you with that girl tonight, it made me so… mad.”

You grab the back of her head and pull her closer to your neck, keeping your hand there as she keeps on sucking at your pulse point. “Shut up,” you pull at her hair to make her stop and you meet her desperate gaze. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Fuck,” she breathes out and obliges.

When your hands start to wander under her shirt to feel her toned stomach, you hear a loud noise coming from the hallway and you pull away. Carmilla chases your lips with her own, but you put a hand on her shoulder to make her stop. Your eyes widen and you finally catch up to what you were doing and about to do. God, what have you done?

“Oh no,” you breathe out.

“What?” she pants, her lips swollen and pupils dilated. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you start to get up. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“Laura.”

“No, Carmilla, please, I shouldn’t have… let’s not talk about this ever again.” You walk quickly to the door and open it.

“Laura!” She calls out, but you’re already out the door and running away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! :)
> 
> As always, I'm all ears for your thoughts and suggestions!


	4. Oops, I Did It Again

“And then, he ran on the street screaming ‘you’ll never get me!’ I almost pissed myself laughing.” Your friend chuckles and looks at you. “Laura? Are you even listening?”

“What? Oh, yeah, funny.” You say unconvincingly and take a sip of your coffee.

The day after the party, LaF sent you a text asking if you wanted to meet up for a greasy breakfast and coffee. Having no appetite, you agreed for the coffee. Now you’re sitting in front of them in this small diner, wearing your after-party gear—meaning sweatpants, a large sweater and a beanie—listening to their take on last night’s events.

Their worried eyes make you sigh, “Sorry. Hangover.”

“Oh yeah, I keep talking but you didn’t tell me what happened last night! You ran so fast it was like you had seen a ghost or something.”

“Right… Sorry I left without warning. I just… wasn’t feeling very well, I had to go.” You see their brows furrowing in an unconvinced way so you keep going, trying to sound more convincing. “Must’ve been the alcohol. I don’t know what was in that punch, but wow. It killed me.”

LaF’s eyes widen. “Oh shit. You drank that punch?”

“Oh no. What did you do?”

“I… nothing,” they squeal and you know that’s not good. “Just a small experience,” they add carefully, sipping at their coffee.

“LAF!”

“I swear! Nothing bad! I just… modified a few things.”

You feel a wave of relief. If there was something in that drink, maybe it would explain your stupid actions from yesterday? Maybe you were drugged, and couldn’t control your own body or brain! _Oh please, let it be it_.

“What kind of things? Like, mood change? Loss of your ability to think clearly? Total personality swap?” You ask eagerly, but trying not to sound too hopeful at the same time.

“Oh god, no. Nothing like that. I just wanted to find a way to make people more cheerful, without adding more alcohol to the drink. Cause you know, some people get depressed, sad or even angry when they drink, I just wanted to find a way to avoid that. I wanted everyone to have fun for Kirsch’s birthday,” they sigh. “Well, turns out it only made people drunk faster. And apparently sick, like you.”

Fuck.

“So, that’s it? That didn’t make people do things they wouldn’t have done in their usual drunken state?”

“Nope.”

Shit. Well, you can still blame your stupidity on the fact that you were drunk. You were not thinking clearly because you were drunk. See, you’re already feeling better!... No you’re not.

“So tell me, what happened with your hot date! Sam right? Did you leave her on the couch after you escaped the party?”

“Hum… Kind of?” You say sheepishly.

“Dude, seriously?”

“Well, I left, yes. But I texted her on my way home. Told her I wasn’t feeling well, and that I was really sorry.”

“Yeah, I guess you did well. Maybe you could have told her face to face before leaving, but I guess if you really didn’t feel well…”

Yeah. What you didn’t tell them is how guilty you felt when she responded to your text by a caring and somehow flirtatious “Oh no, I’m so sorry! Feel better soon, so we can get back to where we left off ;)” A fucking _winking face_ , damn it.

You let your head fall on the table, spilling a small amount of coffee on your way.

Your red-headed friend chuckles. “That bad, uh? Well if you didn’t, at least someone else got lucky last night.”

You quickly lift your head. “Who?”

“I know you don’t like to talk about her,” they sound way too excited, “but I’ll tell you anyway. Carmilla.”

Your eyes widen and you feel a small thump in your throat. “What?”

Thankfully, your friend seems oblivious to your bewilderment. “Yeah. Not long after you left, I saw her leave with the girl she was with the whole night.”

 _What the…_ Your only reaction to this is the rush of words you feel coming your way. “Oh, okay. I guess that’s logical right? If you flirt with someone the entire night, it’s normal that you go home with them. I mean, not _normal_ , but if you feel like you want to go further with the person, then you shouldn’t restrain yourself. That would be stupid. And Carmilla’s not stupid, right? As far as I know, anyway. She doesn’t seem to be the type of person who misses an opportunity to get laid. You know who does? Me.” You ramble, pointing at yourself awkwardly, whisper-yelling, “ME. I do. Maybe I should call Sam. Yes, I’ll do that! And you know, you were right, I need a one-night stand. For my health. Just the other day I was--”

“Okay, now you stop. STOP!” your friend says, holding their arms out. “Where did that come from? I swear I was this close to punch you.” They leave the teeny tiny amount of space between their index finger and thumb to emphasize their point.

You let out a frustrated groan. “Sorry, I’m sorry! I guess I’m just frustrated that _she_ got to go home with someone, and I just… felt sick. Plus, this hangover really is a bitch.” _If only that was the only reason…_

“Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have played with the drinks. It’s my fault you didn’t get to enjoy your night. How can I make it up to you?”

You’re suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. You’re so angry at yourself for making your friend believe that is was their fault you left the party.

“No really, it’s fine,” you give them a small smile and pat their arm. “Don’t worry about it. We’re fine.”

 

* * *

 

After your coffee date with LaF, you go home and immediately crawl your way back to bed. Sure, you’re hungover, but that’s not the only reason you feel like crap. You can’t stop thinking about what happened, or almost happened with Carmilla last night. You can’t tell to anyone, and especially LaF, and you hope Carmilla will do the same so you can forget about it. You actually still can’t believe you went there; you feel a mix of guilt, confusion, and… smugness? No, that can’t be it. Okay, is it flattering that a girl this hot chose you to make out with? Yeah. But she was probably drunk, and you were too. Plus, you still don’t like her. And apparently, you didn’t leave her that much of an impression if she went home with another girl after your make-out session. You’re the one who stopped everything and left, you know that, but did she really have to leave with someone else after that?

“Great,” you say to your empty bedroom. “Now I want to throw up.”

You groan and put a pillow over your head, hoping for the day to end quickly.

 

* * *

 

For the next few days, you work, and you work. Your friends try to reach out to you, asking if you want to hang out, grab a drink, a coffee. But you can’t, you have to work. You’re not avoiding them per se, you just need to be alone for a while. And think. Actually no, you don’t want to think, you just want to take your mind off of… things, and the only way you found is to work. So that’s what you do, and so far, it seems to be efficient.

You know you’re making a big deal out of this. You’re always overthinking things, and always have been. It’s not like you’re gonna see her again. Except that… you will. Lately she has been hanging out with LaF pretty often, and it’s really bothering you. And what bothers you the most, is that you trust LaF’s judgement; if they like Carmilla, it must mean that she isn’t so bad, right? Except that, she is. She’s like, the devil in leather pants.

“’The devil in leather pants.’ Interesting. Working on a novel there, Hollis?” The voice coming from behind you startles you, and you turn your head to see that your boss is reading over your shoulder. “At least I hope it’s not for your story. I don’t believe the mayor will appreciate the nickname.”

Shit, shit, shit. You delete quickly what your stupid mind made you write.

“Oh yeah, no. Sorry, I was just…” you reply awkwardly.

“Don’t bother. Next time, write your diary in your spare time. I’m not paying for you to just sit there and write about, I’m sure, your very interesting life.” She says in a cold voice, looking at you with disdain.

“Yes, sorry, won’t happen again, sir.” Your eyes widen. “MA’AM. Miss. Sorry. I’ll just…” You trail off, gesturing to your computer while your boss looks like she’s about to strangle you, before turning around and walking away.

 

“Well that was embarrassing.” Another voice startles you, this time coming from your left.

“Kirsch! Damn it! How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to witness your embarrassing awkwardness.” He grins momentarily but stops immediately when you shoot daggers at him. “Sooo don’t shoot the messenger, but LaF wanted to make sure that you were going to be there on Sunday.”

“Sunday? What’s happening on Sunday?”

“Dude, don’t tell me you forgot! Perry has been talking about it for weeks. It’s her cooking contest! She wanted everyone to be there.”

“Oooh right. Yeah, totally forgot. I’ll be there. Maybe she’ll explain to me how, as a lawyer, she finds the time to do everything she does.”

“I’m pretty sure she has a twin.”

“That’s the most plausible answer.” You smile at him. “Thanks Kirsch for reminding me. I’ll send her a text telling her I’ll be there.”

“Cool, bro!” He looks around. “I have to get back to work now. My boss already yelled at me because I was hanging out too much at your floor. I don’t want to get fired. See you around!” He leaves you with that.

You send that text to Perry and get back to work; you don’t want to get fired either.

 

* * *

 

“And you’re sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yeah! I mean, I know it’s not the most romantic idea for a date, but I have to give her another shot, right?”

“You’re sure you don’t want to get dinner another time with her instead? Cause you know, the last group hang didn’t work out so well for you.” LaF raises an eyebrow at you. “And you said you didn’t like her.”

“I liked her when I was sober!” You defend.

“When you were sober you didn’t even know her. I don’t think the alcohol you drank has so much to do with it.”

You wave them off. “Don’t be intolerant, I’m sure she’s just fine.”

“Oh my god you didn’t just call _me_ intolerant. You’re the one who said she didn’t have any conversation and that all she could do was talk about herself. You even said she was a bad kisser.”

“Yeah well, I changed my mind. I want to see her again.”

They put their arms in the air in surrender. “Fine, fine. Suit yourself. But don’t come crying out to me afterwards.”

“I won’t!”

“Hollis, your stubbornness will kill you.”

“I can live with that.”

 

When you get back to your apartment after your dinner with LaF, you quickly take out your phone and write to Sam. So, you haven’t given her any news during the week, and you haven’t really parted ways conventionally. But maybe she’ll still agree to another date with you? She seemed to like you. Even though you were a huge asshole and left after your kiss to go and make-out with another girl. But she doesn’t need to know that. So what’s better now, than to invite her to Perry’s cooking contest? Again, not the most romantic date idea. But what the hell, it can still be enjoyable. And mostly… if you ever needed to run away from her again, then you would have your friends to support you, and just in case, hide you.

You frown at your own thought and shake your head. “God, I’m a terrible person.”

You text, no, you call her. Better.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Uh, Hi, hey! It’s Laura… Hollis. From the party last week.” Smooth, Hollis, smooth.

She chuckles, “ _I know Laura, I saved your number. So, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you since last week._ ”

You cringe a little. “Yeah I know. I’ve been caught up with work... Sorry about that. So listen, I don’t know if you want to see me again after last week,” you giggle nervously, “but I was thinking that maybe we could… hang out again?”

“ _And when would you want to do that?_ ”

“On Sunday. My friend, Perry, has this cooking contest. I know what it sounds like, not really captivating. But I was thinking that it could give us some time to talk, you know, sober. Plus, cooking means food. Soooo what do you say?” You ask awkwardly.

She doesn’t answer right away, probably thinking about your proposition. “ _You know what? I’ll go with you. When you didn’t call this week, I was pretty sure I would never hear from you again. I was ready to give up, and then you called. So yeah, I’ll go out with you again. Even if it’s for a stupid cooking contest._ ”

The playfulness in her voice makes you smile. “Cool, cool. I’ll make it up for the past week, promise. So I’ll text you the address and we’ll meet there?”

“ _Sure, Laura. See you there._ ” She replies and then hangs up.

You’re happy you didn’t screw everything up with her. You left her at a party where she knew no one, and she still wants to see you. That means something, right? You had a good first impression, and you don’t want to stick to this party for your last impression. So there, you have another shot, and you’ll make it right this time. 

 

* * *

 

You hate your friends. You use to be proud to be the reason for Danny’s laughter, but now you just want to dig a hole and be buried in it. Or smack her in the face.

“That’s the most…” she struggles to speak in the middle of her fit of laughter, “ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

You frown and cross your arms, annoyed. “Exaggerating much?”

She wipes out a falling tear. “No, I mean. Inviting a girl to a cooking contest? What, are you sick of all the good bars and restaurants we have here?”

“It’s original!” You defend.

“That’s for sure. Hey, I have a good idea for your third date! There’s this food-eating contest next week--”

“Shut up, Danny.” You point at LaF and Kirsch who are laughing their asses off. “And you two!” They freeze. “Stop encouraging her. Sam’s gonna be here any minute, I don’t want her to think you’re making fun of her.”

 

“Well, cutie. If you didn’t want her to think you’re mocking her, maybe you shouldn’t have invited her to a cooking contest.” The raspy voice coming from behind you makes you freeze and makes your hairs stand on its ends.

“Carmilla,” you say without turning around. “You’re here. Why?”

“Always a pleasure to see you too.” She says and you see her smirk when you turn to face her. You get momentarily lost into her dark stare, before you quickly shake it off.

“Again, what are you doing here?”

“I invited her!” LaF interjects excitedly and you want to kill them.

“And you came because…?”

She takes a step closer to you and holds your gaze, visibly amused by the situation and your discomfort. “Well, I’m a cook. It’s always fun to see other people doing what you’re the best at.” She chuckles darkly and licks her lips. “Well, there are also other things I’m the best at…” She trails off, looking you up and down. You gulp, not sure if you’ll be able to control the shaking of your voice, so you don’t say anything, which makes her grin.

You don’t realize how close you are to each other until you see from the corner of your eyes Sam arriving. You quickly take a step back and clear your throat.

“Sam! You’re finally here.” Your voice is shaking a bit but you try not to pay too much attention to it. You don’t really know how to greet her so you give her an awkward quick hug. You think you hear a light chuckle coming from where Carmilla is standing.

“Hey, I don’t think we’ve met,” the latter starts to say and you’re wondering why the hell she is talking to your date. “I’m Carmilla,” she continues in a smooth voice, greeting Sam with a mischievous grin. “I’m a… friend of Laura’s.”

Your eyes widen. “Huum excuse me but no, we are not friends.” Carmilla smiles a little bit more at that and you turn to Sam. “She’s just… someone LaFontaine brought, nobody important.”

Carmilla puts a hand on her chest, “Ouch. You hurt my feelings there.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever.”

Sam looks uncomfortable, her gaze wandering back and forth from Carmilla to you, probably sensing some tension between the two of you.

“So, hey! I’m Sam, nice to meet you.”

“Oh the pleasure is all mine.” Carmilla drawls around a smirk, obviously flirting with your date. Oh but no, you’ll have none of that.

“Carmilla? Can I talk to you for a second?” You grab her by the arm and start to lead her away from the rest of your friends. “Sam, I’m sorry, I only need a minute. LaFontaine will explain to you what you need to know about the contest.”

LaF nods at you in understanding.

 

“What the _fuck_ Carmilla?” You say when you are far enough.

“You don’t look very happy,” she answers nonchalantly.

“I don’t— No! of course not. What are you doing flirting with my date?”

She chuckles. “Oh relax, I was just having some fun. Why, are you afraid she’s gonna fall for my charms?” She raises one eyebrow, her lips quirking up.

“Yes!” You reply a bit too quickly. “I mean no! Why would she? It’s not like you’re irresistible or anything. Plus, I know I can keep her interested.”

She lets out an impressed whistle. “My, my… What are you hiding under that tightly wound exterior?”

“I’m not tightly wound! I just don’t try to seduce and sleep with everything that moves, like a certain someone,” you add bitterly.

“Wow, slut-shaming. Nice. You really are trying to offend me, are you?” She says, obviously annoyed. “It didn’t seem to bother you last week when you were on top of me.”

You scoff. “You got some nerve! You’re the one who came after me.”

“Oh, right. Cause _I’m_ the one who initiated the kiss. Maybe you should take a second look at yourself before talking about me, sunshine.”

“Well I’m not the one who’s always showing up with a different girl. Speaking of which, where’s your girlfriend from last week? You know, the one you went to after I left? Got rid of her two hot seconds after spending the night? Real classy.” You sneer.

She frowns, and her mouth opens and closes a few times before answering. “What? Wh--?”

“Laura, Carmilla!” LaF calls out, interrupting your conversation, “it’s time. The contest is starting!”

You take one last look at Carmilla, seeing that she still seems a bit confused by your little outburst, before going back to your friends. To be honest, you’re confused too. What just happened? And why the hell did you bring that girl up? You really don’t care that she ended up with some other girl that night, so why talk about it?

 

During the contest—which is basically an amateur-like version of Top Chef with an audience—you’re sitting next to Sam, and you’re not really paying attention to what’s going on in front of you. You love Perry, you really do. But watching her cook for two hours without anything else to do in the meantime? No, just… no. You cheer with the others, yelling “Go Perry you can do this!” at times to encourage her, knowing she doesn’t like to be distracted; so you do it even more often.

But you need another distraction; something to do to keep your thoughts from wandering to your last conversation with Carmilla, where you basically called her a whore without any reason or justification. And even if she was sleeping with a thousand girls at a time, that doesn’t concern you. You don’t need to be thinking about that. And yet, you do. More often than you’d like to admit. If LaF could hear your thoughts, you’re sure they’d say you are jealous. But no, you’re not jealous. You can’t be jealous. You have no reason for that. Envy, maybe? Envious that she seems to have embraced a lifestyle that suits her, while you’re still slowly emerging from your old heartbreak. Pathetic.

“So, what do you think?” Sam’s voice gets you out of your thoughts.

Oh GOD, was she talking this whole time?

“I’m sorry what? I didn’t hear your last sentence, with all the cheering.” You shamelessly lie.

She giggles. “Silly, I was just asking if you wanted to grab a bite after this? All this food got me hungry. Your friend told me we could taste what Penny has cooked, but I figured it wasn’t going to be enough.”

“It’s Perry.”

“What?”

“My friend’s name. It’s Perry.”

You hear a snort coming from the row behind you, and you’re not surprised to see Carmilla grinning and slowly shaking her head, her gaze however still directed at the contest in front of you. As if you wouldn’t know she was eavesdropping and making fun of your conversation. Choosing to let it slide, you still want to find something to shut her up. So you move closer to Sam, and put one hand on the small of her back.

“Oh I’m sorry Laura, I thought her name was Penny.” Your date apologizes sheepishly.

You smirk and use your other hand to tuck one strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry about it. It’s already forgotten. Now,” you begin and use your most seductive voice. “You were talking about eating? You’re right… I won’t have enough. I have a strong appetite… I always need…” You let out a dark chuckle and let your fingers slowly slide through her hair. “More.”

Sam has closed her eyes and you can feel that she is holding her breath. Your seduction technique is apparently working. Why stop there? You use the hand on her back to brush your fingers under her shirt, just a little. Just so she can feel the light touch of your fingertips on her skin. Just enough to make her take in a sharp breath and lean into your touch. You chance a quick look behind you, long enough to see Carmilla avert her gaze. She has been watching you. You feel like you’re using Sam, you don’t really know to what purpose, but you don’t want to think about that now. The fact that Carmilla witnessed your little flirting fills you with satisfaction, though you don’t know why it feels so good to see her almost disgruntled expression.

Suddenly, you feel a small slap at the back of your head.

“Hey, horny teenager! The show’s in front of you, not in the pants of your date. Perry’s almost done.”

“Ouch, Danny!” You complain, holding your head where she slapped you. “Your hands are bigger than my head, be careful! You almost threw me to the ground.”

“Shut up and watch.”

 

* * *

 

For the first time in all the years Perry has competed, she won. She actually won. She used to come in second or third place, but this time she’s the one grabbing all the attention. The judges loved her meal, and said she was way ahead of her competition. Of course, professional cooks are not allowed to compete, but you do know that the previous winners were competing, so you find it even more amazing that your friend managed to hold that much of a lead on them. And to be honest, her meal looks damn right delicious.

“You wooooon!” LaF’s voice gets muffled in Perry’s shoulder as they lunge at her.

“I know; I can’t believe it!” Your curly-haired friend is on the verge of tears, and your stomach twitches in happiness for her.

“Now, can we eat?” Kirsch says with a clap of his hands.

“Of course Kirsch, it’s over there.” Perry replies while pointing her finger in the direction of the food.

 

“Oh my god!” You hear Danny say.

“This is… unbelievable.” Sam says in turn.

You take one bite and hold in a moan. “This is the best thing I have ever tasted. And I’m not even kidding. How did you do that?”

“Yeah Perry,” LaF contributes. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I have eaten your Boeuf Bourguignon before, and this is nothing like it. And the presentation. Guys, look at the presentation!” They say excitedly, pointing at the dish.

“Oh, it’s all Carmilla.” Perry says and you almost choke on your food.

You look suspiciously at Carmilla who has been quiet this whole time. “What is Carmilla?”

“I practiced with her. She gave me a lot of advice, helped me with the presentation. All of it during her free time. Oh and she also gave me a lot of new recipes that I will be testing on you all! If you don’t mind.”

You scoff. “Yeah, right. _You_ did that?” You say to the brunette, emphasizing the ‘you’.

She sneers bitterly. “Why do you look so surprised? Don’t think I have an ounce of good in me? That I’m so ‘mean’ that I refuse to help people?

You’re taken aback by her reaction. “That’s not what I meant, I--”

“Save your breath, I know what you meant.” Her wounded tone and the hurt look in her eyes tells you all you need to know, and you instantly feel bad for all your poor judgement.

She slams her plate on the table and starts to walk away. Your heart starts to beat faster in panic, and you know you need to go after her and apologize. So that’s what you do, leaving your embarrassed friends and your confused date behind you.

 

“Carmilla!” You yell but she doesn’t stop. “Carmilla, please!” She finally stops and turns to you. “Carmilla, I’m sorry.” You start but she doesn’t let you finish.

“You know what?” She laughs bitterly. “I feel so stupid. Even with all the hurtful things you’ve said to me since we met, I’d still find a way to forgive you. I thought you were just tactless and a bit naïve, but I never thought you actually believed I was mean, or evil. But now that I think about everything you’ve said, I feel really stupid for having even thought for a second that you were different. You don’t know a thing about me, and I’m really tired of feeling like I’m being constantly judged.”

You feel a knot in your throat and your words won’t come out. She starts to turn around but stops.

“And for the record, I didn’t sleep with that girl last week. I don’t need to be telling you that, but I feel like you need to know. I didn’t even… You’re the only person I kissed that night, Laura.” A beat. “Can’t say the same for you.”

Her words are still hammering in your brain when she’s long gone.

 

When you go back to your friends, you see them talking and instantly stop when they see you. Sam is the one who opens her mouth first.

“I think I’m gonna go.”

You look at her, confused. “What? Why?”

“Look, Laura. I’m not stupid, okay? I can see there’s something going on between you and that girl, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it.”

“But…”

She puts on her jacket. “It’s okay. We all have our history. So if you ever figure out if yours is only history, then give me a call.  But before that, please don’t contact me again.”

“I…” You look at her retreating form before you have the time to find something to say.

You turn back to your friends, to be met with a bunch of wincing faces.

“I’m so sorry sweetie.” Perry says first.

“Yeah, she seemed nice, sorry.” Kirsch follows.

“Yeah, I--”

“Okay, cut the crap. I know you didn’t like her.” You cut off LaF who was probably going to tell you how sorry they are. “You all said this was a bad idea anyway. Well, would you look at that; you were right.”

“Well… She _was_ kinda boring.” Danny replies with a tentative smile.

You can’t help but chuckle a bit, even though you feel pretty bad with how it all turned out. “Yeah, yeah she was.”

“And what about Carmilla?” LaF asks.

“I screwed up. I said some things… And now she’s mad at me, and I can’t really blame her.”

“Maybe I could talk to her?”

“No, LaF. I’m the one who should talk to her. I’ve been unfair to her since the beginning, I have to make up for it.”

“As you wish.” The redhead gives you a sympathetic smile and pats you on the back.

 

* * *

 

During the following week, you think about ways to get to Carmilla. You know LaF has her number, but you don’t want to ask for something you’re not entitled to have. Looking for her in bars is probably a bad idea, so that leaves you with one only option: her cooking class. You swore you would not set a foot in that hell’s kitchen again, but you’re left with no other choice. So you schedule the class for Friday afternoon, hoping you will come up with something to say to her in the meantime.

 

* * *

 

Of course, you don’t. On your way to the class, you’re still 100% unsure of what you will say to her. Will she even talk to you? Will she banish you from her class? Can she do that? Panic starts rising in your chest, and you need to take a deep calming breath. Calm down Hollis, you’ve got this.

You’re about to push the half-opened door when you feel someone push on the other side.

“Hum, excuse me, I need to come in.”

The door bursts open when you let go of the knob, and you’re met with a shocked Carmilla, who quickly changes her expression to disaffected.

“You’re late. Pick a table.”

Her cold tone freezes every part of your body, and you feel nostalgic of the time she used to tease you.

 

The class is awful. Worse than the first time. How could it not? Carmilla is avoiding you in every way possible, and LaF is not even here to cheer you up. But you deserve it, so you roll with it, hoping for the class to end quickly so you can finally talk to the brunette.

After two hours and a meal thrown in the trash (again. You really need to pay attention), the class finally ends. Everyone gathers their stuff and leaves the room, so you’re left alone with a moody Carmilla who doesn’t acknowledge you.

“Carmilla, can we talk?”

No response.

“Carm?” You try again and this time you’re more successful.

“Please don’t call me that. Only the closest persons to me get to call me that. That’s not you.” She bites without even looking at you.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. But please, hear me out.”

“Not interested.” She picks up her bag and leaves the room.

You follow her; you didn’t go through all this trouble to end up with her still ignoring you.

“Look, I know I acted like an ass…”

She leaves the building slamming the door behind her, which almost ends up hitting you in the face.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did, that was stupid…”

You keep on following her through the busy streets.

“I make quick judgements, and I had a very bad first impression, so it kinda stuck with me…”

She suddenly stops in front of a building, making you almost bump into her, and she starts fidgeting with a set of keys.

“Wait, you live here?” You look around. “Like, 3 blocks from your work place?”

She shoots you a glare and you try not to squirm under her gaze.

“But, that’s cool!” You start anxiously. “Less transportation, and all that.” You’re fidgeting with your hands like a small child, not really knowing what to do with them.

She lets out a long sigh. “Are you gonna keep following me or are you done? Because I’m going home now, so you have to decide. In or out?”

“Oh, hum, in! I’m in, I’m not done talking.”

“Of course you’re not…” She mumbles while going in the building, with your little persona in tow.

She gets in the elevator, and you follow her, the short, quiet ride feeling like hours.

When you walk into the corridor, you realize you have not paid enough attention. The décor is marvelous, and you think you’ve never been to a place so fancy. What, is she rich? And you have yet to see her apartment.

The dark-haired girl stops in front of a door and unlocks it. When you step in, you see that you were half right. The inside is not as fancy as the outside, but it still looks pretty expensive. The living room on your right is really large, and the open kitchen on your left seems really fit for a cook. Figures.

However, you don’t have time to explore the rest of the apartment, because as soon as you hear the door slam behind you, you find yourself suddenly trapped between said door and a really angry Carmilla. Or at least that’s what she looks like.

The brunette has you pressed up against the door, and she looks at you like she wants to kill you, or… to eat you. Her face is only a few inches away from yours, and you feel like you have already lived this moment.

“I don’t care.” She whispers, her breath hitting your mouth, emphasizing your lack of distance. “I don’t care about anything you have to say. Your fucking apologies don’t mean a thing to me.”

Your heart is beating out of your chest at this point, and you don’t know if you have to be scared or aroused. She is so close that her chest is touching yours, the brushing accentuated by the rapid breathing coming from both of your bodies. You’re at loss for words, but it doesn’t matter; you don’t need to be talking right now. Her eyes are so much darker than they usually are, and you get lost in them. You can see the reflection of your own desire in her pupils, and you wish you could move. But you can’t. She’s got you in her web and it’s the only place you want to be if you have to die today. Her eyes are piercing and nobody has ever looked at you like that; with so much hunger, thirst and pure passion.

You can’t take it anymore. You try to kiss her but she pushes you back against the door, thanks to the hold she has on both of your arms, which she has trapped over your head. When did she do that?

“Oh no…” she rasps. “You don’t get to be in command right now. We’re gonna do this my way.”

Her hold on your wrists tightens, and you suddenly find yourself not being able to breathe, because her lips find yours, as she kisses you fiercely. Your mind goes blank as you kiss her back, putting all your pent up frustration in the act. She lets go of your wrists to brutally grab your hips, and brings you closer to her. You bring your hands to her hair, tangling them in her dark locks as she moans in your mouth at the gesture. Your back is hitting the door with every move you make and it’s starting to hurt; but you don’t care. Fuck that. You’re making-out with the most gorgeous woman on earth, so your back pain comes last. Carmilla pushes one leg between your thighs as you start to shamelessly grind on it, putting you on the verge of collapse. Bad day to wear a skirt; the brushing of her jean-clad leg against the thin fabric of your underwear makes you feel like you aren’t wearing any.

Without warning, she retracts her leg and lowers her grip to the back of your thighs, and lifts you up. You wrap your legs around her tightly as you keep kissing her hungrily. One of your hands finds her cheek while the other continues its exploration among the wilderness of her hair. Carmilla turns you both around and starts to lead you in the direction of another room; supposedly her bedroom. You’re surprised by her strength and her ability to walk you both while still kissing you. You find that very, very hot.

She lowers you on her bed and takes a step back, leaving you panting as you take this opportunity to look her up and down. Her hair is a mess, her lips are swollen and the look in her eyes tells you she won’t leave you waiting very long. She’s the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life, even all disheveled. You want to touch her, kiss her, taste her, do the naughtiest things that come to your mind to her.

She’s staring at you, as if she is examining where to start next. You bite your lower lip at the only thought of her standing in front of you, watching you. She suddenly lifts up her shirt and lets it fall at her feet, leaving her in her bra. You can’t help but gawk at the vision of the Goddess in front of you, her abs showing and chest heaving. She’s perfect.

Carmilla raises an eyebrow. “Seeing something you like?” And you realize you have been staring for far too long. She needs to do something if she doesn’t want you to combust on the spot.

“Yes. Now, are you gonna keep standing there, or are you actually going to do something?” You reply in your most provocative voice, surprised by your own boldness.

“Someone’s eager.” She says and starts to undo her pants, taking them off, which leads her to stand there in only her lacy underwear.

“Fuck.” You let out at the sight.

She smirks and takes a few steps toward your waiting self. You realize you’re drooling—like, literally drooling—so you close your mouth and discreetly wipe your chin on your shoulder. Sexy.

When she reaches the bed, she gets on it and starts to crawl on you like a cat on its prey. You try to put your hands on her sides—because honestly, who wouldn’t—but she grabs your wrists and pins them on the bed above your head, shaking her head at you.

“Tut-tut… I told you. I’m the one in command here.” Fuck. That’s so hot.

“You’re so hot.” You speak out your thoughts, your mouth having a mind of its own now, apparently.

She smiles down at you, and in one swift movement, she pops open your blouse, the buttons sent flying all around the room. Damn, your favorite.

“Woops,” she smirks, not seeming sorry at all.

She looks down at your now blouse-less bust and bites her lip. The vision of her hungry stare sending all sorts of chills throughout your body. The way she looks at you; you could never get enough of it. Lust is written on her forehead and her stare is sinful. God, you want her so bad.

She starts to unzip your skirt, slowly. Way too slowly for your liking. So you start to squirm under her, trying to get her to move faster. Of course, she picks up on that and slows her movement even more. That stupid little tease.

Finally, she throws your skirt on the floor and things get heated again. She grabs your hips and moves you higher on the bed, so your head is resting on the pillow. Her lips crash into yours fiercely, and you hate that you missed them so much. You take your blouse off completely so you’re now both in your underwear, skin to skin, chest to chest. You put your hands on her sides to bring her closer, and she lets you this time. God, it’s the first time that you’re feeling her bare skin, and your hands are burning at the touch. Your hands move a little higher to get to the clasp of her bra, and you just need a flick of your fingers to let it loose. She pulls back in order to remove it completely and you hold in a gasp at the sight of her bare chest. You’re pretty sure you’re drooling again, but she doesn’t give you the time to ponder on that as she lunges forward to kiss you again. Her tongue in your mouth is doing wonders, and the feeling of her breasts brushing against your skin exhilarating.

She reaches behind your back to unclasp your bra, and it is a matter of seconds until it is resting on the floor with the rest of your clothes. Carmilla goes to kiss your neck next; alternating between biting and licking at your skin there, forcing you to bite your lip to prevent cries of pleasure from coming out. She lowers herself down, leaving a hot trail of kisses on her way, and starts sucking at your right nipple; the act provoking a wave of pleasure throughout your body. She moans as her tongue circles the peak, the sound reverberating in your whole body. Her left hand is lightly squeezing your left breast, and you put your hand on hers to make her squeeze harder. She moves her head and goes to administrate the same treatment to your other breast. You’re sweating, you’re panting, you’re gripping the sheets. You’ve never really liked too much attention on that part of your body. But god, with her, you could let her spend the night on them; if she is so good with her mouth there, you can’t begin to imagine how good she is on the other parts of your body.

Her mouth lets go of your nipple as she comes up to kiss you again. You love kissing her, but you’re starting to get impatient, so you whine and arch your back, which makes her laugh in your mouth.

“You’re not gonna get anywhere with that attitude…”

“Please, Carmilla,” you whine again. “I need you.”

“I like it when you beg.”

She lowers her right hand, moving slowly from your breast to the hem of your underwear, and she ends up cupping you. The thin fabric is still standing in the way, but she must feel the heat coming from there, because she smirks at you while slowly circling your clit over your underwear. Her teasing is torture; her touch is tentative and obviously not enough.

Finally, she tugs on your underwear and starts moving her fingers around your clit, but not approaching it. She is still teasing you, and god you hate her for that. You must have let out a groan of frustration because you hear her chuckle as she applies a bit of pressure before releasing it almost immediately.

“Oh come on!” You can’t help but complain.

She bites her lip and shakes her head at you, almost scolding you. “I’m not sure it’s the best way for you to act, right now.”

You shut your mouth and purse your lips, as if to make her understand you will not be complaining again.

“Good…” She drawls.

She rewards you by putting pressure on your clit and circling it, your moan cut off by the sudden presence of her lips on yours. Oh how you like kissing her. She bites and sucks on your lower lip and lets go of it with a ‘pop’, pecking your lips as her fingers continue to tease. Without warning, she slips two fingers in you, as you let out a cry of surprise. She starts moving in and out of you, while her palm is brushing your clit.

“Fuck.” You breathe out, as you bite hard on your lip and put one hand on your forehead, eyes closed.

Carmilla is sucking at your collarbone, and you’re pretty sure you’re about to faint. You want her everywhere on you, and you sure as hell don’t want her to stop fucking you. Ever. She lifts up her head to look at you while she keeps pushing her fingers in and out of you.

“God you’re so wet, Laura.”

“More… Fuck,” you pant. “I need… more.”

She pushes a third finger in you, which brings out an undecipherable sound out of you as you clench your fists in the sheets. At that, she suddenly stops all her movements. The horrified look on your face must be hilarious because she bursts out laughing. You whine as she’s slowly calming down.

“Oh I’m sorry, what was that?” She smirks. “Did you really think I would make it so easy for you?”

“Carmilla…” You warn her.

“I mean, you insulted me. And I’m a sensitive girl.”

“Fuck! What do you want?” The pounding between your legs is starting to get insufferable, and you’re not sure you want to play her little games right now.

“I want you…” she uses two of her fingers—of the hand that is not still buried inside you—to walk up from your stomach to your collarbone. “To beg for it.”

“What?” You whisper, because you’re not sure how steady your voice is right now.

“I want you to beg for me to make you come.” She rasps and her dark eyes pierce into yours; smile all gone. She’s hypnotizing, intoxicating, mesmerizing. She licks her lips and you’re a goner.

She’s circling your clit again, slowly, waiting for your answer.

“Fuck,” you close your eyes. “Please fuck me. I want you. Just, I can’t take this anymore; please Carmilla, do it now.”

“As you wish.” She grins.

And her fingers are once again pumping inside you, for your greatest pleasure. Fuck, this woman will be the death of you. It does not take you long after that to put you over the edge, your back arching and your mouth screaming all sorts of profanities. Carmilla slows her movements as she helps you ride out of your orgasm. She pulls her finger out of you, and she slowly lifts up her hand in order to put her fingers in her mouth, making a show of sucking at them and moaning at the taste of you, watching your reaction as you’re watching her. That’s one of the hottest things ever, and you wonder if you can come again just at the sight of it.

“That was… wow.” Clearly, you have been more eloquent in your life. You look at her, up on your elbows, as she raises an eyebrow.

“Already tired?”

“You wish.” You laugh and practically jump on her, tackling her on the bed and effectively switching your positions. “So, where were we?” You whisper, slowly leaning down.

 

A few hours and a few orgasms later, you wake up in her bed.

 

Alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have to say, I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter. And I pictured the sex scene much more angrier than that, but well, that's how it turned out. Also, smut is not my forte, so just tell me if you don't want me to write smut ever again, haha.
> 
> But, hey, here it is! 
> 
> Thank you soooo much for all your feedback, it means so much to me! :)


	5. Let's Get It Started

“Carmilla?”

Nothing. She couldn’t have just left. It’s her apartment, no one sleeps with someone and then leaves them alone in their own apartment… Do they?

“Carmilla?” You call out again as you get out of bed and reach for your clothes, scattered all around the bedroom. You chance a look at the clock, which reads 3 a.m. You don’t really know if you spent all these hours sleeping or fucking.

You manage to find all your clothes and quickly put them on, only stumbling a little as you put on your underwear. You open the door carefully, as if you would find something scary behind it. You don’t. Unless a dark, empty apartment is a scary thing. Maybe it is when you don’t know the place. The hallway you’re in leads to the living room you saw the day before, the large windows reverberating a bit the light coming from the moon. It’s enough for you to see your steps and not hit your pinky toe against the corner of some furniture, which happens way more than you’d like to admit.

You have abandoned your search for Carmilla, but you still look for a sign from her. Maybe she left you a note, or something? But you don’t find anything. Where is she? Maybe she had an emergency in the middle of the night? Or maybe she just wanted to get away from you. You feel tears prickling at the rim of your eyes, but you hold them back. No, you won’t give her the satisfaction of crying over her. You feel humiliated, but you’ll never tell her. And now great; you’re gonna have to do a 3 a.m. walk of shame. Fucking fantastic.

You decide to stay a few more minutes, just in case you have misinterpreted the whole situation. So ok, she left. But maybe it was just to go get something and come back, maybe she just left a few minutes before you woke up? You scoff at yourself. _Yeah, right_. Your gut tells you she’s not coming back any soon. So you take one last look at the apartment before leaving the premises and closing the door behind you.

You make your way back to your car pretty fast, not wanting to stay out too long at this hour of the night. The car ride goes out in a blur. You’re speeding through the streets, trying to get to your apartment as fast as you can. Once you get there, you jump in your bed and get ready for a sleepless night.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks and a half have passed since that night. You didn’t hear from her and you didn’t contact her. Well, how could you? You didn’t even get to the part where you’re supposed to exchange your numbers. You had time to think, though, and you’re not so mad anymore. She didn’t promise you anything; you weren’t even supposed to sleep together that night, it just happened. If anything, it was angry sex. Although, you still need to see her again, just to talk. If she has anything to tell you, you’ll listen. And if not, you just need her to understand that you’re not expecting anything from her. Actually, maybe you’ll get lucky and see her tonight. LaF has organized a game night at their place, and since these two have been hanging out, you’re pretty sure you’ll see her there.

Standing in front of your mirror, all ready to go, you rehearse one last time what you want to say to Carmilla, hoping you won’t fall into full panic mode when you see her. The problem is that, every time you rehearse, you say something different. You try out different facial expressions in case you need to be intimidating, but you end up looking way too constipated. Damn it, how do they do it in the movies?! Fuck it. You need to go.

 

* * *

 

The first thing you notice when you arrive at LaF’s is that Perry obviously thought that the entire city’s population was invited, based on the amount of food she cooked. Waaay too much. Although, Kirsch is invited, so in fact, you’re not sure there’s gonna be any leftovers after all. The second thing you notice is that Carmilla is not here. She is not very known for her punctuality, if you were to refer to the previous events, so she is maybe to arrive later. You don’t want to ask LaF if they invited her though, you think it would raise too much suspicion.

 

An hour and a half into game night, which consists of numerous board games, quizzes and Pictionary, you realize that Carmilla is not coming. You fidget in your seat, your thoughts distracting you from the arguments between two players a little too much into the game.

“You cheated!”

“What?! How, Danny, tell me how is it possible to cheat at Pictionary?” Kirsch replies, slamming the pen on the table.

“You’re kidding me right? You’re not supposed to talk!”

“I didn’t talk! Guys, did I say something?” He asks, turning to the rest of the group.

“Well…” LaF interjects. “You didn’t talk per se but you kinda whispered…”

“See? Same thing! You cheated!”

“Okay Lawrence, you’re only saying that because I took all your money when we were playing Monopoly.”

You see Perry rolling her eyes at them and sending you a small understanding smile. Yup, those dorks. She then gets up to go to the kitchen, and you decide to follow her, leaving your friends shouting and throwing crumpled up pieces of paper at each other.

 

“Hey Perry, are you okay?” You ask, seeing her look a bit tired.

“Yes, it’s just that…” She sighs. “I should’ve known it would end up this way, it always does.”

You giggle. “Yeah, children, I know. They are such… bad losers.”

“I know! It’s exhausting.” She tells you, giving you a small smile nevertheless. “What about you Laura? You didn’t seem into it tonight. And you _love_ game night. What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing. Just, work you know? Exhausting. I could use some vacation.” You know you are not completely honest with her, the one thing on your mind is not work right now.

“Oh, trust me I know. I’m glad I’m actually getting a little time away from the office right now. LaFontaine, on the other hand, is spending their time in the labs, and it makes them grumpy,” she says, almost pouting. “Although, I am not really sure it is entirely related; I think their new friend has something to do with their changing mood, too.”

“What? Their new friend? Who, Carmilla? What happened?”

“I am not sure. I just know that they used to spend a lot of time together, and suddenly Carmilla stopped giving news.”

Oh, oh. That can’t be good. Did she stop giving news after what happened between you? What if something happened to her? What if she was kidnapped? Or murdered? _Oh my god!_

You try to hide your inner panic to get more information. “Like, completely? That’s odd. Do they keep going to her class?”

“Oh, yes. And I think that’s what’s bothering them the most. They see her there,” you breathe out in relief, “and she is cold. Nothing past the professor-student relationship. Apparently, they tried to talk to her, but she completely shut them down. No explanation, nothing. After that, I think they stopped trying. And you know LaFontaine is not the type who quits, so she really must have hurt them.” The tone in Perry’s voice tells you she is honestly sad for her friend, and you can’t blame her; you feel really bad yourself.

“I’ll go talk to her.” Perry raises her eyebrows at your determined tone. “I’m pretty sure it’s my fault if she is shutting them down. I was horrible to her, I didn’t accept her, and now LaF is hurting. I’ll go talk to her.” You repeat.

“Oh honey, I don’t think it’s your fault. Something must have happened but don’t put the blame on you, I’m sure it has nothing to do with you.” She smiles fondly at you and puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“Do you know when she stopped talking to them?”

Your red-headed friend frowns in concentration. “Hmm, maybe two, or three weeks ago? Something like that. Why, something you’re not telling me?”

“No! nothing. I was just asking.” You send her what you hope is a convincing smile. “I’ll still try to help the situation you know, even if I’m not the cause.” Even though you’re now more than sure that you are in fact, the cause. Or else it’s a really big coincidence. And if your dad taught you anything, it’s that there’s no such thing as coincidence... And always hit the attacker when they’re talking. But that’s irrelevant in this case.

“Hey, what are you doing in there?” LaF’s head pops out from the living room. “Come play! Danny and Kirsch have calmed down, they’re ready to start the next game. Although… I can’t promise it won’t end up in a fight too.”

“Sure LaF,” you chuckle. “We’re coming.” You share one last look with Perry before joining your friends in the living room.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, you’re standing in front of a not-so-unknown building. Are you a stalker? Maybe. Is it creepy to wait for an ex one-night stand in front of their apartment? Probably. But to hell with it. You need to talk to her and you don’t want to wait for her cooking class. And another part of you is scared to put a foot in that classroom again; so if you can avoid it, _yes please_. Apparently she is not home, so all you have to do is wait and hope she’s gonna be here soon.

An hour later, you start to think that maybe this wasn’t the best idea you’ve had. The neighbors are starting to get suspicious and you’re afraid that someone is going to ask you to leave; and you hate being reprimanded, even by strangers. You’re thinking of leaving when you see the shadow of a person standing right next to where you are sitting on the stairs.

“What are you doing here?” You hear Carmilla say before you look up to be met with an angry-looking brunette.

Okay, so she’s mad. She probably thinks you’re here to ask her why she didn’t call you, or something.

“Hum…” You get up. “Okay so. I know how this looks, but I’m not a stalker – or at least I don’t think so – but I needed to see you and it’s the only way I found.” You make a face, not sure of her reaction.

She crosses her arms and scowls at you, putting even more distance between the two of you. “What do you want from me?”

“From you? Not much. I just need to talk to you, and I need you to listen, that’s it.”

She stares at you for a while, gauging you, before sighing and uncrossing her arms in defeat. “Fine. Let’s go grab a coffee. I’ve been working my ass off and I need a break.” She starts walking but stops when she sees that you’re still on the spot. “Are you coming or…?”

You snap out of it and follow her, still stunned that she actually agreed to meet with you. “Oh, yeah sure, I’m coming.”

You walk side-by-side in silence, something that you’re not really comfortable with, so you do what you do best: fill in the blank.

“So… You said that you were working hard right?” She doesn’t turn to you but hums in agreement. “Ha, have some troublesome students, uh?”

This time she turns to you. “You do know this cooking class isn’t my only job right?”

“Oh, obviously I didn’t. What do you do then?”

“I also work as a part-time sous-chef at a restaurant in town. But I wanted to teach, so the cooking class seemed like a good idea. And it is; I really like it. Even if some students,” she raises an eyebrow at you, “are not really… focused.”

You chuckle. “Hey! I do my best! But thank you for not saying that I’m really bad at it.”

“You’re really bad at it.” She says flatly, but you can see the hint of a smile forming on her face. You can’t help but appreciate the softness of her features when she smiles. You make eye contact with each other and you don’t know how long you stay like that, when she stops walking. “We’re here.”

 

She opens the door for you and you are greeted by the familiar smell of coffee and pastries, which reminds you a lot of…

“Wow, this place is beautiful. It’s really… French. You know, it actually reminds me of a café I used to go when I was in Paris.” You look at Carmilla and she looks surprised.

“You’ve been to France?”

“Yes, to Paris more specifically. During a class trip when I was sixteen.” You sit at a table situated next to the big windows, Carmilla sitting on the opposite side. “I just stayed there for a week, but I’ll never forget it. It’s a beautiful city. I just wish I didn’t only do the tourist-y things, but I wasn’t really given a choice; the professor in charge of us had all of our trip planned.” You smile at your memories, your attention focused on the napkin you’re fidgeting with. “But still, we had a few hours here and there, and my friends and I spent it in this café. I don’t really know why, but it’s oddly the best memory I have of this trip. You couldn’t possibly know this by bringing me here, but this brings back a lot of memories; happy ones. So thank you.” You say shyly. You look up at the end of your rambling, and you see Carmilla looking at you with an odd expression. “What?”

She seems to snap back to reality and her expression changes to her usual disaffected one. “Nothing. I just… didn’t think of you as the type who likes to travel and enjoy such small things, that’s all.”

You frown. “That’s… a little bit judgmental don’t you think? Do I really look that superficial?”

“No, I don’t know why I… I’m sorry.” She looks honest and that destabilizes you a bit.

“Oh… It’s okay. But yeah, I do enjoy it. This trip actually made me want to travel more. Visit other countries in Europe, and all over the world. Have you ever been there?”

She seems to contemplate her answer. “No. But I would really love to. I’ve never had the chance, but I’m hoping that one day I will be able to just fly away wherever I want. That’s – I don’t know why I’m saying this – but that’s actually at the top of my life resolutions.” She scoffs. “That’s kinda stupid, I know. But we all have different dreams, right?”

“That’s not stupid at all! In fact, that’s at the top of my life resolutions too.” You smile at her and she returns it. “And who knows, maybe one day we’ll run into each other in one of these countries.”

She laughs. She actually, genuinely laughs. “I’m sure we will.”

The waiter comes and takes your order – black coffee for her and hot cocoa for you – but you call out to him before he leaves.

“Oh and, I almost forgot. Can I have a cupcake with it? Do you have one with salted caramel?” He nods, writes it down and walks away.

“A cupcake?” Carmilla smirks.

“Okay, I always have a cupcake with my hot cocoa, when I can. It’s tradition.”

“As in, old, ancestral traditions?”

You giggle. “No. As in, sort of family tradition. My dad used to bring me hot cocoa when I was sad or upset. It worked, until it didn’t anymore. One day, he brought a cupcake fresh from the bakery and decided to try it out. Surprisingly, or not, it worked. Of course, now it’s just a habit more than a way to make me feel better, but I kept doing it. And I think that’s where I got my sweet tooth from, so maybe that wasn’t the best idea he had.” You finish thoughtfully.

Carmilla’s lips quirk up and she shakes her head. “You’re something else, cupcake.”

You raise an eyebrow and can’t help your smile. “So that’s going to be my new nickname then?”

“Sure is.”

 

When your order is placed on the table, you know that someday you will have to have that conversation you’ve been avoiding so far.

“Anyway…” you drawl while slowly stirring your cocoa. “I wanted to talk to you about something specific.” You feel her tense up and you almost regret your decision. Your attention is focused on the cup in front of you, you don’t want to look her in the eyes. “I don’t really know how you feel about what happened between us a few weeks ago. But knowing you have been avoiding everyone ever since, I think I have a little idea.” You choose to finally look up, but she is still stoic. “I just want you to know that I am not mad or anything. I’m not expecting anything from you. Was I a little bit mad when I woke up at 3 a.m. in an empty bed?” You scoff bitterly. “Sure. I’m not really used to sleep with someone and get dumped right after it. The drive home in the middle of the night was a bit bitter, but I got over it. I had time to think.”

She cuts you off. “You left at 3 a.m.?” She lifts a hand to her forehead. “Shit Laura, I’m sorry. I thought you had left in the morning, at least.”

“Does it change anything? I wouldn’t have left if you were still there.” You say bitterly before sighing. “But… That’s not why I’m here. I don’t want to put the blame on you; you never promised me anything, and I get it. We just made a thoughtless decision and got caught up in the moment. We just had… different ways to deal with it. But it doesn’t matter. Again, that is not why I’m here.”

She seems stunned for a moment but recomposes herself quickly. “Then why?”

“Look, after what happened, you disappeared. And I’m not talking about the night it happened, I’m talking in weeks here. As I was saying, I’m not expecting anything from you. So I don’t know if your absence has anything to do with us sleeping together, but if it does, then I’m sorry but it’s really stupid.” She furrows her brows at your boldness. “I don’t know if you thought I was going to tell everyone and then you would have to have some obligations toward me, but don’t worry. Nobody knows. And even if they knew, it doesn’t mean that we would have to develop some sort of relationship. We don’t even have to be friends if you don’t want to.” You take a breath, slowing down your rambling. “But… Some people care about you, and they were pretty sad that you decided to fall off the radar.”

“LaF…” She guesses and you nod.

“Yeah… Even if they don’t show it, they really care. I don’t know how you two became friends so fast, but just try to envision witnessing your newly-made friend totally ignoring you without any explanation. You hurt them.” You look at her and she looks concerned. “So… if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. But please, don’t do that to them.”

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “I know, I screwed up. I’ll make it up to LaF. And, for what it’s worth… I’m sorry I left you alone that night. But… that’s just what I do.” She huffs. “I’m not someone who cares, Laura. I don’t do relationships, and I barely even do friends. All of this happened so fast that I didn’t have time to stop and think. So I ran.”

You scoff. “So that’s your excuse? Were you scared that I was going to fall for you after one night of mind-blowing sex? Get over yourself,” you add, annoyed.

Her scowl turns slowly into a smirk. “Mind-blowing, uh?”

Your eyes widen in realization. “Did I say…?” Your voice gets suddenly squeaky. “That was an _expression_ , Carmilla. I didn’t…”

“Sure you didn’t.”

“ _Anyway_ , as I was saying,” you take control of your voice again. “You don’t have to be scared of me. We’re both adults, I know where we stand. But LaF has nothing to do with what happened between us. They obviously care about you—for whatever reason—and I care about them.” She rolls her eyes at your cutting remark. “So I guess that means that I have to care if you’re doing something to hurt them. And I’ll bust your jaw if you do that again.” She raises an eyebrow and you cringe. “Oh god, that sounded way less menacing in my head. What I mean is that--”

She puts her hand in front of your face to stop your rambling. “Alright Mike Tyson, I get it. It won’t happen again, don’t worry.”

You breathe out a sigh of relief. “Oh. Cool, cool. So… I guess I won’t have to threaten you again?” You ask hesitantly.

She chuckles. “No, we’re good.”

An awkward silence settles in. Carmilla is fidgeting with a napkin while you stir your now empty cup of cocoa in an attempt to relieve all your nervousness. You suddenly slam your hand on the table and Carmilla jumps up a little, startled.

“Sooo… Maybe you and I could start from the beginning? We have a good friend in common, so I guess that means that in a twisted way, we have to get along?” You smile encouragingly. She seems hesitant, so you start panicking and backtrack a little bit. “But, hum, maybe not. If you don’t want to, then it’s fine! We don’t even have to see each other. You can like, hang out with LaF and the gang some days, and I will hang out with them some other days, no biggie!” You chew on your bottom lip.

She laughs and puts a hand over yours, which effectively stops your rambling. “Hey. It’s fine. I would love to start over.”

Your breath hitches and you beam at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “And I’m sorry about everything. The way I left was unforgivable, so I’m glad you’re not mad.”

“Oh you know,” you wave her off with a small teasing smile. “I’m a tough gal. Just try to avoid that next time.”

She raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Next time?”

Your brain catches up on what you just insinuated and you blurt out, “No! Not next time. That’s not what I meant. I didn’t--”

She chuckles. “Calm down, cupcake. I was just teasing; I know what you meant.” She squeezes your hand, still trapped under hers, before pulling it away.

You’re actually surprised that things aren’t as awkward as you thought they would be. You’ve had your first real conversation with Carmilla, and you didn’t jump at each other’s throat. So that must be a good sign, right? You’ve managed to hold your first conversation post one-night stand. _Rock on, Hollis!_ Cause it’s just what it was; a one-time thing. Nothing is ever going to happen between you again. Not that you’d want to. You can barely tolerate her. Any potential thoughts crossing that line are just old residues of your past and long forgotten attraction to her. That’s it.

 

And maybe that’s why you _hate_ the fact that your hand feels cold without hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loooove all your comments! You all really make my day :')
> 
> Please don't stop sharing your thoughts!


	6. I'll Be There For You

LaF [11:58 a.m.]: Up for lunch?

You look at your phone and smile. Yes, you are starving and lunch sounds great. Your editor has been harassing you all morning, wanting your story to be finished before the end of the day, so you haven’t stopped working. You could use a break.

Laura [12:00 p.m.]: Yeeees please. Where?

LaF [12:02 p.m.]: I know a place, don’t you worry about that. Pick you up at your workplace in 40?

Laura [12:03 p.m.]: Perfect!

 

45 minutes later you’re in LaF’s car, trying to guess where they are taking you.

“Burger?” They shake their head. “Hot dog?”

“Nope.”

“Oh! This taco truck on the 18th! I’m not really up for this though, you know how Mexican food works on me…”

“No Mexican food. Although that would be pretty fun to watch you run to the bathroom again.”

“Hey!”

They laugh. “But no, Hollis. Just wait, you’ll see.”

You cross your arms and start pouting. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

“You’re such a child.”

 

5 minutes later, they park in front of a pretty classy-looking restaurant.

You whistle. “Wow, you know how to treat a girl! I’ll have you know I don’t put out that easily though…” You smirk.

“And I’ll have you know that I’m not paying for your lunch, dumbass. But nice try.”

“Damn it.” You mumble.

The inside of the restaurant is nicely decorated, with various plants scattered all around the place, lights hanging from the ceiling, and a large blackboard hung above the bar area, which displays the menu and the drinks. Small, wooden tables are filling the room, and you feel oddly relaxed by the warmth provided by the sun coming from the large windows.

“It’s even more impressive on the inside.” You say while looking around. “How do you know this place?”

“I know people.” They wink.

 

“Hi, table for two?” You hear a recognizable voice say behind you. Really?

You groan. “Really? You brought me to the restaurant where Carmilla works?” You say to LaF, ignoring the brunette now at your side.

“I thought it would be fun,” your red-headed friend replies smugly, apparently really proud of themselves for their little trick.

“How nice of you to come visit me. Want me to show you the way out, cupcake?” Carmilla addresses you with a hint of a smile.

“Cupcake?” LaF snorts, looking between you and the brunette.

“Long story,” you mumble and turn to Carmilla with a bright fake smile. “Oh! I didn’t see you there! How nice of you to welcome us in your humble place!”

“Pleasure is all mine, my friends.” The dark-haired girl says and bows her head, which makes you giggle.

“Okay, this is _weird_.” LaF says, eyeing the both of you suspiciously. “Where did go all the _‘I hate you!’_ , _‘No, I hate you more!’_?” They imitate in a high-pitched voice. “Aren’t you supposed to hate each other?”

“We’re past that.” Carmilla says, smiling at you.

“Yeah, we made peace.” You complete, returning her smile.

“Gross.” The redhead concludes.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat. “I thought you were a sous-chef here. Aren’t you supposed to be in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, but LaF told me you were coming. So I came to greet you. And before you ask, yes, I do take tips.” Carmilla says and winks.

You’ve never seen her so relaxed before, and openly joking. You start to understand what LaF saw in her, and what you were missing out on when you were too busy hating her. It feels nice, seeing her like this, and you hope you will be seeing more of this part of her. She leads you and your friend to a corner of the room, where a table is sat between a big yucca and one of the large windows.

“I’ll send someone to take care of your order, I have to get back to the kitchen. Enjoy your meal! Oh and Laura,” she says before leaving. “Save a spot for dessert, I have something special for you.” You smile up at her as you watch her walk away.

 

“Oh my god you’re blushing!” LaF says disbelievingly.

“No I’m not!” You squeal, putting your hands on your cheeks, feeling them indeed getting hotter.

“So you do have a crush on her. I knew it!” They reply proudly, slamming their hand on the table.

“I swear I do not have a crush on her, we’re just trying to be friends.” You clear your throat. “Do I find her attractive? Duh! I mean, I have eyes. But,” you continue, cutting of LaF as they start to open their mouth. “I’m getting to know her, and I think we could become friends. I’ve never seen her like this, being so comfortable and actually nice to me. And I’ve never been nice to her, so this is new territory. We’ll see how it goes.”

“Okay, fine. But when in 5 years you two will be married with a kid in the oven, don’t expect me to pass up a chance to tell you ‘I told you so.’” They tease around a smirk.

“I’ll hold my breath.” You reply while rolling your eyes at your friend.

 

* * *

 

Later that day, you’re sitting on your couch watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , sipping your hot cocoa while munching on the cupcake chocolate chip cookie dough Carmilla has made exclusively for you for lunch. You don’t know how she guessed that you were also a cookie aficionado, but the fact that she took the time to do something so special just for you makes you believe that Carmilla is someone who cares after all. And maybe you care a little bit too.

 

* * *

 

A day later, you feel your phone buzzing on your desk, and you have to move the tons of papers scattered around to finally find it.

Unknown [12:46p.m.]: So, what did you think about it?

Laura [12:48p.m.]: Hum, who is this?

Unknown [12:49p.m.]: Wouldn’t you like to know…

Laura [12:50p.m.]: This is really creepy

Laura [12:52p.m.]: …

Laura [12:54p.m.]: Uncle Garry is that you?

Unknown [12:55p.m.]: What, you have a creepy uncle?

Laura [12:57p.m.]: I wouldn’t say creepy, but well he can be a bit of an ass

Laura [12:58p.m.]: Wait. Why am I even telling you this?? I still don’t know who you are

Laura [1:01p.m.]: …Auntie Jeanie?

Unknown [1:03p.m.]: Oh for fuck's sake cupcake, how many creepy relatives do you have??

You gasp before you can stop yourself.

Laura [1:03p.m.]: Carmilla!!

Unknown [1:04p.m.]: Well played, Sherlock. Do you need a medal for that?

Laura [1:04p.m.]: You’re such an ass…

Carmilla [1:05p.m.]: One thing uncle Garry and I have in common apparently

Laura [1:06p.m.]: How did you get my number?

Carmilla [1:07p.m.]: It was written on a bathroom stall at that gay bar downtown.

Laura [1:07p.m.]: WHAT!!

Carmilla [1:08p.m.]: Wow. You get riled up so easily. This is gonna be so fun.

Laura [1:08p.m.]: I hate you…

Carmilla [1:10p.m.]: LaF gave it to me.

Carmilla [1:11p.m.]: I didn’t ask, if you’re wondering.

Carmilla [1:11p.m.]: They just said something about easy communication, or whatever.

Laura [1:15p.m.]: So you decided to use it to get a rise out of me.

Carmilla [1:17p.m.]: Yup.

Laura [1:18p.m.]: Are you happy now?

Carmilla [1:18p.m.]: Yup.

Laura [1:19p.m.]: LaF was right. THIS is communication.

Carmilla [1:20p.m.]: Yup.

Laura [1:20p.m.]: Uggghhhhh

You get back to work, rolling your eyes playfully even though Carmilla can’t see you. What a jerk.

Carmilla [1:35p.m.]: Sooo? You still didn’t tell me what you thought about it.

Laura [1:36p.m.]: And I still don’t know what you’re talking about

Carmilla [1:36p.m.]: The cupcake!... cupcake.

Laura [1:37p.m.]: OMG!! It was soooo good! How did you know I loved cookies?!

Carmilla [1:40p.m.]: You DID tell me you had a sweet tooth.

Carmilla [1:41p.m.]: And I saw you eyeing those cookies in the display case of that café the other day.

Carmilla [1:41p.m.]: So you know. Not so hard to guess.

Laura [1:43p.m.]: Wow. You CAN actually pay attention!

Carmilla [1:44p.m.]: So I’ve heard.

Laura [1:45p.m.]: Anyway… Thanks, it was really good.

Carmilla [1:46p.m.]: Yeah well, whatever.

You can almost imagine her shrug nonchalantly. Would she be blushing though? _Yeah, she probably would_ , you think with a smile.

 

* * *

 

These past few weeks, you have been hanging out with Carmilla a lot more. Never alone though, your friends were always around, but it was nice to see that she was getting along so well with everyone; even with Danny, which is kind of incredible knowing they’re complete opposites.

“JENGA!”

“Damn it Kirsch! Once again, you’re NOT supposed to yell ‘JENGA’ every time the tower falls.” Danny huffs, obviously extremely annoyed by your puppy of a friend. “That doesn’t make you win, that annoys everyone, and if you keep doing it I might punch you in the throat and trust me... I really want to do it.”

You quietly laugh at your bickering friends; game night is always a challenge. This time you’re doing it at your place, and you hope nothing will be thrown out the window like last time… You really liked that vase.

“Is it always like that?” Carmilla elbows you in a whisper.

You chuckle and try to keep your voice down. “Yeah, pretty much. And now that you’re a part of the gang, you’re required to attend every game night. So brace yourself for an eternity of bickering,” you say, playfully raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well, shit.” She sighs and you shove her shoulder. “If Timon and Pumbaa don’t stop their foreplay I’m going to lose it.” She adds and you burst out laughing, ending up chocking and coughing.

Everyone turns to you so you hold one hand up, showing that you’re okay, while Carmilla is patting your back.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you cough and clear your throat. “I just,” you whisper to her, “don’t know which one is which, but I would love that to be their new official nickname.”

“Done.” She says smiling at you, stroking your back before retracting her hand.

 

A few hours later, everyone has left with the exception of Perry and Carmilla, who have stayed behind to help you clean up. Fortunately, nothing was broken this time.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay longer to help?”

“No Perry, thank you. Go home, you have already helped me clean up most of it, that’s really nice of you. Can’t say the same for E-VERY-ONE.” You enunciate and raise your voice, directing your attention to the brunette lying on your sofa, reading one of your books and not doing a damn thing.

“Can’t hear you cupcake, I’m reading!” Carmilla calls out, her attention not shifting from the book, but you can see the small smirk on her face.

You groan and lead Perry to the entrance, hugging her goodbye and closing the door behind her.

 

“Okay,” you say while walking to the couch where the dark-haired girl is still comfortably stretched out. You stand in front of her and cross your arms. “Hey, scrounger. What are you still doing here if you’re not helping with anything?”

“I’ll have to disagree with you on that. I am currently testing the comfortability of your couch.” She lifts herself up and falls back down on it, making the whole couch tremble. “Day one, test one. The cushions are a bit used, but they’re perfect to make you bounce off the couch. Fun, 8/10. Comfortability, 6/10. Can do better.”

“Hey!” You say, lightly punching her on the shoulder. “My couch is very comfortable! It’s… Wait. Why am I even falling for this? Get up! Or else you will have to stay with me the whole evening while I binge-watch _Alias_. And trust me, it’s not going to be pretty.”

She closes her book and sits up. “Okay.”

You open your mouth to say something but close it instantly in shock. “Wait, what?”

“I’ll watch it with you. I mean, if you were serious about it.”

You stutter, still surprised by her reaction. “Yeah, I mean, sure. Of course I was. Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she shrugs. “Make yourself comfortable, I will make us something to drink.” She gets up and walks to your kitchen.

“You do know it’s my apartment right?”

“I know,” she calls out as she starts to rummage through your cupboards. “Do you want a beer or do you want me to make us some cocoa?”

“I…” you shake your head in disbelief, even though she can’t see you. “Cocoa, please.” You sigh but can’t help the small smile forming on your face. This girl.

“Two cocoas on the way!”

 

“What! He’s married?!”

“Yes!” You throw your hands up in the air. “I was so heartbroken the first time I watched this. I mean, how could he? I think that’s when I fell out of love with him.”

“Oh,” Carmilla chuckles. “You were in love with Vaughn?”

“I think he was one of my first and few man crush. Before I realized I was indeed a 100% gay, that is.” You look at her. “What, you’ve never had a man crush?”

She seems to think about her answer. “No, not that I recall.”

“So, you’ve never dated a guy before?”

“Nope. Have you?”

“Yeah, a little in high school. But I always felt that something was missing. I mean, I kinda knew already that I was attracted to girls, but I guess I was trying to repress it by dating guys. I just thought it was a phase, and that everybody had to go through it. Well, apparently not.”

“What made you sure you were into girls?” She genuinely seems interested.

“Well…” you laugh bitterly, not sure you want to think about that. “A girl. I’ve had some crushes on girls, but I didn’t really pay much attention to it. I’ve kissed some in high school, but it was during parties, or dares, so it didn’t really count. Then, my first year in college, I met someone. My roommate dropped out in the middle of the year, and another one came right after her.” You stop to think about your next sentence. “She was daring, and rebellious, and didn’t give a damn about anything. She pushed me to do crazy things and broke me out of my shell.” Your lips quirk up at the memory. “I guess she was the breath of fresh air I needed in my life.”

“What happened?” Carmilla says in a small voice, as if not to break you.

“I… fell in love with her.” You scoff. “I think that was my first mistake.” You look at Carmilla and see the concern in her eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s a bit hard for me to talk about it. I’ve never… With the exception of my friends who were there to witness it, I’ve never shared this with anyone.”

“Oh… You don’t have to if you’re not ready, I totally get it. I didn’t mean to push you…”

“No.” You slowly take her hand in yours, stroking her knuckles with your thumb. The gesture is oddly natural and somehow comforting. “But I want to. I think I need to get this out of my system. And…” The soft look she’s giving you comforts you in your choice. “I know we’re not really close yet but,” you frown in confusion, not really sure why you feel this way. “I trust you.”

“Okay.” She smiles and intertwines your fingers.

“So… I fell in love with her and that’s when everything went to hell. We started dating. She was never the romantic type, or never really gentle or soft, but when she told me she loved me, I could not have been any happier. I forgot all the warnings my friends gave me, that she wasn’t to be trusted and that she was too reckless to be honest. Sure, she wasn’t always in our dorm and we weren’t always together, but I knew she had other friends and she was the type to wander around. I trusted her so it didn’t matter.”

You take a breath. “One day, LaF came to me and told me they saw her kissing another girl. I didn’t believe them, and we actually got in a fight because of it. She was driving me away from my closest friends, but I was too naïve and in too deep to realize it.” Carmilla squeezes your hand to show her support. “But what they said was still in a corner of my mind and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really wrong. So I confronted her. I thought she was going to deny, and maybe be mad at me for thinking so low of her.” You snort. “Yeah, she actually confirmed LaF’s story. She even said it wasn’t the first time and that it wasn’t going to be the last.”

“What!” Carmilla practically yells and you smile sadly at her.

“Yeah. But it’s not the worst part. I was devastated, I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. And then… She started saying that these girls didn’t matter to her, that I was the only one that counted for her. These girls were just a distraction but in the end she came back home to the ‘only girl she loved.’ She was a real smooth talker, and I was in love… So I accepted the situation. As long as I didn’t witness it and that she came back to me afterwards, I could live with it. I didn’t want to lose her.” You look at Carmilla and she seems confused, her lips pursed together. “I know,” you laugh bitterly. “How stupid could I be, right?”

She shakes her head, thoughtful. “It’s not… I know love can make you do things you’ve never thought you would. But I don’t think I could have accepted that.”

“I know, and neither did I. Things went back to normal after that, I tried to ignore the sick feeling I was getting every time she left the room, but that only worked for a while. Every time she kissed me, every time she touched me, all I could think about was those hands and lips on some other girl’s body. I totally lost touch of my friends, and of reality for what it’s worth. She was the only person I could hold on to, and ironically, she was also the one who was making me feel so bad.” You sigh. “Then, my whole world came crushing down around me.

“One day, I came back to our room earlier than usual, and I walked in on her and another girl. In _my_ bed. I think that’s when I snapped back to reality and started getting really angry. I realized that I had been a fool for far too long, and I started doing something about it. I yelled, I cried, I threw her clothes out the window, and I stormed off. The next day, I asked for another dorm room and stayed at LaF’s in the meantime. As the great friend they are, they forgave me for the way I treated them and made the others forgive me too. I’ve never seen her again. I think she transferred a few months later.”

“Wow.” Carmilla says, closing her other hand around yours. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it must’ve been hard. But Laura,” she says and brings her hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You know you deserve better than girls like this right? I really hope you do, because it’s true. We haven’t known each other for too long, and we’re not really… well friends, but I do hope you realize that all relationships are not abusive. I’ve come to understand that you don’t trust people easily, and I get why; I’m the same. So I feel really honored that you trusted me with your story, and I promise I won’t fail you.”

You feel tears prickling at the rim of your eyes and you have to sniffle and look up to prevent them from falling. You smile sheepishly and lunge at Carmilla, putting your arms around her in a tight hug, your head buried in her shoulder. She seems surprised and tense for a second, but then she relaxes and closes her arms around you to hug you back.

“Thank you,” you say, sniffling.

“Sure, cupcake.” You feel her smile in her voice.

You stay a few minutes like that; Carmilla’s arms around your waist, holding you, letting you come down from all the emotions that came pouring out. You’ve never thought that Carmilla would be the first person to hear this story, and you’ve never thought that she would be so gentle and so compassionate. You really have a lot of things to learn about her.

“Do you want to start the episode over?” she says, her voice soft. “I think we missed most of it.”

You chuckle and pull back, wiping the tear that fell on your cheek. “Yes, please.”

 

You spent the rest of the evening like that, laughing and making comments on the episodes, Carmilla really getting into _Alias_ , to your surprise. You think that this might be the beginning of a great friendship; you’ve never thought you could open up to someone so fast, to Carmilla of all people. The more you find out about her personality, the more you like her. Sure, she is still unnerving sometimes, but that makes you smile more than grunt now.

When she leaves your apartment at 2 a.m., you think of the way her eyes light up when she laughs, and how that makes you want to make her laugh more often. How the softness of her voice when she is showing you she cares is incomparable, and how the way she looks at you when she is listening makes your heart swell... Wait.

Fuck. FUCK. Are you crushing on your new friend? Fuck. LaF was right again, weren’t they?

Maybe you should listen to them more often.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yeah. I was a big fan of Alias when I was younger. And just thinking about it makes me want to watch all the seasons again, damn.
> 
> I love reading all you have to say on the story! It's really interesting to see your point of view :)


	7. Bones

You hear a knocking on your door while you’re in bed, sleeping. You decide to ignore it and try to get back to sleep. The knocking occurs again, louder this time, so you open your eyes just to look at the clock. 7 a.m. Who the fuck shows up unannounced at 7 a.m. on a Sunday? You grunt and shift in your bed, putting your head under the covers, hoping the offending disruption will go away. A third knocking and a voice following suit makes you almost jump off the bed.

“Hollis! Wake up! I know you’re in there, open up!”

You freeze for a second, confused. Danny? Why is she… Crap! You totally forgot you told her you would go running with her today. You jump off the bed and run to the bathroom, picking up clothes on your way, hopping on one foot with your toothbrush in your mouth, your brush in your hair, while at the same time trying to put your shoes on. You run to the door and open it with a bright smile, out of breath but doing everything you can to hide it.

“Danny! How long have you been standing here? I didn’t hear you knock.” You greet her innocently.

“And you expect me to believe that? You totally forgot and were still sleeping weren’t you?” She says with a smirk, crossing her arms and leaning in the doorway.

“What? No!” You say in an offended tone. “I’m really disappointed that you would even think I could forget our--”

“Your shirt is inside out.”

“Fine, let’s go.” You mumble, pushing her out of the way.

 

* * *

 

“Waaait, waaaait!” You bend down, hands on your knees and head bowed, catching your breath.

Danny jogs to you, her breathing even. “Damn, you really need to exercise more.”

“What do you…” you pant. “Think… I’m doing?” You’re out of breath and you seriously would rather die right now.

“We barely even started. I thought you did yoga.”

“That’s not the same thing! I hate running. Plus, one step for you is ten strides for me. I have to make more effort than you do.”

“Oh please,” she snorts. “Like our high difference has anything to do with your lack of stamina. Why did you agree to this if you hated it anyway?”

“I don’t know,” you stand back up. “I just wanted to spend some time with you, it’s been a while. With my job, yours, your girlfriend and the evenings with the gang, we haven’t been able to spend time just the two of us. I kinda miss our friendship.”

“I know, I miss it too.” She smiles down at you.

You sit on a near bench and pat the spot next to you, indicating for her to sit. “Remember our late night study sessions when we were in college?”

She chuckles. “I used to always bring cookies and candies, and you would always finish all of them in record time and slap my hand every time I’d try to take one.”

You laugh, “I was… a bit selfish and intransigent with my treats. At least, I always provided you with my best cocoa.” You smile smugly.

“That’s true.” She grins. After a few seconds of silence, she locks eyes with yours, seeming nervous all of a sudden. “Do you think… If we had, you know… Given ourselves a chance, do you think we could have been something?”

You sigh. You haven’t thought about that in a long time. “Maybe? Honestly I can’t tell. I wasn’t ready at the time, so I think it would have been a bumpy relationship, and none of us would have been happy. I don’t know if we’d even be friends today. But if I weren’t heartbroken at that moment, then yeah, maybe we could have worked.” You smile at her. “But water went under the bridge, and I’m happy we have the chance to be friends today.”

“Me too.” She nods and brings you in a hug, squeezing you before letting go. “I’m glad we’re friends.” She stands up. “Speaking of which, how’s your new friend?”

“Who, Carmilla? She’s fine I guess.” You stand up and look at her suspiciously. “Why you ask?”

“Heard you’ve been spending quite some time with her. I guess we haven’t seen you meet someone new in a while, so I’m just curious.”

“I don’t get why everybody is making a big deal out of this. She’s friends with you all too, not only me. So maybe you don’t spend alone time with her and I do, but LaF does too and I don’t hear everybody gossiping about it.”

“I don’t mean to burst your bubble Laura, but I don’t think LaF sees her the way you do. I’m not saying that you have a crush on her or anything, that’s for you to figure out, but I haven’t seen you look at someone the way you look at her in a long time. It’s good to see you like that.” You roll your eyes and she puts a hand around your shoulder while you walk. “Even if I still think she’s inconsiderate and rude, I’m starting to like her. And trust me, it’s really difficult for me to admit that. And you must tell no one.” She adds, pointing a finger at your wicked grin. “Hollis! I’m serious, that could ruin my reputation.”

“Okay well,” you giggle. “Your _reputation_ is safe with me, don’t worry.” You push her arm off your shoulders. “Now, see that tree over there? Go! Race you!” you yell before taking off.

Of course, you stumble on a rock a few seconds later, so she wins the race. Walking.

 

* * *

 

“You know, I really like your apartment.” Carmilla plops down on your couch next to you, freshly-made popcorn in hands. “It’s cozy.”

After the night you spent watching _Alias_ with her, it has started to become an occurrence. That evening was two weeks ago, and now is the fifth time she’s here with you. She’s actually of good company when she’s not complaining and grunting.

“Cozy?” You snort and raise an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah. I like how you arranged the living room; plants, wooden bookshelves. And who knew a soft blue on the walls would actually be a good idea?” She shrugs and puts a handful of popcorns in her mouth. “You have me impressed there, cutie.”

“Wow, an actual compliment. I never thought I would see the day,” you tease. “It must be raining frogs somewhere.”

“Cut it out, or I’ll take it back.”

“You wouldn’t!” You gasp exaggeratedly.

“Try me.” She squints at you playfully.

“Fine, you win.” You giggle. “But you know, I’m surprised you like it. Your apartment is nothing like it. I mean, I have seen it only once, but from what I’ve seen it’s even the opposite; white walls, large windows, everything so modern and… I don’t know, esthetic? Now that I think about it, it doesn’t really fit you.”

“Oh really?” You seem to have piqued up her interest. “What kind of apartment would you picture me in?”

“I don’t know, something… darker, and more personal I guess? And messier. Big bookshelves filled with books that fall off of it because there’s too many; paintings and photographs you like filling the walls – of course, artists that nobody knows but you, because you like the authenticity of it and you’re a show off--” She rolls her eyes at that. “And… yeah! You would totally be the type to paint one wall dark red just because you had an impulse one day, and in the end you keep it, not because you like it, but because you believe it has become a part of you.” You smile at her at the end of your rambling, realizing that she is staring at you almost in a daze. “That…” You clear your throat, self-conscious. “That’s how I would picture your apartment.”

“You…” Her voice sounds uncharacteristically small. “You described almost perfectly my childhood bedroom.” It’s her turn to clear her throat, as she straightens up. “Well played.”

“Well… Then why is your apartment so… not you?”

“Because it’s not really mine actually. It belonged to my brother.”

“You have a brother? Do you live with him then?” You say surprised, interested to know a little bit more about her.

“Hum, no. He’s… He’s dead.” She smiles at you, embarrassed.

 _Shit._ “Oh… I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry.” You reply sheepishly, internally scolding you for your clumsiness.

“It’s okay, it happened a long time ago, it’s not so hard on me anymore.”

“Were you close to him?” You say and immediately clasp your hands on your mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Why are you always so blunt, Laura?” You mumble to yourself.

She chuckles. “Laura, I told you, it’s fine. I don’t mind talking about it. At least, right now I don’t mind. So… do you want to know?” She asks in a small voice, her sudden shyness so out of character.

“Really?” She hums and you put your legs under you on the couch, turning your attention to her. “Okay, I’m ready.”

She takes a breath, getting ready for what you suppose is going to be a long story. “I didn’t really have a regular childhood. I mean, I guess we were a normal family in the beginning; my brother, William, and I were always fighting when we were younger, about anything and everything. Just like all siblings do at one point, I suppose. Being 4 years older than me, he was always very protective and prevented me from doing what I wanted; stupid things, so I guess he had a reason.” She snorts. “But knowing the stubborn child I was, I never listened and he always found out. Of course, that little snitch always ratted me out to our mother and I always ended up being scolded or punished. But it was worth it, I guess,” she smiles softly, lost in her thoughts.

You listen closely to her, watching every emotion passing on her face, and the slight blush on her cheeks when she reminisces her memories.

“Our mother was really loving; she would have done anything for us. She was strict when she needed to, but like all good parents, I believe. Our father, on the other hand… he wasn’t really there, and when he was, he was more of the cold and distant type with Will and I. But I know he really loved our mother.” She frowns. “I was 10 when she died in a car accident. And that’s when everything came tumbling down.” You put a tentative hand on her knee, and she smiles sadly at you before covering it with her own. “My father lost it. Alcohol became his best friend and he started to become violent. With words and punishments at the beginning, and then with his gestures. Will and I became closer than ever; now that we had only each other. He took on Will mostly at first, being the oldest I guess he thought he could take it better.” You hold your breath, trying to contain the lump in your throat. “We spent two years holding onto one another, protecting each other. That’s when our father decided to send Will to boarding school. Of course, Will resisted, but he didn’t get a say in this. So I stayed alone at home, with a father who found every excuse to lock me up in my room and not letting me get out for days.”

“The school didn’t do anything about it? They must have noticed!” You interrupt her despite your own judgment.

She looks at you, her lips tight. “Nobody knew. I had no friends, and the physical abuse that I was the victim of wasn’t on the visible parts of my body. He was smart like that.” She snorts bitterly. “Every once in a while, when Will had some free time, he would come and check on me. It was making him sick that I was alone with our father and that he couldn’t do anything about it. I know, we could have gone to authorities, but he was the only family we had left, and we were young and scared; we didn’t want to end up in some foster home where everything could have been possibly worse. But every time Will came back home, our father would get more violent and it went to a point when I thought he was actually going to kill his own son.

“So I told Will to stay away, and to never come back. I was 14 at the time, and Will had just gotten a part of the inheritance that our grandmother left us when she passed away. It was the same for me; One third at 18, and the rest of it at 21. And it was a lot of money. Will bought the apartment in the city, and I would come visit every time I could. I told him to enjoy his life and that I would be fine. And I was, fine. Or at least, better than I was before. I got stronger and my father didn’t get to me as much as he used to; I think he got tired too.” She pauses for a few seconds and takes a deep breath. “A few months later, as Will was climbing mount Denali in Alaska with his friends – climbing was something he was always fond of – his rope gave away and he fell from 8,000 feet. He died on the spot.”

A tear falls from her eyes, and she is quick to wipe it out. You, on the other hand, have been repressing your sobs for too long and let out a watery sniffle that brings Carmilla’s attention on you.

“Hey, hey Laura. Are you crying?” She says in a soft tone, putting one hand on your cheek and caressing it softly.

“No.” You say in a quivering voice, not convincing at all. Her lips quirk up and you lock eyes, Carmilla staring at you like you’re the only thing in the room worth looking at.

“I’m not even finished yet.” She smiles softly.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” You reply, trying to get ahold of yourself. “Please continue.”

“Okay.” She puts her hand back in her lap. “So after that, I can tell you I was devastated. I was 15, without a mother, without a brother, and with a father that was mistreating me. Of course, since William was not here anymore, all my father’s anger was directed at me. So I did the only thing I could. I ran. A little more than a year after Will’s death, I ran to the city with no money, and no one to go to. I had heard that one of my brother’s friends was living in his apartment, and I don’t know, I guess I couldn’t go there. I had so many memories of Will there that I couldn’t stand the thought of being there without him. So I went from shelter to shelter for a while, working crappy jobs to make some money to live, waiting for my fund to be unlocked at my eighteen’s birthday.

“I finally found a job as a waitress in a small restaurant when I turned 17. I spent all my time there, everyone was so nice to me, and that was something I needed. The chef took me under his wing and taught me some things. He actually gave me the love I have for cooking today.” She smiles at the memory. “A really good guy… So, the first thing I did when I turned 18 was getting into culinary school, now that I had the money to pay for it. Everything was finally great again, I was doing something that I loved, I had finally taken Will’s apartment back, and I felt a little more at ease in it. And… that’s when I met Ell.” She takes a breath. “Of all the things that happened before I met her, I think she’s the one who fucked me up the most.” She turns to you and smiles softly. “You’re sure you want to hear the rest? I’ve been talking for a while, you must be sick of my story.”

“If you’re not comfortable telling me, I get it you know. Thinking of all that must be really painful for you. I can’t imagine what you went through, and it makes me so, so angry that you had to endure all of this. You’re so…” you look her in the eyes and take her hands in yours, squeezing them. “How are you like that with everything you went through in your life?” You almost whisper.

“Like what?”

“So… kind, and honest, so compassionate, so thoughtful. I mean, you listened to my story when you’ve been through so much worse, and you didn’t even blink. You made cupcakes especially for me, combining the two sweets I like the most when we weren’t even friends yet. You forgave me when I was so awful to you. How are you real, like seriously?” You chuckle.

“I’m not perfect, cupcake. I wasn’t really nice to you either. What happened in my life fucked me up in different ways. But for what it’s worth, I’m really glad I met you and that we became friends. I haven’t told this story in a really long time, and you’re the only one I trust with it.”

“Thank you, you won’t regret it.” You say, the last part slightly muffled since you couldn’t help but bring her in her hug.

Your hug lasts longer than the last one, and you take comfort in her slow breathing and the beating of her heart. She holds you tighter and you reciprocate, hearing her sniffle; and you think you’re not the only one crying now.

“So,” she says, pulling back and wiping her tear-stained cheek. “Now that we have shared some of our tragic backstory, can we say that we are officially friends?”

You chuckle, “Carmilla, I think we were friends before that. But yeah, maybe we can say that we are better friends now, and friends who share things like emotions and feelings.”

“Ugh, gross.” She replies, mimicking a puking sound to make you laugh.

“Can I ask you something though?”

“Yes, you can have the last cookie.”

“No,” you giggle before getting serious again. “Will you tell me what happened with Ell? I mean, when you’re ready.”

Her eyes lock with yours, before she smiles and nods. “When I’m ready.” She turns to the TV, grabbing the remote on the coffee table, the action effectively putting an end to the conversation.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t, it’s too hard!”

“Come on, Hollis. Try harder.”

“I don’t know how you do it, but I know I can’t. Must be magic or something.”

“Oh please. Stop being such a baby and cut that damn onion!” LaF says exasperatedly, huffing in annoyance.

“My eyes hurt from crying! I can’t cut it without crying. It hurts too much.”

“God help us all.” They roll their eyes exaggeratedly. “Karnstein showed you how to cut it without crying and I’m doing it right now. Just watch!”

“I can’t. My vision is blurry.” You pout.

“Hey, what’s going on here? I can hear you arguing from the other side of the room.” Carmilla interjects.

“Laura is being a child and doesn’t want to cut the onion because ‘it hurts too much.’” LaF answers, making air quotes.

“Kiss ass.” You mumble.

“Big baby!” They reply, sticking out their tongue at you.

“Okay, enough you two! LaF, get back to your table, I will take care of Miss Hollis.”

LaF does what they are told, grumbling under their breath on their way.

 

“Oh, it’s Miss Hollis now?” You raise a challenging eyebrow at Carmilla.

“I’m the professor here, I have to be somewhat professional. Now, will you stop behaving like a toddler and learn something for once?”

You gasp. “Professor Karnstein! Is this how you talk to all your students?”

“Only the worst ones.”

“Hey!”

She laughs. “Okay, now watch.” She takes a fresh onion and a knife. “The knives we have here are really sharp, and that’s what you need to cut an onion correctly. See, the thing that is making you cry is the enzymes contained in the onion, and that are released if you use a bad knife that will crush the cells. So,” she starts cutting. “If you don’t want to cry, slice the onion carefully and don’t crush it.” She holds out the knife. “Here, try it.”

You start slicing the onion slowly, aware of Carmilla’s gaze on your every move. “Hey, it’s working!” You grin, surprised by the outcome. “It’s working! Oh my god I can’t believe I managed to do something right in this class!” You turn to a proud Carmilla and throw yourself at her, hugging her before realizing where you are and that you’re not alone. You quickly disentangle yourself and take a step back, probably blushing furiously. “Oh, hum… I’m sorry professor, I don’t know what came over me.”

To your own surprise, Carmilla doesn’t seem fazed and she even seems amused. “Relax, we’re not in high school. I’m allowed to be friends with my students.”

“Oh yeah, sure.” You say, trying to look cool. “I knew that.”

“Okay,” she says smiling, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Now try to follow the rest of the recipe, you’re not halfway there yet.”

“Yes, professor Karnstein!” You reply excitedly.

“You don’t have to call me professor, Carmilla is fine you know.” She shakes her head, amused.

“Okay Carmilla.” You smile as you watch her go.

The thing bringing you out of your daze is the small whispered whipping sound you hear coming from LaF’s direction. You make sure Carmilla is not watching before throwing a carrot at them.

 

At the end of the class, when people have finished eating their meal, Carmilla approaches LaF and you.

“Wow, you finally managed to eat your own dish. How does it feel?” She says, mocking you.

“It was… not the best thing I’ve ever eaten but it was mine. So I’d say it was delicious, and I’m proud of myself.” You reply head high, puffing out your chest.

“Congrats, frosh. You should be proud. But please, don’t ever cook for me.” Your red-headed friend interjects, putting a hand on your shoulder while you glare at them.

“So, do you guys want to grab a drink to celebrate? My treat.” Carmilla says, interrupting your staring contest with your stupid friend.

“Oh,” LaF breaks eye contact with you. “Sorry I can’t tonight. I’m supposed to go visit my parents this week-end, and I’m leaving in a few hours.”

“Say hi to them for me,” you smile. “And tell your dad he owes me a game of chess. I’m not giving up!” You add, pointing a menacing finger at them.

“Sure thing, Hollis. Well, have fun, I’m heading out!” They wave at you two and leave the room.

“So, shall we?” The dark-haired girl gestures to the door. You nod. “After you M’lady.”

“Oh,” you giggle. “How chivalrous of you.”

 

* * *

 

You end up in a small cocktail bar, situated half-way from the cooking class and Carmilla’s apartment, if you recall correctly. You spend the next hours talking and laughing over silly things. You’re not drunk, you’ve ordered only two cocktails, but you’re tipsy enough to be really comfortable around her. Not that you haven’t been during the past few weeks with her, but things are really getting easier. You still can’t believe that you became such fast friends with her. You went from hate to admiration in a minute; okay, maybe not a minute and you don’t know if admiration is the right word to describe what you think of her. But you don’t want to think about that now.

“What do you mean you haven’t seen it?!” You ask bewildered, almost spilling your whole drink on the table when putting down your glass.

“I haven’t seen it.” She shrugs, as if it didn’t matter.

“I mean, how old are you? 26?”

“I’m 27.”

“Okay, like me then. It was our generation! How did you miss out on this?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs again. “Never found the interest in it, I guess. When it comes to Disney movies, I was more of a _Mulan_ kinda gal.”

You ponder on this. “Okay… Strong independent woman… I respect that. It was actually one of my favorites too. But come on, _The Little Mermaid_?!” She takes a sip of her cocktail, disinterested. “But, you know the story, right?”

“Yeah, mermaid wants to discover human world, gets tricked by witch but ends up with the prince, bla-bla-bla.”

“It was a cute love story.”

“Oh please don’t tell me you had a crush on Prince Eric, too.”

“I should have never told you about my crush on Vaughn,” you mumble, slowly stirring your drink. “But no, I did not have a crush on Prince Eric. Actually, it might sound weird, but I think I had a small crush on Ursula – so, the sea witch – when she becomes human. I mean, she was evil, and I hated her, but one part of me was attracted to her, I can’t explain. It’s stupid, really.”

“So…” Carmilla puts down her drink and leans on her elbow, seeming more interested all of a sudden. “Let me rephrase that. You say that you didn’t really like her, but… you found her attractive and wished you could get in her pants. Uh. Interesting…” She smirks while raising one of her stupidly attractive eyebrows, and you can see where she is going with this.

“I… hum…” You stutter, feeling your cheeks burning. “Technically, yes, but…”

“I’m just saying. I can sense a pattern here.” She shrugs, sipping her drink disaffectedly.

You cover your face with your hands and mumble through your fingers. “Remind me why I told you that, again?”

She laughs. “Relax, cutie. I was just teasing.” She leans back on her chair and looks around. “Looks like the bar is about to close. Do you have anywhere to go? Your place is pretty far, and it’s nearing 2 a.m. Do you want to sleep at my apartment tonight?” She says nonchalantly.

You almost choke on your drink after hearing that, coughing to regain control of your voice. “W- What?”

“No big deal, my place is just closer. I thought it would be more convenient for you. Plus, we drank, so I don’t know how safe it is for you to take your car right now.” Seeing your lack of response and reaction, actually, she backtracks a little. “But if you don’t want to I get it.”

“No, I… That’s actually a great idea. Thank you.”

“Sure.” She nods and stands up. “Go?”

“Go.” You smile at her and get up from your seat as well, trying not to show your embarrassment. Sure, you’re friends now, so sleeping at each other’s place shouldn’t be a problem. And yet, you cannot seem to shake out the thought of the last time you went to her apartment. You shake your head. No, it’s different now.

Carmilla and you are friends, and nothing more is ever going to happen between you. The stupid crush you think you have on her is just temporary.

 

And if you repeat that in your head enough times, then maybe you’ll start to believe it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, I had imagined all this backtory for Carm. There are just so many details I wanted to include, but it would have been too long.
> 
> I didn't want to write flashbacks, so I guess a long monologue was the next best thing. I just hope it's not too messy.
> 
> Thank you again for all your comments, kudos, and everything! :)


	8. Charmed

The walk to Carmilla’s apartment is mostly silent, your friend occasionally commenting on the things around you. If she notices how tense you are, she doesn’t comment on it. When she unlocks the apartment, you have a feeling of déjà vu, which is quickly replaced by a sentiment of surprise. The door opens and you are both greeted by what seems to be a very cheerful German shepherd.

“Hey, you! Miss me?” You hear Carmilla baby talk to the dog, the sound of her voice making your eyes bulge. She kneels down and pets the dog, scratching behind its ears and the back of its neck, which makes its tail wiggle even more.

“You—You have a dog?” You manage to say, despite your initial shock at the scene happening before you.

She turns to you, and seems to remember that you are here. “Oh yeah.” She stands up. “Laura, meet Leo, my German shepherd. Don’t worry, he’s very affectionate and doesn’t bite. Unless you’re playing with him.” Leo enthusiastically barks at that, and sticks out his tongue. Did he understand that? “You’re not afraid of dogs, are you?” She says gently, apparently worried of your reaction since she grabs him by the collar to prevent him from getting close to you.

“No!” You quickly say. “My grandma had many dogs. Don’t worry, I love dogs.” You smile reassuringly and it seems to work, since she lets go of the collar, which makes Leo rush to you. You bend down and scratch his head. “Heeey. Nice to meet you too.” You say to him and then turn to Carmilla, who is looking at you two affectionately. “I was just surprised. I don’t remember seeing a dog, you know, last time.”

“Oh yeah, there’s a reason for that. There are weeks when I have to work a lot, and I don’t like to leave Leo by himself. So my downstairs neighbor, J.P, takes care of him. He was good friends with my brother, so I trust him with Leo. I think he loves him as much as I do.” She smiles, looking at the German shepherd who is now laying on his back, demanding attention. “I got him a little while after moving in the apartment. I didn’t feel like being alone, and I heard of this shelter that was keeping rescued dogs and looking for owners. I fell in love with him instantly.” She says affectionately.

“It’s actually awesome that you took in a rescued dog, whether than just buying one from someone who is just making animals breed to make money.” You smile at Carmilla, who has kneeled down next to you in order to stroke Leo’s tummy.

“Yeah, I would never buy a dog like that. And look at him,” she says, putting her hands on each side of his head, turning his face to you. “Look at this face. Can you believe he was abandoned on the parking lot of a supermarket? Leash coiled around a lamppost and everything. Fucking assholes.” She mutters through gritted teeth.

“Oh my god that’s terrible! People are monsters.” You reply angrily.

“I know…” She releases her hold on Leo and stands back up again. “So… tired? Want to go to sleep?”

You get up too and dust your pants, feeling all nervous again. “Hum, yeah! How do we… How do you want to do this?”

“Yeah…” she replies, scratching the back of her head. “I was thinking about that too. I have a spare bedroom, I can make the bed if you want, it’ll take five minutes.”

“I mean…” You fidget with your hands. “I don’t mind sleeping in the same bed as you if it saves you the trouble of making the bed.” Oh no why did you say that? “You know, I’m not going to jump you.” You laugh nervously. GOD this is even worse. Stop talking. Just. Stop. Talking.

“Are you sure?” She asks gently. “You do know I didn’t bring you to…” She trails off. “We’re friends now, right?”

“Yes, yes we are. I’m sorry it’s just…” You look around you. “It’s weird being here again. But I’m okay.” You smile at her reassuringly, hoping you sound credible. “So, lead the way!” You add awkwardly, both of you being perfectly aware that you already know where her bedroom is. You glance at her dog as you follow her. “Is Leo staying with us?”

She turns to look at him. “Oh, no. He has his own bed in the living room. Even if he likes to sneak in from time to time to sleep at the foot of my bed.” She adds pointedly, talking more to Leo than you. You chuckle at her remark.

 

“So…” she steps into her room and goes to her closet. “I have a shirt and boxer shorts you can borrow,” she calls out. “Is that okay?”

“Sure, thank you.” You reply, leaning back on your heels, not knowing what to do with your body.

“Alright, heads up!” Carmilla suddenly says throwing the clothes at you, which you incredibly manage to catch even if taken by surprise. “You can change in the bathroom two doors down. I’ll change here.”

“Thanks.” You reply and head to the bathroom.

 

Your eyes go wide when you open the door. There’s a huge Italian shower right in front of you, you’re walking on a dark wooden floor and the colors on the walls are a mix of grey and white. Everything is so modern, and so not Carmilla, you think. Will really must have been into modern-style decoration and furniture. Not really your style, but you could give a chance to the Italian shower. You can admit it has a certain appeal… and water massage jets?! Oh you definitely have to try that one day.

You’re just finishing changing when you hear a knock on the door.

“Hey, it’s me.” You hear Carmilla say. “Can I come in?”

You open the door instead of answering and try not to get lost in the sight in front of you. The dark-haired girl is wearing dark blue gym shorts paired with a black tank top, the top being maybe a little too tight because you can clearly see the outline of her more than perfect body underneath. Fuck. You haven’t thought about the fact that you were going to share a bed with an undressed Carmilla. Why didn’t you think of that?!

You clear your throat to digress from the fact that you were openly checking her out. “Hum, yeah, I’m done.”

She slides in the opening of the door and takes out something from under the sink, before holding it in your direction. “Here. I have a spare toothbrush for you. I don’t think we are ready to share the same toothbrush yet.” She snickers.

“Ew, no. Thank you.” You grimace, taking the offered toothbrush.

You end up brushing your teeth together in front of the mirror. Your eyes catching hers in your reflection every five seconds, making you both smile and look away when it happens. It feels oddly familiar and domestic, and you honestly never pictured you together like this; but you like it.

Once you’re both finished, you find yourselves in front of Carmilla’s bed. She apparently sleeps on the right side, so you take the left one. Perfect, that’s how you sleep anyway. You slip under the covers, resting your head on the pillow and breathing out a loud sigh; it feels so good to finally lie down. Carmilla crawls under the covers next to you, and turns off the bedside lamp, which was the only source of light in the room.

 

Now that you’re in the dark, all your senses are awake. You can’t see, but you hear the smallest things. The bed squeaking under your weight, the scraping of the covers when one of you shifts, her soft breathing compared to your ragged one.

“Are you okay?” She asks softly. Shit, she must have picked up on that.

“I’m fine,” you reply reassuringly. “Good night, Carmilla.”

“Good night.” She says, and breathes out a long sigh, probably relaxing her whole body to fall asleep.

You, on the other hand, are absolutely not relaxed, at all. The bed is big enough for you not to be touching, but you can still feel her presence next to you. You close your eyes and try to think about something else, but it feels forced, so you open your eyes again and curse yourself mentally. What, are you a 14-year-old boy who can’t control his thoughts when he sleeps next to a pretty girl? Well, if your attraction to her was only physical, maybe it would be easier for you to fall asleep. You’re not a hormonal teenager. But the fact is, your crush on her goes beyond the physical aspect, and you’re more and more aware of that. It scares the shit out of you. You finally have a decent relationship with her, and now what? You want to throw it all away because of some stupid infatuation? Hell no. Even if she was interested, you’re both not ready for any kind of romantic relationship. So now that you’ve cleared that out, you can finally fall asleep.

… Or not.

Damn it! How long has it been? You feel like you’ve been lying there for hours. You shift again, turning your back to Carmilla and sigh. Oh how you envy her for being asleep right now. Your eyes have become accustomed to the dark now, but you haven’t looked at her once. You don’t want to be a creep and stare at her while she sleeps, even if she would never know about it. You would do something stupid, like push her hair out of her face and silently admire how beautiful she is while she sleeps. Even if you’ve never seen her asleep. But seeing how gorgeous she is when she is awake, you cannot imagine how beautiful she must be when all of her features are softened. Maybe if you just took one look… _No Hollis_! And there you are, still not asleep and thinking about how you cannot have a crush on the girl sleeping at your side. Pathetic.

After a few minutes, you think, you shift again and end up on your back, again. You close your eyes and try to clear your mind. It doesn’t work and you still feel nervous. Maybe if you just saw that Carmilla is relaxed and asleep, you wouldn’t be so stressed anymore. All you have to do is turn your head to your left… _Fuck it, just do it_. You slowly open your eyes and casually move your head to your left, your heart beating out of your chest.

Your breath hitches.

You were so, so wrong. The girl next to you is anything but asleep. And she is staring at you. Your eyes meet and you can’t really decipher the look she is giving you; her face is still and expressionless. You don’t know how long you stay like this, but neither of you dares to look away. You can’t even blink. Your breathing is now surprisingly slow and controlled, matching her own. But your heart… your heart is telling a different story. You can feel it pumping throughout your body, all the way to your fingertips.

Then, a movement catches your attention and you see, from the corner of your eyes, Carmilla’s hand making its way to you. Slowly and controllably, she reaches for a strand of hair and tucks it behind your ear, her palm resting on the side of your head and her thumb caressing your cheek. Her eyes haven’t left yours, and it’s like time has stopped.

In this moment, you make a decision you don’t care you’re going to regret later.  

You launch forward and grab the back of her neck, pulling her closer and closing the distance between you. You kiss her deeply, and she is immediately responsive to your touch. She moans when your tongue meets hers, and you can’t help but smile in the kiss, causing your movements to slow down a bit. You breathe out a content sigh when she puts both of her hands on each side of your head to bring you closer, while you push yourself on top of her, tangling your hands in her hair. You kiss like that for a while, until you pull away to look at her. You smile when you see the mess you’ve made of her; her breathing is ragged, her lips are red and swollen, her hair all tangled and pupils blown wide. She reaches out and caresses your cheek, a look of what you would call adoration in her eyes. But that’s probably not it.

“Laura…” She starts to say but you cut her off.

“Not now.”

You launch forward again and this time it’s more hurried. You’re not sure of what she was going to say, but you don’t want to risk ending this moment. Your clothes are quickly discarded and you feel alive again at the sensation of her touching you, you touching her. It’s not like last time; even if your gestures aren’t soft or loving, the anger and resentment of last time are totally gone, replaced with the eagerness of an overdue reunion.

And when she screams your name as she comes, her hands pulling at your hair, you wonder if you’ll be able to live a life without having her like that.

 

* * *

 

You wake up the next morning to the feeling of something wet on your cheek. Wait. Is someone actually licking the side of your face?

“Caaaarm… stooop…” You mumble sleepily, your eyes still closed.

You hear a snort. “Do you really think I would wake you up by licking your face?” Her voice is coming from way too far. You quickly open your eyes in realization.

“LEO!” You push away the dog who whines at your rejection, and throw a murderous look at the dark-haired girl who is leaning in the doorway, loudly laughing. “You let him lick my face??”

“Oh come on, he really wanted to wake you up. I couldn’t refuse him that. He’s too cute.” She says, looking at her dog as she bends her knees and pats her thighs to make him come to her. “Good boy.” She adds when he reaches her. “Now move, Hollis. Breakfast is ready.”

“You made me breakfast?” You move to stand but stop any movement and widen your eyes as you remember that you are totally naked under the covers. You feel yourself blush. “Hum… go ahead I’ll join you.”

Carmilla shakes her head, amused at your embarrassment. “Well, I didn’t make it per se, but, you’ll see. Now come Leo,” she turns to her dog. “Laura here does not want you to see her naked.” She winks at you and walks out the door.

“Asshole.” You mutter loudly enough for her to hear, as you hear her laughter coming from the hallway in response.

When you hear the sound of her footsteps fading away, you finally let out the sight of relief that you’ve been holding in. She didn’t leave. You didn’t wake up to an empty apartment.

 

A few minutes later, you’re out of the bedroom dressed in your previous day’s clothes. The apartment is filled with the smell of coffee, a thing that you have always enjoyed even if you’re not a heavy coffee drinker. When you enter the kitchen, you see Carmilla filling two cups and turning around to put them on the island, where a bunch of different pastries are disposed.

“Hey,” she says when she looks up. “I made some coffee. I don’t really know if you like coffee, so I made you a cappuccino, I figured you would like it better.”

“Wow, yes, thank you. It’s great.” You smile at her and look around the table. “What’s all this?” You point at the pastries.

“Yeah, so. That’s why I was telling you I didn’t exactly make you breakfast. There’s this French bakery right around the corner. I went there a few times, and they make really great croissants and chocolate croissants. I know you like to eat sweet, and since you’ve been to France and you really liked it there, I thought it might remind you of the time you spent there. I don’t know.” She says, blushing a bit even if she tries to hide it by moving around the kitchen. Wow, and you’re the one who’s supposedly rambling.

“That’s…” You’re surprised that she did all of this for you. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you, it’s perfect.”

She clears her throat to hide any sign of embarrassment. “Now, take a seat and eat and drink before it gets cold.”

“Yes ma'am.” You salute and take a seat at the kitchen island, as Carmilla sits across from you.

You take a bite of a croissant and hold in a moan. “This is so good! I want to eat that every morning.” You take a sip of your cappuccino. “And this! I usually don’t like coffee that much but you put just the right amount of it. It’s really good.” You see Carmilla shaking silently in laughter. “What?” You ask with your mouth full of food.

“You remind of a child on Christmas morning. Or just a child in general. It’s adorable.”

“I’m enjoying this food way too much to be mad at your comment. So I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear anything.” You reply, taking another chocolate croissant on your plate.

 

You spend the rest of the breakfast talking animatedly with Carmilla, just like you’ve been doing every time you’ve seen each other the past few weeks. You find it weird that it’s actually not weird between you. Cause, you slept together again, and none of you seems to be acknowledging it. Maybe you dreamed it?... _No, stupid_. You woke up naked; so unless you undressed yourself in your sleep, it pretty much tells everything. But that doesn’t solve the problem of what you are going to do now. You really don’t want to lose her as a friend, but apparently you can’t control yourself either. This situation is a real mess.

“What got you all silent all of a sudden?” Shit, you must have been lost in your thoughts.

“I…” _Let’s get into this_. “Well… I was just thinking about last night. About, you know…” You scratch the back of your neck, feeling suddenly shy.

“I know.” She nods, looking down at her empty plate with a half-smile on her face.

“So… I don’t really know how to start with this, so I’m just gonna dive in.” You take a deep breath. “I don’t regret it. I think we can admit now that we are attracted to each other and that we really get along.” You avert your gaze as you continue your speech. “I really like being friends with you. I feel like we have some kind of connection, and I don’t want to screw this up. I have very few true friends in my life, and even if I can hear how crazy that sounds because we’ve known each other for like what, a few months? You’re one of them. The thing is, I can’t keep ignoring the fact that I’m very attracted to you.” You say that last part a little bit more quietly, embarrassed at your admittance. “But I’m not ready. I don’t want to risk our friendship if things don’t work out between us. I mean, hypothetically, if you were into me that way.” _God, this is embarrassing_. “And correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you want a relationship either. So, I was thinking, and I might have a solution.”

You’re met with silence and you don’t dare to look up. Have you already screwed this up? Have you read the situation entirely wrong? Maybe she’s not interested in you that way, and she wants to tell you that she never wants to see you again, or that yesterday was a mistake? Fuck, what have you done?

“Okay, what’s your solution?” She finally says after clearing her throat, and the sound of her voice makes you look up. She has a reassuring smile on her face, and she is nodding at you to keep going. Of all the faces you have imagined during the few seconds of silence, that was not one of them.

“Hum, yeah. So I was thinking, since we cannot seem to keep our hands off of each other,” she chuckles at that, “maybe we could… keep doing it?”

She hums in a barely disguised interest. “What do you mean by that?”

“Like… We could be friends who… do things for each other. Friends who… benefit a bit more of their friendship than other friends usually do.” You’re terrible with words. What a writer you are.

“So…” she raises an eyebrow, leaning forward on her elbows. “Tell me if I’m wrong. You want us to remain friends.” You nod. “And you want us to keep having sex, without any feelings involved. Is that it?”

“Well… kind of. Yes.” Is there a river nearby where you could drown to death?

She seems to think about it for a moment. The suspense is killing you and you suspect that some evil part of her is doing it on purpose.

“Okay.” Is all she says.

“Okay?” You hold your breath and she nods. “You’re sure?”

“Laura.” She smirks, “I… enjoy spending time with you. And you’re right, a relationship is a bad idea. So this is the best alternative.” You breathe out a sigh of relief. “Now, should we establish some rules?” She casually leans back on her chair.

“Hum, yeah I guess. Like…” You stop to think for a second. “No one has to know about this.”

“Obviously.” She agrees.

“It’s not that I’m ashamed or anything. It’s just that it’s nobody’s business.” She nods, agreeing with you. “So that means, no public display of affection. No touching, no kissing, nothing. For the world, we’re just typical friends. Also… we don’t go on dates, so no need to romanticize the idea of sex. If we both want it, we just… go for it.”

“You seem to be an expert in that field,” she smirks. “Have you ever done this before?”

“No. I just… watch a lot of movies,” you mutter, embarrassed. “But obviously this is not going to end up like those shitty rom-coms.”

“Obviously.” She repeats.

“So then… we are allowed to call each other if we just want to… enjoy our company.”

“So like, a booty call?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way but, yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“I have a question though. What about… other people? Are we allowed to see other people?”

“Well…” you haven’t really thought about it, even if it seems obvious. “I guess… If we meet someone, I don’t see why we couldn’t.” You try to ignore the fact that the thought of Carmilla with another girl makes you want to puke. “It’s a friend’s arrangement, we’re not dating. So, I guess, yeah. However, we need to tell each other, before anything happens with the other person. That also gives us the right to break off this arrangement anytime we want to.”

“Okay… So it’s settled then?”

“I guess, yeah… Sex friends?” You feel yourself blushing at the thought.

She hums and stands from her chair. “Right.” She slowly rounds the kitchen island to come closer to you, her fingertips following her movements on the surface. “So… If, hypothetically, I were to kiss you right now… You wouldn’t reject me?” She purrs.

“I…” You try to recompose yourself to not show her how flustered she just made you. “Hypothetically, I wouldn’t.”

“Good.” She whispers, lowering down to your level, her lips only a few inches from yours. She looks from your eyes to your lips, smirking when she realizes that you’re holding your breath.

You look at her mouth as she bites her lower lip, and you feel like you’re about to melt.

“Crap.” You say, before cradling her face and surging forward to meet her lips.

At first, the kiss is hurried and rough, displaying all your frustration and eagerness. You feel her laughing deeply against your lips, probably content that you were the one to cave. But after a few seconds, you both slow down and your movements are softer; less grabbing and more touching. You smile in the kiss. In that moment, you don’t care if this is the greatest or the worst decision you have ever made. In that moment, it’s just the two of you and you couldn’t ask for more.

A loud bark under you interrupts your make-out session. You both stop and giggle, still out of breath from your pretty long kiss.

Carmilla rests her forehead on yours, before addressing her dog in a huff. “Yes, Leo. I will feed you. Why can’t you leave mummy enjoy herself a little bit?”

You snort. “ _‘Mummy’_?”

“Shut up.” She pouts and takes a step back. “That’s how he likes to call me. I didn’t choose it.”

“This is really cute.” You mock her but in fact, you find it really, really cute.

She goes to feed the German shepherd but not without shooting a murderous glare in your direction, and you watch her, thoughtful. Have you made the right decision? Is it preventing a heartbreak to start a no-string-attached type of relationship with a friend, whom you happen to have a huge crush on? You can already hear LaF screaming how stupid you’re being. But they don’t know her like you do; sure, there are still things you don’t know about her either. But you understood how her relationship with that Ell destroyed her, even if you don’t know the details. You understood how hard life has been on her, and you can’t risk destroying her even more if you don’t feel ready.

And you can’t take the risk of having her destroy you.

 

So if you bury your feelings deep down, maybe you won’t risk breaking either of your hearts.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this chapter, but fear not! The story's not over!
> 
> Keep telling me what you think of this story, I really, really love reading your comments. You guys are awesome! :)


	9. 7th Heaven

The routine between you and Carmilla doesn’t change that much. She stills comes to your place a few times a week to watch TV and steal all your food. Not that you complain much; she does bring you take-out dinner sometimes. But still, you can’t stop thinking about these three empty packs of cookies you found last week… placed strategically in your cupboard for you to see.

The thing is that now, every time you get in a fight and start arguing because she is being a gigantic jerk, you end up tearing each other’s clothes off and fucking in every space available: the kitchen counter, the sofa, the floor… Even that one time against the window. You think the nice old lady across the street will never open her curtains again. And you really hope the ambulance that stopped in front of her building a few minutes later was just a morbid coincidence.

She continues mocking you 85% of the time, but now you’re allowed to shut her up with a kiss and your hand in her pants. And when she ends up a panting, breathy mess beneath you, begging for your forgiveness, you think you can forgive her. This time.

Being with Carmilla that way is nice and easy. All that pent up sexual frustration you had accumulated is now a hundred percent taken care of. You have sex. A lot. Who needs a relationship when you have a hot friend who can fulfill all your primary needs? You still don’t kiss outside of your sexual interactions, and you think it’s better this way. Otherwise, it would seem… too intimate. And you don’t want intimacy. Neither does she.

 

* * *

 

“We’re moving in together.”

A long silence follows the sentence. Everybody around the table shares a look.

“LaF…” You sigh.

“Yeah?” They answer excitedly, practically bouncing off their seat.

“That’s not how…” You look at the others around you, looking for support. “Really?” You whisper to them when you see them avoiding your gaze, pretending they didn’t hear anything. “Fine.” You huff and turn to LaF. “That’s not how you announce people that you have adopted a cat.”

“Why not?” They genuinely ask, raising their eyebrows in confusion.

“Because--”

“Because it’s weird, gingersnap.” Carmilla intervenes and for a moment you feel grateful that you’re not the only one saying something. “You don’t move in with an animal like you move in with a human being. That’s just… a weird way of saying it. Just… weird.” She finishes her sentence in a mumble and sinks in her seat. God… Even when she’s being rude you find her cute.

You shake off your thoughts and try to be more sensitive to your red-headed friend who has now a small pout on their face. “What Carmilla meant to say is that, it’s really great that you have adopted a cat! But don’t scare us off like that, we thought you had met someone and was moving in with them.”

“What?” LaF replies, shocked. “Of course not! Why would you think that? I’m not even seeing anyone at the moment… or for the past 3 years.” They grumble.

“Three years?!” Kirsch asks disbelievingly, making poor Perry jump out of fear.

“Could you yell it a little bit louder? I don’t think the guy sitting in the back of the restaurant has heard you.” LaF says, annoyed.

“But… how? I mean, you’re awesome, anyone would be lucky to be with you!” Kirsch grins and shoves LaF’s shoulder.

“What, do you think I never get hit on?” They retort, a little bit offended. “I do! It’s just that they’re not interesting enough.” They seem to think for a moment and shrug. “I’m a little bit difficult. I guess I haven’t met the right person yet. But it’s fine, I’d rather be alone than with someone I’m not fully into.”

Danny nods exaggeratedly at that. “That’s what I say too! That’s why I’m glad I found Betty, she’s perfect… we’re perfect.” She says in a bliss.

“Great, I want to throw up now.”

“Shut up, Morticia!”

“Anyway…” LaF interjects to ease up the tension between the tall redhead and the brunette, who are now in the middle of a glaring contest. “You’re talking about me, but Laura here has been single for even longer than me!” They point at you while saying that.

“Hey!” You yelp. “This is not about me! Nice of you to throw me to the wolves.” You mumble, glaring at the redhead.

“Speaking of wolves,” they lean toward you and squint their eyes. “What is that red scratch mark you have on your neck?”

“What?” You squeal and quickly put a hand over your neck. “What scratch mark?”

You glance discreetly at Carmilla and you see her trying to hide her forming smile. Oh that fucking…

“Yeah, right where you have your hand. What happened to you?” They ask, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Humm… Yeah no, nothing. I have eczema sometimes and I scratch a little bit too hard.”

“That doesn’t really look like--” Carmilla interjects, a teasing smile on her face even if her tone is purposefully innocent.

“Who wants dessert?!” You cut her off by kicking her under the table, glaring at her while thinking of how she’s going to repay you. That little smirk and satisfied expression won’t last long… Oh you’ll make sure of it.

 

* * *

 

“Carmilla?”

You’re walking in the dark hallway, only guided by the faint light coming from under some of the closed door you’re passing.

“Why is it so fucking dark in here?” you mumble to yourself. “Carmilla!” you call out again.

You register a half-opened door to your right, and decide to peek inside.

“Oh, you gotta…” you slam the door open. “Didn’t you hear me when I called?” you say, your voice coated with exasperation, while taking confident steps toward the brunette who is sitting casually on a desk, reading a book. She doesn’t have her _horrendous_ yellow apron on her, thankfully, but you think it’s the first time you’ve seen her wearing a white shirt. Of course, it’s see-through, and you can easily make up her black laced-bra underneath, so you know it’s still _her_. Not that you need to think about her underwear now.

“Oh, I heard,” the dark-haired girl replies monotonously, turning a page without lifting her eyes from her reading.

You huff. “Why aren’t you in your regular classroom? And what was _so_ urgent that I had to come at 9 p.m. here?” you stop a few feet away from her and cross your arms, waiting for her to acknowledge you.

She shrugs, her eyes still casted on her book. “I like this class better,” is the only thing she says.

“Carmilla…” you warn. “Why am I here?”

She suddenly closes the book shut and hops off the desk, putting down the object before taking leisurely steps in your direction, a devilish smile adorning her face.

“That’s right,” she drawls. “ _Why_ are you here?” Her seductive voice sends shivers down your spine. Weren’t you annoyed three seconds ago?

She slowly runs a single finger down the length of your arm, and you have to hold your breath to keep your composure. You close your eyes, not wanting to meet her flirtatious stare. You hear her chuckle, and the touch on your arm is gone. _What is she doing?_ You ask yourself as you hear her walk toward the door.

You hear the door close. Steps coming your way. A warm breath against your neck. A hand brushing your arm... Fuck. You’re screwed. Or you’re about to be.

“Why do you think you are here, _Laura_?” She whispers in your ear. The way her low, deep voice drawls your name leaves you shuddering. You feel her breathing on your neck, and all you want to do is spin around and grab her forcefully, slam her against the nearest desk and make her forget her own name. But you don’t. Instead, you stay there, completely under her spell and unable to move.

“I don’t…” you stutter, your throat dry as you try to swallow. “I don’t know.”

“Oh I think you know…” she drawls and you can feel her smirk. The hand on your arm starts to trace small patterns, as the seductress rests the other on your hip, grazing your showing skin with her thumb.

“Did you…” you clear your throat. Why is it so hot in here? “Did you call me here so that you could seduce me?”

She suddenly tightens her grip on your hip, and melts your bodies together, before letting out a low chuckle. “Somehow, I don’t think you need any more seduction, cupcake,” she whispers in your ear before biting lightly the skin on your neck, eliciting a surprised moan from you.

She starts sucking at the spot, as you crane your neck to make more room for her. Well, at least you _tried_ to resist. You grab her dark locks in a fist, keeping her head on your neck. She whimpers in response, sucking harder and this time, you just _know_ that’s gonna leave a mark.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, as she starts to fumble with the hem of your pants, trailing her thumb across your stomach on her way.

Suddenly, she spins you around and you’re kissing. Fuck, you think you’ll never get enough of it. The way her lips move in perfect coordination with yours, the way she sucks at your bottom lip forcefully to make you understand that she’s leading the dance, the way her hands grab your face possessively… No, you’ll never get enough of it.

Without detaching her lips from yours, she grabs your wrists and puts your arms around her own neck, as she crouches down and grabs the back of your thighs, lifting you up. You let out a small cry of surprise at the gesture, making her smile in the kiss. She backs you up and pushes you on top of the professor’s desk. Standing between your legs, she moves her hands up and down your thighs, while you grab her face eagerly, keeping your mouths attached.

She pulls away to reattach her lips to your neck, licking her way up from your collarbone. God, this feels so good.

“Is this how you greet all your students, Professor Karnstein?” you say maliciously, knowing it will spur her on.

You feel her chuckle against your neck. “Only the ones who need a _private_ lesson, Miss Hollis.”

The clichéness of that dialogue makes you almost want to laugh, but you’re too preoccupied by the fact that it actually turns you on. Professor/student kink? Check.

You grab her head again and urge her to kiss you, taking her wrist and placing her hand where you need it. If she wants to fuck you against the desk, you’re not gonna stand in the way. Her hand is still over your pants, but you’re pretty sure she can feel the warmth coming from down there. She applies a bit of pressure and it’s enough for you to whimper. God, you want it so much that it’s embarrassing.

She starts unbuttoning your pants, not wasting any time to slide her hand under your underwear. She bites her lip when she reaches your center, closing her eyes when she feels how wet you are.

“Fuck, Laura…” she says as she starts to move her hand. The combination of her low voice and her fingers against you makes your heart skip a beat. You kiss her harder to muffle the sound of your moans.

As you’re beginning to lift her shirt, you suddenly freeze all movements when you hear a clearing of throat coming from the door. Carmilla opens her eyes urgently, fear in her eyes evident. She pulls away and you are quick to button your pants before looking at the reason of your interruption.

A tall woman is standing there, arms crossed and leaning in the doorway. The dress she is wearing looks way more expensive than all your clothes combined, and you’re starting to feel really small under her powerful look. The smirk she is sporting emphasizes the feeling of superiority that emanates from her. You think she could make you cry without even trying.

She chuckles darkly. “Oh, this is just perfect,” she says, and her voice reflects her looks. That woman seems to come straight out of _The Devil Wears Prada_.

“Mattie.” Carmilla sighs, and it’s weird, but she doesn’t look so scared anymore. You, on the other hand, are clearly mortified that you have been caught getting fucked on a desk. Oh no, this is high school all over again.

“You will never learn…” the woman shakes her head slowly, apparently amused by the situation. “I thought you weren’t allowed to bring girls here, anymore?”

You quickly turn your head to Carmilla. “Wait, you have been bringing girls here?” Your voice should not sound that panicked.

She sighs again, frowning. “No. I used to. Not anymore.”

“Well, old habits die hard, apparently,” the woman chuckles again. Wait. Who is she?

“Who are you?” you speak out your thoughts, the question coming out a little harsher than intended.

The tall, impressive woman raises an eyebrow at you. “Matska Belmonde. I’m Carmilla’s boss.”

“You’re not my boss, Mattie.” Carmilla turns to you. “She’s not my boss. She’s an investor here. She just likes to swing by from time to time, pacing up and down the corridor and pretend she owns the place,” she says with a small smirk.

“Be careful kitten, I got you this job, I can take it back,” Matska says, grinning.

“Kitten?”

Carmilla huffs, mumbling. “She knows I hate cats.”

‘Mattie’ gives a throaty laugh at that. Their relationship is not something you have seen before. They are insulting but weirdly friendly and affectionate at the same time, and you don’t really know what to make of it.

“How do you two know each other?” you ask, curious.

“Mattie and I worked at the same restaurant when I was 17.”

“Really?” you turn to Matska. “You look more like the type of person who gets their meal brought to them, rather than the opposite.”

She laughs. “Oh, I like her,” she says to Carmilla before addressing you. “I had to work my way up. I left the restaurant to start my own company. Sold it, made a fortune.”

“And now, she invests in pretty much every company she trusts.” Carmilla smirks. “Always the businesswoman, huh?”

Matska shrugs. “How could I afford my caviar, otherwise?” she says nonchalantly, making Carmilla laugh. “And you, who are you?” she suddenly asks and you gulp.

“I, hum… Laura Hollis. I’m a journalist.” Your eyes stop momentarily on the dark-haired girl beside you. “Carmilla and I are friends,” you blurt out.

Matska scoffs. “Friends? Oh, midget, I wouldn’t let any of my friends do to me what she was just doing to you.”

OH GOD. Can this be more embarrassing? You feel your cheeks getting warmer and all you want to do is run out of this room. So instead, you just groan internally and hide your face in the palm of your hands.

“Okay, Mattie. Are we done here?” you hear Carmilla say.

Anna Wintour chuckles. “Don’t be a stranger, Carmilla. And it was nice meeting you, Laura Hollis.”

You give her an embarrassed wave in response, too mortified to even lift your head, before you hear the door close.

 

“She’s gone, you can show your face now,” Carmilla says, apparently amused.

You lift your head and push her shoulder. “What the _fuck_ , Carmilla?!”

She laughs, stroking her shoulder. “What?”

“Do you not know how to lock a door?” you ask, now more angry than embarrassed.

“I just closed it, it doesn’t lock.” You groan in response. “And I thought we were alone in the building! I didn’t know Mattie was gonna show up. She’s always out of town, or out of the country.”

You sigh, calming your nerves. “I didn’t know you had other friends.”

She chuckles, but it sounds bitter. “Yeah, I have other friends.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that… you’ve known her for a long time. You seem pretty close, despite your weird bickering.” You smile at her. “I guess I’m just surprised you never mentioned her.”

Carmilla joins you on the desk. “We’re not that close. I told you, she’s not often in town. But she was one of the people I got along with the best when I started to work, even with our 8-year difference. We kept in touch over the years, and she put in a good word for me when I was looking for a job. I just meet her for drinks when she’s in town, and she has always new, crazy stories to tell me,” Carmilla smiles at the thought. “I know she looks impressive, but she’s just a silly teenager inside.”

“A silly teenager who saw us having sex!” you groan again.

She puts a hand on your shoulder, pursing her lips. “I’m sorry to tell you that, but it wasn’t the first time.”

“Ughh, you’re disgusting!” you say, hopping off the desk before turning to her thoughtfully. “That being said, I’m starving. Do you wanna go eat something?”

“Yeah, you.”

“Carmilla!”

“Fine, fine,” she chuckles, standing up. “Let’s go grab a burger.”

 

* * *

 

“Get down!”

You stifle a laugh, completely fascinated by the scene before you.

“Pleeeaase don’t make me say it again. Willow! Stop bouncing everywhere.”

“I can’t believe you named her Willow. I know you like _Buffy_ and she’s got red hair and all, but still.”

LaF shoots you a glare before chasing after their cat again. Suddenly, they jump in the air and manage to catch the cat as she was making her way from one shelf to another.

“Finally!” They say as they hold the cat firmly. “You know, I never thought it would be so difficult to own a cat. Aren’t they supposed to be all cuddly and cute? I want cuteness and cuddles!” They pout.

You laugh at their miserable face. “You got the wrong animal there. But don’t worry, it’s her first week here, she’ll get used to it. And you will learn how to handle her, you just need a little time, that’s all.” You try to reassure them.

“Yeah, you must be right.” They put Willow down carefully, holding their arms out in case she goes crazy again. When she doesn’t but struts into the kitchen instead, nonchalantly waving her tail at the both of you, LaF turns to you. “So, now that everything is calm again, how do you feel about forests?”

That’s an odd way to start a conversation. “Hum… Come again?” You reply, confused.

“How do you feel about forests?” They repeat, unfazed.

“Hum, I don’t know… Big trees, long walks, birds chirping and all kinds of wild animals?”

They roll their eyes. “I didn’t ask you to describe me a forest, idiot. I want to know if you like them.”

“I mean… When I don’t get lost in it, or afraid that there’s a serial killer on the loose, I guess. Why you ask?” You suddenly gasp without giving them a chance to answer. “Is that why you asked me to come here? To lure me into a trap, knock me out and then drag me to the forest to kill me? I thought we were friends LaF!” You yell dramatically.

They lightly hit the back of your head and you giggle in response. “No, stupid. I got Perry on the phone earlier. Her parents called; apparently the repairs on the cabin they have in the woods are over. They asked her if she wanted to spend a weekend there with her friends. So, what do you say? Up for a weekend in the forest?” They ask enthusiastically.

“Well… You know, nature and I…” You drawl hesitantly.

“Oh come on, Hollis! A little weekend among friends. We could light a fire, roast some marshmallows… I’ll even bring my guitar! And there’s a lake too, we could bathe in the sun and go swimming. I’ll ask the others to come too and we’ll all leave after work on Friday. It’ll be fun, come on!”

You open your mouth to say something but the redhead must have sensed your hesitation because they start talking again.

“I’ve been there once, it’s beautiful and the house is really huge; 3 bedrooms, a fireplace in the gigantic living-room, a big kitchen. It’s not completely deep into the forest, we’ll have a view on the lake and it’s really isolated and quiet. We could really need a little quiet.” They pause when you don’t react. “Okay. I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice. I’m gonna draw my last card.” They take a deep breath. “They have a hot tub.”

“Sold!” You blurt before thinking better of it.

 

* * *

 

“Why did I let you drag me into this, again?” Carmilla complains, lifting her boot from where it has landed in a puddle of mud, throwing it a disgusted look.

After a two-hour long ride in the back seat of Perry’s car, with a grumpy Carmilla next to you and an overexcited LaF in the front seat, you have finally made it to the cabin. LaF was right, it is really pretty. The house is indeed in front of the lake, and surrounded by tall trees. It has a nice cabin-style look, all made of wood with a huge front porch.

You’re currently carrying your bags to the cabin, behind Perry and LaF who are way ahead of you. You try not to roll your eyes at Carmilla’s obvious distaste of the place.

“Because, you owe me after Mattie, and after that stunt you pulled the other day at the restaurant.”

“The st—Oh, you mean when I laughed because of the scratch marks on your neck?” She smirks. “Come on, you gotta admit it was funny.”

“No it wasn’t!” You hiss. “Nobody bought that stupid eczema story.”

“So why did you--”

“I panicked, okay?! I didn’t want everybody to know that--” you lower your voice down to a whisper even if the two redheads are too far to hear, “--YOU were the one to make those marks.”

“I did, didn’t I?” She says arrogantly.

“Oh, you’re so full of yourself.” You try to sound irritated but you can’t help but smile at the arrogance of the woman. Damn it. Arrogance is not supposed to be appealing. But that stupid smirk is so fucking hot. Damn it!

 

“So guys, what do you think about the place? Pretty awesome, right?” LaF asks when you reach the porch, while Perry is struggling to open the front door.

“Yeah!” “I don’t like nature.” Carmilla and you answer at the same time.

The dark-haired girl finds herself with three heads turned to her.

“What? It’s true!” She defends. “I don’t see the point in being away from any form of civilization. Do you know how many murderers wander in the woods? Have you not seen _The Cabin in the Woods_? That’s like, this exact scenario. Or maybe you brought me here to murder me. Was that your plan all along?” She adds seeming somewhat nervous, to your own amusement.

You pat her on the back, shaking your head and trying to pretend like you didn’t have exactly the same train of thoughts when LaF invited you. Finally, Perry manages to open the door and you can get in.

 

If you thought the house was impressive from the outside, you hadn’t seen anything yet. You knew Perry came from a wealthy family, but clearly she has been downplaying it a lot. Everything is wooden from the floor to the ceiling; a light wood making the place look even bigger. Surprisingly, the house is filled with natural light, thanks to the large bay windows overlooking the lake and the surrounding woods. You don’t know why you had imagined a pretty dark place with practically no windows. The decoration is simple but classy at the same time, and thank god there’s no stuffed animal to be seen. You can’t really imagine Perry hunting.

You put your bags against one of the couches in the living room, next to the other ones, and join your friends in the open kitchen.

“Is it already beer o’clock?” You say as you watch each of your three friends sipping on a beer.

“My throat was drying up dangerously, I had to do something about it!” You roll your eyes at LaF’s explanation.

“Alright, hand me one!”

 

* * *

 

An hour or so later, as you’re bathing in the light of the only ray of sun that is not yet hidden by the trees, you hear the sound of a car arriving and screeching to a stop. The sound of a slamming door and yelling makes you look up.

“Finally! I can’t with you two!” You see Betty storming off in your direction, heading for the cabin.

Two more doors slamming and yelling, again.

“Who the FUCK listens to heavy metal that loudly for TWO hours?!” You hear Danny yell.

“I didn’t want to fall asleep! Listening to loud music keeps me awake!” Kirsch replies.

“You weren’t even driving!!” Danny looks like she’s about to explode, with her hands buried in her hair, pulling hard.

“Yeah but I didn’t want to fall asleep!”

You roll your eyes and tune out the argument. They’ll never change. Poor Betty though, who had to endure that for two hours with no way to escape.

“Hey, Betty. Tough ride?” You ask her when she reaches you.

“Oh Laura, you have no idea,” she sighs. “Could you take Kirsch with you on the way back? I like him, but him and Danny together is just a nightmare.”

“Oh trust me, I know!” You chuckle. “But I’m afraid you’re gonna have to do this again, we have no space left in the car.”

“Oh crap.” She huffs, defeated. “Do you happen to--” She cuts herself off when she looks into the open door of the cabin. “Perfect. Hey, LaF!” She calls out, getting into the house. “Beer me!”

Yup, Betty definitely didn’t have trouble finding her bearings.

 

* * *

 

After a nice but agitated dinner – Danny and Kirsch were still arguing over some meaningless thing – you find yourself sitting on the steps under the front porch. You’re quietly sipping on your beer while observing your friends as they are getting everything ready for the campfire you all have decided to make. Of course, you could help, but you’ve already helped making dinner and well, giving the fact that you hate cooking, you’re allowed to have a little break.

The step besides you creaks, indicating someone has sat next to you. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You reply to Carmilla, slightly turning your head to look at her, and your eyes meet.

“What are you doing here on your own? I thought I was supposed to be the grumpy one.” She says with a teasing smile.

“I’m not grumpy!” You chuckle. “I just wanted to see the others work. I’m starting to understand why you never do anything, it’s weirdly relaxing.”

“Well, I’m glad I could be of inspiration.” She nods in the direction of your friends in the distance. “Aren’t you supposed to check if the mad scientist is not setting anything on fire, anyway?”

“Well, I see Perry standing next to them with a fire extinguisher, so I think we’re good. Plus, we’re doing the campfire next to the lake, so if they set anything on fire—and by anything I mean themselves – we’ll just throw them in the water, no big deal.”

She lets out a small laugh, which makes you look at her. Her sharp features are accentuated by the moonlight and the weak lighting coming from the porch. She has covered the top of her head with a burgundy beanie, her raven hair falling loosely on her shoulders. She looks beautiful. Again, that’s not something new, but you haven’t really taken the time to look at her today. And what a mistake. It’s killing you that you cannot touch her or kiss her right now; when you two are alone, you can barely take your hands off of each other. And every time you’re in public, it feels like you’re taking a huge step back. But these are the rules you made, and you’re not going to back out now, it’s better this way and you know it. You started this “friends with benefits” thing only three weeks ago, and it’s going really well. Now is not the time to have second thoughts. You’re good, everything’s great. Perfect.

“Are you even listening to me or are you just staring at my mouth?” She pulls you out of your thoughts and leans a little bit into you. “’Cause you know, talking is not the only thing I can do with it…” she whispers seductively, her gaze fixed on your lips.

You quickly cover said mouth with your hand, probably blushing furiously. “Are you crazy?? Someone could hear you!”

She chuckles behind your hand and you let go of her. “Relax, cupcake. It’s just you and me. Everyone is busy with the campfire over there. So, if I wanted to do this…” She leans into you a little bit more, slowly lowering her head so that she can leave a soft kiss beneath your ear. “Nobody would ever know…”

At this point, the color of your face must match the fire extinguisher that Perry is still holding. The feeling of Carmilla’s lips on your skin makes you shiver, even if you try to hide it. She puts her hand on your back and slowly lowers it; grazing with her thumb the patch of skin that is not covered by your jacket. You crane your neck unconsciously to make more room for her lips, as you feel the light chuckle she lets out in reaction. You open your eyes in realization (when did you close them?) and shove her away.

“Ughh!” You let out in frustration and stand up. “You’re unbearable!”

You start to move toward the campfire still a little flustered, as Carmilla’s chuckle slowly fades away.

 

* * *

 

“I’m not eating that.”

“Oh come on, I’ve seen you eat cheeseburgers twice the size of your head, with grease drippling down your chin. And you tell me you don’t want to eat a little s’more?” You sneer, holding out the sandwiched marshmallow to a grumpy Carmilla.

“It’s not the same. I don’t see the point in eating melted marshmallow; it’s sugary and frothy and the texture’s weird.” She takes a look around her and her gaze stops on Kirsch. “You have chocolate on your cheek and marshmallow on your nose, frat boy.” She says, looking disgusted.

“Oh thanks bro!” He answers, oblivious to the repulsed stare Carmilla is giving him. “I always end up with something on my face when I eat. I don’t know why, must be a gift.” He shrugs, wiping his nose.

“Yeah, something like that…” Carmilla mutters under her breath.

You elbow her. “Be nice.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes, throwing a twig in the fire in a bored gesture.

“Hey guys, look what I brought!” LaF opens a case and pulls out an acoustic guitar, holding it for everyone to see, and looking excitedly at every person around the campfire.

“Oh great, the fire was dying. Hand it over.”

Out of the corner of your eyes, you see Danny scoff and pretend to cough afterwards to cover it up.

“CARMILLA!” Perry scolds her. Oh, you didn’t have to do it yourself, nice.

“Anywaay… Does anyone have a song?” LaF interjects, putting the guitar on their lap.

“Oh, I do!” Betty practically jumps off her seat.

 

You spend then the rest of the evening laughing and singing, at times even dancing. You can swear you have seen Carmilla smiling and mouthing some lyrics, but she’ll be too proud to admit she did have some fun. That is until…

“I have another one!” Perry says excitedly, probably a little bit tipsy already. She whispers something to LaF’s ear, and despite their widening eyes at whatever Perry said, they take their guitar and grin, ready to start a new song.

Suddenly, the atmosphere becomes silent as Perry turns serious and closes her eyes, inhaling deeply. You turn to everyone else, and everybody seems to be as confused and curious as you are. Even Carmilla is arching an eyebrow in interest, her gaze fixed on the curly redhead.

Then, time seems to stop for a second, and Perry opens her eyes.

“ _At first I was afraid, I was petrified.”_ She starts to sing. “ _Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side._ ”

Your eyes widen probably comically at what you would have never expected. The redhead starts to move her arms theatrically, making the song all the more dramatic. She puffs her chest, her face still scarily serious as she continues to sing.

“ _But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong_

_And I grew strong, and I learned how to get along…"_

“Oh fuck no.”

 _“And so you’re back!_ ”

LaF starts to play on the guitar as everyone else follows along and starts to sing, in spite of the previous shock.

“Nope, I’m getting the hell out.” Carmilla mutters as she stands up.

You laugh at her reaction, while you try to keep up with the song. “ _Walk out the door!_ Oh come on Carmilla, live a little!”

She doesn’t listen to you and heads toward the cabin, disappearing among the trees and the dark of the night.

“Ugghh! Keep going guys, I’m going to look for her.” You say to deaf ears, as you stand up from your chair and start walking in the direction Carmilla has disappeared to. “Carmilla!” You call out.

 

You feel the cold air hitting you as soon as you are far enough from the campfire. The dark and the tall trees in front of you don’t look so welcoming right now. You would rather get back to your friends in the safety of the light and warmth, but even the fading sound of their voices creates a heavy atmosphere around you. What was that movie Carmilla was talking about? _The Cabin in the Woods?_ Is there a scene where a girl disappears in the forest? You haven’t seen it but you’re pretty sure it must happen. Great, now you’re scared, and alone, and lost in the middle of the trees. Breathe Hollis, there’s no one here but you, all you have to do is follow the trail to the cabin Carmilla must have followed… and don’t look to your left where this rustling sound has resounded.

“Carmilla!” You whisper-yell, not wanting to attract weird creatures or serial killers. Yeah, that pep talk was really useful. “Carmilla!” You try again a little bit louder.

There’s a rustling to your left, making your head whip in the direction of the sound, and suddenly you feel a pressure on your right arm. Someone or something is grabbing you and pulling you into the dark woods. You scream as loud as you can until you feel a hand covering your mouth.

“Shhhhh cupcake, it’s me! Stop screaming it’s just me!” Carmilla is standing in front of you, her back to a tree and holding you by the shoulder, still covering your mouth with her hand. Her shoulders are shaking in silent laughter as you throw her a murderous glare. She uncovers your mouth when she sees you have calmed down. Or so she thinks.

“ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!” You yell at her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?? You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Oh barely.”

You hit her on the shoulder. “I’m still shivering and that’s not because I’m cold!” You show her your trembling hands to prove your point. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in the cabin?”

“I heard you call for me so I stopped. Couldn’t resist a little prank, I’m sorry.” She apologizes and looks genuine. “I didn’t want to scare you like this. I underestimated the power of dark woods, I’m sorry, Laura.” She softly strokes your cheek with her knuckles, eyes fixated on yours, an apologetic look on her face.

You should be angry, really you should. And you were, until you heard her stupid soft voice and looked into her stupid sheepish eyes, and she actually called you by your name, which only happens when it’s the two of you and you’re in an intimate situation. The soft spot you have for her must be bigger than you thought if she can change your mood from angry to mushy in a second.

“Laura?” She repeats softly, and the ensure and scared look she gives you leads to your next action.

You cup her face and lean up to kiss her delicately. She immediately responds to your kiss by putting one hand on your waist to bring you closer to her, while her other hand is grazing your cheek. She tries to deepen the kiss and you allow her to, the feeling of her tongue against yours so eagerly awaited. You can’t help but smile into the kiss, effectively breaking it. God, how you missed this. Are you allowed to miss this? You’ve never kissed without intending to have sex afterwards. Are you supposed to have sex in the woods now?

She rests her forehead on yours, letting out a content sigh. “Maybe we should--”

“LAURA?” Voices are heard, coming from the campfire and getting closer to you, making Carmilla huff.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” Closer. “We heard screaming, and it was so high-pitched that we’re sure it was you!”

Carmilla snorts. “High-pitched.”

You nudge her shoulder playfully. “Shut up.” You sigh and untangle yourself from Carmilla. “Guys, I’m here!” You call out, trying to get their attention.

“Laura!” Perry lunges at you, knocking the air out of your lungs.

“You’re here!” LaF runs up to you. “We heard screaming, the possibly being murdered kind and not the fun ki—hey Carmilla.” They cut themselves as they look at the dark-haired girl curiously.

“Yeah,” you finally manage to say, as you gently push away Perry and give her a thankful smile. “This dork thought it was funny to scare me to death.”

“Guilty.” She shrugs nonchalantly, the apologetic look from earlier totally gone.

“She does look like a vampire from where I’m standing...” Danny says thoughtfully, eyeing Carmilla.

“Yeah? Can you really see anything from up there, Godzilla?” Carmilla retorts and you see Danny fuming.

“Oh, stop your bickering you two.” Perry interjects. “Let’s get into the cabin, I’m getting cold here and if I end up sick I’ll blame it all on you!” She warns and starts to head toward the cabin.

“Remember the last time she got sick?” LaF whispers to you as you follow Perry.

“She’ll never be the same to me ever again…” You shiver at the thought. A sick Perry is not a nice Perry.

“Yeah, we should totally head out. I’m pretty sure I saw red eyes following me in the woods.”

“Shut up, Kirsch!” Yeah, and it was a collective effort.

 

* * *

 

“So, how is this whole sleeping arrangement will be working?” You ask when you’re all gathered in the living room. Because yeah, 3 bedrooms and 7 people; some sacrifices will have to be made.

“Yeah, so. Betty and Danny will have a bedroom, obviously. Perry and I will have the other one and that leaves Kirsch Carmilla and Laura to fight for the third one okay bye!” LaF delivers in one breath and tries to escape the room.

“Wait a minute!”

They screech to a stop and turn toward you, wincing. “…Yes?”

“How come you get to have the second bedroom with Perry? Is there something you need to tell us?” You wiggle your eyebrows suggestively.

“I always knew they were too close to be just friends. It’s obvious.” You hear Danny mutter under her breath.

“Oh will you stop your nonsense?” Perry interjects. “There’s nothing going on. They just asked first.”

“First? But--”

“And I have night terrors--”

“They have the tendency to sleepwalk--”

“I still wet the bed--”

“Okay, okay! Stop this, you win.” You say as Perry and LaF snicker quietly. “You both get the bedroom, but I’m mad.”

LaF bursts out in laughter before quickly calming down when they see the murderous look you give them. “Okay, I’ll try to watch my back, frosh.” They sneer, patting your back. “Anyway, we’ll leave you to decide who’s gonna sleep on the bed, and who’s gonna take the couch. Somehow, I don’t think it’s going to take you long to decide…” They raise an eyebrow at you and wink, before taking off in the direction of one of the bedrooms.

 

You huff in exasperation and turn to Carmilla, who hasn’t said a thing and is watching you closely, almost like she is trying to decipher something.

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

She seems to snap out of her daze and shakes her head. “What? No, nothing. So, how do we do this? Maybe the best solution is to--”

“Rock, paper, scissor!” You blurt out before she can finish her sentence.

Okay, so maybe it’s silly, but you don’t want to prove LaF right. You know that they still think you have a crush on Carmilla, which is… okay actually somewhat true but still. You will not give them the opportunity to tease you about that. They’re gonna give you hell if you sleep in the same bed as her. Plus, you know you won’t be able to resist her if you do that. And having sex with Carmilla 10 feet away from your oblivious friends? Yuck, no.

“What now?” Carmilla raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow at you, confused.

“Awesome! Although, you’re sure you don’t want to sleep together? I get why it would be awkward to sleep in the same bed as a dude. Oh! Would that be your first time?” Kirsch asks.

“I’m going to rip your--” Carmilla starts menacingly but stops once she sees your warning gaze. “Fine… Rock-paper-scissor it is then.” She sighs and you beam at her.

“Okay, ready?” Kirsch and Carmilla nod. “Rock, paper…”

 

* * *

 

“Do you need anything else? You have the pillow, the blanket. I don’t know if this leather couch is really comfortable but--”

“Shut up Carmilla, I said I’m fine!” You groan. “Go sleep in your stupid comfy queen-size bed.”

“Hey,” she raises her hands defensively but you see the corner of her lips turn up. “You were the one to suggest it. I’m sure Kirsch would have taken the couch.”

You mumble something that she doesn’t seem to catch so you have to repeat yourself louder.

“I said I thought you were the one who was going to sleep on the couch. I didn’t really think things through, and over-estimated my rock-paper-scissor talent, apparently.”

That makes her laugh. “Oh, so you wanted to have the puppy dog all to yourself is that it? Or…” She approaches you dangerously and you resist the urge to take a step back. “Were you just afraid you wouldn’t be able to resist me?” She bites her lower lip and you almost wish you were the one biting that lip. _No Hollis! Get your mind out of the gutter._

“No.” Your voice comes out way too squeaky to be convincing and she catches that, the satisfied smirk never leaving her face. “I just wanted to give Kirsch a chance to enjoy the bed. It’s not fair that he would be automatically relegated to the couch. That’s it. Nothing else. Nope.” _Okay stop talking now._

She hums knowingly and arches her eyebrow, smirking at your unconvincing rambling. “So I’ll just be on my way. If you don’t _need_ me.” She puts an emphasis on the word ‘need’ and you don’t know how she manages to make it sound so dirty.

Kirsch casually pops out his head out of their bedroom. “Hey angry lady, what side of the bed do you sleep on? I usually sleep closer to the door in case--”

“I don’t care as long as there’s at least 2 feet of space between you and me.” Carmilla growls, moving toward the bedroom. “And if I feel something touching me during the night, even if it’s just your breath, I swear, I will cut off every extremity of your body.”

Kirsch visibly gulps and nods vividly. “No touching. Space. Got it. I wasn’t going to try anything anyway, don’t worry. But yeah. Got it.” He adds nervously.

You watch the two of them get into the bedroom, but not without a last look from Carmilla, who doesn’t seem pleased, at all. The door closes and you find yourself alone in the living room, blanket and pillow still held tightly against your chest. Maybe you should have slept with Carmilla, you wouldn’t have found yourself in this situation. Stupid pride.

You sigh and look at the leather couch. At least it’s bound to be comfortable. Once you have arranged the pillow and the blanket on the black couch, you get under the covers. What a mistake.

You wriggle and sit down with a shiver. “Cold, cold, cold! Fucking leather. How am I supposed to sleep on this?”

You look down at the blanket. Well, burrito it is. You tangle yourself in the blanket and rest your head on the pillow.

You sigh. It’s gonna be a long night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell from this chapter that I just don't like cats?
> 
> Also, Perry is obviously singing "I Will Survive," but I think you know that.
> 
> And I can't stop thanking you for sticking with me and my little story! 
> 
> Keep giving me your feedback! :)


	10. Powerless

A loud thump followed by muffled voices coming from Kirsch and Carmilla’s bedroom wake you up in the middle of the night. And you had just started falling asleep. You groan and shift your position, covering your head with the blanket. It must be nothing.

A few seconds later, you hear the sound of a door being pulled open and slow, ensure footsteps coming in your direction. You lift the blanket a bit, just enough to poke your head out of it and see who’s coming your way. You hold in a sigh when you see a sheepish Kirsch tiptoeing in your direction, holding a pillow against his chest like a little child.

“Laura?” He whispers when he’s close enough. “Laura? Are you awake?”

You groan and pull the blanket down to your chest. “I am now. What’s going on?”

“I… Carmilla, she… I snore.” He puts his head down, embarrassed.

You can’t help but let out a small snort at his adorableness. “And so?” You say, trying not to smile too hard.

“She pushed me off the bed, saying she would strangle me in my sleep if I kept snoring. She also told me to come get you and that she refused to sleep with me a minute longer.”

“Oh, Kirsch…” You purse your lips, trying to contain your laugh. “I’m sorry, she can be a raging… bitch when she wants to.”

“Yeah well… Do you want me to take the other couch or are you going to go in there?”

You think for a minute. Sleep with your hot not-so-platonic friend or sleep in the same room as a snoring Kirsch on an uncomfortable couch?

“Just take my couch Kirsch.” You lift yourself up and take your pillow with you. “I’ll go sleep with Carmilla.” Your eyes widen and you stutter in panic. “I mean. Sleep in the same bed. Not sleep _with_ Carmilla. That would be--”

You hear a thud and turn to see Kirsch lying his face down on the couch. A small muffled snore coming out of the pillow underneath his head. Oh.

“Kirsch?” you whisper to an apparently already asleep Kirsch. “Wow. That’s definitely impressive.”

 

You step slowly into the bedroom, closing the door behind you. Carmilla is lying on the bed, her back turned to you.

“Kirsch I swear if you’re trying to come back—Oh.” She lets out in surprise when she turns around and sees you standing next to the bed. She smirks. “Cupcake. What a nice surprise. What can I do you for?”

“Ugh shut up, I just want to sleep.” You say as you place your pillow and plop down on the bed.

“You know, now that we’re both awake and in the same bed…” She drawls suggestively.

You turn to her. “You’re unbelievable. Is sex the only thing on your mind?”

“Well, usually no. But when it comes to you… What do you want me to say? You’re hot. Even with your little giraffes PJs. Which is saying a lot. Besides…” She moves a little bit closer, letting her fingers graze the skin of your arm. “I haven’t seen you naked in a few days. I’m starting to experience withdrawal symptoms.”

You feel yourself blush at her seduction attempts, thank god for the darkness. Your heart is beating faster than normal, and you hope she doesn’t hear that. You can still see that stupid smirk plastered on her face, and you try to keep your gaze fixed on her eyes. If your eyes start to wander on her lips or down her ridiculously tight tank top, you’re doomed.

“Well,” you let out in a quivering voice. “That’s too bad, because I only came here to sleep.” You turn your back to her, the hand on your arm falling in the space between your bodies. “Good night Carmilla.”

She chuckles softly, apparently not bothered by your rejection. “Good night cupcake, sleep tight.”

You hear her shift in the bed and you think she is trying to sleep, until you feel her body much closer than it was before, and she whispers in your ear. “But if you think this will make sure you don’t have any thought you don’t want to have about one of us, you are clearly mistaken.” She probably feels the shiver that goes down your spine, as she chuckles again. “Good night, Laura.”

Great, how are you supposed to sleep now?

 

* * *

 

Turns out, you were more tired than you thought, and even Carmilla’s attempts at seduce you did not prevent you from falling asleep. You wake up when the morning light goes through the blinds and disrupts your sleep. You’re lying on your back, slowly opening your eyes, when you start to register an unfamiliar weight on your stomach and your left leg. Your lift your head just enough to see what’s going on, and yup. Carmilla, who’s lying on her stomach, has her left arm lazily thrown over you and her left leg tangled with yours. You turn your head to face her, and of course, she’s spread out on the almost entirety of the bed, leaving just a small space for you. If you happened to move just a little bit, you would fall off the bed for sure. But this doesn’t seem to disturb her, since she is sleeping soundly and you can almost notice a small smile on her face, like she did all this on purpose. Snarky even in your sleep, Karnstein?

You take the time to look at her, exploring every inch of her face with your eyes; the soft expression she carries in her sleep and that you never get to see when she’s awake, the rapid movements of her eyes underneath her closed eyelids, and this stray strand of hair you want to push behind her ear. But you restrain yourself from doing so. You realize that’s the first time you’re seeing her asleep. You don’t really do sleepovers when you have sex. Too personal.

She is so beautiful that your heart could threaten to stop at any moment. You fight the urge to run a hand through her hair and trace the contour of her perfectly shaped jaw. You can’t bring yourself to care right now that you’re not supposed to do this, or think that she’s the most beautiful being you have ever seen in your life. Ugh, you’re disgusting, Hollis.

“Is there a reason for you to stare at me like this?” Carmilla croaks, making you jump slightly. She opens her eyes and arches an eyebrow, waiting for your answer. Her hair is all over the place and the frown on her face makes her look more cute than tough.

“I… hum…” You tuck your hair behind your ear as you try to think of something. “Yeah, there’s a reason.” You say a little bit more harshly than you intended. “Look at all the space you have left behind you! I’m this close to fall off the bed!”

She chuckles under her breath and smirks at you. “Who says you weren’t the one to pull me close? I mean, if I had that--” she gestures to her own body, “-- in my bed, I would want it to be as close to me as possible.”

“I should’ve known you would take all the space available in bed. That ego of yours is big enough to make us suffocate in this room.”

“Mmh, I like this feisty side of you in the morning. We should spend the night together more often.”

“You wish. We already have tonight left. That will be enough for me, thank you.”

“Well, on that note, I’m going to take a shower. Care to join me?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

You roll your eyes. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Your loss.” She says as she lifts herself up a bit and stretches, the movement revealing a small part of her toned stomach. Your eyes seem to be glued to the spot, until you hear Carmilla clear her throat. “Make up your mind, cutie.” She says with a smirk, after having caught you staring.  

She gets up and saunters to the bathroom, making a show of moving her hips provocatively. You can’t help but stare at her well-formed ass, and you know she knows exactly her actions have the desired effect on you. Uuughh.

 

You get out of bed when you hear the sound of the shower being turned on. You stop in front of the bed, at equal distance from the bedroom door and the bathroom door behind which Carmilla is currently taking a shower. Naked. All wet. Water drippling down her skin… _Laura, no._ Just go get some breakfast and forget about that stupid, sexy, infuriating woman who’s completely naked and who wants you to join her. After all, she _does_ want you to join her…

Fuck this.

You storm in the bathroom, locking the door behind you and leaning against it for a few seconds, taking a deep breath.

“Cupcake? Is that you?” Carmilla says behind the glass door of the shower, already full of steam. At what temperature is she taking her shower?

You quickly take off what you’re wearing, not wanting to waste a minute. She wanted this, she’ll have it.

When you don’t answer, she adds, voice full of arrogance. “Yeah, it’s you. I see you’ve changed your mind. Good call, cupcake. You can’t even begin to fathom the things I will do to--”

She cuts herself off when you suddenly open the glass door and step into the shower. You see her gulp down whatever she was going to say and stare at you, mouth agape. She looks you up and down and opens her mouth to add something, but the hand you push against her lips prevents her from doing so.

“Shhh. I’m not here to talk.” You drawl, as it is your turn to appreciate the naked body in front of you. “I came here to fuck you until the only word left in your vocabulary is my name. You will not say anything else until you come.” You watch as her pupils turn black, full of desire and anticipation. “Am I making myself clear?”

She nods vividly as your hand on her mouth is still preventing her from speaking. You look down once again at the perfect body that’s going to tremble under your touch in just a few minutes. You bite your lip. _This is going to be fun_.

Your other hand starts sliding down the side of her body. The water on her skin is making it easier for you to follow a smooth path. You purposefully avoid all the sensitive parts on your way down, and you can see in her accusatory eyes that she is getting impatient and annoyed.

“Oh I’m sorry,” you start innocently. “Do you want me to stop?”

She quickly shakes her head, the sound of her voice muffled by your hand.

“Good,” you smirk.

Your hand stops at her ass, and you give it a light squeeze before suddenly turning her around. The sudden change of position makes her almost slip, and you catch her in time to trap her against the shower wall.

“Fuck,” she lets out, breathing hard, as your hand has left her mouth.

“Oh, no…” You chuckle darkly. “Did you… did you just talk?”

Her breathing seems to stop for a second, and she shakes her head vividly. Oh, how you wish you could see the look on her face right now. So desperate for your touch, so under your control, so… powerless.

“You know, I was really going to be nice,” you say as you get closer to her, your chest touching her back, and your nipples slowly grazing the thin skin there. “But you just make it so hard for me, _Carmilla_.” Her name rolls on your tongue smoothly, and you can sense the shiver that goes down her spine.

You lift your right hand and with your fingertips, slowly, you trace a path from the underside of her ear to the top of her shoulder. You feel her breathing harder, and you can’t help the small smile of satisfaction on your face. With your other hand, you move her wet hair out of the way and put your lips on the back of her neck, leaving soft kisses.

You suddenly take your right hand away from her shoulder and reach under her arm to grab her breast, squeezing hard as she lets out a curse and a loud moan in surprise.

“Now you’re just doing it on purpose,” you quietly laugh as you take a step back, dropping your hands to your side. Carmilla makes a whining sound at the loss. “Turn around,” you command and she obeys, slowly turning to face you, and you can finally see her look of trepidation. The water drippling down her face emphasizes the desperation in her eyes. “I told you I didn’t want you to make a sound. You failed. Now, I want you to watch me as I make myself come, and you will not touch me. Do you understand?”

She takes a deep breath and nods, the look in her eyes telling you it will be hard for her to stay still. You bite your lower lip at the thought of her watching you, helpless but urging to touch you. You don’t know how that thought is making you already so turned on.

“Watch,” you order, as you let your hand make its way down to where you want it the most. You moan when you make contact, seeing from the corner of your eyes Carmilla clutching her fist at the sound, so eager to touch you instead. You look up and see that her gaze is fixed on your movements, even if you have barely started.

“I just wish it was you instead…” you say and close your eyes, your breathing starting to get heavier. You circle your clit slowly, knowing it won’t be enough to make you come. “You touch me like no one does, Carmilla. I’ve never let anyone touch me like you do.”

You open your eyes to see the hungry look she has on her face, her pitch-black pupils fully dilated. She’s panting hard, her animalistic stare making her look like a panther ready to jump on her prey. You almost cave in and let her touch you. But no. This is not what this is about.

You grab your own breast with your other hand, and start playing with your nipple, tugging on it and rolling it between your fingers.

“Fuck, this feels so good,” you pant, and it must be too much for her because she takes a step closer to you, her lips caught between her teeth. You continue your movements, your hand on your clit starting to move faster, until you feel a hand on your wrist.

Your eyes meet and your knees almost give in at her lustful stare. You stay still for a few seconds, her hand on your wrist, stopping your movements, and your chests heaving.

“What… what are you doing?” You ask, and you hate that your voice sounds so weak. You’re supposed to be the one in command here.

“I can’t stay like that and watch you please yourself,” she says, her voice thick but unsteady. “Not if I have a say in this.”

She pulls on your hand and quickly replaces it with her own, playing with your clit as you let out a loud whimper at her touch. God, why do you insist on doing it yourself if it feels so much better when she’s doing it?... Right. Cause you’re the one in command, you quickly remind yourself.

You reluctantly pull on her wrist and shove her against the shower wall again. “You’ll fuck me when I’ll tell you to fuck me. Do you understand?”

“But whyyy?” She whines painfully, and you can’t help but finding her cute in that moment. Cute? Damn it, this is really getting out of hand.

“Because I call the shots, here,” you remind her, taking the upper-hand again. “And if you don’t follow my rules, you won’t ever have the satisfaction of seeing me come or reaching your own orgasm. Ever.” She looks so scared at the thought that you struggle to keep your seriousness.

Without a warning, you trap her hands over her head and you kiss her. Hard. It’s sloppy but you don’t care; all you want is to show her who’s in charge. You bite her lip and you hear her groan, the image of the panther getting to your head again. You suck on it and let it go, before claiming her mouth again. You can’t get enough of it. You can’t get enough of _her_. As you kiss her ferociously, you let the hand that is not trapping her, wander down her body again. This time, you take your time to pinch lightly her nipple, playing with it for a while. You know she likes when you’re being rough sometimes, so you’re sure of the reaction you’ll get. Unsurprisingly, she breathes out a low-pitched moan in your mouth, and you feel yourself getting wetter at the sound. And nothing to do with the shower.

Satisfied with the response, you drag your hand lower and finally reach her clit. You let your fingers wander through her folds, getting lost in the heat surrounding your fingertips. You tease her for a while, avoiding the area where she wants you the most, but even you can handle so much teasing.

You stop kissing her, and you chuckle as she chases your mouth with her own. Instead, you let go of her hands and grab her jaw, turning her head to the side. Your lips meet the underside of her jaw, and you start leaving sloppy kisses on her neck, her collarbone, slowly making your way down her body. You stop at her breasts, and you take one in your mouth, relishing the fact that she has now buried her hands in your hair. Your other hand is still working around her clit, teasing her in the best way possible. You let go of her breast and look up. Carmilla is looking at you in an almost vicious way, the pleasure and desire evident in her eyes. You know what you have to do.

You keep your eyes on hers as you start making your way down her body again, kissing and licking every patch of skin you find, until you reach her inner thigh. You bite on it lightly, as she pulls at your hair in response, letting out another moan that makes you want to please her immediately. You kiss your way up her thigh, when you finally end up where you’re supposed to be. You’re still looking at her, and her eyes are full of lust, almost begging you to release her from that pain you put her through. As you start to breathe over her clit, she closes her eyes in anticipation of what’s coming next.

“Look at me,” you command, and she opens her eyes immediately, watching you. “Are you being obedient now? Will you do everything I tell you to?” She nods vividly. “Speak.”

“Yes… yes. I will do everything you want me to,” she pants, her voice laced with desperation. “Just, please Laura, fuck me. I can’t take this anymore.”

You smirk, as you let your tongue finally taste her. She’s still looking at you, obeying you, but you can see her struggle to keep her eyes straight. The hand that was circling her clit is now teasing her entrance, waiting for the optimal moment. Your other hand has found its way to your own clit, and you give a whimper at the contact, Carmilla joining you as the reverberation of the sound has made her shiver above you. You use this moment to bury your fingers in her and in yourself, as you suck soundly on her clit. She lets out an even louder moan, and you think you hear your name being uttered in the middle of the profanities that come pouring out of her mouth. In this moment, you don’t even care that someone can possibly hear you. You pump your fingers inside of her as you alternate between sucking and licking the little bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, Laura…” She moans, and you can’t believe how easy it’s been.

You stop all movements and she widens her eyes, taking in your smirk. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I let it pass the last time you spoke, but Carmilla… I’m sure you understand I can’t let it pass twice.”

“No. No! I won’t do it again!”

“Turn around,” you say as you stand up, and she obeys immediately. “Put your hands on the wall, and _don’t_ move them.”

You find yourself in the same position as before, your chest against her back, only this time, you’re not wasting any time teasing her. Your right hand finds its way back on her clit, and you continue circling it, as your mouth leaves wet kisses on Carmilla’s neck.

“You’re so hot,” you whisper in her ear, before biting her lobe. “Every time I look at you, I have to restrain myself from ripping your clothes off.” You put a little more pressure on her clit and you see her lower lip disappear in her mouth. “Do you know how hard it’s been, not being able to touch you when we weren’t alone? I have to make up for that now, don’t I?”

She lets out a sound of surprise when the fingers of your second hand enter her, your arm below her ass to give it a more comfortable angle. You start pumping inside her again, swallowing all her moans since she turned her head to kiss you again. Your hands are working in tandem as your mouth is kissing her fiercely, your tongues melting together.

You stop your movements again, and she looks at you confused and terrified, not understanding why you stopped this time. You grab her by the waist and turn her around one last time, kneeling down and putting your mouth on her again. You want to taste her over and over again. You can’t get enough of her, and you want to feel everything that is her as she comes.

Her hand in your hair is keeping your head in place, as the other is ruffling her own hair. She looks so fucking hot right now, all wet and skin shining, water drippling down her body, her chest heaving and her breathing ragged. You don’t want her to come yet, so that you could watch her a bit longer. You could spend your days and nights just watching her. Your fingers must have worked faster at the thought, because you don’t realize she’s about to come until it’s too late.

Her breathing stops for a second and she grasps your hair harder, her eyes closing as she lets out the loudest cry of pleasure you have ever heard her do. She moans your name as you let go of the pressure in turn, losing your balance for a second as you come. You slow down the fingers that are buried inside you, before detaching yourself from her, leaving a last peck on her oversensitive clit and pulling out your fingers from her. You stand up as you watch her coming down from her orgasm.

“Wow.” Carmilla pants, leaned back against the shower wall. “I didn’t know you had this in you.”

“Actually, me neither.” You say self-consciously, now that the moment has passed.

“I like it.” She pushes herself off the wall, closing the distance between you, leaving only an inch between your lips. “I really, really like it.” She whispers, her voice thick, and smirking at you, but not moving closer. “I just hope the whole squad didn’t hear me scream your name. Not that it would be a bad thing. After all, you deserve the praising.” Her smirk widens at her own words.

Maybe because you are weak, or maybe because you really want it, you give in to her teasing and lean in, cupping her face and kissing her fiercely. You’re surprised that she still has enough breath left to kiss you like she does, after what you have done to her in this shower. She holds you close by the waist, her thumbs drawing light circles unto your hips. The kiss ends up being more soft than it started, and you pull away slowly, pecking her lips one last time. You open your eyes and see that she is smiling at you softly, so of course, your mind goes to places where it really shouldn’t go. It’s just sex Laura, get over it. If only your heart could stop beating that fast.

“So… I’ll leave you to your… washing, and I’ll go grab some breakfast in the meantime.” You say, stepping out of the shower.

“Don’t think I’m over with you!” You hear her say as you wrap yourself in a towel. “I’ll have to repay you for that, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” You smirk at Carmilla who has her head popped out of the shower to watch you go.

You close the bathroom door on your way out and look around you. Your stuff is still in the living-room so you only have the choice to go eat breakfast in your pajamas. Not that anybody will mind.

 

“And she rises!” LaF shouts from their spot at the kitchen table, mouth already full of bacon.

“It’s only like 10 a.m.,” you counter. “What, did you get up at dawn?”

“I’ve always been an early riser, frosh. You won’t believe the ton of things you get to do when you wake up early.”

“Perry woke you up at 6 a.m., didn’t she?” You say with a smirk, grabbing a cup and filling it with coffee.

“That woman must have eaten a clock at some point in her life,” they huff exasperatedly. “Can I sleep with you and Carmilla tonight? I promise you won’t even notice me, I fit in a cardboard box. Please?” They plead.

You tu-tut at them. This is golden. “You left me alone to decide whether I was sleeping alone, with Kirsch, or with Carmilla while you had your comfortable bedroom all ready for you. Now you have to live with the consequences, gingersnap.” Not mentioning the fact that it would irremediably cut short all your chances of getting laid tonight.

“You suck,” they pout. “And don’t call me gingersnap! It’s already enough that Carmilla is doing it. I don’t want you to start with the nicknames too. Speaking of which, where’s that little girlfriend of yours?”

“She’s not—my _friend_ , Carmilla, is in the shower. I think.” You try not to blush.

“Well, you know, I can’t help but notice that Kirsch is currently sleeping on the sofa while you got to share a bedroom with the broody brunette. Just saying.”

“Would you have slept in the same bed as Kirsch? We can hear him snoring from here!”

They hesitate for a second. “Good point. Are you sure it’s not Perry vacuuming though?”

You chance a quick look to the sofa, where Kirsch is lying on his back, eyes shut and mouth wide-open. “Positive.”

 

* * *

 

“Whose idea was this, again?” Danny huffs, annoyed.

“Who do you think?” Kirsch mumbles.

“Stop talking or you will be out of breath! And we need to move if we want to find something before sunset.” Perry answers, not even turning around from her spot at the front.

“I don’t even like mushrooms.” Kirsch whispers, probably thinking Perry will not hear him.

“That’s because you haven’t tasted my soup, Kirsch. Everyone loves it, right?” She turns hastily to LaF for confirmation, who seems a bit scared to answer the wrong thing.

“Yeah it’s… it’s great Kirsch. You’ll love it.”

Everyone is walking in front of you and Carmilla. You’re a bit afraid that you’ll get lost in the woods, but you trust Perry to know what she’s doing. You’ve never been one to gather mushrooms, but apparently Perry found a new passion; and forced you all to come with her. After all, she invited you here, the least you can do is help her when she needs it.

 

You hear Carmilla grunt for the umpteenth time beside you, and you’ve had it.

“That’s it!” You blurt out, much to her surprise, and suddenly stop walking. “Will you stop complaining? It’s just for an hour or two.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Are you kidding me? I can hear you huffing and exhaling loudly. It’s really annoying.”

“Well, excuse me for breathing, cupcake.”

“Oh, quit your sarcasm. You know perfectly it’s more than that. You’re always complaining about one thing or another!” You throw your hands up in the air in frustration as you continue your rant. “ _‘Laura, I’m cold. Are we there yet? I don’t like this place! Oh, I don’t like the sun, my porcelain skin is sensitive.’_ It’s a forest, Carmilla. Nature! Nothing to complain about. Oh and last but not least--”

“Laura… LAURA!” She cuts you off.

“WHAT?”

“Where’s everyone?”

“What do you mean? They’re right…” You turn to face the front, but all you see is endless rows of trees. “… Here…”

“Oh great, we lost them! Thank you, really. Great performance, loved every minute of it.” She says in a fake enthusiastic tone. “Now, get us back to the others.”

“But I…” You feel a bit self-conscious right now. “I don’t know how to.”

“What do you mean you don’t know how to? Don’t you love the woods? You were here biting my head off just 3 seconds ago because of my alleged complaints. Surely you know how to get back to the others.”

“I, hum…” You scratch the back of your head nervously. “I might not have been entirely honest about the whole _‘it’s just nature, Carmilla.’_ Truth is, I’m not really a fan either.” You wince.

“Holy fuck. This is just great.” She says, exasperated. “Nice one, cupcake. You really got me there.”

“Stop, this won’t help anything. I just wanted to be positive. Then maybe, I would’ve learned to not hate the woods.”

She sighs. “Whatever, let’s just… go this way.” She points in a direction and you both start to walk, without saying anything.

 

A few minutes of walking later (probably; you forgot your watch at the cabin and didn’t take your phone) you hear what sounds like a loud groan coming from a small distance.

You stop and put a hand on Carmilla’s stomach to stop her. “What was that?” You ask in mild panic. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah… Probably just the wind rustling through the--”

Another groan makes her stop.

“Nope,” she says, looking to the left with widened eyes. “Definitely not the wind. Nope. That’s…” She takes a deep breath. “That’s a bear.”

“A be--” She gestures nervously in the direction of something and you follow her gaze, only to be met with the biggest creature you have ever seen. “Fuck. Fuck. That’s a bear alright.”

The animal is not really close, maybe 1,600 feet away. But that’s enough for the both of you to freak out. You look at Carmilla and see that she is glued to the spot, panic in her eyes. So you decide that for once, you’ll be the brave one.

“Don’t worry, I got this. Just let me grab my…” You slowly reach to your back pocket, only to find it empty. “Shit.”

Carmilla looks at you skeptically. “What are you doing?”

“I thought I had my bear spray. Must’ve left it in the cabin, though.”

Carmilla’s eyes widen almost comically and she starts to whisper-yell. “Bear spray?? Who the fuck carries bear spray with them? Are you fucking Buffalo Bill?!”

“Buffalo Bill hunted buffalos, Carmilla.” You answer calmly.

“So not the point!”

Ignoring her, you start to walk backward. “Now, all we have to do is just slowly, really slowly, get out of here. The bear didn’t even notice us. If we’re being quiet, everything will be just fine.”

“How can you be so calm and blasé about this?” She asks as she follows your lead.

Truth is, you aren’t calm at all. You are internally freaking out, but she doesn’t need to know that. If you don’t want to be torn apart by an angry bear, at least one of you needs to remain calm; and right now, it is you. So you dodge her question by shrugging your shoulders, while you keep on moving backward, Carmilla following closely.

When you’re far enough, you tell Carmilla to start running. Because yeah, confronted to a bear, one can only remain calm for a certain amount of time.

You keep on running when you suddenly run into something, or someone in this case. You almost collapse but strong hands on your biceps keep you from falling forward.

“Hey, hey…” A soft voice tells you, and you realize you know that voice, so you look up. “I found them!” Kirsch calls out before looking at you again. “What are you running away from like that?”

You lock eyes with Carmilla, who seems exhausted, and let out a sigh.

 

* * *

 

 “I can’t believe you saw a bear.” LaF says, munching on their piece of cake. “How was it? Did you have time to take a sample of its hair? I’ve always been curious about--”

“Sweetie,” Perry interjects. “I think they’ve had enough for one day. Maybe we should just let them finish their dinner.” Your redheaded friend turns to you, softness in her eyes.

“Thank you, Perr.” You say appreciatively.

“At least, the mushroom soup was worth it. You’ll have to give me the recipe, Perry.” Carmilla genuinely smiles at your friend.

“Wow, it’s really a huge compliment coming from someone who cooks for a living. Of course, Carmilla.” Perry says, blushing hard, as Carmilla nods her thanks.

“Now, who’s ready for some action?” LaF exclaims with a clap of their hands. “I brought this awesome zombie board game where all you have to do is…”

You tune out their explanations as you see Carmilla standing up from the corner of your eyes. Your eyes meet and you silently ask her what she is doing. She nods her head toward the front door and you understand she wants to go out. You raise one eyebrow, asking implicitly if you can come with, and she answers with a quirk of her lips and a small nod.

“So, hum…” You start to say as you stand up. “I’m not really in the mood for board games. Do you mind if I sit this one out?”

“Yeah, me neither. I need some fresh air. Sorry guys.”

“Oh, sure, no problem! It’s actually a 5-player game, I thought we could team-up but that makes things easier.” LaF answers cheerfully, probably impatient to start the game.

“Everything okay?” Perry asks, concern in her voice.

“Yes, everything is fine, don’t worry. Thank you though.” You smile warmly at Perry, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze.

 

You tell Carmilla to wait for you as you go in your room to look for some warmer clothes; for you and for her.

“You brought me a sweater?” She asks as you hand her one of your hoodies.

You shrug. “It’s cold outside. Don’t forget that we sleep in the same bed tonight. If you get sick, I get sick. And I’m having none of that.”

She chuckles. “Thanks.” And she seems really thankful for the small gesture, something you don’t fully understand.

 

You leave the warmth of the cabin and start to walk toward the lake, and it’s just halfway through that you realize none of you has uttered a word. Surprisingly, she’s the one to start the conversation.

“So… I haven’t properly thanked you for this afternoon. You got us out of this situation without blinking, even if you were as terrified as I was.” She smiles softly at you.

“You don’t need to thank me, really. I mostly did it for myself.” You say nonchalantly, both of you perfectly aware that’s not true.

“Sure.” She smirks.

“And for the record, I wasn’t terrified. I was really cool and chill. Relax, even.”

“Alright, Frankie. I believe you weren’t as frightened as I was. Still, thank you.” She answers, her eyes locked on yours.

You hate it when she looks at you like that; like you’re the only star in her universe. It makes you want to kiss her and think about things you really shouldn’t think about. This silly crush is really getting out of hands, and the softness she carries in her eyes when she looks at you does not do anything to tame it down. You finally arrive in front of the lake, and you take this opportunity to change the subject, while you motion for her to sit down next to you.

“So, what are we doing here?”

“Ah, yes. Well, you see, since this is our last night in this cabin, away from all the bright lights and loud noises of the city, I thought it would be nice for us to stargaze a bit. I was originally planning on doing it alone, but I’m glad you came along. That way, I will be able to bore you with my stories about the stars and the universe.” Her tone is playful but you know there’s a hint of seriousness behind it. She actually wants to share with you this part of her.

“Thank you.” Is all you can say, and your voice is smaller than you thought it would be. You glance up at her, and she is already looking at you. This softness in her eyes that doesn’t seem to leave her these days when she looks at you.

She turns her gaze away from you and looks at the stars above her. She slowly leans down and you do the same. Both of you end up lying down on the ground, one hand propped up behind your head as a support, and the other between the two of you, your pinkies almost touching, but not quite. You take a deep breath and breathe out, emptying your lungs. You feel good, you feel really good.

You have always been fascinated by the stars, but never took the time to know more about them, or actually look at them whenever you have the opportunity. Although, the city lights aren’t much of a help with that one. So you never stargaze; but when you do, the rarity of your sessions makes it even more exceptional. Everything is so calm and peaceful, the thousand stars in the sky making you feel like they’re shining just for you.

You let Carmilla tell you the tales of the stars, her voice so warm and soft that it doesn’t disturb the silence around you. For the second time since you met her, you listen to her talking about a subject she loves and knows everything about. You end up looking at her instead of the stars, and the passion you feel in her eyes and her words makes her even more beautiful, and so, so perfect to you.

There’s a moment of silence when she stops talking; but it’s not uncomfortable. However, there’s one thing you’ve been meaning to ask her for a while, and you hope the moment is right.

“Hey…” You start quietly and she turns to you. “Can I ask you something?”

Her smile is soft. “Anything, cupcake.”

“Do you…” You frown as your throat gets dry, an overwhelming stress taking you by surprise. “Do you want to tell me about Ell?”

She turns away and looks at the stars again, not noticing the wince that has taken over your face. Fuck, you made a mistake. She’ll be closing herself off again. What were you thinking?!

“I… I’m sorry.” You stutter. “I never should have asked. That was stupid of me. Really, I--”

“I was 18 when I met her.” You shut your mouth in surprise as Carmilla starts to tell you the story of the woman who broke her heart. “I didn’t think I was naïve at the time. I wasn’t the usual teen coming out of high school and away from mummy and daddy for the first time. So I thought I knew better. We met at the culinary school. We were friends for a little while before it became more. Before her, I had never really thought about my sexuality. I know it sounds weird for an 18-year-old, but as you know, I had other things in mind.” You nod even though she can’t see you, her gaze still fixated on the sky. “So, when I realized I had feelings for her, it didn’t feel weird; it just felt right. Things were better in my life at that moment, so I was more trusting than I ever was before. I told her everything; my mom, my dad, my brother. She knew every part of my life. We were in love, and I was happier than I ever was before.”

Despite yourself, you feel a pang in your chest and jealousy building up, hearing that someone had Carmilla fully; body and soul. Even if you have no right to be jealous, and knowing how heartbroken Carmilla ended up, it is completely inappropriate in this situation. But still, you cannot help yourself.

“I gave her everything.” She sighs sadly. “I gave her everything I had in me. My trust, my heart, my entire devotion. She was everything to me. Have you ever loved someone so much, you would die for them? Well, that’s how it felt like. But apparently, she didn’t feel the same way about me.” She takes a breath. “My father found me. I don’t know how he did it, but he found all the information he needed to know about me. At first, I didn’t know why he was even looking for me. I mean, he didn’t care about me, why would he even want to find me? That’s when Ell started to act strangely. Always talking about my father, asking me, almost pleading me to give him another chance. I kept telling her how horrible of a person he was, but she wouldn’t listen, saying that family is the most important thing in the world. She scoffed when I told her that _she_ was my family. _‘It’s not the same thing, Carmilla,_ ’ she said.”

Anger starts building up in your chest but you try to keep it down, not wanting to interrupt her.

“A few months later, I went to confront him. I couldn’t take the endless pleas from Ell anymore. I didn’t go to forgive him, I just wanted to know what he wanted. Apparently, he was sober now, and wanted me back. But I still felt the same anger in him, even when he was trying to play nice. I couldn’t believe him; and I told him so. I told him I didn’t need him anymore, that I had a job, a school to go to, and a girlfriend I loved and who loved me. _‘Really?’_ Was his answer. _‘Do you really believe that girl loves you? Then ask her Carmilla. Look into her eyes when you ask. You’ll have your answer.’_ I couldn’t take this conversation out of my mind. So a few days later, I asked her.” She closes her eyes for a second. “She lied. She lied when she told me she loved me. It may sound stupid, but I just knew she wasn’t telling the truth. I was so angry and confused, I couldn’t understand what was happening. Had she ever loved me? Or was it all just an act? For what purpose? One thing led to another, and she finally confessed that the only reason she was staying with me was because of my father.”

“What? But why?” You ask, confused.

She sighs. “He was paying her, Laura. That fucking dick found her when he found me, and convinced her to take his money. He was paying her to convince me to go back to him,” she snorts bitterly. “She told me she tried to resist the appeal of money, but that she needed it too much to refuse such a proposition.”

 _Fucking bitch_ , you think, as your nails dig in the palm of your hand out of anger.

“Before she left for good, she told me I was a nice girl, that we had some fun, but that she fell out of love pretty quickly. Apparently, our relationship wasn’t enough for her. _I_ wasn’t enough.” She closes her eyes and you can see a small tear making its way down to the crook of her neck.

“Please don’t say that.” You plead in a small voice.

“What?” She croaks, her throat constricted by the weight of her sorrow.

“Please don’t ever think you’re not good enough, Carm. Because that’s so, so far from the truth. Please don’t believe any word that fucking bitch said to you. I need you to understand that. You _are_ enough, you always have been and always will be.” She turns to you and you search for her eyes, but to your surprise, she lets out a small teary chuckle. “What?” You ask, confused.

“You called me Carm.” She smiles.

“Oh my god! I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry it won’t happen again, promise.” You panic for a bit, because you remember the last time you called her by this nickname, and you’re fearing her rejection again.

“No, Laura. It’s fine. Really. You’re…” She shyly turns her gaze away from yours, more interested in your intertwined hands (when did that happen?) than your eyes. “You’re the closest person to me right now. You have been for a while. You’re my best friend.” She shrugs, self-conscious.

Your heart is so warm in that moment that you almost feel it burning from the inside. You’re on the verge of tears – hell, some of them have already escaped. You want to tell her that she means the world to you. You want to tell her that you could do anything for her, that you would do anything just to see her smile, to see her happy. That you would do anything to protect her.

But you don’t. Instead, you say, “You’re my best friend too, Carm.” And when her gaze quickly turns to you and you see her toothy smile, you think you have conveyed the message anyway. Getting the feeling that you’re too far away from her, you let your head drop on her shoulder, as she puts her left arm around you to pull you closer.

 

“You know,” she says after a moment of silence, that you used to wipe your tears and calm the beating of your heart. “You don’t remember, but you called me Carm again one day.”

“What?” You answer, confused. “No I didn’t.”

She laughs. “Yeah you did. Remember when you met Leo?” You nod. “That night we… fooled around a bit, and in the morning you woke up to Leo licking your face.”

“Ew, yeah, I remember that. I thought it was you.”

“And that’s my point. You were like ‘Caaarm stop licking my face!’ in that cute little sleepy voice of yours.” She chuckles. “You were half asleep, so I don’t blame you for shortening my name. But I just thought you were adorable.”

“Uughhh!” You hide your face in the crook of her neck. “You suck.” You feel her laugh reverberate from your position on her neck, and you cannot help the smile that it brings to your face.

 

Later that night, when you fall asleep next to Carmilla, you try to remember a time when you felt that content in your life. You can’t.

 

* * *

 

The road to home is pretty uneventful. You listen to Carmilla and LaF banter about one thing or another. To Perry’s soft singing when she thinks no one can hear her. At the passing trees, houses, cars, when you look out the window. You take the time to think about the events of the weekend. Carmilla finally opened up to you, completely. She trusted you enough to tell you things she never told anyone before, and she considers you close enough now to be allowed to use her nickname. Carm.

You hide your smile behind the palm of your hand, with your elbow resting on the window armrest. You chance a look at the object of your thoughts, to see her turn to you at the same time. You don’t talk, you just stay there, looking at each other as if time has stopped. As if there’s only the two of you at this moment; no Perry, no LaF, just you and Carm. Alone. Or at least, that’s how you imagine it. But what’s going on in the brunette’s head? You’re way too frustrated that you cannot seem to know what she’s thinking. If only you could read minds… She smiles softly and winks at you before returning to her conversation, as if nothing happened. And maybe nothing did. So why is your heart beating so fast? Why are your palms suddenly sweaty and your fingers twitching, itching to make a move?

 

When the door to your apartment closes behind you, the realization hits you like a ton of bricks. Your bag falls to the floor with a loud thud. Knees weak and wide eyes, you have to catch your breath to find the strength to use your voice.

 

“I’m in love with her.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah I'm always so stressed out when I publish smut. 
> 
> You guys are amazing, I love every one of your comments!!
> 
> Thank you for your support! :)


	11. Message In A Bottle

“What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Laur, you’ve been cleaning this kitchen counter for at least ten minutes. And I’ve never seen you use it.” LaF glares at you and crosses their arms. “So, I’ll repeat my previous question. What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” You say quicker than intended. “Why would something be wrong? Can’t I just clean my home without any further reason than just wanting it to be clean and spotless?” You ask as you scrub harder that little stain that won’t come off. “I always do that.”

“You NEVER do that.”

“I do!”

“Come on, you liar. Spit it out.”

You stop scrubbing and sigh, plopping on the stool next to you. “I swear, nothing’s going on. I’m just… swamped with work, that’s it. I’m just trying to take my mind off things.”

You hate lying to LaF. But how can you tell them that you just found out that you’re hopelessly in love with the girl you swore you would never fall for? The girl you’re forbidden to love because your relationship with her is casual and nothing good would ever come out of it? And the worst of it: how can you tell them that they were right all along?! Ughh. You might be some fool in love, but you still have some dignity, damn it.

“That’s old news, Hollis. You can’t use this work excuse for everything. I know you, and I know that you’re not telling everything. But you know what? I can wait. I can wait until you’re ready to tell me, if you ever are.” They put a hand on your shoulder affectionately.

“Wow, you, patient? Not trying to get all that information out of me in every way possible?” You sneer.

They chuckle. “Yeah, I know. Perry said that I can be a little… indiscreet sometimes. So I’m trying to set new boundaries. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook either! I want to know, Hollis.”

You sigh. “I know. I’m just… not ready. Not yet. But thank you for understanding.”

“Sure, frosh.” They grin before frowning suddenly and crinkling their nose. “Now I can finally tell you that you’ve been using toilet product to clean your countertop. Your entire kitchen smells like an airport restroom.”

 

* * *

 

“Okay, but I don’t get it.”

You huff for the hundredth time in five minutes. “ _What_ now?”

Since your new-found feelings for the girl currently next to you, your emotions have been all over the place. You don’t want to be too close to her, and yet, you just can’t help yourself. However, the dark-haired girl doesn’t seem to notice that you’re not being completely yourself.

“Isn’t he supposed to be like, super overprotective? Being the only parent of a teenage girl and all that jazz.” Carmilla points at the TV. “Then, why does he let his daughter hang out with biker gangs and criminals? If you ask me, that’s some bad parenting right there. And that’s coming from the girl who used to ‘accidently’ leave her Barbies on the driveway behind the car tires.”

“Well, no one asked you.” You reply a little harshly.

“Oh, okay, I see how it is. You’re always complaining when we watch my movies, but when it’s my turn to find something illogical in your stupid TV shows, suddenly that’s not okay?”

“ _Veronica Mars_ is NOT stupid! You’re stupid.” You mumble.

“What, are you five?” She snorts, before looking in your direction, her demeanor changing immediately when she sees that you’re actually upset. “Hey, Laura,” she says softly, a look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong? I was joking you know, I don’t find it stupid. I actually watched the movie.” She chuckles, trying to reassure you. “Just don’t ask me what I thought of it.”

You sigh and meet her eyes, putting on a smile you hope does not seem as fake as you feel it does. “I’m not upset about what you said, Carm. I’m not _that_ involved in the series.”

“You sure? I’ve seen your Twitter handle, lauranicamars.” She purses her lips, trying not to laugh.

“Shut up.” A giggle escapes as you throw a pillow at her.

She dodges the pillow and frowns. “Okay, so if it’s not that, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours that makes you so… irritable?” she asks cautiously.

Nope, not going to happen. Carmilla must never know that you have sappy, disgusting, and forbidden feelings for her. Just thinking about it makes you want to puke... Or hold her and kiss her until you both fall asleep in each other’s arms. OH GOD what has become of you? Get it together, Hollis. You need to find a reason for you to be upset, without bringing the ‘too much work’ excuse, since apparently people see through your lies.

“I think I’m gonna get fired.”

Oh… no.

“Wait, what?!” She straightens up and stares at you in bewilderment. “Why?”

“I told my boss she was fat.” Why are words still coming out of your mouth? Do they make something to keep your mouth from telling utter bullshit? _Yeah, and it’s called a brain, dumbass._

“Why the fuck would you do that?” she squawks, her eyes widening comically. You would laugh if you didn’t feel the desperate urge to cry more.

You really have to get out of this now. “I mean… not to her face I didn’t. But…” Quick, _think_. “I was telling that to a colleague and when I turned around she was right behind us. She gave me that look that said _‘oh, you’re so screwed.’_ But again, she always has that look. You’d think she would know when too much plastic surgery is too much. I never know when she’s smiling. But I don’t think she knows how to either. I swear, it’s like she came from the depth of hell to--”

“Laura, Laura. You’re rambling.” She puts a hand on your shoulder and squeezes, a small smile on her face. “I think you’re fine. She’s not going to fire you over some overheard conversation. You don’t even know for sure that she did hear what you said.”

“You think?...” You cringe.

She snorts. “Yeah. You’re an excellent journalist. The newspaper would sink without you. She’s not stupid enough to risk firing you.”

“You haven’t even read what I wrote. You’re speculating. But thanks anyway.” You smile nonetheless.

She raises an eyebrow. “What makes you think I haven’t read every piece you wrote?” she asks, a serious look on her face.

You roll your eyes and snicker. “Come on, be serious here. You couldn’t have possibly done that.” When she doesn’t answer, you raise your head to look at her, only to see that she has lowered her gaze. “Did you?” you ask in a small voice.

She shrugs, her head still low. “Yeah,” she answers sheepishly.

You’re confused for a second, your heart picking up its pace without your agreement. “Why?”

She finally meets your eyes. “Because, I want to know you. I mean, I know you. But I want to know things you’re not telling me. You never talk about your work, and I never ask. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. You’re really talented, Laura. And I don’t know if you know it. As one of your best friends, it’s my job to remind you of that. And I’m not only saying that because I’m your friend. I really believe that.”

You feel your eyes well up, but you repress the tears, afraid you’re not going to be able to talk if you don’t. “Wow. I… Thank you. I cannot believe you read all my work. It means so much to me that you cared enough to do that.”

“Of course I care. I’m your friend, I care about you.” She says gently.

_Friend_. Yeah. Maybe it’s better this way. She is such a good friend to you, and you want to be the same for her. You’re not about to ruin this friendship over some one-sided feelings. That would be the stupidest thing to do. You need her, and you know she needs you. Even if it’s just as friends, you’re okay with that. You _have_ to be. It’s either that or nothing, and you can’t bear the thought of losing her.

Who cares that your heart is beating out of your chest when you see her? Who cares that your knees go weak every time she uses that smooth voice? Who cares that you feel all your body tremble just at the thought of her touching you? Who cares that she’s your first thought in the morning and your last at night? … Who cares?

“Laura?” Her voice pulls you out of your sappy thoughts.

“Yes, sorry.” You meet her concerned gaze. “I care about you too, you know?”

She smiles shyly, putting her hand on top of yours. “I know.” You share a longing look, before she clears her throat and retracts her hand.

“So… enough about me!” you say. “How’s the restaurant?”

“Great! Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. I have this seminar next week, some boring stuff. Basically, the restaurant is sending some cooks to meet the other branches of the company, and we’re supposed to learn new things. Something about inspiring us and ‘exploring our creative side,’ as they say. So I will be gone for a week.”

“Oh.” You say, the disappointment in your voice palpable. Nevertheless, you clear your throat and grin in fake excitement. “That’s great! You’ll get to learn new tricks, meet other people, that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, no. Boring.” She replies, without an ounce of enthusiasm.

“So… You think you can stand not seeing me for a week?” You humor her, elbowing her side.

“I call that a vacation, cupcake.” She winks.

“Hey!” You slap her arm. “You know you’re going to miss me.”

She sighs exaggeratedly. “Fine, you win. I will.”

You grin victoriously, puffing your chest. “You bet you will!” You drop the act and smile genuinely at her. “I’ll miss you too.”

_And you don’t even know how much,_ you think.

 

* * *

 

“So, what do you want to do?”

…

“Do you want to watch some TV?”

…

“Go outside for a bit?”

“Laura.”

“Or we could get some rest.”

“LAURA.”

“What?!” You snap.

“Have you ever taken care of a dog?” Danny asks, visibly annoyed, as she leans down to scratch Leo’s head.

“Isn’t it obvious? I have no fucking clue of what I’m supposed to do.”

“Didn’t you say your grandmother had dogs?”

“Yeah, _she_ had them, not me.” You huff. “And you know what? I didn’t call you to reprimand me, I called you because I needed help. And you look like you know your way around dogs… Carm says you remind her of an English cocker spaniel.”

She almost jumps. “She says WHAT?!”

You shrug, totally unfazed by her huffiness. “So, are you going to help me?”

She exhales loudly, kneeling again to pet the dog. “Why are you the one taking care of him while she’s gone? How did she do when she didn’t know you?”

“Her downstairs neighbor usually takes Leo when she’s not here. But… I kinda offered to take him instead,” you mumble.

The redhead rolls her eyes. “Of course you did. How selfless of you.”

“Hey! I wanted to help.”

“Sure. You always have the knack to find yourself in stupid situations, Hollis.” She smirks.

You sigh and plop down on your couch, cradling your head in your hands. “I know! Why do I always do that?”

She joins you. “Cause you’re a nice person, Laura. Don’t beat yourself up, that’s a good thing,” she says genuinely. “I’ll give you some instructions and everything is gonna be fine, alright?”

You look up at her through your fingers and ask in a small voice. “Really?”

“Really.” She chuckles. “This dog loves you, you’re gonna take perfect care of him. Don’t worry.”

 

* * *

 

After being given the set of instructions, you find yourself alone again with Leo. Your apartment looks suddenly smaller with a dog that big in it. But hey, you love dogs, you always wanted to have one, so now is the perfect occasion to test your skills. Fortunately for you, Leo is a calm dog and is really well-behaved, so the neighbors won’t have to suffer from hours of barking, and your apartment will not be a mess at the end of the week. You let out a sigh of relief at the thought.

You suddenly feel something rubbing against your leg. You look down and see the German shepherd’s big brown eyes looking at you in expectation. You lean down and cradle his head.

“What do you want, baby?” Oh great, you’re using the same childish voice Carm uses on him.

He whines and pushes his head against your hand, wiggling his tail excitedly.

“Oh you want to go out, is that it?”

He barks eagerly at that. You laugh and go grab his leash, clasping it on his collar before leaving your apartment and the building.

 

Not even a full minute after you’ve entered the park, your phone rings. You look at the caller ID and can’t help your grin.

“Hey!” You reply excitedly, and maybe a little too much. Breathe, Hollis. “What’s up? Have you finally landed?”

_“Yeah, I just arrived at my hotel actually. Here let me just…”_ You hear some rustling on Carmilla’s side. _“There. I’m in my bedroom.”_

“So, how is it over there?” You ask as you sit on a bench, unleashing Leo and letting him skip about.

_“Cold. How is it still winter here? I had to put on a coat, and you know how much I love coats.”_

“Oh, do you miss your leather jacket?” You ask mockingly.

_“Shut up.”_ You can sense her rolling her eyes. _“And yes I do. But I’m sure you miss it more.”_ You hear her smirk.

You roll your eyes but smile nonetheless, shaking your head. “You do look extremely good in that jacket. I’ll give you that.” The sound of a bark interrupts you and you quickly look up. “Leo! No! Come here. Leave that dog alone, he hasn’t done anything to you.”

Leo comes back trotting to you, as if nothing ever happened, as Carmilla replies with a bit of nervousness in her voice. _“Where are you? What’s going on?”_

“I took Leo out for a walk. We’re at the park. He just got excited when he saw another, smaller dog. But don’t worry, he’s with me now.” You put your phone next to the dog’s ear. “Say hello to Mummy, Leo.” He turns his head and tries to lick the phone, before you pull it away from him, laughing. “He says he misses you very much.”

She chuckles. _“I miss him too. And well, well, well, Miss Hollis. I didn’t know you were such a dog whisperer. I’m glad I chose you to take care of him.”_

“Right, like you had a multitude of candidates lining up to take him.”

_“I did!”_ She stops to think. _“Well, you and J.P.”_

“And yet, you chose me.” You say triumphantly, smirking even though she can’t see you.

_“I always do.”_ She says quietly, in a sudden more serious tone. The weight of those words makes your heart skip a beat, and you have to remind yourself that she doesn’t mean anything by it. Hope is your worst enemy right now.

You’re left speechless for a second, until you find something to say that would sound casual and not at all I’m-so-in-love-with-you-y. “Oh I’m sure you won’t have to choose me where you are. I bet there’s gonna be plenty of other choices lining up for you in no time. And not for your dog this time.”

She stays silent for a solid second, until she clears her throat. _“Yeah, probably. Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you later, alright?”_

“Sure…” You’re a little taken aback by the sudden rush, but you don’t mention it. “We’ll talk later.”

_“Bye.”_ And with that, she hangs up.

You breathe out a sigh as you pocket your phone. Maybe that was too casual? Nah, that’s how you have always communicated. And what you said is true. You’re sure there’s already tons of people drooling over her. Just like everywhere she goes. Not that you’re jealous or anything. Of course not. She can do whatever she wants… theoretically. Although… you’re kinda glad you have set this agreement where you’re supposed to inform one another before doing anything with someone else. Fuck. You really hope to never receive a call from Carmilla asking for your permission.

 

You glance at the German shepherd, who is casually lying down, his head resting on his paws. “You don’t have these problems, do you?” His eyes look up at you. “You’re not in love with your best friend with benefits. How lucky you are.” You lean your head against your palms, staring off into the distance. “I just wish I had it that easy too. All you do is play, eat and sleep. And all I do is think about her. How pathetic is that?” You meet the dog’s inquisitive eyes. “Oh don’t look at me like that! I know I’m the one at fault in this situation. But what do you want me to say? I couldn’t help myself. Carmilla is impossible not to fall for. And fell I did. Hard.” You grunt and cover your face, before peeking through your fingers at the dog. “Do you… Do you think she could feel the same way too?” Leo yawns in response and turns his head away from you. “Yeah. Why do I even bother?”

You sigh and start to stand up, meeting the curious stare of a passerby. “What? Have you never seen a woman asking love advice from her dog??”

The man puts up his hands in surrender and keeps on walking.

 

* * *

 

It’s been four days since Carm left. Only three left and she’s back. God, you have been counting the days, how more pathetic can you be? You’ve never felt so disgusted with yourself. The four days were filled with various texts – mostly complaints on her part and other flirtatious comments – and phone calls. You miss her, and you know she misses you too. So there’s always that, right?

 

* * *

 

The day she comes back from her trip, you decide to spend the night out with your friends. The gang is already at a table when you arrive, and you see Carm leaning on the bar, probably waiting for her drink to arrive. You melt into the crowd and make your way toward the counter, thinking you’re being discreet enough to scare her off when you reach her.

“Even with all the noise around us, I can hear you internally squeal, cupcake.” She turns around with a smirk. “You’re really bad at this.”

“Damn it!” you mumble, before meeting her deep brown eyes, your heart skipping a beat at the sight. “Hey…” You smile shyly at her. “You’re back.”

“I’m back.” Her grin widens. “Miss me?” she asks smugly, with a raise of her eyebrow.

You snort. “You wish.”

“Well, don’t worry, the torture is over. The best sex you’ve ever had is back, baby.” She winks at you.

“Oh my god.” You shake your head, laughing. “Did this trip turn you into Austin Powers? You lost like, 80% of your sex-appeal right now.”

She shrugs. “Still makes me 150% hotter than any other girl in this bar. Fine by me.”

“You’re the most obnoxious person I’ve ever met.”

“Oh but you love it,” she says with a grin, leaning closer to you.

You freeze. You know she didn’t mean anything by it, but the word reminded you of how much it’s true. You clear your throat, avoiding her gaze.

“Anyway, I’m going to sit with the others, meet us when you’re done with your order,” you say somewhat coldly, and her brows furrow in confusion.

“Hum, sure, see you there.”

 

* * *

 

“Laura, Laura,” LaF elbows your side, interrupting your conversation with Kirsch.

“Yeah?” you ask, leaning closer to them.

“6 o’clock. Hottie checking you out for the past 10 minutes.”

You scoff. “What? First of all, are you Kirsch? And second, no I’m sure you’re mistak--” you turn you head slightly to look in the direction of the so-called hottie. A girl at the bar shoots you a smile, and holy crap, she’s hot. You quickly look at LaF again. “Wow. Okay, so that’s actually true.”

“What’s true?” Carmilla suddenly asks, leaning closer. You didn’t know she could hear you.

“Oh, nothing,” you wave her off awkwardly, the probable red on your cheek betraying your words.

“Miss popular here has an admirer,” LaF smirks, completely oblivious to your discomfort.

“Oh.” Carmilla looks surprised for a second, before raising an eyebrow at you, her lips quirking up.

“No, that’s not…” You huff. “I don’t care about that girl, I’m not here to hit on anybody.” And that’s true. No matter how hot, interesting, or funny that girl is, you don’t even want to take a second look. That’s awfully sad when you think about it, but the only girl you want to look at is the one sitting next to you.

“Which one is it?” the brunette asks, looking around in interest. _Why, just… why?_

“The one against the bar. You can’t miss her, she’s the one who can’t keep her eyes off of Laura,” LaF replies, chuckling.

You see Carm’s eyes stop on the girl. She lets out an impressed whistle. “Damn, cupcake. She’s hot. Why don’t you go see her?”

You choke on your drink. “Excuse me?” you ask, in spite of your coughing fit. You look at Carm and see that she has that challenging glint in her eyes.

She chuckles softly. “I bet you can’t get her number.”

You frown. “Why, ‘cause she is so out of my league?”

“Oh no. If anything, you’re the one out of her league.” You look at LaF from the corner of your eyes, and see their small smug smile even if they try to cover it with their beer. “I’m just saying. I would like to see you get her number before the end of the night. See if you leave her a better impression than the one you left me the night we met.”

You gasp. “You were being a bitch!”

Her grin widens. “See, don’t tell her that. You’ll never get her number if you call her a bitch.”

“I got yours.”

“No, _I_ got yours.”

“Okay!” LaF interrupts. “Are you gonna get her number or not?”

You look at Carmilla, who’s sipping her drink with a challenging smile on her face, keeping her eyes on yours. “Are you sure about this?” you ask slowly, taking in every one of her facial expressions. “Do you really want me to go hit on this girl?”

She shrugs, downing her drink before throwing you a huge grin and leaning on her elbows, getting closer to you. “I want to see you do it.”

You sigh. What game is she playing? Why does she want to see you hitting on another girl? Does she really not care about you? You’re not exactly exclusive, but does it really not bother her? The alcohol running through your veins probably altering your thoughts, you take a decision.

“You know what?” you slam your palms on the table, standing up. “Fine! You want me to get her number? I’ll do it. Watch me.”

Carmilla smirks while LaF encourages you with a “Go get her, tiger!”

 

You start to confidently walk toward the girl, but slow your steps when you’re about to reach her. Are you really going to do this? You turn your head to your friends, who are all watching you now. Great. Carmilla raises her now empty glass at you, silently encouraging you. What a bitch.

“Hey!” You say when you’re close enough, taking a seat next to the girl.

“Hey,” the girl replies with a small smile. The red-headed girl is slightly taller than you, her features soft and kind blue eyes. “So you came. I didn’t know if you noticed I was looking at you.”

Oh, so straightforward it is. “I did. I mean, _I_ didn’t, but my friend did.”

“I’m glad they did,” she says with a widened smile and a low voice, obviously flirting with you.

You keep talking to her for a long moment, drinking maybe a little more than you intended. You’re not drunk, but not so far from it. The girl’s not exactly that interesting, but she flirts with you a lot, and you can admit she’s really your type. If your type is hot women, of course. You think you would be interested if it wasn’t for Carmilla. From time to time, your gaze wanders to your table of friends, who lost interest in your conversation with the redhead. All except one, who keeps glancing at you even if she pretends not to everytime you meet her eyes. You smile at the thought that Carmilla seems to actually care. However, when you look again at the table, she’s not there anymore.

“So, do you wanna get back to my place?” the redhead asks, and it’s only then that you notice she has been seductively trailing her fingers along your arm.

“What?” You meet her flirtatious stare. “OH. Oh. I, hum…” You glance at the empty seat at the table. “I’m sorry. This is not going to go anywhere.”

“Are you sure?” She bites her lower lip, her hand now on your thigh. “I can be _very_ persuasive.”

You suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder, grabbing it almost possessively. “I think she would rather get back to my place,” Carmilla’s sultry voice says behind you. “What do you say, cupcake?” she says, bending her head to meet your gaze. You can see in her eyes that she leaves you no choice. If only she knew you would rather be with her than with anyone else...

“What? Who are you?” the redhead asks disbelievingly, retracting her hand.

You’re still looking at Carm when you stand up, answering with a smile. “The girl I’m spending the night with.”

 

* * *

 

“I thought we were getting back to your place?” You ask as your Uber takes off, leaving you on the sidewalk in front of your building. All your other friends decided to stay a little longer at the bar.

“Your place was closer,” Carmilla rasps, tugging at your jacket to bring you closer. “And I really, really couldn’t wait to be alone with you,” she ends in a whisper, her lips hovering over yours. You can feel the alcohol on her breath, and it makes your head spin.

You bite your lip as you answer, not giving in to her flirting just yet. “Maybe you can show me inside how… _eager_ you are to be alone with me.” You smirk as you take a step back, taking her hand in yours and pulling her with you.

She kisses the back of your neck when you open the door to your building. You tease her all the way to your apartment door with your wandering hands, pulling away every time she tries to kiss you. Her whining makes you giggle even more.

 

When you unlock the door to your apartment and get inside, she eagerly slams you against the wall and starts kissing your neck. The warmth of her breath making you shiver.

You hold in a moan when she starts kissing and biting at your collarbone. “Someone is happy to see me,” you say smugly.

“I had to watch you flirt with another girl all night.” She bites harder, and you can’t help the loud moan that comes out. “Her hands were all over you. She was looking at you like she wanted to eat you.” She soothes the spot with her tongue. “You don’t know how hard it was for me to just stand there and just watch it happening.”

You cradle her head in your hands, lifting it for her to meet your gaze. “Wait. Were you jealous?” You search for her eyes, your heart pounding in your ears, and the hope that the girl you’re in love with was jealous when she saw you with another girl is rising in your chest.

She takes a deep breath, before slamming her lips on yours. She kisses you fiercely, biting and sucking on your lip. It feels like you haven’t kissed her in so long, and your emotions are all over the place. The alcohol must be messing with your brain more than you thought, because right now, you don’t even care that your feelings aren’t reciprocated. You just want to kiss her, touch her, feel her. You just want _her_.

She pulls back after a few minutes, catching her breath. “I haven’t seen you in almost a week. So if you think I’m gonna watch you go home with another girl when I get back, you are _so_ wrong.”

You stroke her cheek with your knuckles, your look probably too tender for the situation. You pull away from her hold, walking backwards in the direction of your bedroom. “Come,” you say. “Show me how much you missed me.”

 

You spend the next hours with her, lips on lips, skin to skin. You forget everything. You touch, you feel, you taste. You don’t think that her sudden jealousy meant anything, just a drunken possessiveness, but you don’t care. Right now, all that matters is that you’re with her, and as long as you have her like that, you won’t let go. If you could, you would never let go.

Your head finds her chest when you’re too exhausted to keep going, and she puts her arm around you to hold you closer.

Before you drift off to sleep, she says something and you can’t believe she has waited the whole night to tell you.

“I’m leaving again soon, Laura.”

You don’t know why it hurts. It shouldn’t. She’s just leaving again, you’ll see her when she gets back. But knowing that she will be far from you again is something you’re having trouble accepting. What if she realizes how boring you are when she meets new people? What if she gets tired of you? What if she finds someone new?

 

You pretend to be asleep when she tells you that. You don’t trust your brain right now not to speak out the three words you really, really shouldn’t tell.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah things are getting heavy for our poor tiny gay...
> 
> Oh and, does anyone know why sometimes my story doesn't go on top of the works page when I publish a new chapter?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, commenting, and kudoing my little story! :)


	12. Crazy In Love

After you learned that Carmilla was leaving again, you can admit that you have been moping. A lot. She told you a few nights ago, and you haven’t spoken to her since. She tried, but the curt answers you have been giving her must have given her the hint that you weren’t up for talking. You know your behavior is childish at best, but you just can’t help yourself. The realization that you can’t even stand to know her gone for a few days hit you hard. How hooked up on her are you? It’s really not healthy. You have to give each other space if you don’t want to lose your mind.

But this time, she will be gone for two weeks. So that’s plenty of space. Maybe too much. How many things can happen in two weeks? Damn, you really have to get your shit together.

 

After another day of intense reflection, you decide that you’ve had enough. You haven’t been fair with Carmilla. It’s not her fault that she has to leave for work. And your stupid self only made things worse when you got low-key angry at her.

However, when you finally try to reach out to her, she doesn’t answer to any of your texts. Fine. You deserve it. How are you supposed to make it better now? You can’t really apologize by saying ‘ _I’m sorry I’ve been a douche but I can’t stand being with you knowing that I’m head over heels for you and that all you want from me is my friendship and casual sex._ ’ That might be a little too much to process. The last thing you want is to scare her off.

Since you’re not going anywhere with this, you decide to take a walk to clear your mind. It’s a sunny Sunday; maybe a nice walk in the park will help you relax.

Lost in your thoughts, you miss the park and your feet lead you instead to a neighborhood that you have started to know a little bit these last few months. Seriously. How long have you walked? You end up in front of that French café Carmilla showed you all these months ago. A little bit tired and admittedly hungry, you decide to get in, the thought of a nice hot cocoa and delicious cupcakes making your stomach growl.

The smell of freshly-made coffee is strong when you open the door, and you briefly close your eyes, inhaling the delectable scent. When you open them, the small smile on your face drops immediately and you freeze, still standing in the middle of the café. Shit. Carmilla.

She is sitting at a table, apparently talking and laughing with… yes, that would be Mattie. Okay. What are you supposed to do now? Are you supposed to leave before they see you? Or should you go greet them? Unfortunately, you don’t have time to ponder on that thought, since Carmilla’s eyes meet yours, and you can’t really pretend you haven’t seen her now. You can’t decipher the look she gives you, but she doesn’t seem very pleased to see you. Mattie turns in her seat, a smirk plastered on her face when she recognizes you. Oh, great. Now you will have to face the girl you’ve been avoiding and who’s avoiding you in turn, with her awesome sidekick: the girl who caught you having sex and who can crush your pride and confidence in a few seconds.

 

Mattie gives you a small wave, gesturing for you to come to their table. You take a deep breath, approaching them. _Here goes nothing_.

“Hey,” you say awkwardly, your hands buried in your pockets.

“Well, well, well! If it isn’t Bashful!” Mattie says, grinning widely. _Really?_ So now you’re a dwarf?

“Hey, Laura,” Carmilla says, a half smile on her face, but the tone in her voice tells you it’s not completely sincere. Also, she called you by your name, which means that you’re either in an intimate position, or she’s giving you the cold shoulder. Well, you’re definitely not in an intimate position.

“How have you been?” You ask, internally cringing at the small talk.

“Good. You?”

“Oh my god!” Mattie groans, rolling her eyes. “What happened with you two? Why is this conversation making me feel so uncomfortable?”

Carmilla sighs. “Nothing happened, Mattie.”

“Ooooh!” Her smile widens. “A lover’s quarrel? This bound to be good.”

“No, it’s not a ‘lover’s quarrel,’ Ms. Belmonde.”

She laughs. “Oh please, call me Mattie. I’m feeling old enough as it is. I don’t want to be mistaken for my mother just yet.”

“Fine. Mattie.” You hesitate for a second. “Actually… can I talk to Carm for a minute?”

Mattie quirks an eyebrow, looking between you and Carmilla. “Oh, of course. I have a few affairs I need to take care of, anyway. I’ll leave you to talk to _Carm_.” She winks at you with a toothy grin, displaying all her perfect white teeth. “Ciao, Bella. Call me when you want to grab a drink. I miss our fun nights out.”

Carmilla chuckles, shaking her head at the tall woman. “Sure, I’ll call you.”

Mattie then disappears from your sight, only the sound of high heels clacking against tiles indicating she is heading toward the exit.

 

“So…” you say when you’re finally alone, rocking on the balls of your feet.

Carmilla rolls her eyes. “Just sit, Laura.”

You’re quick to follow her order, putting both of your hands on the table. You must look _really_ comfortable right now. She looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to start.

“Listen…” you begin. “I feel so stupid. I ignored you when I had absolutely no reason to. I just have a lot on my mind, and that led me to shut you out. I’m so sorry. That was unfair of me.”

She seems to think for a moment, her brows furrowing. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I could’ve helped. I think we’re close enough for you to know that you can come to me if you’re in trouble, or if you need to talk.”

“I know, I know…” You whine. “I just… I keep acting like a child. Running away instead of facing my problems.”

“You can’t keep doing that, Laura. Not when it hurts the people around you. You know…” She shakes her head, laughing bitterly. “You know I had to call LaF to see if anything had happened to you?”

You cringe. “Really?”

“You haven’t answered the phone for a week, Laura.” A week? Wasn’t it just a few days? _Fuck_. “It doesn’t seem much, but when you usually answer my texts right away, or at least the same day, it’s weird.”

“Shit…” You shake your head, putting a hand on your forehead. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You have to understand that there are two individuals in this friendship. I can’t be at your disposal anytime you want me to. And you can’t just get rid of me when you don’t need me. I know I act like a jerk 90% of the time. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “Are you tired of me?” She asks in a small voice, and her insecurity breaks your heart. “Is that why you’ve been acting so distant? Do you want us to stop whatever we started, but you just don’t know how to tell me?”

You shake your head vividly, reaching for her hand and squeeze it. “No, no! Carm, no. I don’t want us to stop. I’m not tired of you.” You want to add that it’s the total opposite, but the words won’t come out. “That was just me being stupid. I’m so sorry I made you doubt that.”

She nods, pursing her lips. “Okay. Next time, talk to me. Don’t just disappear.”

“I will. I promise.” You smile at her, giving her hand a light squeeze.

She smiles at you in return, and you stay like that, looking at each other without breaking the silence.

The sound of a cup being dropped on the floor makes you jump a little, and you clear your throat, realizing you have been staring at each other for a little too long. “So, when are you supposed to leave?” You ask casually, covering the fact that the thought of her leaving again makes your chest feel heavy.

“Next Friday,” she says and huffs. “Trust me, I really don’t want to go.”

“Is it another seminar?”

“Yeah, basically. And hopefully, the last one.”

“Oh, come on, you grump.” You smile at her. “I’m sure it’s not _that_ bad. Don’t you get like free drinks and free meals out of this?”

She grunts. “For a seminar filled with cooks and people working in catering, you would think the food would be better than what they serve you.” She stops to think, her lips quirking up. “But you’re right, the free drinks are helping with that.”

You shake your head, giggling. “You were drunk the whole time, weren’t you?”

“I don’t remember any of the conversations I’ve held.”

You laugh out loud at that, imagining a drunk Carmilla constantly waving at the waitstaff for a refill. “Did you at least meet anyone interesting out of this?”

She shrugs. “Two or three, yeah. Some of them will be here again next week. So at least I’ll know some people.”

You smirk. “And here I dumbly thought your mysterious-self enjoyed being alone, sulking in a corner of the room while silently observing the people around you.” She exaggeratedly rolls her eyes. “But really, you’re just like us, mortals, craving for a little human warmth.”

“Did the giant redhead try to convince you again that I was a vampire?”

“She does make convincing arguments.” You giggle as she playfully nudges your shoulder over the table.

Her hand starts to trail a path down your arm, ending at your own folded hands on the table. “Hey,” she says softly, as she starts to play with your fingers. “What are you doing tonight?”

Your heartbeat speeds up all of a sudden. “I… hum,” you stutter. “Nothing. Why?”

She shrugs, a small smile on her face. “I don’t know. I thought I could convince you to come over.”

You smile at her from the corner of your lips. “You know you don’t have to convince me, right?”

Her smile turns into a smirk. “I know. I was just being polite. Why would you need any convincing when you could have that perfect body in your hands all. Night. Long?”

“Oh, thanks. But I took care of my body all week. I need to have _yours_ in my hands now,” you reply smugly.

She bites her lower lip, raising an eyebrow. “You’re killing me, Hollis.”

 

* * *

 

Three days later, you decide to bring take-out from Carm’s favorite place. You haven’t seen her since that exceptional Sunday night, which you spent in Carmilla’s bed. And her shower. And the floor. Okay, basically in every corner of her apartment. Needless to say, your reunions are always explosive. You both were busy with work the next two days, so you settled with a few texts here and there. You haven’t talked again about what happened last week, and you’re thankful for that. Actually, you haven’t really talked, at all. You probably should be a little worried about that, but you figure that things will be a little wobbly for a few days before going back to normal. Well… you hope so.

You call her to make sure she’s home, and she tells you that she’ll leave the door open for you. But what you didn’t expect is the tornado of a dog that jumps on you the second you open the door.

“LEO!” you shout, trying to keep the take-out bag out of his reach. “I’m really happy to see you too, buddy, but let me just put this on the counter first.”

He jumps around you while you go to the kitchen and put down the bag. You kneel in front of him and ruffle his fur, planting soft kisses on his head.

“Where’s Mummy?” you ask, knowing that all you’ll get is some happy panting in response.

Seeing that Carmilla is not in the living-room, you walk to the bedroom, followed closely by the overenthusiastic German shepherd.

The view you have in front of you when you push the door open is not something you’ll forget anytime soon. You freeze on the spot, mouth agape, and you really hope you’re not drooling on the floor. Carmilla is lazily lying on her bed, reading. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except. Black thigh-high socks. Black shorts. Khaki shirt rolled up to her elbows. And. Fucking. Glasses. She doesn’t seem to have acknowledged you. You slowly come up to her, not keeping your eyes away from the ravishing girl in front of you. You lift your arm, gently grabbing the book she is holding and put it away.

Carmilla doesn’t seem fazed as she quirks an eyebrow at you. “May I help you?”

“I think you can,” you breathe out, as you move to straddle her hips.

You bite your lip, looking her up and down, before lunging at her, grabbing the side of her face and kissing her fiercely. She responds to your kiss with strong fervor, putting both of her hands on your thighs.

“Not that I’m complaining,” she says when you pull away to breathe. “But what did I do to deserve this?”

You chuckle, not fooled by her act. “I think you know what you did.”

She gives you a lopsided grin, shrugging. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

You straighten up a bit, crossing your arms with a smile. “Oh, really?” She hums innocently. “What’s with the socks and the… glasses?” You groan, lunging at her again and kissing her. “God, the fucking glasses,” you whisper between kisses. “You’re so hot.”

You can feel her smiling in the kiss. “Do we have a school girl fantasy, Ms. Hollis?”

You pull away once again. “Hey! Don’t act like you didn’t do this on purpose. Why did I not know you wore glasses? Did you purposefully put on fake glasses because you knew that would turn me on?”

She laughs. “No, cupcake. I have to wear them when my eyes get tired.” She smiles smugly. “But good to know that they turn you on…”

“When do you ever not turn me on?” you admit, running your hands up and down her arms. “And the socks?”

“Okay. Maybe I tried something here to see how you would react.”

“HAHA! I knew it!” you say triumphantly.

She smirks, leaning dangerously close to you. “Now, you need to punish me. I’ve been a real, real bad girl,” she rasps.

You’re about to cave and bite her lip when you suddenly remember why you came here in the first place. “Wait! I brought dinner.”

She raises an eyebrow, her gaze lustful as she looks you up and down. “I can see that,” she drawls. “And it looks delicious.”

You giggle as she starts to leave wet kisses on the crook of your neck. “Caarm… It’s gonna be cold.”

She stops to meet your eyes. “Do you really want to eat dinner right now?” She slowly starts to unbutton her shirt, revealing her absence of underwear.

“Fuck dinner,” you whisper as you push her down on the bed, claiming her mouth with your own.

Thankfully, Leo has left during your little chat, so he won’t have to witness the sinful things you’re about to do to his owner.

 

A few hours later, you’re both on your backs, panting.

“That was…” she starts.

“Yup,” you say, trying to catch your breath.

“The dinner is definitely cold now.”

You laugh, turning your head to look at her. Her skin is glowing, hair all over the place, the rapid heaving of her chest keeping your gaze on her perfect breasts. She turns her gaze toward you, and you get lost in her dark eyes. She is, so, so beautiful. You think you will never get tired of looking at her. Your fingers are itching to trace the contour of her face, so you do so. She closes her eyes as you trail the tip of your fingers along the side of her jaw, relishing the feeling of her smooth skin under your touch. You’re overwhelmed by all your emotions; all these deep feelings you have for the woman lying next to you.

You brush your thumb over her cheekbone, watching every expression passing on her face, even the smallest ones. The small tug of her lips, the twitch of her nose when you slowly brush your fingertip over the bridge. You study the masterpiece that is her bone structure as if you wanted to remember every inch of her face. Maybe you do. Your heart threatens to explode as your emotions take over your thoughts, your mind not being able to function on its own.

“I lo…” you start to whisper but you stop. Your eyes widen immediately, your hand freezing on Carmilla’s face. Eyes still closed, she doesn’t see your panicked expression.

“Mmh?” she hums, apparently too much in a daze to notice anything.

Your heart is picking up its pace, and your whole body starts to shake. You almost confessed your love for her. How could you let that happen?

“I have to go,” you say, and you hope she doesn’t notice the shaking in your voice.

She opens her eyes hastily, as she pushes herself up on her elbows. “What? Why?”

“I don’t… I can’t… I have to work. Tomorrow. Early,” you stutter as you stand up from the bed, looking for your clothes.

“You can spend the night. I don’t mind, we’ve done it before.”

“I know but--” you say as you put on your bra and underwear. “—it’ll be easier for me if I’m already in my apartment when I get up.”

“Laura… Don’t do this,” she warns and her tone makes you look up and stop your movements.

“What?” you ask in a small, ensure voice.

“Fuck Laura!” she groans and puts her hands on her face in frustration. “You’re doing it again!” Her hands drop to her side. “Everything was going fine and now you’re being distant again.”

“I’m not--” you start to say but she cuts you off.

“Fine. You know what? Just go. I don’t want to fight over this with you,” she sighs, defeated.

“Carm, I’m sorry… I just…” She looks up, waiting for your explanation. “I need to go.”

She huffs. “Right. Lock the door on your way out.” Is all she says before turning around, her back to you.

 

Tears are already flowing when you leave her apartment. Why are you being so stupid? Why can’t you just tell her how you feel? You’re ruining everything and if you keep going, you’ll lose her as a lover AND as a friend. Fuck. Why are you so scared? The situation cannot be worse than what it is right now. She probably thinks you hate her when you’re in fact struggling with the feelings you have for her. You know you have to make a choice. Either you tell her how you feel, and she can reject you or tell you she feels the same way, or you don’t tell her, and you destroy the only relationship that is worth everything to you.

Fuck. Who are you kidding? The choice is easy.

You take a deep breath in front of your bathroom mirror, leaning your hands on each side of the sink. “Tomorrow,” you whisper to your reflection. “Tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

It’s Thursday. Carmilla is supposed to leave the next day, so you think she will probably spend a good amount of her day packing when she gets back from work. You’ve never been so stressed out. You tried to prepare the things you want to say to her, but how can you prepare a love confession? You’re a journalist, damn it. You have to be able to improvise on the spot.

You don’t even have to wait for her to buzz you in when you arrive; a neighbor opens the door for you. Waiting for the elevator, you’re once again taken by surprise when the doors open. Something jumps on you and you stumble backward, the force too strong to keep you on your feet.

“LEO!” you openly laugh as the loving German shepherd licks your face.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! Leo! Come here!” You hear the apologetic voice of a man, before being able to see his face when he tugs on the dog’s collar. His bright green eyes are the first thing you see. His beard is covering half of his face, and his brown shoulder-length hair is falling in front of his face, as he bends his head to look at you. You don’t recognize him. “Are you okay?” he asks, holding his hand out to you, as you take it and lift yourself up. “I’m sorry, he never does this. Do you carry meat on you? That could explain why he suddenly jumped.”

You chuckle, dusting your pants. “No, no. I don’t have any meat. I just happen to know this little ball of fur,” you say affectionately, patting the dog’s head before squinting at the stranger. “But… why are you the one walking him?”

“Oh, I’m being rude!” He puts a hand on his chest. “I’m J.P. I’m keeping this little guy every time his owner leaves town.”  

“Wait. Carmilla left?” You look at him, confused. “But she was supposed to leave tomorrow,” you say quietly, more to yourself than the man in front of you.

“That’s what I thought too, but she came to me today, saying she had to leave a day early.”

You open your mouth to reply, but you can’t seem to find the words. She just… left? Without saying anything? You’re lost in your thoughts, your gaze glued to the floor.

“Oh, you must be Laura,” he smiles sweetly at you. “Didn’t she tell you she was leaving early?”

You take out your phone, looking for any missing call or text. Nothing. You hold up the object awkwardly, smiling sadly. “Must have missed the call.”

He purses his lips. “I’m sorry. Do want me to let her know you came by?”

“No!” you say hastily. “I’ll call her.” He nods his head, and you smile at him. “Thank you, J.P. You seem really nice. I’m glad Leo is in good hands.”

He chuckles. “You know Carmilla would kill anyone who mistreats her baby.”

You snort. “That’s for sure.” You look around. “Well, I don’t have any reason to come barging in her apartment now. I’ll just go.” You hold out your hand to J.P. “Thank you again, it was nice meeting you.”

He shakes your hand, smiling softly. “It was nice meeting you too. Take care, Laura.”

You nod before looking down at the waiting German shepherd. “I hope to see you soon, buddy,” you say, ruffling his fur. He lets out a small bark, happily sticking out his tongue. You think this dog understands more than he lets on. You give a small wave at J.P before leaving the building, a frown on your face and more confused than ever.

 

* * *

 

“So, hum… I don’t really know how to start this. I came by your place this afternoon. I ran into J.P, who told be you were gone. Really nice guy, by the way. But hum… yeah. So you left a day early. Why didn’t you tell me? …Right. You’re mad, again. And I deserve it, again. I just… I don’t know what to say, Carm. I feel like an idiot. I know I screwed up. It seems like it’s the only thing I do right, these days. I want to make it up to you, I just don’t know how. Tell me, Carm. Tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do anything. I just want to stop screwing up. I don’t want to lose you… I know you’re mad, but please don’t ignore me. I can’t keep functioning normally knowing that you’re out there, somewhere, ignoring me. I want to be your friend, Carm. I want to be there for you anytime you need me. And I’m sorry if I made you feel like it wasn’t the case. I care about you so much and I can’t stand the fact that you probably hate me right now. So… okay. I don’t know if you’re going to listen to all of this, but I had to try. Call me, please… I miss you. Oh, and it was Laura!”

 

You curse under your breath as you pocket your phone. “ _’It was Laura?’_ Really?” You groan to your empty living room.

You had to try. Leaving voicemails is not the best of your skills, unless leaving long, endless rambling messages can be counted as a skill.  

 

* * *

 

You don’t hear from her for the next two days. So you’re surprised when you wake up to the sound of a new text message. You have to blink twice to make sure you’re reading the name right.

 

Carm [9:22 a.m.]: Hey.

Laura [9:24 a.m.]: Hey!

You don’t really know what to add.

Carm [9:26 a.m.]: So… I got your message.

Laura [9:27 a.m.]: Yeah? So… What did you think about it?

 

Your phone suddenly rings in your hands, and you take a deep breath before answering it.

“Hello?” you answer in a shaky voice.

 _“I think that you really need to breathe between sentences, cupcake.”_ Her tone is soft and the nickname makes you smile. Maybe there’s still hope. She clears her throat. _“Other than that... I don’t hate you, you know.”_

“Really? I wouldn’t blame you.”

_“No, I don’t. Was I a little bit mad when you left? Yeah. I just don’t understand why you keep putting this distance between us. I guess that frustrates me more than I’d like. But… it’s okay. If you don’t feel like sharing some things with me, I can’t force you.”_

“I…” Your words are stuck in your throat. Her reaction is really not the one you expected. Why isn’t she yelling at you?

 _“No, really, Laura. It’s okay.”_ Even if she claims to be okay with it, the disappointment in her voice is still palpable, and you hate the fact that you can’t form a coherent sentence to explain yourself.

“We can talk about this when you get back.” Is all you can say, and you hope she knows that you really mean that. You really need to talk when she gets back.

 _“Sure,”_ she says, sounding almost apathetic, and it hurts to hear that she does not seem to care whether you have an explanation or not. _“So, you met J.P?”_ she asks, changing the subject and her tone, which sounds less indifferent.

“Yeah! He was with Leo. He jumped on me again when he saw me.”

You spent a good hour over the phone, both of you relaxing as the time went by. You know things aren’t perfect between you at the moment, but she laughed with you, she told you stories. So you can work with that, for now. And when she gets back, you’ll tell her everything. You’ll pour your heart out to her, the consequences be damned. You could end up heartbroken, you know that. But you have to be honest with her. You can’t keep pretending that she’s not the person you want to share everything with, the person you want to laugh with every day, the person you want to wake up next to every morning.

 

* * *

 

Almost two weeks passed since Carmilla left. She’ll be back in just a few days. You kept on texting and calling each other regularly, laughing every time she sent you a picture of her, bored out of her mind in a middle of a conference. You’re used to this. That’s what you usually do when she is not away. The only thing that has changed, is the flirting. Or lack thereof. You think things are still a little bit weird between you, and that they will get better when she comes back. But still. You worry. Maybe you’re just imagining things. Maybe you’re overreacting. You have to admit, you’re not used to receive only appropriate texts from Carmilla, or pictures that don’t make you drop your phone in surprise. _But what if it’s too late?_ W _hat if your relationship never gets over it?_ That little voice inside you questions. Great, now you’re Gollum.

 

A knock on your door pulls you out of your sappy, depressing thoughts. You move to open to whomever is disturbing you.

As soon as you open the door, you see your favorite redheads’ duo standing there, arms full of food containers.

LaF makes their way inside, holding out the containers and singing. _“Make waaay, for Prince Ali!”_

Perry smiles sheepishly at you, patting your shoulder with an understanding look as she follows them inside. You roll your eyes and smile, closing the door behind them.

“Alright, grumpy pants.” LaF says, putting their hands on their hips after having put down the food on your kitchen counter. “We brought you some food because we’re not sure you’re actually eating. You know, with your hands glued to your phone and all.”

“Hello to you too.”

“How have you been?” Perry asks gently.

“Fine, how are you?”

“We’re good. But you sure aren’t.” LaF interjects.

“What makes you think I’m not fine?” You ask, confused.

“What LaFontaine is trying to imply--” she glares at them, “-- is that you haven’t been really yourself lately. We were wondering if there was something you wanted to talk about. That’s it.”

You shake your head. “Can’t think of anything.”

“Oh come, on!” LaF huffs. “Can’t you tell us the truth for once? We’ve known each other since kindergarten, don’t you think we deserve a little honesty?” They plop down on a chair and sigh, speaking a little more gingerly. “Whatever it is, you know we won’t judge you. You know that.”

“We just want to be there for you. It’s hard to see that something is wrong and not being able to do anything about it. As your friends, it is really frustrating, sweetie.”

LaF nods in agreement before staring at you expectantly, pursing their lips. Perry is looking at you with a sweet smile, silently encouraging you. A good minute of silence goes by, before…

“I’m in love with Carmilla,” you suddenly blurt out.

Oh no. No. No no no no no.

You look anxiously from one redhead to another, waiting for their reaction. You’re met with silence, and gaping mouths.

“Please say something,” you plead in a small voice.

LaF seems to get out of their trance and throws their hands out in the air. “FINALLY!”

You groan and collapse on your couch. “Great, everybody knows.”

Perry comes to sit next to you. “I don’t know about everybody honey, but LaFontaine and I had some doubts. We’re glad you’re finally able to express your feelings. How long have you known?”

You sigh. “Since the cabin, basically.”

“Just tell her,” LaF says as if it was that easy, plopping down on the couch on your other side.

“Oh, no. I haven’t told you the whole thing yet.” You brace yourself for what comes next. “We’re… kinda sleeping together.” You must be blushing so hard right now.

“Ah.” LaF replies after a few seconds of silence. “So? That’s even easier! At least you know she’s not indifferent to you!”

“Well, no. That’s the thing. We have that agreement where we’re not supposed to develop any feelings for each other.”

LaF bursts out in laughter. “Oh no, frosh. Did you pull a _No Strings Attached_?”

You groan again. “Uggghh I’m so stupid!”

Perry pats you gently on your back. “That doesn’t necessarily mean that she can’t feel the same way you do.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she has feelings for you too.”

“LaFontaine, please don’t speculate about things you don’t know. We shouldn’t give Laura false hope. If it turns out Carmilla doesn’t feel the same way, keeping Laura’s hopes up won’t do any good.”

“Right. Sorry, Laura. I just mean that you shouldn’t keep that to yourself.” They smile encouragingly at you.

“Yeah...” You sigh and smile at them, it’s a little forced, but they need to see that you’re grateful for their friendship. “Things are a little bit weird between us lately. Because of my stupid feelings, I have been distant with her, and she didn’t take that very well. We had a small fight before she left.”

“Is that why she left a day early?” LaF asks.

“Probably? I don’t know. We made up though, I think. It’s still a little weird, but we’re getting there. And…” You breathe in. “I’ll tell her everything when she comes back. I’ll tell her I love her.”

Perry lets out a squeal and claps her hands excitedly, earning confused stares from you and LaF. “I… I’m just a romantic at heart,” she explains sheepishly.

LaF rolls their eyes. “Anyway. Good for you, frosh.” They smile, squeezing your shoulder. “I’m glad you found the courage to tell her.”

“Yeah… I made up my mind before she was supposed to leave, actually. But I guess I was too late.”

“It’s just like in those romantic comedies! You have to have obstacles before you can find your happy ending!” Perry says, practically jumping off her seat in excitement.

“What is UP with you?” LaF asks, widening their eyes at the other redhead. “What happened to _‘don’t give false hope to Laura’_?”

“I just got carried away,” she says in a guilty voice.

“Is it because we watched _Notting Hill_ yesterday?” LaF asks before turning to you. “Those rom-coms really get to her. I knew that and I let her watch it anyway. Remember when she kept writing on cardboards when we watched _Love Actually_?”

Perry gasps. “You said it was cute!”

LaF smirks. “Yeah, for a day. Not a week.”

You laugh at your friends, enjoying the little show. At least they take your mind off of Carmilla.

“Wait a minute…” LaF drawls suspiciously, turning to you. “I just thought of something.” They suddenly jump off the couch, holding their arms out. “Did you… did you have sex on this couch?”

You purse your lips, and this time you know you’re blushing furiously.

“Ugh, gross!”

 

* * *

 

Today, you only got a quick text from Carm, saying she was boarding the plane. Okay… In a few hours she’ll be here… And you’ll tell her you love her. GOD. You’re so not ready for this.

The gang has decided to hang out tonight, since you haven’t hung out all together since Perry’s cabin. Carm is supposed to join you at the bar, and you can admit that you’re a little bit anxious to see her. Her lack of flirting or inappropriate comments has not slipped your mind, but you hope that tonight is the night everything is going to fall into place.

 

When you enter the bar, all your friends have already chosen a table, drinking and laughing over it. All of them except Carmilla, who’s not here yet. You greet them and head toward the bar, ready to order a drink. You lean against the counter, and think about your order. Maybe you could choose something a little stronger today? Or a nice cocktail, or—

You stop your train of thoughts when you see something from the corner of your eyes. _She_ ’s here. Carmilla is standing before the door, her eyes probably searching for you and your friends. You cannot help the grin that takes over your face. She’s wearing the same outfit she was when you first met her all those months ago. Black boots, black skinny jeans showing her knees, black shirt slightly cropped, and her favorite leather jacket. Your gaze wanders to her red lips, and you bite your lower lip. She is so beautiful. You’re even more enthralled by her now than when you saw her for the first time. And after two weeks of not seeing her, it almost feels like _it is_ the first time all over again.

“Miss?” The voice of the bartender brings you back to reality and you realize you have been spacing out. Damn, how does she keep doing that? “Do you want to order?”

“Yes, sorry. I’ll have… hum. A tequila sunrise and… whisky, neat, please.”

“Two drinks? You must be really thirsty.” You hear that smug, low voice behind you.

You turn around and immediately bring Carmilla in a tight hug. “Carm!”

She circles her hands around your waist and brings you closer. “Hey, cupcake,” she says, her head buried in your hair.

“I missed you.” You sigh, your head still resting on her shoulder.

She holds you tighter. “I missed you too.” The sincerity in her voice makes you smile brighter.

The bartender puts your drinks on the counter and you pull away to pay.

“You didn’t have to pay for my drink.” Carmilla says, as you head toward your table.

You roll your eyes. “Oh please.”

 

You join your friends and start the night. The conversation is flowing, everybody is laughing. Oh, how you love your friends. Even Carmilla looks more at ease than she usually does. Actually, she seems really good. She’s smiling and laughing a lot more than usual. Which is kind of weird for you. Is it just for the show or is she actually happier? Even your friends seem to notice something is different.

“Hey, Morticia.” Danny calls out. “You haven’t insulted me all night. What’s up with you? Have you finally taken classes to learn how to behave with human beings?”

“Oh, you like it when I give you those nicknames, Sequoia?” Carmilla teases.

“Aaah, that’s better! But still, this plastered smile you have on your face is unnatural. Gives me the chills.” Danny replies with a shiver, emphasizing her point. “You look like a psychopath. Or I don’t know, like you have found the love of your life or something,” she shakes her head before taking a sip of her drink.

Carm purses her lips, looking down at her fidgeting hands. You frown in suspicion. “Well… I’m definitely not a psychopath. And I don’t know about the love of my life, but… yeah, something happened.”

Your heartbeat quickens, and you suddenly feel nauseous. The way she said that doesn’t sound good, at all.

“I, hum…” she meets briefly your eyes and you raise an eyebrow, confused. “I met someone.”

Your heart stops for a second and you think you’re about to faint. The news feels like a punch in the gut. You try your best to repress your tears of sadness and anger as you ask, in a quivering voice. “Oh, really?”

Carmilla nods sheepishly, as you see from the corner of your eyes the look of pity LaF and Perry give you. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You were supposed to… And you have an understanding. Why the _fuck_ would she announce that in front of everyone without telling you first? Your palms get sweaty at the thought of her fucking another girl, and your nausea is coming back.

You excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, leaving your friends looking bewildered.

 

Fortunately, the restroom is empty, so you go immediately to the sink and put some water on your face. You put your trembling hands on each side of the sink and look at your reflection in the mirror.

“Don’t cry, Laura,” you whisper to the pathetic girl facing you. “You’re stronger than that. You don’t need to cry,” you repeat, a single tear making its way to the bottom of your jaw. You take a deep breath and wipe your cheek, putting some more water over your face.

You kinda knew this day would come eventually. But it doesn’t hurt any less. The girl you’re in love with met someone else, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You were too late. It’s over. You lost.

You jump when you hear the door, and you see in the mirror that Carmilla is standing in the doorway, holding the door open.

“Hey,” she says, a concerned look on her face. “Can I come in?”

Even if all you want to do is push her and run away from here, you nod. “Yeah. Sorry, I…” you step away from the sink and wipe your face with a paper towel. “I just felt sick. Must be something I’ve eaten tonight.”

She nods, pursing her lips, clearly not believing you. “Look… I didn’t want you to hear about it this way. I swear I wanted to talk to you first, but I just didn’t have the opportunity.”

You snort. “Yeah well… Shit happens, I guess.” You take a deep breath and close your eyes. “When?”

“What?”

“When did that happen?”

She doesn’t say anything for a while so you open your eyes to look at her. She has this uncertain look on her face, like she doesn’t want to tell you. “During the seminar.” She replies and you feel a forming lump in your throat. So you were right. Something did happen over there.

“Which one?” you ask, feeling your anger building up.

“Hum… We met during the first one, but haven’t really talked until the second.”

You groan in frustration. “God, I’m so stupid! And here I was, asking for your forgiveness, when you were over there fucking some girl.”

“Nothing happened, Laura, I swear,” she says, her voice steady. “We have an agreement. I wouldn’t have done anything without telling you first.” You don’t really know if you’re relieved at that. “She works in another branch of the company. We spent some time together and I don’t know, we just hit it off.” She adds carefully.

“Why didn’t she come up when we spoke every day for TWO WEEKS over the phone? Am I not important enough for you to mention that?”

“No, it’s not that,” she replies, hesitant. “I just didn’t know how to tell you. I was just glad we were talking again. I didn’t want to ruin everything.”

You scoff bitterly. “Why would you have ruined anything, Carmilla? We’re just friends, you can do whatever the _fuck_ you want.”

“Is that really how you feel?”

“Yes, Carm. It’s how I feel. We knew what we were getting into from the beginning. No surprise here.” You’re starting to lose control of your thoughts and words, anger blinding you. “So I’m guessing you’re gonna see her again?”

She nods. “Yes. Elsie lives in town.” _Elsie_. Stupid name. “We are supposed to see each other pretty soon.”

You take a difficult breath, your heart threatening to fall at any moment. You choose your next words carefully. “So… That’s it then?” you ask shakily, your anger turning into sorrow. “Are we done?”

You’ve never seen Carmilla look so torn, even when she was telling you the story of her life. You wonder if she’s on the verge of breaking, too. She answers in a quivering voice after a minute of silence. “Yes.” Pure and simple.

You look down, because you don’t want her to see you break apart. You barely hear when she tells you she’s going back to the table. When you hear the door closing, you drop to your knees, your head buried in your hands.

You don’t hold back your tears anymore. It’s over.

 

It’s over.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> ...
> 
> THAT WAS A BAD JOKE I'M SORRY!
> 
> It's not over yet, but I'm truly sorry for that chapter. It's cruel. 
> 
> Keep sharing your thoughts, I love to read them! :)


	13. Broken Heart's Parade

You spend the next two weeks establishing a brand new routine: eat, work, sleep. A nice reminder that you’re so far from that _Eat, Pray, Love_ lifestyle. You find yourself staring at your computer screen in front of you, not really seeing what’s on it. You’ve been doing a lot of that, lately. Staring. Your friends are apparently worried about you, if you refer to the hundreds of texts you got. Well, mostly from LaF and Perry. They probably want to check if you didn’t let yourself drown in your bath, or something.

But they really don’t need to check on you, you think. You’re fine. Even better, you’ve never been so fine. Finally, you can think about your own self and forget about these stupid feelings that were just stopping you from having fun. You have fun now. Work is fun. Why do people hate work? How stupid! You love it. No more depressing thoughts, now your life is all about yourself and your carrier.

Sure, it gets lonely sometimes. But you just have to get used to it. Soon, loneliness will not be a problem anymore.

Your phone buzzes on your desk next to you. You take a quick glance at it and immediately regret it.

 

Carm [4:26 p.m.]: Do you want to hang out later?

 

Fuck. You swallow the sudden lump in your throat and reach for your phone, turning it over so that you don’t see the screen anymore. You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

“Just forget about it,” you whisper to yourself.

You haven’t talked to her since… the incident. It’s not that she didn’t try. She did. But you just can’t. Not now, at least. You just need a little time to get your things in order. You don’t want her to think that you’re plainly avoiding her, though, so you usually answer that you cannot see her because you have a big story coming up, so you have to work. She believes you, you think. And that’s a good thing; you don’t want her to know how devastated you are about your almost break up. No, how devastated you WERE. You’re fine now. You’ve never been so fine.

Your phone buzzes again. You hesitate but your curiosity gets the best of you.

 

Carm [4:30 p.m.]: You’re probably busy. It’s ok. I just wanted to talk to you about Curly Sue’s birthday.

Laura [4:32 p.m.]: What about it?

Laura [4:32 p.m.]: And yeah sorry, I’m working

Carm [4:33 p.m.]: Are you free tonight? We could go to the diner and eat something.

You think for a second. Maybe it’s time to see her again. You think you’re ready.

Laura [4:36 p.m.]: Sure, meet you there at 8

Carm [4:36 p.m.]: Perfect :)

 

You sigh and put your phone down. Yes, you’re ready. You’re fine.

You’ve never been so fine.

 

* * *

 

You anxiously wait in front of the diner for Carmilla to get here. You fidget with your hands and pace back and forth in front of the entrance. People inside must think you’re crazy. Maybe it was a bad idea. Who’s the crazy person who said you were ready?

“What are you doing?” Carmilla’s voice startles you and you jump a little. You turn around to see that she’s looking at you with a questioning glare, her body in the opening of the dining door.

“Oh. I didn’t think you were already inside.” You answer sheepishly, a little bit embarrassed.

“Yeah, I was early. Come in!” She gestures for you to get inside.

You follow her, ignoring the fact that your breath hitched when you saw her and the fact that your head started to spin at the smell of her perfume, which you didn’t even know you could miss.

 

“So, how have you been?” She asks when you sit in a booth at the back of the diner.

“Fine, fine. I’m great. I just have so much work these days, sorry we haven’t been able to hang out much.” You lie.

“It’s fine, I get it. Even if I miss our little binge-watching sessions.” She smiles.

“You know, you don’t have to be nice to me just because you’re the one who broke off our arrangement,” you suddenly say, not able to keep your mouth shut.

Taken aback, she frowns in confusion as her back hits the back of the booth. “What? I would never… Do you think that’s what I’m doing? That I’m being nice because I feel guilty?” she says, obviously hurt by your words.

You sigh. “No, I… Sorry. I’m just tired. I shouldn’t have said that.”

She seems to hesitate for a second. “Do we need to talk about it?”

“No!” you practically yell, before realizing how loud you just sounded. “Nothing to talk about, I swear. Everything’s fine Carm, don’t worry.” You try to smile reassuringly.

“Are you sure?” You nod and she sighs, giving up. “Alright… So--”

The waiter comes at that moment and interrupts her. He takes your order and leaves as soon as he’s done, seeing the annoyed glare Carm is throwing him.

“So, you wanted to talk about Perry?” you ask.

“Oh, yeah. So.” She clears her throat. “You know we’re doing that at Danny’s place cause it’s bigger, right?” You snort, and she raises an eyebrow at you. “What?”

“No, nothing. I just never heard you using her real name, that’s all.”

She chuckles. “Tell me about it. I had to repress a shiver of disgust. I don’t know what came over me. Won’t ever happen again.” She pauses. “Beanstalk.” She adds and you burst out laughing. Who knew you were still able to do that? “There, much better.” She sighs in relief.

You calm your laughter by hitting lightly your ribcage. “Yeah, that’s much more you.” You smile softly, meeting her gaze. Have her eyes always been this captivating?

“Anyway,” she says and you shake off your unwanted thoughts. “I wanted to talk to you about something, and I felt like it was better if I did it in person.”

“You’re starting to scare me off, Carm,” you say worryingly.

“Nothing bad, don’t worry. Maybe just a little awkward, so I wanted to give you a heads up first.”

“I’m listening…” you say carefully.

“So, hum, yeah. I just wanted to tell you that I was planning on inviting Elsie to Perry’s birthday,” she says in one breath.

Your heart misses a beat and your throat goes dry. Is this some sort of cruel joke? “Elsie, as in…?”

“Yes, as in...”

“Why are you telling me this?” you ask heatedly.

She seems confused. “Well, I don’t know. I just thought it was the correct thing to do.”

“We were never a couple, Carmilla. You don’t need my permission to bring your new toy,” you reply, somehow bitterly. “I’m not made of porcelain. I can handle seeing you with another woman, don’t worry.” You sneer, even though boiling jealousy is burning your insides.

“Oh. Okay. I just thought… Nevermind. So, is that okay?” She asks, seeming almost offended by your callous attitude.

“Yup. You can do whatever you want.” You turn around in your booth, scanning the diner. “Where’s that waiter? Isn’t our food ready yet?”

 

* * *

 

_“So you just shut her out?”_

“What was I supposed to do? Tell her how glad I am about her newfound happiness?” You snort and put down the dress you were holding up in front of the mirror. “ _‘I can’t wait to meet her, she sounds wonderful, Carmilla!’_ ” You mimic in a mocking high-pitched voice. “Right.”

 _“So, you don’t even know what she looks like?”_ LaF asks over the phone.

“No.” You freeze in front of the closet, effectively stopping your hand from reaching for another dress. “Do you? Have you met her?” you ask, accusingly.

_“No... No! I swear. All I know is what Carmilla tells me.”_

“Does she talk about her a lot?”

_“Well, I don’t know how much is a lot, but yeah, she talks about her sometimes.”_

“So… What do you know about her?” you ask, even if you’re not sure you want to know the answer.

 _“Are you sure you want the answer to that question?”_ Spot on, friend. _“I don’t want to spoil you anything.”_

You snort. “Oh please. You won’t spoil me a thing. It’s not like she’s some TV show I want to watch. But maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t want to know,” you say dejectedly, as you hold up yet another pair of pants in front of the mirror. You throw them to the ground. “Maybe just one thing. Just tell me one thing about her and I’m done with the topic.”

You hear your friend sigh over the phone. _“Fine. One thing. She’s the manager of some restaurant in town. And I’m not telling you which one because I’m not bailing you out of jail when you get arrested for attempted murder.”_

“Oh, how nice. You don’t even think I could be successful in murdering her. I’m a master at _Clue_ , LaF, you know that.” You add, in a fake hurt tone. “More seriously though, I’m not going to do anything to her. In fact, I’m not even sure I’ll be coming to the party…”

 _“Don’t you dare!”_ They warn and you get instantly scared of them. _“Perry has done so many things for you. She’s the most supportive friend you could ever ask for. You’re going to her birthday party even if I have to drag your sorry ass over there. And you’re gonna be nice, polite and you’re not gonna brood. Understood?”_

“Hum… y… yes okay I will do that,” you stutter, disconcerted by the outburst and honestly scared. “I will come to the party and I’ll be nice.”

 _“Thank you.”_ Their tone resumes to their usual friendly one. _“Now, help me because I don’t have a gift.”_ Their voice takes a panic turn. _“I’m screwed, Laur.”_

You chuckle, grateful for the topic change.

 

“Maybe I could bring a date to the party?”

_“Okay, so we’re back on that.”_

You’ve been spending the last hour and a half on the phone with LaF, helping them with the gift for Perry. You succeeded in calming them down, as they were on the verge of a nervous breakdown. You get it, finding the perfect gift for someone you care about is hard, and the two redheads have a really special relationship. For years, you thought that they were both totally in love with each other, and just oblivious to the other’s feeling. Now, you know that it’s just a unique friendship. They’re each other’s platonic soulmates, and you think it’s really beautiful.

You finally decided on offering her a week-end in a resort out of town, for two people; spa, massages, pools, and pretty much everything to calm your nerves. You know Perry has the tendency to stress, especially with her work as a lawyer, so you think it’s the perfect gift for her. LaF agrees.

“Sorry, I was just thinking. Do you know anyone?”

 _“So you could use them as a stopgap? Yeah, sure,”_ they say, sarcastically.

“You’re right. That’s a terrible idea. Look what happened last time I tried to bring someone at a party. Ended up making out with Carm in Kirsch’s bedroom,” you mumble.

 _“What!”_ They laugh. _“How did I not know about this??”_ they manage to say through their fits of laughter.

“Crap. Forgot you didn’t know that.”

_“Oh, you have so many things to tell me, Hollis.”_

 

* * *

 

The Uber ride to Danny’s house is way too short. You thought you’d have at least 20 minutes to get in the right state of mind, and maybe do some mental exercises. _Breathe in, breathe out, don’t throw up_. But no, stupid traffic had to be fluid at this hour of the night.

You chose to wear something casual for the party. Being comfortable is what matters to you in this moment. So you picked a light summer dress and white sneakers; it’s warm enough outside.

You thank the driver and head toward the house – that you still can’t believe Danny could afford – stopping before the red, wooden front door. You take a deep breath and knock. _Here goes nothing._ No one answers, but you can hear loud music blaring most likely from the speakers inside. So you just get in.

 

Wow. You didn’t know Perry knew so many people. The house is crowded. You feel like you’re in college all over again. Except maybe with less drunken, out of control, and hormonal people.

“You made it!” Perry greets you, throwing her arms around you.

“Happy birthday Perr! Sorry I’m late, my editor refused to let me out sooner.” You pull away from the hug. “But I didn’t know I was THAT late. Where do all these people come from?”

Perry turns around to look at the crowd. “I don’t know. Only like ten people said they were coming.”

Kirsch suddenly pops up next to Perry. “I may have texted a few extra people.” He admits, trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

You turn to Perry, grinning. “Well, happy birthday then!”

Kirsch is already gone and Perry is suddenly ambushed by some of her colleagues, so you take a look around. You see Danny pouring herself a drink on the other side of the living room, so you decide to join her.

“Finally you’re here!” she says before you can even open your mouth. “Someone to drink with. Come on, hold that.” She gives you a shot full of... something, and pours herself another one. “Now drink. Cheers!” You both engulf the drink in one go, the hot liquid burning your throat and all of your insides on the way down.

“What the fuck is that??” You groan, gasping for air.

“Jägerbomb. You don’t like it?” she asks, unfazed.

You lower your head to breathe and just hold your thumb up in response, unable to say anything. Once you have calmed down, you find your voice again.

“Thank you for that,” you say sarcastically. “Anyway. It’s pretty cool that you let Perry celebrate her birthday in your brand new house. I can’t believe you have a house and I’m still living in my shitty apartment. Giving me some complexes here, Lawrence.” You smile up at her.

She shrugs. “I’ve just been saving money from a young age. No big deal.”

“Still, it’s--” You freeze when the crowd in front of you moves a little and your eyes land on what you’ve been fearing this whole time. Carmilla and her… girlfriend, laughing together in one corner of the room. “… cool.”

Danny follows your gaze and nods in understanding. “How are you feeling about this?”

You quickly turn back to her. “About what? What do you mean?” you ask hurriedly.

“About the elephant in the room.” When you look at her in confusion, she rolls her eyes and nods her head toward Carmilla. “Morticia and the new girlfriend.”

You widen your eyes for a second, before lowering your gaze to the floor. _Ooh, these tiles are nice_. “I don’t know what you mean by that. It’s cool.”

She throws you a disbelieving look. “Are you being serious right now? Laura, you don’t have to pretend. I know.”

“What do you mean you know?” Your hands start to sweat dangerously.

“Look--” She leans closer, lowering her voice. “-- I saw you when we were at the cabin.”

You feel a wave of panic settling in you. “What?! When?”

“The first night, when you both left the campfire. I was ahead of everyone, and I saw you two kissing in the woods. I don’t think anybody else saw, though.”

“Wow. Really? Why didn’t you say something?”

She shrugs. “I figured that if you wanted to tell me, you would have done so. I was waiting for you to tell me.” You nod, a little bit embarrassed by the situation and guilty for making Danny think you didn’t trust her enough to confide in her. “So, is there anything to talk about?”

“We were never a couple,” you answer immediately. “But whatever we had is over now, as you can imagine.”

She nods. “And are you okay with that?”

You sigh, your gaze returning to the couple laughing. “I don’t think so.” You admit in a broken voice.

Danny puts a comforting hand on your shoulder as you get lost in your thoughts. You barely hear when the retreating voice of the redhead yells at Kirsch to stop making Betty drink. Carmilla has turned to face you. She must have sensed that she was being watched. You look at each other for a few seconds that feel like hours. How can you be so close and yet so far from each other?

Oh no. She has started to move in your direction. And her… girlfriend is coming with her. Awesome! Now, that’s when all your training comes in handy. Breathe, Hollis. Don’t panic, everything is going to be fine.

“Hey,” she says with a soft smile, when she has reached you.

“Hey,” you answer with a small wave. There, now it wasn’t that difficult, was it? Can you leave now?

“So, hum. Laura, this is Elsie. My, hum. Girlfriend.” Yup, still hurts like a bitch.

“Hi!” the intruder greets you enthusiastically, shaking your hand vividly. “I’ve heard so much about you, Laura!”

You didn’t really picture her like this. She’s a tall blonde (that you expected), but she actually seems… Nice. You pictured someone pretty bitchy. But someone who smiles genuinely without a hint of sarcasm and judgment behind it? No. You don’t like her. She must be hiding something. No one is as nice. You would warn Carmilla, but you don’t want to act like a jealous ex. Which you’re not. Ex, not jealous. Because you think the fact that you’re jealous is pretty much established.

You try to smile at her, but you’re sure you look like someone has punched your stomach. “Oh? Can’t say the same for you!” you answer in a fake cheerful voice, taking back your hand. _No, Laura, be nice_.

“Yeah, I know. This one--” she points at Carmilla. “--is not a sharer. But she’ll come around.” She winks at her girlfriend. “So, what _do_ you know about me?” she replies, her genuine smile still in place. How the fuck is anyone so nice?

“Hum, I… You work as a manager in a restaurant, right?”

“Right. _The Library_ ,” she says proudly.

“ _The Library_? Isn’t it… a little bit confusing for a restaurant?” You throw a questioning look between the two. Carm is standing back, watching the conversation.

Elsie’s grin widens and she lets out a laugh. “I know what you mean. I wanted to put a sign in front of the restaurant saying _‘Now you can say you have set a foot in the library,_ ’ but the board said it was rude to assume people never read books.” She shrugs. “Oh, well, their loss.”

You snort despite yourself. Crap, and she’s funny with that. So much for hating her. All the resentment and anger you had toward her when you didn’t know her is now directed at yourself. You feel deprived of the right to hate the person who stole the woman you are in love with. How is that fair? It would be so much easier to just hate her. Now you can’t. So you hate yourself instead. You feel the familiar feeling of tears coming up. You have to leave, now.

“It was nice meeting you, Elsie,” you say and manage to control your voice. “I’ll leave you to it,” you add before heading toward the kitchen. You need a drink ASAP.

 

* * *

 

“That bad, uh?”

“What?”

“You’re drinking white wine you found at a party.” LaF nods to the glass you’re holding. “That means that clearly something is not right.”

You sigh, looking at your glass with a rictus. “You’re right. This wine is disgusting,” you reply, putting down the drink on the nearest table. “Why can’t I just drink myself to numbness? I just want to _not feel_. Is that too difficult to ask for? For once, I just want to be able to lose control, you know? Be like, Laura ‘ _Danger_ ’ Hollis, or Laura ‘ _Party Monster’_ Hollis!”

They shake their head, smirking. “For now, you’re Laura ‘ _Crazy Person’_ Hollis. You’re being loud, people are staring. Come on, let’s get you a real big girl drink.”

“No, I… I just need some fresh air. Go ahead, I’ll join you later, alright?”

“Whatever you need.” They smile at you softly before leaving you alone.

 

You close the glass door and lean over the back porch railing. Some people are hanging out outside; mostly the smokers.

You’ve never been a smoker. Not really. You used to smoke in college when you drank, but nothing more. You remember that it made you feel good, though, and somewhat free.

“Hey, do you have another one of those?” you ask a guy, pointing to the cigarette he’s holding. He nods and hands you one, lighting it for you.

“Thanks.” You force a smile, and turn away.

You spend a few seconds looking at the sky. It’s a nice night out, the stars are all out and the warm air is comforting. You notice then two empty deckchairs in the middle of the backyard, so you decide to go sit for a moment. It’s away from the party, so you think it is a nice spot for you to think and enjoy your own company.

 

You sit there, your gaze and your thoughts lost in the stars above you. You take a long drag of your cigarette and breathe out. You feel good.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“HOLY FUCK!” You almost jump from your seat out of surprise, choking on the saliva that went down the wrong way.

“Sorry,” you hear Carmilla say. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I called your name, I thought you heard me coming.”

“Well, obviously I didn’t.” You hold your chest, waiting for your heartbeat to regain a normal pace.

“Can I?” she asks, pointing at the other deckchair next to you.

You nod and motion for her to sit.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” she asks.

You shrug. “Just needed some fresh air.”

She raises an eyebrow at your cigarette before sinking in the chair, raising her head to look at the sky. “Yeah, it’s a nice night out.”

You stay silent for a moment, looking at the stars and enjoying the light breeze. You pass your cigarette to Carmilla when she silently asks, watching her taking a drag of it, the movement of her hand so natural that it feels like she has done this all her life.

Your lopsided grin triggers her inquisitive look. “What?”

“Do _you_ smoke?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

She chuckles. “Not anymore. It’s been almost ten years since my last cigarette. But I needed some ‘fresh air,’ too.” She mocks.

You lightly bump her shoulder out of habit, before realizing that it’s the first physical contact you’ve had with her since… Well since. Your eyes meet hers, and for the second time that night, you get lost in them. Your smile drops. If only you could just reach out and trace the contour of her perfectly shaped jaw, touch the smooth skin of her cheek, feel her lips on yours one more time…

“Can I ask you something?” The softness of her voice surprises you.

You can only nod slowly, not trusting your voice enough to speak.

“Why do you look so sad?”

You’re taken aback by her question, so it takes you a few seconds to try to formulate an answer. “I don’t… I’m not…” Your failed attempts at talking must not sound really convincing.

“Fine. At least I tried.” She deflates. “I guess it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me why you look like somebody has ran over your puppy.”

“I. What?” You frown in confusion, a small smile on your lips despite the heavy tension. “You know people usually say ‘kicked your puppy,’ and not ‘ran over?’”

“I know. It’s to emphasize how sad you look. Cause, someone kicking your puppy, it’s terrible, you’re sad. But someone running over your puppy? Oh boy. That’s like the ultimate stage of sadness.” She explains, in a serious tone. “Actually, you look like yours has been ran over by a truck. That’s even sadder. Much more gore.”

“Oh my god you’re disgusting!” You laugh, slapping her arm.

“Hey, at least you don’t look sad anymore,” she smiles triumphantly. “And I made you laugh. So point for the broody beautiful contestant.” She points at herself.

“Did you just call yourself beautiful?”

“I also said broody. But if you think beautiful is more important, then fine. Who am I to contradict you?” She smirks.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Still so full of yourself, aren’t ya?”

Not able to contain herself anymore, she burst out in laughter, quickly followed by your own fit of giggles. After a few minutes of shaking, you both calm down and you meet her affectionate gaze. You haven’t laughed like that in a long time. And you haven’t seen her smile like that in a long time either, but that’s maybe because you haven’t spent any time together since. You miss her so much. You can’t keep ignoring her forever.

You take a deep breath. “Carm, I--”

“Heeey there you are!” Elsie’s voice stops you immediately, and you swallow back the words that were about to come out. “I’ve been looking for you. What’s up?”

Carm looks at you apologetically before raising her head to meet the blonde’s gaze. “Nothing, just talking. We needed some fresh air.”

“Come on, let’s go inside, hot stuff. I found a nice bottle of whisky that I’m sure you’d like to try.” Ugh, _‘hot stuff’_.

“Is it okay?” Carm turns to you, apparently asking for your blessing.

You give her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about me. Go, have fun!” You wave her off.

“Call me later?” she asks, and it sounds more like a plea than a question.

“I will.” You promise.

 

You finally let out a shaky breath, as you watch the woman you love walking away from you with another woman’s hand in hers. As the light breeze strokes your skin, you realize the air is much colder than it was before.

 

You don’t even know when your tears have started to fall.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I was expecting some reactions with my last chapter. But man, what I got is more than I bargained for.
> 
> That was AWESOME! I couldn't stop laughing when I read your comments (laughing over your misery, what kind of monster am I?)
> 
> That being said, our two dorks still haven't figured things out in this chapter, I'm sorry :(
> 
> Also, I couldn't help but throw tiny lines from Almost Adults, haha.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support!! I literally live for your reactions!


	14. Heavy

When you wake up the next day, you feel like you’ve been ran over by a truck. Your head is pounding, your whole body is hurting, and you have a sour taste in your mouth. Did you really drink that much? The fact that you can’t even remember must be an indication. You groan and roll over, trying to hide your face from the sun shining through your half-open blinds.

You let out a loud scream of surprise when you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with…

“LAF!”

They immediately wake up, sitting up in the bed in one quick motion, their eyes wide open. “I’m up! I’m up! Where’s the fire?!”

“Don’t. Do. That. Again!” You punctuate every word with a light slap on their arm.

“Ouch! Stop that!” They warn, holding up one finger at you. “Or I’ll go grab a needle as thick as a rolling pin and inject you with the strongest tranquilizer I have. And I can assure you: you won’t wake up until you’re 46 and full of regrets.”

Your eyebrows must be reaching your hairline at this point. “Okay…” you say carefully. “That was… scary.”

They send you a satisfied smile. “Who said I couldn’t be hardcore?”

You roll your eyes. “So… Care to explain what you’re doing in my bed? Again?”

“You don’t remember?”

“What?”

They snort. “You’re the one who asked me to come.”

You stop dead in your tracks. “Wait. Really?”

They hum. “At the end of the party you told me you didn’t want to be alone. And you were pretty wasted, so I took you home.”

“Shit… Why do I not remember that?”

“Like I said, Hollis. You were wasted. Like, three sheets to the wind, wasted.”

“I don’t even remember drinking that much!”

“Oh, I was there the whole time.” They smirk. “I can tell you.”

“This is going to be embarrassing, isn’t it?” you ask, your voice flat.

“Only a little,” they say, holding back a laugh, and you know you won’t like what you’re about to hear. “So, when you came back from whatever you were doing outside, you grabbed my arm and yanked me to the kitchen, saying you needed a drink.”

“I actually remember that…” you say sheepishly.

“Will you let me finish?” You make a zipping gesture over your lips. “Thank you. So, I provided you with some liquor. Nothing out of the ordinary: tequila, vodka, rum.” They get lost in their thoughts for a second. “Now that I think about it… you mixed a lot.”

“That would explain the headache.”

“You got drunk pretty fast, and then you started blabbering about Carmilla and whatnots. You didn’t make a lot of sense, really. And when you began a rant about the condition of women in society, saying that no woman should be called ‘hot stuff,’ I stopped listening. To be honest, I was pretty drunk too, and I could not understand a word that came out of your chatty, slurring mouth.”

“Oh god…” you groan, head in your hands. “This is so embarrassing.” You suddenly think of something and raise your head to meet your friend’s gaze. “Did Carmilla see any of that? Did I talk to her?”

“Luckily, no. She left pretty early. Not long after you came back, actually.” They pat your shoulder reassuringly. “Hey, it could be worse.”

Your phone suddenly buzzes on your bedside table, indicating a new text. You reach for it and look at the screen.

“It’s Danny,” you say, confused, before reading the text out loud. “ _’Draw me like one of your French girls, Hollis.’_ ” You blink. “What? Why is she quoting _Titanic_?” Your phone buzzes again. “Oh. There’s a video with it.” Your eyes widen and you look at LaF, meeting their cringing face. “LaF… what’s in this video?”

“Nothing?” they say in a high-pitched voice.

You swallow and click on the play button with trembling hands.

Oh no. Oh… No.

Playing in your hands, is a 3-minute length video of you, singing Céline’s “My Heart Will Go On” in the middle of Danny’s living room.

You press pause, your cheeks burning out of embarrassment. “What the fuck is that?!”

Your friend stifles a laugh. “I totally forgot you did that. Near the end of the party, you started a little show. That was hilarious!” Your eyes burn a hole into the redhead’s skull. “I don’t really know if people left because of you, but don’t worry, at that point it was just the closest friends.”

You look at the video again. “And that guy in the back? I don’t know him. And he’s filming!”

They try to hold back their smile. “Okay, so maybe there were a little more people left, but you won’t even see them again, why do you care?”

You groan again. “This is SO embarrassing. And Perry! Poor Perry. I ruined her birthday, I have to apologize!”

“Hum… you may wanna take a look at that video again.”

Your eyes find the screen again, squinting. “Is it her on the couch?” You gasp. “Oh my god is she _laughing_??”

LaF bursts out in laughter. “Yes, yes she is. Don’t worry, frosh. She was pretty happy with her birthday. You don’t need to apologize to anyone.” They look at the video again. “Or maybe to this girl--” they point at the screen, “—who you’re about to… yes here it is, grab by the shoulders and sing in her face.”

You shake your head at the screen. “God, I’m so depressing when I’m drunk.”

“I would say hilarious, but I get your point.”

“You suck,” you conclude, putting down the phone.

 

After a moment of silence, you hear your friend sigh, a worried look in their eyes. “Did you drink that much because of that whole thing with Carmilla?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe? I guess meeting the girlfriend was as hard as expected.”

They nod in understanding. “What did you think about her?”

“I don’t like her.”

“Shocker.”

“No, I mean. There’s just something about her, I don’t know. Something is off.”

“Like maybe the fact that she’s dating the woman you have your views on?” They gently mock.

You scoff. “Yeah, there’s that. But that’s not it. She’s just… too nice.”

“And it’s a bad thing because…?”

“Nobody is that nice! Even Perry.”

“Oh, Perry is nice when she wants to be.”

“See?! Even Perry is not that nice.” You hold up a finger to your temple, determination in your eyes as you look at your friend. “Trust my instincts. I always have good intuitions.”

They cringe. “Do you…?”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you say, defensively.

“Remember that raccoon you tried to take in because you said it was, and I quote, ‘too cute to be left outside in the cold?’”

“And that was true.”

“It tried to bite you, Laura.”

“Rabies is overrated.”

“What about that time you got an invite to a party, convinced it was the party of the year?” They look at you with a small teasing smile. “What kind of party was it again, Laura?”

You mumble something under your breath.

“What was that?” Their smile widens. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

“It was a swinging party,” you mumble a little louder. “Okay, not my best move. I get your point.”

“So, what did you say about your intuitions?”

You roll your eyes. “They’re not that good.” You sigh, your gaze fixed on your fingers, pulling on the little stray thread coming out of your blanket. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just being jealous.”

LaF puts their hand on yours, effectively stopping you from ripping open your blanket. “So you’re not gonna tell her how you feel?”

You snort. “It’s too late for that.”

They shake their head disapprovingly. “No it’s not. You’ll never know whether she feels the same way if you don’t tell her. That Elsie girl is just a small bump on the road.”

You sigh again, louder this time. “Can we… just stop talking about it? I don’t feel like sharing right now.”

Your friend squeezes your hand, smiling softly at you. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone for now.”

“But the discussion’s not over, right?” Your lips quirk up, one eyebrow raised at them.

“Nope,” they say as they start to stand from the bed. “You’ll never get rid of me, Hollis. Speaking of which, do you plan on making me breakfast, or what?”

“Sure, let me burn a toast for you.”

They cringe. “You’re right. I don’t want you to give me food poisoning.”

You throw a pillow at them before they can reach the door.

 

* * *

 

When you get back to your apartment after a nice, greasy breakfast with LaF, you plop down on your couch, already exhausted by the day that hasn’t even started yet. You stare out the window, getting lost in your thoughts. What are you supposed to do now? You’ve tried so hard to repress your feelings, that now that you have accepted them, you can’t do anything about it.  Or can you…?

You straighten up in your seat, brows furrowed, determination in your eyes.

LaF is right, you shouldn’t abandon. Ignoring Carmilla is not the solution. You will fight for her. You will get her back. You will do everything in your power to show her that you’re worth more than some stupid, entirely too nice stranger that she met a second ago. You should probably work on your insults, but it’s not important right now. Right now, you will go cry in your shower a little bit more, and then, you will Get. Her. Back. That’s the spirit!

 

* * *

 

Of course, it’s not that easy. After a few more days of convincing and three awfully awkward phone calls to Carmilla during which you end up paralyzed and don’t even say a word before hanging up on her, you think that you might need some help. So you call your best team.

When you open the door for your guests, your large – almost psychotic – grin drops immediately and your brows furrow.

“What...?”

LaF gives you a cringing smile and a small wave. “Hi. So Perry wasn’t available. I brought the next best person.”

“And that’s Kirsch?” you ask, flatly.

“Hey little hottie!” The big puppy smiles widely. “I’m like, the best in relationship advice. Like that fat baby!”

“Who?”

“I think he means cupid,” LaF says as they brush past you to get into your apartment.

“Oh yeah! That’s the one!”

You look at him with a soft smile, adoration in your eyes. “You’re so cute.”

His smile widens. “Thank you!”

You close the door after him, heading toward your kitchen where LaF is already munching on one of your cookies. You try not to glare too hard and sigh, sitting in front of them.

“So, what did you need us for?” LaF asks, their mouth full of your cookies and crumbs falling down on the counter.

“I...” you glance uncomfortably at Kirsch.

LaF waves you off. “Oh don’t worry, he already knows everything.”

You see Kirsch nodding from the corner of your eyes. “You told him??”

“They didn’t need to.” He shrugs. “It was pretty obvious that you were totally into Carm-sexy.”

You try not to think about the fact that Kirsch, the most innocent and oblivious person you know, knew about your feelings for Carmilla. Damn, maybe you’re more oblivious than he is.

LaF snorts. “He actually thought you were already dating.”

“Yeah, I mean. You guys were so close, you really looked like a couple. But like, the type that doesn’t make out in public.”

“Right...” You cringe before shaking your head. “So, I called you here because I need your help.”

LaF slowly leans on their elbows, seeming interested. “I’m listening...”

“I need to find a way to get her back.” You stop to consider your words. “Or get her. You know what I mean.”

“And you need our help because...” The redhead trails off.

“Because I’m a dork, and a rambler, and I just don’t know how to talk to her without putting my foot in my mouth.”

LaF snorts. “I think she already knows that.”

“Not helping!”

Kirsch suddenly jumps off his seat, raising his hand to request the right to speak. “Oh! Oh! Oh!”

“Yes, Kirsch?”

He drops his hand with a wide grin. “I know the perfect way for you to get the lady. I know this place—look, you know what? I’ll take care of everything, you just wait for my call and you show up when I tell you to. Deal?”

You fidget in your seat. “I don’t know Kirsch... Why don’t you tell me what it is first?”

“Nope! A bro never spills his secrets.”

“Hey,” LaF leans over the counter to put a hand on your shoulder. “The man knows his way to a woman’s heart.”

You look at Kirsch, unsure. “You’re sure...?”

They shrug. “Not really but he seems very excited about it, so I would let him.”

Kirsch nods vividly. “Yeah, trust me.”

You sigh, looking between your two friends. “Alright. Just please don’t make me regret this.”

 

* * *

 

You regret everything.

“What are we even doing here?” you ask, eyeing the house in front of you.

“I wish I knew,” Danny replies.

Perry stands next to you, a rictus on her face. “I don’t believe this place is really sanitary.”

It’s midnight. Your friends and you – including Carmilla and Elsie – find yourselves in the middle of nowhere, an abandoned house in front of you. Except from the littered, neglected garden, and the crumbled walls of the building, nothing about it is creepy. Except EVERYTHING. The house screams ghosts of small children who used to live there and who are still haunting the place. You can almost hear their voices, singing, laughing with the whistling of the wind through the trees surrounding the area. The sky is pitch black, and the only source of light is coming from the still illuminated headlights of the two cars you came with. The moon and stars above you are hidden by the thick mist, emphasizing the feeling you have of being in a horror movie. The force of the wind makes the exterior shutters bang against the worn wood of the house, and you shiver when you start to realize that the temperature has dropped several degrees.

You take small steps toward Kirsch, who is fidgeting with a flashlight. “What the fuck are we doing here??” you whisper-shout. “When you said you knew a place, I was thinking about a nice, romantic place, like a gazebo decorated with hundreds of lights and a string quartet. Not the place where _The Conjuring_ has taken place!”

“What?” He doesn’t seem to understand your reaction. “Are you kidding? This place is awesome!” You look at him like he just grew three heads. “See, one of the best moves to get a girl is to take her to a horror film. But you’re way past that, it’s not that simple. So you’re just gonna _live_ the horror film. How awesome is that??”

“You’re kidding right?” You look around you, actively searching for something. “Where are the cameras? I’m getting Punk’d. That’s the only explanation. Ashton Kutcher, get outta here you prankster!”

Carmilla approaches you, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you talking to an imaginary Ashton Kutcher, cupcake?”

“She thinks I’m pranking her. But I’m not. This place is so cool.”

“For once, I’ll have to agree with the puppy. I’ve always wanted to visit such a place,” she says with a small smile, looking over the house.

“At midnight, when the wind is screaming in your ears that you should leave this place and never come back unless you want to be haunted by little ghostly silhouettes for the rest of your life?” you ask in one breath. “Sure!”

She smirks. “Are you scared?”

You scoff, probably blushing. “What? Pfft. No. I’m just... concerned that people aren’t going to enjoy the experience, that’s it. You know, I’m a person who likes to make sure that everybody is comfortable.”

Carmilla glances to the rest of your friends – and Elsie – who are all gathered in front of the house, laughing and talking animatedly. “It looks like you’re the only one uncomfortable here, cupcake.”

You look at Kirsch, who just shrugs with a small smile. “What she said.”

You huff and grit your teeth. “Fine! Let’s get into that murder house and get this over with.”

You walk toward your friends, as you hear Kirsch and Carmilla burst out in laughter behind you. You grumble under your breath on your way, and even you are not really sure what you’re saying. You’re not scared. Why would you? A dark, creepy house surrounded by trees and the souls of the families who were murdered there? What’s scary with that?

Even if that’s definitely not the place you were expecting, you’ll roll with it. You’re not gonna prove your love to Carmilla with that, but at least you can still hope Elsie’s soul will get sucked in by an undead being.

“Are you ready to go in, sweetie?” Perry asks, a soft smile grazing her face.

Your brows furrow in confusion. “ _You_ , want to go in? Aren’t you, I don’t know, afraid that it’s haunted?”

She snorts, waving you off. “Honey, ghosts don’t exist. Pure fiction. Now, I would be more concerned about everyone’s safety, I am not sure these walls are really steady. And the amount of gathered dust must be tremendous.” She shakes her head. “If I had known, I would’ve brought safety masks for everyone.”

“ _That’s_ what you’re concerned about? Dust?” You cannot say you aren’t impressed by Perry’s self-control.

“Looks like someone is on the verge of a panic attack.” You hear that more than unwelcomed voice say beside you.

You clench your jaw, your fists mimicking the movement before relaxing slightly. You turn to face the outsider. “Oh, Elsie! How are you?” you ask in a fake enthusiastic tone.

“Relax, honey. You will get yourself an aneurism if you keep on stressing like that. It’s just an abandoned house, nothing spooky behind those doors.”

You grit your teeth, and suddenly you’re seeing red. You start to open your mouth to shoot her a scathing comeback, but you’re interrupted by LaF’s hand on your arm, yanking you away.

“Hey, frosh. Kirsch is distributing flashlights, come if you don’t want to get swallowed by the dark.” They lean closer to you and lower their voice. “Damn, you were this close to bite her head off.”

“Told you she was a bitch,” you whisper.

They frown. “Yeah, I don’t know. That’s the first time I’ve heard her being so abrupt. Maybe she just doesn’t like you.”

“I’ve never even talked to her! Not really.”

“Maybe she sees you as a competition?”

“But why would she?”

They sigh. “Frosh, I think every girlfriend would be jealous when seeing the way Carmilla looks at you.”

You bow your head, not replying.

You get to Kirsch, who’s all alone now, and he hands you a flashlight. “By the way Kirsch, in your super romantic plan, why is everyone involved? Wouldn’t it be better if it were just Carm and I?”

“Well, yeah. I thought about it, but then I thought that you might need some help.”

LaF scoffs. “He just didn’t find a good excuse to lure Carmilla here, alone.”

“Really??” you ask, disbelievingly.

“She’s crazy scary, man! She would’ve killed me on the spot.”

You ponder about that for a second. That’s probably accurate.

You hear Danny groan from afar. “Are you ready? I don’t wanna spend the night here. Betty is waiting for me at home.”

You take a deep breath, looking over the house one last time. “Let’s do this,” you declare with determination in your voice, as you take confident steps toward the entrance.

 

Despite your reluctance to enter the place, you’re the first one to open the door. You have to force a little bit to open it completely, as the creaks it lets out resonates in the entire lobby. A bit of dust and what you think is old soil rises up with every step you take, your flashlight growing dim, darkening your vision. The rancid smell of the place makes you crinkle your nose in disgust, and you hope you’ll get used to that quickly enough.

In front of you is a two-way staircase that looks like it has seen better days. Nature has clearly reasserted itself and reclaimed the place. Plants have grown along the railing to the top of the staircase, proving that the house has been clear of any occupant in a very long time. Most of the furniture has been removed or stolen, leaving just old sideboards and unusable chairs falling to pieces.

You turn to your friends, whispering to avoid disturbing the quietness of what used to be a home. “What do we do now?”

LaF raises their flashlight to your face, blinding you in the process. “I want to explore every inch of that house.” They turn to Kirsch, using their flashlight as if they were in an interrogation room. “Damn it Kirsch, you should have told me what we were doing. I would’ve brought my camera.”

“So you could reenact an episode of _Ghost Hunters_?” Carmilla asks casually, and if you squint enough you can see that she is inspecting her nails in a bored gesture.

LaF quickly moves to light up Carmilla’s face. “Why didn’t I think of that??”

Carm shields her eyes from the light. “Okay gingerbread, get that thing out of my face.”

“Told you. Vampire,” Danny whispers in your ear, earning a quiet giggle from you.

“We should split,” LaF says. “No need for us to be all in the same room at the same time.” Earning nods from everyone, the redhead keeps talking. “So I’ll go with Perry--”

“Oh hell no!” Danny interjects, a little too loud for your ears. “If we choose, I know I’m going to end up with Kirsch. And no offence--” she turns to Kirsch. “—but I want to enjoy the experience without the constant urge of throwing you down the stairs.”

Kirsch visibly gulps. “I guess that’s fair.”

“Alright everyone, choose a number. We’re gonna do this randomly,” LaF says as they grab their phone.

 

* * *

 

“Damn it!”

LaF chuckles quietly. “Hey, it’s random. Don’t blame me, blame the universe.”

Danny sighs loudly, deflating, before grabbing Kirsch by the arm. “Okay. Kirsch, Perry, let’s go.”

You look at the retreating backs of the trio, hearing Perry mumble something about mold and insects.

You sigh. This is clearly not how you had pictured your evening. The results of the draw were also not what you expected. Just like Danny, the universe must hate you.

“Hey broody, you’re ready?” you hear LaF ask.

Carmilla looks between you and Elsie, before her concerned gaze stops on you. You send her a small smile, silently telling her that you’re gonna be fine.

“Okay, so... I guess we’ll see you later!” you say as you start to move away from them, Elsie following your steps.

You haven’t even looked at her. Ten minutes ago you were ready to snap at her. What is going to happen now that you’ll be alone with each other? No one to witness when she eventually pushes you down the stairs, claiming it was an accident? You walk in silence, your flashlight illuminating your path, as you try to avoid the cracks in the floorboard. The last thing you want is to stuck your foot in there. The hallway you’re in is narrow and dark, half of the doors condemned by wooden boards. The atmosphere is really not reassuring, but you don’t know what’s worse: the dark abandoned hallway or the heavy silence created by two people who clearly don’t want to be together. You stop in front of the first door that isn’t condemned, and you peak inside, praying to whomever is listening that your head will not land in a giant spider web. You slowly open the door, stepping inside.

“I think it was a study,” you say, because, despite the fact that you don’t like her, you cannot stand this silence anymore.

“Hey, Laura?” Elsie says in a gentle voice, standing at your side.

You hum and turn to look at her.

“I just...” she rubs the back of her neck. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows raise in surprise. “O...kay?”

“About earlier. The way I talked to you wasn’t nice, and I wasn’t being fair.”

You weren’t expecting that. Is she really apologizing to you? You want to reply something but you’re not sure what, and thankfully, she keeps on talking.

“It’s just that--” she starts to absentmindedly brush her finger on a dusty shelf, as she walks slowly around the room, avoiding your gaze. “—I let my stupid jealousy take control of me.”

“Jealousy?” Your eyebrows are in your hairline now.

“Yeah. Look, we don’t really know each other, but I know how important you are to Carmilla.” She pauses, as if to contemplate the rest of her sentence. “When I met her, I instantly thought we had a connection. She was this dark, broody, beautiful stranger that wouldn’t mingle with anyone.” Even in the dim light, you can see the soft smile on her face. “I couldn’t stop looking at her. And when we were introduced, I discovered that she was also sarcastic, but like, not in a bad way. She made me laugh. It was so refreshing to meet someone like her. She’s unique.” She finally meets your gaze, her eyes almost sparkling. “But that’s nothing new to you. I thought we had a connection, but what she has with you is beyond that.”

“W... what do you mean?” you stutter, panic rising in your chest.

“I mean that... she won’t open up to me. At first, I just thought that it was the way she dealt with things, and that she didn’t share with anyone.” She sighs. “But then, I saw you two talking at that party. I’ve never seen her so... open. You two looked so comfortable around each other. She’s never like that with me.” She stands before you, wistful look on her face. “But I get it, I don’t stand a chance.”

Your eyes widen, and you’re not sure you’ve heard that right. Is she about to tell you that she’s gonna back off? “Hum... why would you think that?”

She laughs incredulously. “You’re her best friend, Laura! You’ve known her longer than I have, so I know it’s stupid of me to think that I could ever compete. Not that I have anything to compete for, it’s not like there was something going on between you. All I know is that it’s stupid of me to feel jealous of you, and I’m sorry for that. It’s just an irrational fear, and I know it,” she says with a sheepish smile.

You don’t think your eyes can be more open right now. Your palms are sweaty and your ears are ringing. She doesn’t know anything. And she is actually so nice that she cannot even entertain the possibility that something could happen between you and Carmilla. Oh god. You feel so bad. What kind of person are you? Trying to ruin a relationship for your own benefit, declaring Elsie as the devil, when you didn’t even give her a chance?

You give her a small sympathetic smile, putting a hand on her shoulder, and what you’re about to do is probably one of the most difficult things you have ever done. “You should give her some time. I know she is hard to figure out, but she’ll let you in eventually. The fact that you’re lucky enough to call her your girlfriend is already a big step.” You see her frowning a bit, confused, while you start picturing the brunette in your head. “She wasn’t like that when I met her. She was sarcastic and unbearable.” You chuckle at the memory, lowering your gaze and dropping your arm to your side. “In fact, we hated each other. But she warmed up to me eventually, and I did too. She is so much more than this snarky, gorgeous brunette that she appears to be at first sight. She is kind, sensitive, generous, incredibly talented and smart, and I could go on and on.” You smile sadly at Elsie, who has an unreadable expression on her face. “She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’re right, she’s my best friend, and I... I love her. So just... take good care of her.” A little bit self-conscious, you avoid her gaze while trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

Elsie seems stunned by the little speech you just gave her. To be honest, you didn’t mean to say all of this. You must have gotten carried away. As she starts to open her mouth, she is interrupted by LaF who comes barging in the room, completely oblivious to the tension.

“Guys! You have GOT to see this!” They sound out of breath, but that doesn’t keep them from speaking at a 100 mph. “Kirsch discovered this... I don’t know like this hidden passage behind an old bookcase. There’s like a staircase going down to a cave or a basement or maybe a torture room, I don’t know. I’m just so _freaking_ excited!” they shout excitedly, and you can almost feel the walls trembling.

Elsie looks at you, her mouth still slightly open, and you just shrug, a confused smile on your face.

“So?! What are you waiting for? Come!” the redhead says as they move from the door, revealing the bored expression of Carmilla behind them.

 

You follow LaF, who leads you to said hidden passage. All your friends are already in front of it, the two most excited ones – meaning Kirsch and LaF – already one foot down the stairs. Danny and Perry are eyeing the passageway with barely disguised disgust, and you can’t blame them. These stairs and wherever they lead to must be filled with various kinds of creatures that haven’t seen the light of day in over a century. You shiver at the thought.

“You’re okay there, cupcake?” Carmilla asks, barely hiding her smile.

“Just peachy!” you reply in a high-pitched voice. “Can’t wait to see what’s in there!”

Carmilla snorts, staying behind with you while the others start to carefully descend the stairs. Perry is pushing everyone in front of her, probably hoping that they’re the ones who are going to catch the most cobwebs in their hair. Before her head disappears in the darkness of the passage, you catch Elsie’s worried gaze, and you wonder what’s that about.

“Hey.” Carmilla grabs your arm, stopping you from following your friends.

“Yes?” You smile at her, questioningly.

“I just...” She shakes her head, looking suddenly embarrassed. “I don’t know if we’ll have another moment alone tonight, so I just wanted to ask if everything went well with Elsie.”

You scoff playfully. “I didn’t try to kill her if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No, of course not. But... would you have a reason for wanting to kill her?”

You narrow your eyes. “Come on, Carm. You’re a lot of things, but you’re not stupid. You know that I’m not comfortable with her, and it doesn’t take a genius to understand why. She changed everything between us. And I knew that the day would come eventually, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know it’s like...” You take a breath, gesturing wildly while groping for words, before you finally meet her concerned gaze, and smile softly at her. “We were standing on this rope, holding each other steady so we wouldn’t fall. And I knew, I _knew_ that we couldn’t stay on this rope forever. We had to let go and hit the ground eventually.” You sigh, holding her gaze. “The only difference between you and me, is that you didn’t screw up the landing.”

She eyes you for a moment, brows furrowed, apparently at a loss for words. The heavy tension is palpable, and your whole body is frozen by her intense stare.

“Hey! You coming?!” LaF’s distant voice brings you out of the daze you were stuck in.

“Laura...” Carmilla tries to reach a hand out to you, but you take a step back.

“No, Carm. I didn’t say that so you could take pity on me. I did it because I want you to understand that these past few weeks haven’t been easy on me. But... after tonight... I understood what you saw in her. She’s genuinely sweet, and nice. She doesn’t seem to have an ounce of wickedness in her.” You shrug, smiling sadly at her. “And you need that. You need someone good. You need someone who can show you that they care about you. You need someone who can tell you every day how great you are. And I believe that she’s the one who can do that.”

She seems to hesitate, her eyes fluttering a few times. “You do?” she finally lets out in a small voice.

You can only nod, not trusting your voice to speak. You’re afraid that the effort it will take to open your mouth will break the mental concentration it takes to keep your tears from spilling out.

 

“ABORT! ABORT!” LaF shouts suddenly as everybody scrambles out of the passageway.

Carmilla holds out her hands to stop them. “Wow, wow, what’s going on?”

“Get out of the way Carmilla or I swear I’m going to...” Perry trails off, clearly in a middle of some sort of panic attack.

“Perr, calm down, what happened?” you say in a soothing voice, holding her steady by her shoulders.

“RATS! Everywhere. Running. Hissing. Jumping,” Perry explains, shivering.

“Jumping?” Carmilla asks incredulously, raising an eyebrow.

“Oookay. I think it’s time to leave this place, yeah?” Everyone nods at you, LaF already pulling Perry away from the room.

Kirsch approaches you, leaning close to your ear while you walk together toward the exit. “So? You were alone with her. Did it work?”

Your gaze lands on Carmilla and Elsie, who has her arm wrapped around the brunette’s, smiling and talking together. You avert your gaze before they can see you watching.

“I’m not going through with it.”

“What? But why?”

“Look at them, Kirsch. They are happy. Who am I to take that happiness away from them?”

He looks at them, before affectionately wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “I’m sorry, little nerd.”

You purse your lips, smiling sadly. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

A week has passed since your loaded conversations in the house of death. You meant what you said that night. Elsie might be the best thing for Carm right now. After all she’s been through, she doesn’t need someone so screwed up that she doesn’t know how to get in touch with her feelings. She needs a steady relationship, and Elsie can give her that.

But that’s your rational side talking.

Your emotional side, however, doesn’t give the same speech. You can’t believe you have abandoned the fight so quickly. You can’t believe that you let her go, before even telling her that you love her. How stupid can you be? And who cares about Elsie? You’re the one who’s supposed to be with Carm.

 

LaF already yelled at you when you told them what you said during your conversation with Carmilla.

_“No.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“No, frosh! You can’t just give up like that. Not after everything. You deserve your happy ending, too. At least give her a chance to hear what you have to say. You can’t make this decision by yourself. She has the right to know.”_

_You sigh. “LaF...”_

_“And if it turns out that she doesn’t feel the same way, then you’ll know it’s over. And you will finally be able to move on. But if you don’t tell her, for the rest of your life you’ll be stuck in this ‘what if?’ cycle, and I know that you’ll regret it.” They put a hand on your shoulder. “So just... dive in the cold water, and you’ll risk everything. But it’ll be much worse if you don’t do anything.”_

So... yeah. What are you supposed to do now?

 

Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your door. Fuck. You totally forgot that you were the one hosting game night this week. Nothing is ready, and you’re honestly not in the mood for it. So you move to the door, plastering your biggest fake smile on your face, before pulling the door wide open.

Before you, stands Carmilla, alone. You think your smile turns into a cringe as you stay frozen in front of her.

“Hum... are you okay? You seem like you’re hurting or something.”

You blink, relaxing your jaw. “Yes. No. Sorry.” You laugh nervously. “I was just expecting LaF, or Perry. You’re never the first one to arrive.”

Her lips quirk up. “Well, I’m glad that seeing my face makes you look like you just hit your pinky toe.” She chuckles. “Are we spending the evening in the hallway, or...?”

“Right! Right, sorry.” You move from the door, letting her in before closing behind her. “Make your--” You turn to look at her, and she has already her head down your fridge. “—self comfortable...” You roll your eyes before reaching for your phone on the kitchen counter. “I’m gonna check where’s the rest of the scroungers.”

You hear a muffled ‘hey!’ coming from Carmilla’s already full mouth. You look at your screen, and realize you have 6 texts waiting for you. 4 from LaF, 1 Kirsch and 1 Perry.

 

LaF [7:59 p.m.]: So... we’re not coming. Nobody is, actually.

LaF [8:00 p.m.]: I had to do it. It’s the only way. It’s the push you need frosh.

LaF [8:02 p.m.]: Don’t hate me

LaF [8:04 p.m.]: Please

Perry [8:07 p.m.]: I’m so sorry, sweetie...

Kirsch [8:11 p.m.]: Good luck, man!

LaF [8:28 p.m.]: ... do you hate me?

 

Your phone buzzes in your hands as you’re about to reply.

 

LaF [8:44 p.m.]: OH GOD YOU HATE ME

Laura [8:45 p.m.]: Stop being so DRAMATIC

Laura [8:45 p.m.]: I don’t hate you. You’re just in a lot of trouble that’s all

LaF [8:46 p.m.]: What kind of trouble are we talking here?

Laura [8:46 p.m.]: Like serious ones. The ‘I’m about to rip your head off’ type

 

“Interesting conversation?” Carmilla asks, plopping down on your couch.

“Oh hum. It was just LaF. Apparently, nobody is coming tonight.”

She raises an eyebrow, confused. “Why?”

“I hum... Everybody is sick.”

“All of them?”

“Yes.”

“All five of them?” She sounds perplex.

“What do you want me to say?” You go open the fridge to avoid her gaze and hide your blush. “Probably the flue or something. They’re all joined at the hip, anyway. Something like that was bound to happen eventually.”

You hear her chuckle and you’re glad the fridge is hiding the small smile it brings to your face. You haven’t been alone with her in a while, and certainly not in the small space of your apartment. You have to repress all your unwanted thoughts if you want to keep your composure.

You grab two beers, looking at your buzzing phone on your way to the couch.

 

Perry [8:50 p.m.]: LaFontaine just called me. They sounded scared and said you were going to kill them?

 

You snort and roll your eyes at the text, not even bothering to reply. You put down your phone again and head toward Carmilla, handing her a beer before sitting on the opposite side of the couch. No proximity makes Laura happy.

You take a sip, keeping your hands occupied. “By the way, where’s Elsie?”

“Oh yeah. She was working tonight.” She looks at her beer, drumming her fingers on the side. “And... I don’t know if it was a good idea to bring her here.”  
You put down your beer and sigh. “Carm...”

“I want you to be comfortable. And if it means not bringing my girlfriend to your place, then that’s what it’ll take.”

“You don’t need to do that to make me feel better. I don’t mean to keep you away from her.”

She sighs loudly, apparently annoyed. “Can you just... stop, and not try to control everything for once? I chose not to bring her. You’re not keeping me away from anyone.”

“Oh so, I’m controlling now?” you ask, a little bit stunned to see how the conversation suddenly veered off.

“All I’m saying is that I tried to make you comfortable.”

“But I’m comfortable!” You defend, your voice going up an octave.

She eyes the space between you accusingly. “Clearly.”

“Oh, that bothers you?” You stand up in a swift motion, before dropping all your weight next to her, making the couch tremble on purpose. There’s almost no space between you, now. “There. Better?” you ask with an annoyed smile. “Do I look comfortable enough to you?”

She scoffs, putting down her beer on the table. “Well, I don’t know. That cringe you call a smile could use some work,” she says in a mocking tone.

It’s your turn to scoff. “Because _you_ know what a smile looks like? You’re the broodiest person I know!” You’re starting to get really annoyed.

“Oh, no. Did I hurt little miss sunshine’s feelings?” She smirks, leaning a little bit closer.

You squint your eyes at her, moving even closer. “Little miss—oh really? That’s what you’re going with?”

“Oh I have all kinds of nicknames for you. But I’m not sure you would wanna hear half of it.”

“God! You are so infuriating!” you practically groan in her face, all your repressed anger ready to spill out.

Her smirk turns into a sneer. “Right back at ya, cupcake.”

You’re breathing in each other’s face, both of your chests heaving with anger. You hold her gaze, and her eyes are dark, intense. She’s not sneering anymore. Instead, her teeth are bared, like a panther ready to attack.

Next thing you know, you’re grabbing her by the neck and pulling her into an angry, passionate kiss. She responds immediately, burying her hands in your hair to bring you closer. She starts to nip at your lower lip, and you take this opportunity to shove your tongue into her mouth, relishing the sweet relief of your bodies pressed up together. She moans at the contact and all you hear is the deliverance of something you’ve been craving for so long. You don’t even think. All you do is touch and feel. And it feels so fucking good. Her hand moves to your face, her thumb brushing your cheekbone. She whispers your name in the kiss and suddenly, the reality comes crushing down around you.

You pull away as fast as you can, almost tripping on your feet when standing up. “No.”

She looks bewildered, her bruising mouth slightly open as she pants. “What’s wrong?”

You bury your hands in your hair in frustration. “What’s wrong?? Are you kidding me? We can’t do that! You have a girlfriend, Carmilla.”

Her breathing seems to stop, before she runs a hand through her hair. “Fuck. Elsie.”

“Yes, Elsie! And... she’s not even the problem here.”

She seems confused. “Then, what is it?”

“You, Carm. You are the problem,” you say, your shoulders deflating.

She stands up, slowly, taking a careful step toward you. “What do you mean?” she asks, her tone insecure.

“God, Carm!” You close your eyes, rubbing your hand on your forehead in frustration. “You can’t just do that! Come back into my life and act as if nothing happened. Do you even know how much you hurt me?” You scoff bitterly, opening your eyes to be met with her lost gaze. “You don’t, do you? How do you think it made me feel, when you left and came back with another woman? Do you really think it made me happy? Do you really think I didn’t care?” Your voice cracks at the end of the sentence, the lump in your throat barely carrying the sound. “I was so miserable, and you didn’t even see it.”

She takes another step. Eyebrows furrowed together, lip slightly quivering and shining eyes, she looks like she’s fighting to keep her composure. “Laura, I didn’t know, I--”

“And that’s the whole problem, Carm,” you say in a calm, defeated tone. “You didn’t know. Why do you think I was so distant these past few weeks? Why do you think I could not stand to see you with her?”

She doesn’t say anything, but her gaze is still on you. She seems lost and confused, paralyzed by the words you’re throwing at her. The walls that you fought so hard to keep up are now crumbling down. Your tears are flowing freely, and you don’t know if they are caused by your sorrow or your frustration at her lack of response.

“Damn it, Carm!” You throw your hands in the air, your irritation getting ahold of you. “How can you be so blind?! How can you... How can you not see that I’m in love with you?” The words are out, and you don’t stop to check her reaction. You close your eyes, defeated, your next words almost a whisper. “And it hurts so much.”

A deafening silence fills the room. Only your ragged breathing and your soft sniffles disturbs the quietness of your living room. After what seems like the longest minute you have ever experienced, you open your eyes, the heaviness of your eyelids a burden when all you want to do is look at the girl standing in front of you.

She’s weeping. And it’s barely noticeable because she isn’t making any sound. Tears are slowly making their way down her cheek, not even needing the blink of an eye. You’ve never seen her cry like this. You’ve never seen her so vulnerable. She doesn’t even try to wipe her tears. She just stands there, looking at you, a lack of expression on her face.

“I...” She tries to speak, but her throat seems congested. All you hear is her quivering voice, barely a whisper. “I can’t.”

You frown, the movement making a tear escape to the bottom of your jaw, before gathering the courage to speak. “What?”

She shakes her head, taking a step back. She seems to have regain consciousness, but her crying is now more intense. “I can’t,” she repeats in a thick voice, full of meaning. She takes another step back, looking away from you. “I need to go. I’m sorry. I can’t be here.”

She almost trips when she turns around, grabbing her jacket on her way out. Before she opens the door, her eyes meet yours one more time, holding your gaze like her life depends on it. Even through your blurry vision, you can see her mouthing ‘I’m sorry,’ and you know the resounding sound of the door closing behind her will keep you awake for a long time.

 

What the hell happened?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... I’m sorry for the wait. And for the chapter.
> 
> I know I keep saying angst will soon be over, and still, I keep writing it. But it’s for the sake of the story, and not by cruelty, I swear :)
> 
> Aaaah thank you so much for your support, you all are truly amazing!!


	15. Scream and Shout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *EDIT 5/20*: If you are coming back to check if there's a new chapter, I hope you see this. I promised myself I would never make you wait more than a week for an update, especially for the last chapter, but life got in the way... :(
> 
> So, I will publish the last chapter in June, probably around the 10-15th. 
> 
> So sorry for the wait!

_“Oh, Roberto, you are alive! When you disappeared four years ago in this tragic shipwreck, we thought you were dead! Your twin brother said…”_

You suddenly feel the weight shifting on your couch next to you, where you are comfortably sitting, watching TV. You see the intruder from the corner of your eyes.

“How did you get in here?” you say through gritted teeth.

LaF holds up the spare key to your apartment as you roll your eyes. “Are you still watching those stupid soap operas, frosh?”

“I’m seriously taking back that key.”

“As you wish,” they say, putting the key on the coffee table in front of you. “I made copies.”

You huff. “ _Why_ are you here?”

“You can’t stay locked up in your apartment forever, dude. It’s been two weeks. What the hell happened for you to be so depressed and…” they crinkle their nose. “Whiffy.”

“Are you saying that I smell?” you ask, outraged.

“No. I’m just saying that showers tend to get really sad when you don’t use them.”

You throw a pillow at them. “Jerk.”

“So?” They look at you expectantly.

You sigh. “Fine. I followed your advice and I told Carmilla I loved her. And as you can see--” you gesture to your position, “-- everything went incredibly well.”

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I really thought…” they trail off. “What did she say?”

You snort bitterly. “That might be the worst part. She didn’t like, let me down gently. I think I would’ve handled that. No. Instead, she mumbled something like ‘I can’t,’ and she ran away from me. She fucking ran away from me, LaF.” You meet their worried gaze, your eyes probably shining with unshed tears and voice quivering. “I told her I loved her and she just left.”

They gently pull you into a hug, your head buried in their shoulder. “Gosh, that’s harsh, Laura. I’m sorry,” they repeat.

“I told you I couldn’t handle another heartbreak.” You take a long, shuddering breath. “And I think this time it hurts even more.”

 

After a few minutes of silence, the sound of your quiet sobs muffled into your friend’s shoulder, you feel the latter starting to stir in your arms.

“I have an idea,” they say, in a determined tone. “You need to let it all out.”

“Isn’t it what I’m doing?” you ask in a small voice, your throat still constricted by your sobs.

“No. I mean. This is good; crying is good. But you need to let out your anger. You need to scream and shout to the world how much it sucks, and how angry you are.” You pull back a little to look at them, confused. “I swear; you’ll only feel better.”

“How can I do that? I can’t just find random people and scream at them. That’s… kinda mean.”

They chuckle. “No, no. We’re not gonna do that. Come on.” They stand up and head toward the door. “Take your jacket, it’s chilly outside.”

 

* * *

 

LaF ends up driving you out of the city. You’re wondering where the hell you’re going when they take sharp turns into the country. You don’t think there’s any civilization for miles around. They finally stop the car when you arrive at the top of a cliff, trees behind you and the entire city spread out in front of your eyes.

“Did you bring me here so that I could jump, or…?”

“Yes, stupid. I drove you to this cliff so that you could end your life. Or better, so that I could push you.” They answer, sarcastically. “No, Laura. I drove you here because it’s secluded. You can pour your heart out, scream your sorrow. Nobody will hear you.”

“And you think it’s good because…?”

“Just do it.”

You move forward cautiously, not too close from the edge of the cliff; your fear of heights taking the upper hand. You sigh and look at the view displayed in front of you. The city is spread out as far as the eye can see. The lights are starting to glow, even though it’s only 5 p.m. Behind you, you hear the rustling of the leaves, the wind being much stronger at this height.

You start to open your mouth, but no sound is coming out of it. You cannot think of anything.

You turn to your friend. “I… I just don’t know what to say.”

“Okay. I’ll start,” they say as they join you near the edge. “You need to start with something soft and meaningless, like…” They put their hands on each side of their mouth to carry their voice. “All my socks have holes in them!” they scream to the void.

You can’t help the small giggle that escapes. “Really? But, why?”

They shrug. “I have honestly no idea. Your turn.” They gesture at you.

“Okay…” You take a deep breath and mimic LaF’s hand position. “I hate Scarlett Johansson!” you yell, before turning to your friend’s questioning glare and shrugging. “She’s just so full of herself.”

“Alright, my turn. I’ve never watched Breaking Bad!”

“What?!” You look at them, bewildered. “But… they have a meth lab. You love labs.”

“Watched the first episode. Never really came around to watch the others.”

“Okay, we’ll have to talk about that. But now… I’m the one who ratted out Natalie Willis in 5th Grade!”

“I sometimes don’t talk to my family for months!” Your friend follows.

“I never told my grandma I was gay!”

LaF was right. It is somehow relieving to let it all out.

“I’m tired of people who misgender me!”

“I’m tired of being heartbroken!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love!”

“I don’t want her to abandon me like my mother did!” you shout and slam your hand on your mouth. What the fuck was that?

Your turn to LaF and see them looking at you, worry in their eyes. You stand there, completely still, a look of mixed incomprehension and fear in your eyes, you guess. Your friend takes small, careful steps toward you, and you watch as they put a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“I just… I just never realized,” you admit.

They put a hand on your back and lead you away from the edge of the cliff. “Come,” they say softly. “Let’s get away from here.”

 

You both get back to the car, and sit there for a moment. You’re more than confused at what happened on this cliff. What does your mother have to do with all of it? She left when you were still a child, it was hard at the time but you made your peace with it. You don’t think you’re traumatized by your mother abandoning you at a young age. Or at least, you didn’t until now.

“I don’t understand. I never think about her. I used to, before. But I haven’t thought about her in years. I don’t even miss her.”

“You know, some events can leave a mark without you even realizing it,” LaF says, slouching in their car seat.

“Do you think I have abandonment issues?”

They shrug. “I’m not an expert. But that could explain your fear of letting new people in.” They seem hesitant to say the next part. “You’re afraid of getting attached. But when you finally do, you’re willing to do everything in your power to make sure they don’t leave you.”

You cradle your head in your hands, sighing loudly. “Oh, god. I did everything Andrea wanted me to just because I didn’t want to feel abandoned again. Fuck. What is wrong with me??”

They chuckle softly. “Nothing is wrong with you. Now that you’re aware of that, you just need to work on it a little bit. You have to realize that not everyone is like your mother. I’m not going anywhere. Perry, Kirsch, Danny aren’t going anywhere.” They sigh. “Carmilla… is not going anywhere.”

You scoff, your head hitting the headrest. “Yeah, right. She already left.”

They shake their head. “Trust me, frosh. She’s still here.”

You close your eyes for a second, not believing a word of it. When you open them, you give a small smile to LaF. “Thank you for being here. I don’t know what I would do without all of your friendships.”

“Probably wander around. Lost. Naked.” They tease.

You laugh as they turn the ignition key. Probably.

“You realize you have finally said her name, right?” they say with a proud smile.

“I know,” you reply, returning their smile before looking out the window. “’Andrea’ is way shorter than ‘The Bitch That Broke My Heart in College,’ anyway.”

 

* * *

 

Stuck at work after hours, you take the time to file all your papers. You really don’t know how you manage to find anything in this mess. You’ve been doing that for a few days now, finding the quietness of an empty office oddly relaxing. You’re glad your boss trusts you enough to leave you alone here; she might hate you – you’re pretty sure of it – but at least she knows you’re not gonna mess with anything.

You’re heading to the photocopier machine when you hear a door loudly slam open. You jump out of fear and look in the direction of the commotion. Your breath hitches and your heart is not calming down. There she is, standing a few feet away from you, glaring at you with a look you have never seen on her.

“What are you--” you start to say, but Carmilla interrupts you.

“You had no right,” she says through gritted teeth, her whole body trembling, anger in her eyes.

“What?” you ask in a small voice, confused and almost scared. You’re gripping the photocopier behind your back with all your strength.

She takes a step closer. “You had no right to tell me you loved me.” Her voice cracks at the end, and you can see her eyes softening a little bit, even if you can still feel contempt in her demeanor.

“What in the _world_ makes you think you get to decide whether I tell you how I feel?” you reply, gritting your teeth in turn, rage building up inside you. You harden your grip on the photocopier until your knuckles turn white. “Do you know how hard it’s been? Keeping it all to myself?” You continue, a tear of anger rolling down your cheek.

“I was doing well, Laura.” She almost spits your name and you want to slap her. “I had a girlfriend and I was finally doing well. And then you came and you had to say it,” she says, her voice quivering.

You scoff bitterly. “Oh, I’m sorry I burst your little bubble of happiness. I’m sorry I came and ruined everything for you. It must be _so_ hard to carry the weight of my love for you. I’m sorry I had to put you through that.” You see her gulping and lowering her gaze but she doesn’t say anything, so you keep going. “We kissed. Do you even remember that? Or you’re just so persuaded that everything is my fault that you decided to forget it? And why does it matter to you anyway? It’s not like you share those feelings.” She looks up at you again. “I think you’ve made that perfectly clear. So why are you here, Carmilla?” The way you say her name makes her flinch. “Do you want to make me feel guilty for loving you?”

She stands still for a second clenching and unclenching her fists. “This was a bad idea,” she finally says. “I need to go.”

You can’t help the mocking laugh that comes out of you. “Fine! Leave! That’s what you do best anyway.”

She freezes in front of the closed door, her hand stopping on the handle. You realize then what you’ve said, and even if she deserves it, you regret it immediately.

“Carm, I…”

“You don’t get to throw that in my face,” she says, and even if she’s not facing you, you know she’s gritting her teeth and clenching her jaw. She finally turns around, and you see resentment in her eyes. “You’re the one who was being distant. You’re the one who kept pushing me away. I’m not the one who did _this_.” She gestures between the two of you. “ _You_ did. You created that distance between us. That kiss was not supposed to happen. It wasn’t planned. We got carried away in the spur of the moment, forgetting the world around us and the consequences that it involved. And then, you tell me you love me? After all this time, _that’s_ the moment you choose to say it? How could you do that when you knew I was with someone else?” Her voice is shaking with rage. “How could you do that when I was finally trying to get over—You know what? I can’t do this right now.” She turns around again.

“What! But you’re the one who came here!” you say, disbelievingly.

She doesn’t reply anything, but you see her reaching for the door handle and pulling on it. Or at least she tries to.

You see her shoulder deflate as she lets out a long sigh. “It’s locked.”

It’s just then that you realize WHICH door she’s trying to open. Oh no.

“Fuck, no. Don’t tell me you closed that door,” you reply nervously, trying to calm your anger as you move in her direction.

She turns to you, pursing her lips and gesturing to the door. “That’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” You glare at her as she stands next to you, while you pull on the handle. “Already tried that,” she adds, leaning on the door.

“Can you just…” You huff. “ _Shut up_ for a second. I need to think.”

“Don’t you have the key to that door?” she asks disbelievingly.

“No, I don’t have the key to that door,” you repeat in a childish voice, annoyed by her questions. “That’s why I don’t close it. It locks itself automatically and I don’t have the key for it.”

“Fuck.” She lets herself slide down the door until she is sitting on the floor. “Can we call someone to get us out of here?”

“It’s midnight. The entire office is empty and the janitor is at home. I’m not going to call him at midnight. Our best chance to leave this place is to wait until morning. The cleaning team is here at 5.”

“Fuuuuck,” she whines, putting her head between her knees.

“Yeah, fuck,” you repeat, plopping down on your chair.

It’s going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

“Stupid, fucking--” You grunt and kick the vending machine, slamming both of your hands on it in frustration.

“Here, let me,” you hear Carmilla say, as she kneels down and puts her hand inside the machine. “I have some experience in this. You can never trust a vending machine to deliver all your treats,” she continues, poking out her tongue as she struggles to move her arm. “There! Got it!” she exclaims triumphantly, grabbing the pack of cookies that wouldn’t fall down. She stands back up and hands you the pack. “I don’t want you to starve here. You’re pretty scary when you’re hangry,” she teases with a smile.

You smile gratefully at her. You both haven’t spoken to each other for at least an hour, giving you the time to calm down your anger. After all, you’re stuck with her for another 4 hours, and you can’t yell for that long. “Thanks, Carm.” You take one cookie and start munching on it, meeting her amused stare. “What?” you ask, crumbs falling out of your mouth.

She chuckles lightly, shaking her head. “Nothing. You just look like a hamster nibbling on its snack, cheeks round with food. It’s cute.”

“Asshole,” you mutter but it’s not bitter. And the laugh she lets out at that makes you believe she knows that.

You hand her a cookie and she takes it, surprised by your generosity. You never share your cookies. She then follows you when you sit on your desk chair, sitting on the nearest chair in front of you.

“I meant to ask you,” you say. “How did you know I was here? And how did you get in?”

She spins in her chair casually and stops to face you. “LaF.”

You roll your eyes. “Of course.”

“And the entrance door is unlocked downstairs. You really need to be more careful around here. I could have been a burglar.”

You scoff. “Oh but you practically are. Do you really think I didn’t see you steal that stapler 30 minutes ago?”

“Oh, come on, it’s a stapler! Like--” She squints to read the name on the desk. “--Johnson is ever going to miss it. Plus, he has ugly kids,” she says, pointing at the photo on the desk. “And that… deserves a missing stapler.”

“You’re a terrible person.” You purse your lips to hide your smile.

She just shrugs nonchalantly and keeps on whirling in her chair.

 

* * *

 

Finding yourself stuck in your office with Carmilla is the last thing you would’ve thought doing tonight. You managed to talk to her a little bit, but after the fight you had before all of this happened, it’s still awkward between you. Nothing was resolved. Why is she here? Did she come here to yell at you? For what purpose? You would have texted LaF but your phone is dead and _of course_ , you didn’t bring your charger with you. Plus, it wouldn’t solve anything. The only person you need to talk to is right here, playing with… What?

“What are you doing?” you ask, confused but curious, standing up from your chair and moving toward Carmilla who’s sitting on the floor.

She looks up at you, a childlike expression on her face. “I’m building us a mini-golf course.” You smile at her explanation. “See, Johnson is apparently also fond of golf. He has a golf ball on his desk that I _borrowed_ ,” she adds before you can say anything. “And I found this baseball bat under Andrews’ desk – which is kind of weird, please don’t come close to her – and with the help of some other accessories that I found here and there, I managed to make us a pretty decent golf course!” she says excitedly, gauging your reaction.

You feel a wave of adoration going through your body, and you have to control your thoughts before you can ponder about your feelings for her. “Why didn’t you choose baseball if you have a baseball bat?” Is all you manage to say.

“All I have is a golf ball. So I don’t think your boss will be really pleased if all of the windows and computer screens are smashed when she gets back.”

“Good point.” You look around. “And what did you use to make the holes?”

“I just cut some empty water bottles in half.” She shrugs.

“Wow, you are one handy person!”

“I’ve been told I was good with my hands.” She smirks for a second before she realizes what she has said, and that shameless flirting is maybe not the good strategy here. She clears her throat, embarrassed. “Alright, do you want to start?”

“Sure,” you say awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.

 

* * *

 

“Ha HA! In. Your. Face!” You start to dance, or at least awkwardly moving your body in a victory celebration.

Carmilla shakes her head, amused. “You know we still have one hole to go, right? You could still lose.”

“No way! I’m winning this!”

Okay, so maaaybe you’re a little bit competitive. Well, that’s what people tell you. You don’t think you’re _obsessed_ with victory, as they say. You just _entertain the idea of winning_ , that’s all. The only exception is your game nights with the gang. And especially with Danny and Kirsch. If you get competitive with them, you’ll end up killing each other, you know that.

“Behold, the last hole, ladies and gentlemen!” Carmilla gestures proudly at her ‘baby’ (as she refers to it), the last, but not least, hole in your competition. She has moved desks, plants, chairs to create obstacles, and even found a board to create a springboard.

“You gotta be kidding me…”

“Told you it was great.” She grins. “Your turn.”

After 15 minutes of struggling, you get to Carmilla’s last shot. The springboard. If she manages to pass this, she wins. You get close to her, observing her every move. And maybe trying to destabilize her, but no one can prove that. She shoots aaaaand… misses.

“Damn it!” You jump in the air as she grumbles. She holds up the bat in frustration, not knowing you were so close to her, and all you can see is the large wooden stick coming at your face. Ouch.

You lean down and hold your nose, feeling it burning.

“Shit!” You hear Carmilla yell, mixed with the sound of the bat being dropped on the floor. “Fuck, fuck. Laura, are you okay?” She leans down with you, one hand stroking your back and the other on the side of your face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you. Can you talk?” she asks in a small voice, full of concern.

You breathe out through your mouth, holding your nose with one hand while putting the other on top of Carm’s hand, the contact making you shiver in spite of your pain. “I can talk. I don’t think I’m bleeding. It just hurts on the bridge of my nose.”

“Here, let me see,” she says carefully, her eyes soft and full of worry. You move your hand and watch her as she’s scrutinizing your face. You feel a little vulnerable and self-conscious right now, but you can’t help watching her also. How long has it been since you’ve seen her up close? Just a few inches from your face? “It doesn’t look so bad. You have a little scratch. You may have a little bruise for a few days. Do you have a Band-Aid we could stick on it?”

“We have a first-aid kit in the bathroom, I can get it,” you reply as you start to move, but she stops you with a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll go get it. Sit down, I’m coming right back.”

You look around you, looking for a chair. All of them have been used in your mini-golf game, so you just flop down on the floor, your back resting against the wall. You close your eyes for a minute, waiting for Carmilla to come back. When she does, she kneels down in front of you, holding out a Band-Aid and one small gauze pad.

“I put some antiseptic on it,” she says in response to your questioning glare. She gently holds your chin to keep your head straight. “It’s gonna burn a little bit, sorry.” She applies the pad on your nose, and you feel it stinging for a second, before she puts the Band-Aid over it. “There, you’re all fixed,” she says with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” you say quietly.

She holds your gaze for what seems like an eternity, and you can almost see the wheels turning in her head. “Laura... I’m so sorry.”

You smile at her. “It’s nothing, really. Sure, I’ll be disfigured for a few days, but I’ll just put on a mask and it’ll be like nothing ever happened.” You try to lighten the mood.

She laughs softly. “No, I wasn’t talking about your injury. Although I’m also sorry about that.” She takes a deep breath. “No... I was talking about the awful things I said and did to you. I ran away. I yelled at you when I had absolutely no reason to. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you.” She sighs, lowering her gaze to the floor. “You didn’t deserve it. Any of it.” Her eyes meet yours again, full of regret and something you can’t quite place. “I’m sorry I didn’t see that you were hurting. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me everything.” She pauses, gently moving a lock of hair away from your face. “I thought I knew what was going on in your head. I was so sure that you only saw me as a friend, that I convinced myself that nothing was ever going to happen between us. It made me do stupid things, and I don’t know how you can forgive me for everything I’ve put you through. I don’t know how I can forgive myself for making you suffer.”

“Carm...” you manage to breathe out, throat tight. “You don’t have to--”

“No, Laura. I have to.” Her eyes are shining with determination, despite the light shaking of her voice. “I promised myself that I would never hurt you. I told you you could trust me. And since the day you told me... those words, I hate myself a little more every day for the way I reacted.” She closes her eyes, bowing her head.

You gently grab her by the chin to make her look at you. “Hey...” You smile softly at her. “You know I don’t hate you, right? We both made... questionable choices, and some of my stupid actions probably led to some of yours. Sure, it was hard on me, but I know the way I distanced myself hasn’t been easy on you either. Maybe if I had communicated more, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. So, you can forgive yourself, because I forgive you.”

Your words cause her to smile a little at you, as she grabs the hand that was on her chin, placing a light kiss on your knuckles. “You’re too good to be true.”

Her other hand is now stroking your cheek, with a gentle touch. She’s looking at you deeply, her eyes never leaving yours, and you can feel her uneven breathing. The tender way she looks at you fills you up with hope, something that you haven’t felt in a long time. Your heart is beating out of your chest at this point, and you can feel your own breathing getting ragged. What’s happening? You can’t even feel the pain anymore. You’re like in a daze, lost in the brown of her eyes. She looks so beautiful, so peaceful. All you can think about is how you would like to show her how in love with her you are. At that thought, you hold your breath, and realize you have never asked her a primordial question. You had always assumed, but you never heard her actually say it. Maybe now is the time to girl the hell up, and fight for what you want.

“Carm…” You wait for her to acknowledge the fact that you have talked. She smiles softly at you, and you see that her eyes are shining, almost as if she is trying to prevent herself from crying. She waits for you to continue, but you’re not sure you can actually let the words out. So you take a deep shuttering breath, and let out in a quivering voice. “Carm, do you love me?”

You hold her gaze, not backing down, but she is stunned, her hand falling from your cheek. You lower your gaze to the floor and start rambling, to cover the sound of your heart breaking in a thousand pieces. “I just realized that I had never asked you. But now that I’m saying it out loud, I hear how stupid that sounds.” You snort. “And here I am, asking you if you love me with my Band-Aid on the nose. I must really look stupid.”

“Yes.”

“Wow, I didn’t think you would actually admit that I look stupid. But thank you for your honesty, it’s so--”

 

“No, Laura.” She cuts you off by holding your cheek again, so you look up at her, and see her bright smile, a stream of tears falling from her eyes. “Yes.” She repeats again, and this time you understand what she means.

Your own tears start to fall as you ask her in a small, trembling voice. “You… you love me?”

She nods, snorting in relief as she smiles brightly, even though she’s a crying mess. She can be the biggest crying mess you have ever seen; you don’t care. She’s more beautiful in this moment than you have ever seen her. You beam at her, probably all puffy and red from your crying. But whatever. You lounge at her, ready to melt onto her lips, but you suddenly stop, an inch from her mouth.

“Wait. What about Elsie?”

“What about her?” she asks, confused.

“Well, I don’t want you to be a cheater. And I don’t want to be the one you’re cheating with!” You huff. “Again.”

She chuckles lightly, placing a lock of hair behind your ear. “Laura, I broke up with her...” Your heart almost stops at that, not believing the words you’re hearing.

“Wait, really?” you ask in disbelief.

“Really.” She nods. “I broke up with her the same day you told me you loved me. I couldn’t stay with her knowing that this little, prissy, hard-headed, beautiful human being whom I was crazy about, was finally feeling the same way about me,” she says adoringly.

“But… Wow okay I have so many questions about that sentence.” You shake your head in confusion. “First, just to make sure because it just sounds too perfect for it to be true. You were talking about me, right?”

She grins, nodding her head as she runs a hand through your hair, stroking your cheek with her other hand. “Yes.”

You sigh in relief, and you’re afraid that the beating of your heart is never going to slow down. “Okay. I know we’ve been over this a little bit, but if you felt the same way, why did you leave me hanging, making me believe that I was just hopelessly in love with someone who didn’t love me back?” You’re having trouble keeping your voice straight, as the feeling of rejection is still so fresh in your memory.

She lowers her head. “I know… I told you, I regret the way I handled the situation. I just needed to clear my head. I had to think about what it meant for me, for you… for us. When we kissed, it brought all of these repressed feelings to the surface, and I didn’t know what to do with them. And then, you told me you loved me, and even though it’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from you, it left me even more confused. But that night, my feet led me to Elsie’s. And I just knew what I had to do. I broke up with her immediately, but I still didn’t have the guts to come and face you again. So I waited, and the more I waited, the more scared and angry I got. I kept thinking that we wasted so many months, not telling each other how we felt. I was so mad at you, and myself. Even before Elsie, you were being so distant, and I was afraid to lose you. And I just couldn’t risk that. So, I thought that, if we were just friends, maybe you would stop being so distant and we could have a normal friendship. I was ready to let you go, even if it meant I would only be your friend. But at least, you’d still be in my life.”

“And what about Elsie?”

“Elsie, she… she came at the right time, I guess. I didn’t use her to get over you, but it was nice to think about someone else, for a while anyway. Not that it actually worked.” She shakes her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Elsie’s a great girl, but Laura… She could never compare to you,” she says lovingly. “She’s not you.”

You smile at her, a tear running down your cheek. “And then I barged in and confessed my love for you, ruining all of your plans.”

She nods, looking down. “Yeah. And I just… I panicked. We’ve been through so much, Laura, and I didn’t know if I could trust you, or if I could trust myself around you. I didn’t trust myself enough not to break your heart. And I don’t know if I do now.” She meets your gaze, her eyes glistening. “I don’t want to be the one to break your heart all over again, Laura.”

You shake your head vividly. “You won’t. I trust you. I know you won't leave me again. And I will never hurt you either, I promise.”

“But what if… what if I’m not good enough for you?” she asks shakily.

You gently lift her chin. “Stop. I’ve already told you. You don’t have to keep wondering if you’re good enough. Carm,” you say tenderly, putting your hand on hers and stroking it. “You are way more than enough. You are… I love you.” You shrug, not knowing how to express your thoughts. You want her to understand that she means everything to you, but you feel like words won’t be enough.

So you cradle her head, stroking her cheekbone as you lunge forward, and this time your lips meet without any obstacle. The kiss is soft, but so full of passion and love, as you try to convey her the message.

“I love you,” she whispers between kisses, and you realize that’s the first time you have actually heard her say the words. You can almost feel your heart exploding with happiness. “I love you so, so much, Laura. I’m sorry it took me so long to say that.”

You kiss her harder as you squeal internally, the movement of your lips getting sloppy as you can’t keep the grin out of your face. She grabs your waist and pulls you closer, your bodies now flushed together. You move your hands messily through her hair, while she slides her hands up and down your sides. When your tongues meet, it feels like an explosion in your brain, your heart, your whole body. You’ve spent so long without kissing her, and now, you kiss her and she loves you.

Fuck, she loves you.

You pull away suddenly when you remember something, and you smile at her whine. “What did you mean when you said that I was finally feeling the same way about you?”

She furrows her brows in confusion. “I thought it was pretty clear…?”

“No, I mean. How long have you… you know, felt this way about me?”

“Love you, you mean?” She smirks. “You can say it you know.”

“I know, it’s just…” you answer sheepishly, fidgeting with your hands, your embarrassment making her grin even wider. “Answer!” You pout.

She starts to think. “I don’t… I don’t really know. I guess I thought I might have strong feelings for you when we slept together for the second time.”

Your eyes widen and you stand up, out of shock. “WHAT!”

“What?”

“It’s just… I didn’t think that… Really?”

She hums and stands up too, putting her hands around your waist. “Yeah, why?”

“So you mean that, the whole time we were… friends with benefits, you had feelings for me?”

She nods. “Is this so hard to believe? You’re pretty lovable,” she says, pecking the tip of your nose.

You feel yourself blush against your will. “So why did you… Why did you agree to that if you wanted more?”

“Oh, I didn’t know what I wanted at the time. All I knew is that I had feelings for you, and I didn’t know what to do about it. So I guess I just rolled with it.” She shrugs. “If that was the only way I could have you, then so be it.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know if you remember, but you kept friendzoning me all the time. And then, you started to push me away. I just did whatever I had to do to protect myself.”

You raise your hand to stroke her cheek, tenderly. “I’m sorry...”

She smiles, lovingly. “We’re together now. It’s all that matters.” With her thumb, she starts to trace a small pattern on your hip. “What about you? When did you realize it?”

You cringe a little. “I feel bad now. I only realized it when we came home from the cabin.”

She laughs. “Laura, I don’t care. Even if you have realized it just now, it’s still perfect. And, I’m sorry to tell you that, but you’re pretty oblivious. So I’m not exactly surprised.”

She laughs again when you slap her arm. “Jerk.”

“Yes, but a jerk you love…” she drawls, her lips getting dangerously close.

“That I do,” you smile lovingly, closing the distance between you.

Carmilla starts to lower her hands, caressing your sides on her way down. Suddenly, you feel a hand pinch your ass, and she chuckles in the kiss as you let out a surprised shriek. You pull back a bit to scowl at her amused expression.

“Pervert.”

Her grin widens, before she starts to speak in that low, seductive voice of hers you haven’t heard in so long. “I was thinking... Maybe we can find a way to celebrate our... reunion.” She smirks, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

You look around you, slightly panicking. “What, here?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” Her voice lowers down to a whisper, sending chills throughout your whole body. “An empty office, after hours... Nobody to see us...” She leans down, brushing her lips over your ear, making your breathing ragged. “Nobody to hear us... We can make all the noise we want, nobody will ever know...” She pulls back a little, smiling widely. “And think about it this way. You can finally get back at your boss by having sex on her desk.”

The prospect of doing that in your boss’ office turns you on way more than it should... Crap. You immediately grab her by the collar, pulling her closer. “God, you know how to talk to me.” You erase her smirk by kissing her fiercely, tangling your hands in her hair.

She grabs your ass with both hands, pressing your bodies together. She moans when your tongues touch, and the sound of it turns you on even more. She backs you up against the wall, next to the photocopier machine. Your body collides with the wall full force, your head throbbing at the impact but you don’t care. Carmilla is finally here, with you, and nothing else matters. She starts nipping at your neck, her hands roaming around your body, touching every part she can reach.

Suddenly, she pulls back and takes your hand, pulling you away from the wall and pushing you against the photocopier. As her lips find yours again, she lifts the cover and grabs the back of your thighs, picking you up and setting you down on the now flat surface of the machine.

Her breathy chuckle resonates in your mouth. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

You giggle, leaving small pecks from her temple to her jaw. “Why am I not surprised?”

She starts moving her hands up your thighs, putting her lips back on your neck, sucking and biting at your pulse point. You whimper, keeping one hand in her hair and the other on the machine to stay steady. Her hands move to your blouse, and she starts to fumble with the buttons, as you hold your breath in expectation. She pops open the first three in one go, the movement making your hand slide to the side, hitting the control panel.

The photocopier comes to life, making a bunch of noise and effectively stopping all of your movements.

Carmilla lets out a small laugh, taking the paper that just came out of the machine. She snorts when she looks at it.

“I just photocopied my ass, didn’t I?” you ask with a lopsided grin.

She shows you the photocopy. And sure enough, your butt is printed on that piece of paper. “I’m going to frame it,” she says. “And put it in my living room for everyone to see.”

You chuckle. “Do you really want everyone to stare at my ass?”

She puts one hand back on the inside of your thigh, slowly stroking her way up suggestively. “As long as I get to have the real one, they can always look at the copy.” She smirks.

You shake your head, smiling. “You’re unbelievable.” You lean down and kiss her, the pace less hurried and more gentle than before. “Maybe the photocopier wasn’t the best idea, after all,” you say when you pull back.

“Yeah, maybe not.” She helps you as you hop down, and catches you in her arms when you land. She smiles softly at you, putting a strand of hair behind your ear, her thumb stroking your cheek tenderly. “Maybe we should wait. We don’t need to rush. We have all the time we want. Now that I have you, trust me, I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

You return her smile, your heart beating out of your chest. “You’re right. As much as I want you right now, I want to do this right.” You contemplate the rest of your answer. “Or at least, in a bed. Cause you know, my back is starting to hurt a little.”

Her smile widens, as she starts to lean in. “Deal.”

 

You finish the night alternating between making-out and cleaning the mess that you have made of the office. The cleaning team finds you at 5 a.m., wondering what the hell you’re doing tangled up on the floor. Carmilla then pulls you up, looks at you with a playful glint in the eye, and tells you to “Run. Run now.” Before intertwining your hands and pulling you toward the exit.

 

Best. Night. Ever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... finally?
> 
> I won’t lie to you, the story’s almost over... Actually, there’s only one chapter left, which will be some type of epilogue.
> 
> For those of you who have watched Chuck, the “Carm, do you love me?” was inspired by it. And if you haven’t, you definitely should, that show is amazing :)
> 
> Thank you again so so much for reading and supporting this story. Reading what you think about it gives me life!


	16. How I Met Your Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I got a little carried away with this one. It’s nearing 10,000 words. But it’s the last one, so... enjoy? :)

You don’t even have to open your eyes to hear the world around you. Birds are chirping, the sun is warm and the light is bright, even behind your closed eyelids. The window you have opened early this morning lets in a soft breeze, caressing your skin and brushing your hair. A soft smile grazes your lips when you think about the events of last night. Before that, you were absolutely certain you would end up depressed for the rest of your life, mourning a relationship that never even had the chance to exist. After Carmilla came barging into your office, angry and ready to explode, you never thought the night would end up this way. You still cannot believe that you finally managed to figure things out. Of course, everything is not resolved, and even if you trust her, you know that both of you will need to talk things through if you want this relationship to work.

Relationship? You haven’t had the chance to talk about that yet. Are you together? Do you need to go on a date to officially call her your girlfriend? _Damn it!_ You feel like you’re 16 again and trying to figure out how relationships work. At least now you won’t have to wonder if it’s too soon to sleep with someone on the first date. Or... is it? _Damn it!_ Does she want to start all over again and pretend you didn’t just confess your love for each other? Oh god, you really need to talk to her.

You feel Carmilla move in her sleep beside you, and just the sound of her soft, content sigh calms you down almost instantly. Yes, you’ll talk to her, but now, maybe all you need to do is enjoy the feeling of her hand in yours, squeezing even in her sleep as if to let you know that she’s here.

A small smile replaces your panicked expression, and as you slowly drift back to sleep, you know that eventually, everything will be alright.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, you wake up to the feeling of someone poking your side. You groan and turn to bury your head in the pillow, hoping it will go away.

It doesn’t.

“Caaarm...” you groan in your pillow.

You hear a light, breathy chuckle next to you. “Yes, sweetheart?”

You lift your head just a little, confused. Her voice is on the other side of the poking. Which means...

“LEO!” You turn to face the dog with the intention of reprimanding him, but his cute face is just too adorable for you to go through with it. “Come here you little monster,” you say as you cradle his head and leave a small kiss on the top of it. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

You feel a hand on your hip, as Carmilla moves close to you, pressing her body against your back, her chin on your shoulder as she looks at the interaction. “I’m feeling a bit left out here. Why is Leo getting more affection than me in the morning?” You hear the pout in her voice.

You smile, looking at the clock on the bedside table. “It’s 5 p.m.”

“Does this mean you like him more than me?” she asks, ignoring your reply. Her voice is still purposefully pouty and you know she wants you to find her cute. Which you do. Damn it.

You leave one last kiss on Leo’s head, stroking his fur before turning around, startling Carmilla in the process. She falls on her back, and you take this opportunity to straddle her legs, your hands on each side of her head, hair falling just a few inches from her face.

“Are we feeling jealous here?” You smirk.

She shrugs, looking anywhere but at you. “No. Maybe.”

Your smirk widens, as you bend your arms to lean on your elbows. “I didn’t peg you for the jealous type, Miss Karnstein...”

She raises an eyebrow, meeting your gaze. “You’re kidding, right? I think you’re the only one who didn’t see it.”

You sigh, now fully lying on top of her, your chin resting on her chest. “Am I that oblivious?”

She brings her hand down to your hair, softly stroking it. “Yes, babe. Yes, you are.” She smiles at you. “But in your defense, I’ll admit that I should have showed you I cared, instead of brooding.”

“HA!” you say triumphantly, a little too loud for the comfortable quietness of the conversation. “So you admit you’re broody.”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

“But you never said you were.”

“I just did.”

“So you admit you’re a Broody McBrood?”

“This conversation is ridiculous.”

“Do you?”

“Yes!” she answers, mid-chuckle. “Now will you let it drop?”

“Fine.” You grin. “But I’ll have you know that I was not the only oblivious person in this. Even Kirsch knew that I had a thing for you.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “Kirsch?”

“Yes.”

“Giant puppy dog Kirsch?”

“Yes.”

She shakes her head, chuckling. “We really need to work on our communication, cupcake.” She smiles lovingly at you. “But I’m glad we still managed to figure things out in the end.”

You grin, grabbing the hand in your hair and leaving it a soft kiss. “Me too.”

You share a longing look, before your stomach starts to make undecipherable sounds.

“Hungry?” Carmilla raises an eyebrow at you.

“Yes, please!”

She snorts. “I didn’t offer you anything.”

You push on your hands, lifting yourself up. “But I’m starving, Carm! I need to eat or I’ll faint.” You pout playfully. “Make me something to eat, woman!”

She laughs loudly at that, sitting up and pulling you up with her in the process. You end up straddling her hips, your head cradled in her hands as she leaves a small peck on your lips. “Right away, honey.”

You giggle when she brushes your lips with hers again, smiling brightly when she takes your hand and pulls you out of bed with her.

“How do you feel about pancakes?”

 

* * *

 

“If I had known you were going to make me breakfast in the morning, I would’ve spent the night more often,” you say, pushing your empty plate away with one hand, holding your full stomach with the other.

“Don’t think this is going to become an occurrence. Next time, you’re making me breakfast,” she answers with a raise of her eyebrow.

You snort. “Yeah, right.” You look at her and see her surprised expression. “Oh, no. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t want to make you breakfast,” you rush out. “Because I totally do. It’s just that... I just got you. And I don’t want you to die in a fire that I would have irremediably started.” You finish, taking her hand in yours.

She chuckles, shaking her head and squeezing your hand. “You’re an idiot.”

“I want to laugh and say I’m kidding, but I’m being dead serious. I’m a danger in the kitchen.”

She rolls her eyes, the corner of her lips still turned up. “Don’t you think you’re being overly dramatic? Am I not a good professor?”

“Oh, you are. It’s just me who’s being a bad student.”

She stares at you for a second, a blank expression on her face. “Is it some kind of scheme to turn me on? Because I can tell you. It’s working,” she says with a smirk, as she circles the table to get to you. Her hand never leaves yours as she lifts it up to her lips, planting a soft kiss on it. “Care to elaborate on how much of a bad student you are?”

You push her shoulder gently, giggling as she starts to trail her fingers up your arm. “Caaaarm...” you whine. “Not now! Not only my stomach is so full that I feel like I’m about to explode, but your dog is watching,” you say pointedly, chancing a look at the German shepherd who is sitting next to you, happily panting as he seems to be following your conversation. _Which is impossible_ , you have to remind yourself. “And I don’t think he would like to witness that.”

She sighs, dropping her hand to her side and leaving a soft kiss on your temple, lingering for a few seconds. “Never thought my dog would be anything other than a lady magnet.”

You roll your eyes and smile at her. “You’re disgusting.”

She meets your gaze, and you stare at each other for a moment. Okay yes, you just called her disgusting. But when she looks at you like that, with so much tenderness in her eyes, you can’t even bring yourself to remember why the hell you’re not kissing her right now. Fortunately, she must have thought the same thing because next thing you know, her lips are on yours and she’s caressing your cheek tenderly, kissing you softly. You seriously wonder if your heart will keep on beating so fast every time she touches you. You hope it will. She pulls back when you’re both out of breath, and again, you wonder how she manages to take your breath away with the simplest kiss. She smiles at you and you get lost in her gaze again. Nothing can ruin this moment.

“What are we?” you blurt out. Yes. Nothing, except your stupid mouth.

She seems a little taken aback. “Hum...”

“I just mean that, I know we said some things yesterday, like, super, awesome things, but I don’t really know where we stand right now. Cause, with everything that happened between us and all the ups and downs and, the fact that we were sleeping together without being... together, and now we said all those things and we decided to take it slow because we didn’t sleep together last night, well, technically it was this morning but--”

Carmilla cuts short your anxious rambling by slamming her hand on your mouth. “Cupcake, slow down. What’s your point?” she asks slowly, removing her hand carefully.

You take a deep breath, looking for the right words. “Are we together?”

A small smile grazes her face. “What do you think?”

“It’s just that... you just came out of another relationship. So I don’t know, maybe you think it’s too soon for you to get involved with me...?” you say, your voice uncertain.

She sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear tenderly. “Laura. You’re the one I want to be with. I’ve been wanting to be with you for so long, and the fact that you would think otherwise proves me that I haven’t made myself clear enough.” She gently cups your face, resting her forehead on yours, whispering the words. “Laura I love you. You and no one else. I made mistakes along the way and I know I hurt you. I know it’s the reason why you feel so insecure that I wouldn’t want to start a new chapter of my life with you, right in this moment. But I do.” She lets out a shaky breath. “God, how much I want to.” She pulls back a little, meeting your hopeful eyes. “And if I have to keep proving to you every day that I want to be with you, I will. I want to be able to call you my girlfriend and do these disgusting things that couples do.”

You chuckle at her words, relief flooding your body. “So... girlfriends then?” you ask with a grin that you can’t seem to hold in.

She nods, beaming at you. “Girlfriends.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been a few days since that fabulous day when Carm and you have decided to become a couple. You still cannot believe that you get to call her your girlfriend. Well... maybe it’s because you haven’t had the chance to share that with anyone, yet. You haven’t seen your friends since, and you didn’t feel like telling them over the phone. And yeah, maybe you want to see the look on their faces when you finally do.

It’s Thursday night, and it’s LaF’s turn to host game night. You’re standing in front of their apartment, waiting for them to open. You didn’t come with Carmilla, as she is supposed to arrive later because of her late shift at the restaurant. You don’t know yet how you are going to announce the news to your friends, but you figure that when Carm is going to greet you with a kiss, a big announcement will not be necessary. When you finally get in, you see that the only people missing are Kirsch and Carmilla.

“Is Kirsch not coming?” you ask as you join your friends in the living room.

“Coming later. Work.” LaF sputters, already munching on one of Perry’s famous mini-quiche.

“I was hoping that we wouldn’t have to witness another deadly competition, but apparently we will,” Betty mumbles as Danny rolls her eyes at her.

“We’re not _that_ bad.”

Everybody turns to Danny, eyes bulging. “You’re kidding, right?” you ask.

“What about that time you slapped him with the Trivial Pursuit’s board?” LaF asks with a smirk.

“He was playing wrong.”

“And when you tried to choke him with the Twister’s mat?” you add.

“He wasn’t listening when we were spinning the wheel.”

Betty shoots her an uneasy look. “Should I be worried? Will you try to kill me if I ever beat you at a game?”

LaF puts a hand on her shoulder. “No, but you should probably start looking for a lawyer for when she finally murders Kirsch.”

Danny lightly slaps their arm, as the redhead chuckles under their breath. “We’re just playing. He knows I’ll never harm him. Well... Not too badly at least.”

Your friends start to laugh, each one telling a story of the times Danny got so mad at Kirsch that you thought he was never going to make it. You can’t count the number of times dishes were thrown from one side of the room to the other during game nights. At some point, your laughter and remembrance of good old days are interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Speaking of the devil,” LaF says before yelling “Come in!” to the person at the door. “Hey Kirsch we were just talking about--”

“Not Kirsch.” You hear a familiar voice say from the entrance.

Your heart speeds up at the thought of Carmilla, and you know the ‘big announcement’ moment is close. You really hope your friends won’t tease you too much. She makes her way to the living room, sending you a quick wink that nobody notices. You see Perry looking at you anxiously from the corner of your eyes. Oh, right. Last time you saw her you were heartbroken over Carm, and she must think that it is hard for you to see her here. If only she knew...

“Hey there, broody,” LaF greets her. “Want to join us on this beautiful evening?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” the dark-haired girl says with a smirk, nodding her hello to everyone and slowly making her way toward you.

 _Okay, here we go_ , you think, your heart pounding in your ears. Even if you’re stressing a little, you can’t help the small smile that grazes your lips when she approaches you, ready to kiss you.

 

***BANG***

 

The front door suddenly slams open, startling you and making Carmilla jump back before she can reach you.

“Guys!” You hear Kirsch shout from the entrance. “I have a big announcement to make!”

“Did he find a brain on the sidewalk?” Carmilla mumbles before huffing and plopping down beside you on the couch.

You hold back a smile at her comment, something that Danny didn’t have the decency to do.

“I didn’t hear you. What?” Kirsch is now standing in the middle of the living room, completely oblivious to Carmilla’s mocking.

“Nevermind,” she answers, a satisfied smile on her face as she inspects her nails casually, probably ready to tune out whatever Kirsch is about to say.

“What were you going to say, sweetie?” Perry interjects, her soft, maternal voice grounding you and making you listen to Kirsch’s next words.

In response, your friend adorns the biggest smile you probably have ever seen on him. And knowing Kirsch, that’s saying a lot. He’s bouncing in barely contained excitement, and his widening grin is literally blinding you.

“I’m in love, guys! I found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with!” he finally says, almost squealing in happiness.

You immediately turn your head to Carmilla, who is already looking at you with a wincing face. Great. So much for your own big announcement tonight.

“That’s awesome, man!” LaF high-fives Kirsch, making him visibly prouder. “What’s her name?”

“Sarah-Jane, but I call her S.J. She’s so cool, dude, I can’t believe I get to be with a woman like her.”

“Does she know you two are together or are you just stalking her?”

“Danny!” Perry gasps, putting a hand on her chest as Carmilla barks with laughter.

“Duh! We’re dating,” Kirsch answers, apparently not bothered by Danny’s mockery. He takes a seat on the armchair next to the couch, his eyes sparkling as he continues. “We met not so long ago, but I immediately felt a connection to her. I’ve never felt this way with anyone.” His grin turns into a shy smile, meeting all of your captivated stares. “So I just knew. When you know, you know. You know?”

You smile at his adorableness, so happy for your friend. You chance a quick glance to your left, where Carmilla is surprisingly also smiling at Kirsch, apparently moved by his words. She bows her head a little and bites her lower lip, shyly, as her eyes meet yours. She smiles at you with so much tenderness that your heart skips a beat. Yeah. When you know, you know. You return her smile, discreetly sliding your left hand in her direction. Your fingertips find the back of her hand, gently stroking her soft skin. You feel her exhale, and you turn toward the rest of your friends, knowing she relaxed under your touch.

“I’m so happy for you, Kirsch,” you finally say. “I hope we’ll get to meet her soon.”

“Thanks, little hottie! I’ll make sure to bring her next time,” he answers with a giant smile of his own. “But enough about me. I can’t wait to start game night! I feel like I’m about to win tonight. Anyone down for a Trivial Pursuit?”

“NO!” you all but scream, LaF jumping out of the couch and grabbing every dish and pointy objects they can find, unceremoniously throwing them into their bedroom.

 

“This is definitely the worst game night I’ve ever attended. I’m so bored, I feel like watching an old grandma knit would be more interesting. I’d even pay to watch that instead of this. Do you think your grandma could come here and knit you a sweater, cupcake?”

Carmilla’s whispers in your ear are definitely distracting, but you have to admit that she’s not wrong. You’re almost certain you fell asleep for a few minutes. And by the look of it, you don’t seem like you’re the only ones bored out of your mind. You think you heard a snore at some point, and all of your friends are displaying a blank stare. Well, all of them, except for two gingers who seem to have the time of their life.

“Q-U-I-X-O-T-R-Y. Oh my goodness, that’s 365 points!” Perry claps her hands excitedly, as LaF smiles at her proudly, even though this means they will probably lose.

“Well played, that’s a nice word. I think I’m gonna go with--”

“Oh my god! Enough!” Betty cuts off LaF, almost groaning in despair. “Not only watching you play _Scrabble_ is boring as hell, but if I have to listen to one more congratulation I’m going to jump out the window. You can’t congratulate your opponent, LaF! Have some sense of competition, people!” She turns to Danny, who seems to have woken up at the outburst. “I’m so sorry baby. I take back everything I said. I love when you get competitive. Please don’t ever change.”

Danny lets out a small laugh, happily kissing Betty’s cheek before bringing her closer by the shoulder.

“But... competition is unhealthy,” Perry says, confused. “Why would we want to fight over some silly game?”

Carmilla suddenly sighs. “You’re right. It’s unhealthy. So maybe we should do something that doesn’t include competition, huh?” She stands up from the couch and looks around. “I could use a drink. Who wants a drink?”

“Yes, finally!” Betty breathes out, throwing her arms in the air.

“I can get some wine and beers from the fridge,” LaF says, ready to stand but Carmilla holds out her hand, effectively stopping their movement.

“Don’t worry gingerbread, I got this. Alright, who wants what?” she asks, her eyes circling the room before landing on you. “Babe, what do you want?”

Your eyes widen at the nickname, and you freeze for a second. Carmilla is still looking at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. “Uh... Just some... beer will be fine, thanks,” you stutter, nervous, as Carmilla nods and saunters to the kitchen, apparently not aware of the bomb she just dropped. You feel the entire room’s eyes on you, proving the fact that you’re not the only one who heard the nickname. Uh oh.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” LaF asks when Carm is out of earshots, their eyes bulging and a forming grin on their face.

“What was what?” You try acting nonchalant, unfortunately not fooling anyone.

“Did she just call you _babe_?” Danny smirks.

“No.”

“I heard it,” Betty says.

“Yeah, me too,” Kirsch adds.

“Oh okay, so now you’re suddenly all awake?”

“Is there something you need to tell us, honey?” Perry asks gently, but you can see her lips quirk up.

Before you have the chance to answer anything, Carmilla appears with an eight-pack in her hands.

“Your wine looked disgusting, carrot top, so I only brought the beers. Who wants--” She cuts herself off when she sees all eyes on her. “What’s going on here?” she asks suspiciously.

You sigh. “They know, Carm.”

“Know what...?” She squints her eyes at you.

LaF suddenly jumps off the couch, crashing into Carmilla, and engulfing her in a tight hug, making her stumble backward. She stands still, apparently tensed and confused.

“Do I get to call you my sister-in-law, now?” they ask, voice full of emotion.

You roll your eyes. “We’re not married. And you’re not even my sibling, LaF!”

“Okay, so you know.” Carmilla concludes, gently pushing away LaF who’s sticking to her like a koala.

“I hope you’re really together now, and not just sleeping together like you used to,” LaF says, taking a step back.

“Wait... How long was I gone? How many information can you give in two minutes, cupcake?”

You cringe a little. “Hum... They kinda knew for a while. They figured it out.”

“How?” Carmilla asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I... told them?”

The dark-haired girl snorts, shaking her head. “Of course you did.”

“But I swear I didn’t mean to!” you defend. “You know how pushy and annoying they get.”

LaF waves their hands in front of them. “We’re standing right here!”

“Hey, Laura,” Carmilla says, softening her voice and giving you a gentle smile. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. I’m glad the cat is out of the bag.”

“THE CAT!” LaF suddenly shouts, slamming a hand on their forehead before running toward their closed bedroom door. You hear a loud ‘Meow’ as soon as they open it, and they reappear a few seconds later with a grumpy cat in their arms. “I closed the bedroom door earlier, and I totally forgot Willow was in there,” they explain, stroking the obviously unhappy cat’s fur. If looks could kill...

Danny looks at them in bewilderment. “You forgot your own cat?”

“Hey!” LaF points at her accusingly. “Those who don’t own a pet don’t get to say anything!”

Willow takes this opportunity to jump off their arms, mowing loudly and strolling to the kitchen nonchalantly. LaF looks at her with a degree of desperation in their eyes.

“We’re still getting to know each other. Not always easy.” They sigh.

You smile adoringly as they keep on pouting, but it is short-lived since they seem to immediately snap back to what you were doing before, if the squinting eyes toward Carmilla are any indication.

“You know you’re my friend, Carmilla,” they say slowly, voice steady. _Uh oh_. “But now that you’re officially dating one of my best friends, we’ll need to have a talk.”

“What kind of talk?” your girlfriend asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’m not a violent person,” the redhead continues in a calm voice, as they start to pace the room. You wonder if they watched a mob movie recently. “But you have to understand that right now, I’m not your friend. I’m not the person you met last year during a cooking class. Right now, I’m Laura’s friend.”

“But are you still LaF?” Carmilla asks with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Okay.” They keep going, absolutely not fazed by Carmilla’s interruption. “I couldn’t be more thrilled for the both of you. But as Laura’s friend, I have to tell you this.” They take a deep breath, their eyes locking on Carmilla’s astonished ones. “If you ever hurt her. If you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass.”

An awkward silence settles in. You could almost hear flies flying around the room. Carmilla has her lips pursed, and LaF looks at her with all the seriousness in the world. All of a sudden, the whole room bursts out in laughter, leaving a surprised LaF looking around them, confused.

“Hey! I’m serious!” they counter but it results in another fit of laughter. Even Perry cannot hold it in.

Carmilla hits her ribcage to calm herself down, slowly regaining control of her breath. “Thanks for the warning, gingersnap.”

LaF crosses their arms and plops down on the couch, defeated. “Yeah, well,” they mumble.

“But seriously,” Carmilla continues, “I won’t ever hurt her. Not anymore.” She turns to you, shooting you a soft smile. “I’m not letting you go anytime soon, cupcake.”

“Me neither,” you reply, returning her smile as she beams at you.

Danny lets out a puking sound, making you realize that all your friends have been witnessing.

“I was wondering why Elsie wasn’t here,” Betty intervenes. “I guess that explains it.”

You look at her, a little embarrassed. “Yeah, kind of...”

“Too bad, I liked her.” Every head turns to Betty, as she slowly realizes what she has said. “I mean. I’m glad for you guys, really. She was just nice, that’s all.”

Perry suddenly claps her hands, probably to ease up the awkwardness of the situation. “Why don’t we drink to that? And to Kirsch and S.J, too!”

“Totally!” Kirsch replies excitedly, unpacking the beers and distributing them.

That night, you drink and laugh with your friends, glad that you finally don’t have to hide your relationship anymore. You don’t even know why you were stressing about telling them, because you already knew that they were going to be happy for you. LaF’s little protective speech, even if hilarious, made you realize that whatever happens to you, your friends got your back. And for the first time in your life, you really feel like you can have it all.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, you decide you want to do something nice for your girlfriend. Both of you have been swamped with work lately, so you haven’t had the chance to hang out. You haven’t even gone on a first date, yet. You perfectly know how ridiculous that sounds, because a date doesn’t mean anything; every time you’re at her place or her at yours can be called a date. But still, you like to romanticize the idea of a nice evening spent together, alone. Also, you still haven’t had sex since you became officially a couple, and it’s starting to bother you. But you’re not worried. Or maybe just a little.

You’re worried. When you were just sleeping together, you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other when you were alone. But now... you’re still being handsy, but not in a sexual way. Oh _god_. Is it what they call the lesbian bed death?

You shake your head to get rid of your stupid thoughts. No. Maybe you just need to wait a bit more. In the meantime, you have decided to make an effort for her, and do the one thing you hate the most. Yes. You are going to cook for her. You shared your idea with your friends, which led to Perry lending you three fire extinguishers. You don’t even want to know how she managed to find those.

You’re currently at the grocery store, looking for the ingredients Perry wrote you down. You glance at the highest shelf in front of you, already knowing that you won’t be able to reach that fucking oil.

“Need help with that?” A familiar voice startles you. Shit.

You plaster a big, probably awkward smile on your face before turning around. “Elsie! It’s nice to see you. What are you doing here?” Totally not uncomfortable. At all.

“Hi, Laura. I’m pretty sure I’m doing the same thing as you,” she replies with a small smile.

“Cursing your parents for your small girl genes?”

She chuckles softly. “Yes, but mostly grocery shopping.”

You nod, pursing your lips. So maybe the situation is a little awkward. You sigh. “Elsie, look--”

She holds up her hand. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m not mad at you. Well... not anymore.”

“Wow. Really?”

“I’m not fond of you either, but at least I don’t feel the urge to punch you in the face.”

Unconsciously, you take a small step back. “Oh...”

“When she came to me that night, she was... I had never seen her like this.” She seems thoughtful for a second, and you start wondering if the grocery store is really the right place for such a conversation. “She was a mess. I thought that something bad had happened, until she calmed down and told me everything. She told me how you two used to sleep together, and how she fell in love with you, convinced that you didn’t love her back. So of course, I was a little taken aback, because why would she start dating me if she was so in love with you?”

“I’m sorry...”

“No, listen. When we had that talk in that abandoned house, you told me to be patient with her because she was worth it. I think you tried in your own way to give me your blessing, but that’s also how I understood that you were in love with her.”

“Oh...”

She sighs. “Why would you do that, Laura? Why would you give up and give me your blessing?”

“I just--”

“I know, you were afraid and thought she didn’t share your feelings. So why, a week later, did you kiss her and told her you loved her?” She must have sensed your inner panic because she doesn’t wait for your answer. “Yes, she told me about the kiss, too.” She takes a breath. “Look, I told you I wasn’t mad, and that’s true. But I don’t know... I guess I just need to understand.”

“I know we hurt you, and I’m sorry you found yourself in the middle of two people who don’t know how to handle their feelings. It wasn’t fair to you. But I swear, I meant everything I said in that house. I didn’t want to interfere in your relationship, but it just... happened.” You shrug, self-conscious. “I guess, when it comes to Carm and I, we keep making stupid mistakes and hurting every person involved. I’m so sorry.”

She nods. “Thank you. The situation is not perfect, but I guess I can’t keep blaming you. At least, she was honest in the end...” She clears her throat. “Since you didn’t sound surprised when I let out that she loved you, I’m guessing this means you found each other?” she asks with a sad smile.

“Hum, yeah. We... are together now.” You swallow difficultly, your throat dry.

“I’m glad. I just hope she won’t do to you what she did to me,” she adds with a hint of resentment.

You frown, your defenses up. “She’s not... She’s not a cheater. What happened with you was unfortunate, and both Carm and I are responsible. But I know she would never cheat on me because that’s just not who she is.”

“I hope you’re right.” She looks at her watch. “I should get going. I wish you the best Laura. Both of you.”

You give her a curt nod and wish her the best too, even if your mind is still stuck on what she just insinuated. Carm would never do that to you, you know that. She loves you, and that’s what makes all the difference. She wasn’t in love with Elsie. You hate the fact that such small things can make you uncertain. You shouldn’t feel that insecure; you don’t have any reason to doubt her love for you.

Right. Okay. You need to turn off your brain. Grocery shopping it is.

 

* * *

 

“Honey, I’m home!” You hear when your front door closes. You roll your eyes even if Carmilla cannot see you. Footsteps are coming your way, but you’re too focused on the cooking of your potatoes to look at her. “Smells delicious, did you order someth--” She cuts herself off when she reaches the kitchen. “Oh my god, Laura.” You finally turn around and see her frozen by the door, a bewildered expression adorning her perfect face. “Did you... did you cook for me?”

Your lips form a smirk as you raise your eyebrow at her. “What do you think?"

She seems literally blown away by the scene in front of her. You, a cooking apron, and probably hundreds of kitchen utensils scattered all over the place. The roast beef is still in the oven, and you have to admit; it smells incredibly good.

She appears to snap back to reality, and makes a beeline for you. She grabs your face with both of her hands. You yelp as she pulls you into a passionate kiss, your spatula falling from your grasp at the sudden gesture. You smile into the kiss and grab her by the hips, melting your bodies together. She bites at your lower lip, sucking on it before releasing it, leaving just a hairbreadth between your lips.

“I’m so in love with you,” she whispers tenderly, her eyes closed, before pecking your lips a few times and pulling away completely. She opens her beautiful brown eyes and smiles, her knuckles grazing your cheek. “You didn’t have to do that,” she adds sheepishly.

“Carm...” Your smile widens, your fingers making their way toward that strand of hair that fell in front of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. “I love you. I would do anything for you.”

She bites her lip and you can see a forming blush on her cheeks. “Even cooking?”

You hum. “Even cooking.”

“Well then,” she says as she takes a step back to grab something on the kitchen island, never leaving your gaze. “It’s a good thing that I brought dessert.”

You gasp, excitement filling your whole body. “Are those...?”

“Yup! Cupcakes... cupcake,” she replies proudly. “Oh, and I took the liberty to buy some hot chocolate too. It’s actually imported from Switzerland...”

She keeps on talking but your mind starts wandering to other things, like how did you manage to find a girl like her? She is everything you could’ve hoped for and more. She is caring, beautiful, smart, funny and yeah, so sexy. Those tight leather pants look ridiculously hot on her. She has her hair pulled up in a high ponytail, showing off that choker that you adore. Her lips are bright red, and you just can’t get enough of the way she is moving her mouth as she speaks. God, how you want that mouth all over you.

You shake off your thoughts, because you won’t make it to dinner if you keep going. She hasn’t noticed that you have stopped listening, too caught up in her story, something that you find entirely too cute. Honestly, you still can’t believe she’s here, with you. Little Laura Hollis would’ve high-fived you right now if she was here. Well maybe you can just...

“Did you just randomly clap your hands?” 

You look at her for a few seconds, not saying anything and probably blushing furiously. “Yes...?”

She chuckles, confused. “Okay, I think your hunger has reached a critical level. Let’s eat.”

“Maybe I’m hungry for you,” you suddenly say and immediately widen your eyes at your own boldness.

Carmilla seems frozen, her mouth agape and eyes blinking furiously. But even with that you can see the hint of a smirk. “Where did that come from?”

 _Oh, what the hell_. You take a small step forward, biting your lower lip as you speak softly. “Well... since I cooked all day for you, I was thinking that maybe you could... I don’t know... do me a favor?”

She smirks, raising an eyebrow in interest. “Oh is that so?” You hum. “What kind of favor are we talking here?” She steps forward.

You raise your hand, tracing the contour of her choker, slowly, delicately, taking in every movement of her Adam’s apple when she gulps. “Oh, I have all kind of thoughts about that...” you whisper seductively, now only a few inches from her lips.

The oven’s alarm suddenly resonates in the whole apartment, making you jump back.

You sigh and go turn off the alarm, in time to hear Carmilla mutter something like ‘stupid cockblocker’ under her breath. You crack a smile at the comment.

“Okay,” you say as you put down the roasted beef and the potatoes. “I hope the interruption is worth it.”

Carmilla flashes you a small smile, sitting at the table. “I’m sure it’ll be perfect, babe.”

 

“Okay, don’t lie to me. Ginger number two cooked this, right?”

“Are you—really? Oh my god I think that’s the best compliment you could have given me!” You rush at her side, peppering small kisses all over her face as she chuckles. “Thank you, thank you!”

“So that was all you?”

“Well, I did practice with Perry, but she wasn’t here today. I did all this on my own,” you state proudly.

“Wow. I have to say, I’m impressed. This is delicious. See? There’s a lot of things I need to learn about you.”

You kiss her cheek tenderly, before going back to your seat. “We have all time for that.”

“Yeah...” she replies with a sheepish smile.

“Oh yeah, hum. Talking about things you need to learn. I hum... I ran into Elsie today.”

She stops chewing, meeting your gaze. “Fuck. Really? How did it go?”

“Well... She’s not mad at us. Anymore. But she had some things to say. Actually, one thing she said bothered me a little,” you admit cautiously, not sure you want to go there.

“Oh...” She puts down her cutlery, ready to listen.

“She kinda insinuated that you could possibly cheat on me at some point. Or at least leave me for another woman.”

“Wait, what?” She sits up a little, clearly agitated. “And you believed her?”

“What? No! Of course not. What we have is different from what you had with her. I know you would never do that.”

“So... why did it bother you that she said that?”

You shrug, not sure you know the answer to this. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want her to think that badly of you.”

She smiles affectionately, her hand covering yours. “Cupcake... I don’t care what people think. With the way I handled my love life during all this time, I can assure you she’s not the only girl pissed at me.” She cringes at her own words. “That came out wrong. All I’m saying is that, I only care about what _you_ think. You’re the most important person in my life. You’re the only one that matters.” Her grin widens when you squeeze her hand in understanding, before intertwining your fingers. “What did you say to her?”

“I defended you. I couldn’t let that bitch call you a whore!” you reply, trying to sound ironically sassy.

Carmilla laughs loudly at your poor attempt. “Oh my god, don’t ever say that again.”

“Yeah, it was bad, huh?” you say with a lopsided grin.

She nods vehemently, popping a grape into her mouth. You watch her as she keeps on eating, your cheek resting on your palm. You stay like that for a moment before she realizes that she is being watched.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Nope. Only beauty.” You struggle to keep your composure.

She gives you a lopsided grin, her whole face furrowing as she tries to contain her laughter. “That too was bad. You know that?”

You smile brightly. “Yup. And I don’t even care.”

“You’re so smooth, Hollis.”

“Thank you.”

“Being your girlfriend doesn’t mean that I won’t be mean to you if you’re ridiculous.”

“Oh, I know that. I’m just testing your boundaries. See how far I can go.”

She smirks. “Well... I know how far we can go if you still have some appetite left...” she drawls, leaning forward and wiggling her eyebrows.

You bite your lip, sensing the shift. “Is this your way of telling me that you want me to put my mouth to better use?”

She chuckles darkly, a throaty laugh that makes you almost sweat in expectation. “That’s exactly what I want,” she croaks, standing up and walking toward the bedroom. “So, when you’re ready to do just that, you know where to find me.” She winks at you and disappears in your bedroom, but not before lifting her shirt up in one swift movement, and letting it fall in the hallway. _Fuck._

You scramble to your feet, almost running to your bedroom. But just before reaching it, you slow down and take a deep breath. After all this time, you need a minute to breathe a little. You take a step forward, standing in the threshold. You cock your head to the side as you see Carmilla looking around your bedroom. Taking in the frames, the photographs, the books. This is not what you expected to see when you reached your bedroom. And she must know that because when she turns to you, she has a small shy smile on her face.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I came in here and I just realized that it has been a while since I was here to... you know.”

You smile, walking toward her, more confident than earlier. “It’s okay, babe.” You put your hands around her neck, as she puts hers on your waist, bringing you closer. “It’s weird for me too.”

“Yeah but, why? We have done this so many times, and now I’m just all nervous and I can’t even think straight. And yet, you can’t even imagine how badly I want you right now.”

You shrug in her arms. “I don’t know, maybe we suddenly feel all pressured because it has been a while, and now we know how we feel about each other. That’s a lot to handle.”

She shakes her head. “No, fuck this. I know you. I know every inch of your body. I know what you like, what you don’t, and I know that you know my body by heart, too. There’s nothing easier for me than to love you Laura, and I want to do that. Right now.”

She suddenly pulls you closer and kisses you fiercely, slowly backing you toward the bed. Your knees buckle when you hit the mattress, landing on it as Carmilla keeps on kissing you and straddles you, her legs on each side of your thighs. You fumble with the buttons of her leather pants, and you both have to stop your kiss as you start to laugh.

She gets up and unbuttons her pants herself, taking them off completely. “I know you love them, but they’re not really practical,” she says, as she straddles you again, this time only wearing her lacy black underwear. Oh god.

You chew on your bottom lip as your hands start to explore the newly uncovered skin in front of you. “You’re so fucking hot,” you whisper before lunging at her, bringing her down with you and kissing her like you mean it. She lifts you up a little so you can crawl up the bed, your head hitting the pillow.

She unzips your skirt and pulls it off in an impressively quick motion, dragging along your underwear with it. You feel her smirk, probably satisfied with her move. She moves her lips to your neck, licking and kissing every patch of skin on her way. You moan when she sucks at that particular spot beneath your ear, your hand now grabbing her tied hair, pulling hard at the sensation. Fuck, it’s been so long. And she’s right. She does know your body. She continues her descent, nipping at your collarbone on her way down. She lifts your shirt up a little, displaying your stomach and your bra. She wastes no time and cups your breast with one hand, the other teasingly stroking your inner thigh as she kisses your stomach. She suddenly slows down her movements, her lips gentler than ever before on your heated skin. She looks up a you, a soft, loving smile grazing her face as she rests her chin on your stomach.

“I love you,” she simply says, making your breath hitch and heart flutter. You can almost feel your growing love for this woman in your whole body.

Your hand finds her face and you caress her cheek tenderly, as she leans into your touch. “I love you too.”

Her smile widens as she kisses the palm of your hand, before intertwining your fingers and bringing your own hand up to your breasts. The back of your head finds the pillow as she starts kissing your stomach again, your eyes closing at the sensation of her hand on yours, squeezing your breast, fingers lightly playing with your nipple and mouth leaving hot trail of kisses down your stomach. You barely hold in a whimper when her other hand brushes lightly your center, before going back to your inner thigh.

“Carm...” you warn.

She doesn’t say anything, but the satisfied grin you see when you lift your head tells you everything you need to know. Right. You should have known that it wasn’t going to be that easy. She meets your gaze again as she slowly makes her way to where you really, really need her.

When she finally reaches your clit, you both let out a loud whimper, hers reverberating throughout your whole body, making you squirm in her hold. She uses the hand that was under your bra to ground you, your back hitting the mattress again.

“Please Carm, more...” you moan, pleasure and need taking over your brain and thoughts.

She obeys and starts teasing your entrance with her finger, while licking and sucking at your clit. You don’t think you’ll ever get enough of seeing her like this, her head between your legs, pleasuring you to no end. She’s so hot that you sometimes even wonder if this whole year was just a dream.

“Please...” you whine and whimper at the same time, as she uses this moment to slip her finger in you. She sucks harder at your clit when she does it, your teeth now buried in your lower lip to keep you from screaming. Sex has always been amazing with Carmilla. But having her back after all this time... You don’t think you’ll hold very long.

“Don’t come now, babe,” she says as if she’s been reading your mind. “I’m not done with you just yet.”

She slows down her ministrations on your clit, now licking at the swollen flesh between your legs, as her finger keeps on pumping in and out of you. But it’s not enough, and you both know it.

“Fuck Carm... I need it. I need you. Please just... fuck me harder.”

“As you wish,” she says with a smirk, lifting her head and going up your body.

She brings your lips together passionately, swallowing your moans when she plunges a second, and maybe a third finger in you. You’re not so sure anymore. Your ability to think clearly has been significantly reduced, and you’re beginning to see stars behind your closed eyelids. Still, you take this opportunity to roam your hands around her body, relishing in the feeling of her soft skin against your fingers. Oh, how you missed this. Your hand finds her underwear, and you bite her lip hard when your fingers find themselves surrounded by the wet heat trapped under that – unnecessary – thin fabric. You start circling her sensitive flesh, and if you were to refer to the loud moans she’s letting out, you would think that she is as worked up as you are.

“Fuck, Laura...” she breathes out against your lips. “Fuck. Me.” She punctuates her words by pumping harder, which results in your inability to do what she asks of you. At first, at least.

She sits up, her wet center now brushing your stomach, as she arches her back to keep fucking you, making it easier for you to reach her. Your thumb brushes against her clit as you angle your hand to reach her entrance. She starts to move above you when you’re finally in her, and you think you’ve never seen her look more beautiful. She has her eyes closed, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and if you look closely enough you can catch the small bead of sweat that makes its way down from her temple. Her chest is heaving with devotion. Her hips are moving as she rides your fingers expertly. She’s a goddess.

It doesn’t take long for both of your breaths to hitch, a deafening silence filling the room for a second, before your bodies start to shake, various cries and moans of pleasure replacing the silence. You don’t really know what words came out of your mouth, but if you believe Carmilla, you have a curious habit of swearing like a sailor when you come. When you both ride out of your orgasms, Carmilla falls down next to you, chest still heaving and heavily panting. Not that you’re in any better shape.

“I’m glad--” she starts to say, obviously struggling “—we did that after dinner. More energy.”

“You’re adorable when you’re exhausted,” you reply with a loving smile, kissing her brow.

“How are you not tired?” she asks, almost offended.

“I eat a lot of sugar.” You sit up, suddenly realizing. “Hey! We still have the cupcakes!” You get off the bed as quickly as you can, turning to Carmilla who hasn’t moved a muscle. “Babe, it’s not a date if we don’t eat dessert.”

She still manages to smirk. “Well I--”

“Okay, no. I didn’t mean me as the dessert. Come on, I want to finish this date properly.”

She sits up slowly. “You keep saying date. Was this a date?”

“Of course it was! It was our first date.”

“Okay...” She stands on her feet, approaching you slowly and circling your waist with her arms. “Well, if you ask me, food and sex on the first date is a perfect combination,” she says teasingly with an eyebrow raised, before narrowing her eyes at you. “What’s your name, again?”

You slap her arm slightly, giggling when she buries her head in the crook of your neck.

“You smell nice,” she mumbles against your skin.

“That’s just you,” you reply with a smile, rolling your eyes.

She suddenly slaps your ass, disentangling herself from you. “Alright butt cheek, let’s get those cupcakes in your belly, shall we?” she asks, already making her way out of the bedroom.

You snort. “Do you write down those nicknames?”

“No, you just inspire me!” she shouts from the kitchen, her enunciation telling you she has already her mouth full.

You make your way to the kitchen, spotting Carmilla slouched above the counter top, eating... wait. “Are those my cookies??”

 

* * *

 

 

** Four years later **

 

A knock on your door disturbs your much needed nap on the couch. You grunt and pretend you didn’t hear anything, trying to get back to sleep. Unfortunately, the person at the door must be tenacious because they keep on knocking.

“Coming!” you yell, leaving behind your comfortable cushions.

You walk slowly to the door, trying to remember if you ordered something lately. When you open it, all you see is a blur of red hair brushing past you to get in. They turn to you hastily when they reach the living room.

“AH HA!” LaF says with a triumphant smile, pointing at you.

“What the...?” You narrow your eyes, confused.

“First, did you change your lock? I tried to use my key but it didn’t work.”

You throw your hands in the air. “I don’t even know how you managed to make a copy this time! And yes, the lock has been changed. For safety... measures.”

Your friend cracks a smile. “Okay, I walked in on you having sex _once_. I told you, it won’t happen again!”     

“Ugh.” You cover your eyes with your hands in embarrassment. “Don’t remind me.” You meet their gaze again. “And here I thought living in a house would change everything.”

They snort. “Yeah, right. Have you met me?”

You wave your hands in front of you, clearing up your thoughts. “No, okay. Why are you here?”

“Oh, yeah.” They start looking through their bag. “Remember what I said to you five years ago?”

You purse your lips, plastering a bored expression. “Yes, LaF. I remember everything you said for the past 20 years.”

They stop to look at you. “Okay, first of all, ouch. Second of all, I didn’t either. But I was looking through my stuff – you know, with the moving and all – and guess what I found?” They hold up a piece of paper. “This!”

“What is that?”

“Something I said to you five years ago that I didn’t want to forget – because I knew I was going to use it – so I wrote it down,” they say excitedly with a huge grin on their face.

“What--”

You’re cut off by the door slamming open, Carmilla getting in. “Sorry I’m late, I was--” She stops talking when she sees the sheepish redhead standing in the living room. She squints her eyes at them. “Gingerbread... To what do we owe the pleasure?” she asks, approaching you and cupping your face, kissing you tenderly before looking into your eyes, whispering. “Everything okay?”

You nod, taking her hand in yours and putting her arm around your shoulder, as the other one rests on your belly. From the corner of your eyes, you see LaF grimacing.

“Five years later and I’m still not used to all this PDA.”

You feel the need to roll your eyes for the second time in five minutes. “We’re at home.”

“And you’re in it.” Carmilla sighs, ever annoyed. “Why?”

“Oh, right, so I was just--” They stop suddenly and look at a spot over your shoulder. You see a forming smile on their face. “Hey! You got that picture framed?”

You turn around to look at the picture. You smile, memories flooding your brain. “Yes, we didn’t have any of the wedding in the house, so we framed this one. We’re all in it. We thought it would be less cheesy than just the newlyweds posing.”

You turn to look at your wife, who is already looking at you with a tender smile and eyes shining. She whispers a small ‘I love you’ before leaving a soft kiss on your temple.  

“Can I have a copy of it? We all look great in this. And look, finally a photo where J.P is not closing his eyes.” They turn to you. “I don’t know what’s up with that. I swear, I could not find one photo where he has his eyes opened. That’s crazy.”

Carmilla chuckles softly. “How is he?”

“Well, a bit sad he has to leave his apartment – you know how much he loves it – but really excited about us moving in together,” they say with a shy smile. “I think I’m the only one who’s a bit stressed out about this. How do you live with a guy?” They groan.

Carmilla and you share a look, holding in your smile. “We wouldn’t know about that,” you reply.

“Well, you’re about to,” they say pointedly, nodding to your belly.

You put a hand over your stomach, covering Carmilla’s, feeling your cheeks getting hotter as you plaster a small smile. “Yeah... yeah I guess we are.”

Those seven months of pregnancy have been a struggle. Not long after you married Carmilla, now two years ago, you decided you wanted to start a family. You’ve never been so fond of kids, but you figure it’s not the same thing when they’re your own. You were so happy when the pregnancy test revealed itself positive, but that was seven months ago. You weren’t aware yet of the whole swelling, hot flashes, and going to the bathroom every five minutes. You’re exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. Fortunately, your wife has been so caring and loving that you honestly couldn’t ask more of her.

LaF suddenly slaps their hand on their forehead. “Shit! I forgot I had to go to the lab this afternoon. I’m so late!” They start to walk to the door.

“Wait, LaF! What’s on the paper?”

“Oh! Here.” They give you the paper, closing their hand around yours. They meet your curious stare as they flash you a devilish smile. “I told you so, Hollis.”

You don’t even have the time to blink as they are already out the door.  

“What was that about?” Carmilla asks with a confused smile.

You shake your head, uncrumpling the piece of paper in your hands. “I don’t--” You stop after reading what’s on it. “Oh my god!” You burst out in laughter, shoving the paper in Carmilla’s hands as you move toward the kitchen. “Come on babe, I made you my famous roasted beef.”

“What...” You hear Carmilla wonder out loud before she barks in laughter.

Your wife joins you in the kitchen, circling your waist from behind and resting her head on your shoulder, her shoulder length hair tickling your neck. “Our friends are amazing, sweetheart.”

“I know...” you say with a blissful smile, looking at the paper in Carmilla’s hand.

 

_Note to myself/ March 6, 2017._

_In 5 years, remember to remind little stubborn Laura Hollis that she will be married to Carmilla and probably expecting. Or already with a kid. Maybe._

_Ps: Look at her face when you tell her “I told you so.”_

_Pps: You’re awesome._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. Really.
> 
> This chapter was cheesy af. I need some angst asap!
> 
> Weeeell... It’s been a hell of a ride, but it’s time for us to go our separate ways...
> 
> You can’t begin to imagine how grateful I am for all of you! All of you who have read, commented, kudoed this story of mine. I never thought my writing could one day make people cry or insult me (loved that btw, does that mean I’m a masochist?) and that so many would enjoy it. That’s so amazing. 
> 
> Also, I have made an outline for another story. It will probably be a bit different from this one, and much shorter. But, as you may have already guessed, it will probably contain a LOT of angst...  
> I haven’t written it yet, so I don’t know when I’ll publish it, but if you are still here and interested in a few months from now, you may see this story pop up at some point :)
> 
> So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU, and I hope I’ll see you again when my next story’s published.  
> You’re awesome :’)


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